Making Room for the New

If you are like me, you probably struggle with breaking yourself of bad habits.  I struggle with it often.  In fact, quite often not only do I struggle, I fail completely.  But failure does not paralyze me or keep me from moving ahead.  I know that God has created me for more.

God has plans for my destiny, plans to utilize me in ways I don’t expect.   Author Erwin McManus speaks about this in his book Soul Cravings, saying “ We are designed with a need to move forward.  Without it our lives become only shadows of what they could have been”  (see Erwin speak more about our longing for Destiny) Wallowing in these bad habits is not an option.  Moving past them and expecting to be used by God is.

Moving past the negative

God has equipped me to move ahead and to rid of the old.  In fact, He not only equipped me to do so, He expects me to.  When I start my day, I need to give myself entirely over to God.  Giving up the old makes room for the new. The scripture speaks to us plainly on this topic:

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.  For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.  (Romans 6:12-14, NIV)

We are not slaves to old negative habits.  We are able to create positive and  changes in our lives through the strength of the Lord helping us along our daily walk.

I believe that God gives us clear direction on this matter.  Through prayer and our willful actions we can go to Him to help us change our lives, to rid ourselves of the old and make way for the new.  That being said, I also believe that God gave us the intelligence to be able to constructively look at our habits and make changes in practical ways.

Feeling stuck

The realization that you are stuck in a negative pattern in an area of your life may not be an easy one.  You might not notice it on your own.   It may take a long time to accept it.  But when you do, there is a desire to right these wrongs.  We as humans all have a fundamental craving to be good people.  We want to make the effort to change the negative when we see it, to right the wrongs.

When I become aware that I have been acting in a poor manner and have fallen into bad habits I stop and take stock.  It is the most beneficial thing that you can do for yourself to move forward. There are some questions to ask so that you can assess where you are in the process:

• In what situations do you see yourself participating in the bad habit?
• Is it possibly a habitual thing you don’t think about or notice you are doing?
• Is it something that happens in social situations?
• Is it stress related?
• How often does it happen?
• Are there certain environmental factors that lead to it happening or trigger it?

Taking stock

Take some time to stop and reflect on when you most notice your negative habits appearing.  After every occurrence,  note what happened before you found yourself in that place.  What were you thinking and feeling before, during and especially after it happened?  Realizing and validating how you felt afterwards can be a great motivator.  Getting rid of the old habits will rest on being able to pin exactly what it is that brings about the negative actions time and time again.

Now you should be able to accurately note if there is a reason that you see yourself continually engaging in the behavior.  Is this a negative and harming personality trait?  Is there a positive feeing or thought associated with it somehow?  What function does this action really have? To deflect?  To make yourself feel confident and prevent unease in a hard or stressful situation?

Why you do what you do

Once you have come to realize exactly what the old habit is, and WHY you continue to do it, you can focus on bringing personal relief to the situation.  Do you need to work on self-confidence, being in groups, stress, handling criticism?  Do you lack guidance, are you struggling with your relationship with God?  There are many reasons that you may have begun to slip into this negative behavior.  I know that almost every time I have caught myself engaging in a negative behavior pattern, it has been a symptom of a far greater problem.  The diagnosis has been different for me nearly every time.  But the desire to face the problems head on and move past it has been a constant.

Refusing to be held in a pattern

After you have acknowledged the reasons and feeling behind the behavior, you need to move onto the next step.  Changing the habit.  What are alternative and healthier reactions that you can pursue the next time you feel yourself slipping? How can you change your ways of thinking and viewing the subject that will allow you to prosper instead on fall into a negative pattern?  Try to think of positive and healthy ways

When you notice yourself slipping into the old ways, simply stop.  Take a breather.  Count in your head, take a deep breath and reassess the situation.  Why are you reacting like this? What exactly is it that you are feeling that is propelling you into this action?  What are some ways that you can level out again and bring this negative old behavior into the new, positive pattern?

Do a 180.  I would again suggest that after, you even write down what initially triggered you, and how you began to react.  Assessment of these moments will help you to avoid them in the future, and to start of reacting in a positive manner.   The scriptures speak to this.  “And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (Colossians 3:10 NIV)

Moving forward

Now you are moving in the right direction…forward.  Keep the momentum going.  Be patient with yourself, and set up a system to address when you are slipping behind.  Have a point person.  Having someone that you feel comfortable discussing these situations with will soon show to be greatly beneficial.

I am by no means saying that will be an easy thing to open up to someone, but it helps to be accountable to another person and have them be accountable to you.  As brothers and sister in Christ, we are not only accountable to the Lord — “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12) — but to one another as well. “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2).

On an simpler level, it is healthy and good for humans to share our thoughts and emotions, feelings and struggles with another who is not there to judge, but to offer understanding and support.  Just remember that if they do call you out on something, that they are doing it with good intentions, and that you have asked them to do that.

Patience is a virtue

Be patient.  Nothing is fixed in mere moments.  Be prepared to commit as much time and effort as necessary to make yourself healthy mentally and emotionally.  Getting rid of the old to allow room for the new in your life is not going to be an easy process.  You WILL slip into your old behaviors from time to time.  What does matter though, is the realization that you are doing this.  Once you are aware, fixing and aligning yourself in positive behavioral patterns will become easier and more successful as time goes on.

In the end, remember to talk to God about your troubles.  Be in conversation with Him.  Ask, and listen for your response.  Sharing with Him and trusting, being in His word and opening yourself up to learning will be the greatest thing you can do to help yourself serve Him.

Do you want to talk to someone about making changes in your life? Do you have questions about how to change your ways to God’s? Email us and you’ll be matched with mentors who are trained volunteers with real life experience who can answer questions, point you to other resources, or just listen.

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