It seemed like a bad idea at the time. But a friend was listening and sipping coffee, so I thought I’d give it a try. “Hey,” I said, past a mouthful of muffin, “how about we get some guys together a few times a month for a reading group. We’ll discuss something serious like Plato…or Archie comic books. We can meet at my house.”
The idea was met with a stifled yawn. “Phil,” said my friend, “I’m busier than a wasp at a barbecue. Besides, a reading club sounds about as exciting as watching cheese mold.”
“Well,” I stammered, “how about we…uh…how about we get together and just eat. Ya, that’s it. An Eating Club. We’ll sample desserts, then have a lively discussion to burn off the calories.”
“Now you’re talking,” said my friend, squeezing the creamer way too hard. “Sorry about that…here’s a napkin.”
It’s been four years since I cleaned that shirt. Four years since the Circle of Six began convening almost every other Tuesday. For reasons of international security, I can’t say much, but I will tell you that each member has agreed to adhere to some strict guidelines as laid out in our red Principles and Procedures notebook:
Tonight we’re meeting by candlelight for my wife’s cheesecake. It is available in three flavors: strawberry slam, triple raspberry rage, and death by chocolate. Helpings come in three sizes: the Ballerina, the Allegro, and The Cardiac Arrest. Collectively we have gained more than one hundred pounds in four years of Tuesdays. None of us quite know why.
We’ve also gained some friends. I wish you could meet these guys. A nicer bunch you’re unlikely to find. A better looking, wealthier bunch, perhaps. But these are the kind of friends you’d crawl through a minefield for. If I were heading into battle, well, I would take some Marines. But I’d want these guys to bring the cheesecake.
I’m realizing lately that the next best thing to being smart yourself is to hang out with people who are. When I think of real guys, I think of Vance, Ron, Harold, Hunter, and Dan. And I think of the following characteristics:
It was slow going at first. Guys aren’t always comfortable talking about what’s really happening in our lives. We hide behind the weather and the Toronto Blue Jays. But before long someone removes his catcher’s mask and admits that he’s just an old sinner in need of God’s grace. And before you know it the clock strikes midnight and you’re all sitting around wishing it hadn’t.
Tonight we talk about a friend’s failed marriage and what it takes to keep the flame burning. After we say goodnight, I sit on the sofa wishing that every guy on earth had this many friends. Guys who love to laugh. Guys who know that burdens are lighter and the path a whole lot brighter when traveled with a few fat friends.
Now, it’s time to clean candle wax off my wife’s tablecloth. And, oh yes, I need to do something with this last piece of cheesecake.
Are you looking for some deep friendships? Learn how you can move from being an acquaintance to being a close friend and discover how to make time in your life for your friends.
