Would having phone sex with my boyfriend be a sin?
I’m dating a very good Christian guy who is in a different country from where I am now. While waiting to get married in a few years time, we still need maintain our intimacy and so he suggested that we have sex on the phone. I really see the need to be intimate since he is no ordinary male friend. I’ve been praying about this suggestion and I was wondering if it’s a sin? It’s sex, whether on the phone or anywhere else. He thinks it only becomes a sin when we have physical contact. What do you think? If it’s a sin, what do you suggest we do to keep our relationship intimate while waiting?
Advice: You do well to wonder about what this so-called Christian guy wants of you in the way of “intimacy”! Jesus said that if a man lusts after a woman, he commits adultery in his heart with her. This sex by phone fits that description–and it will be true of you too. God’s Word tells His people, “Keep yourself pure” (1 Timothy 5:22). If you engage in this kind of behavior, there’s no way you can keep yourself pure.
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You call this guy “a very good Christian guy”. Well, in view of what he wants he is neither good nor Christian. Basically he wants you to do for him what Internet prostitutes do for guys! And if you went along with him, you would be defiled and cheapened – and fall away from the Lord.
Intimacy of the kind spoken of here should be reserved for married couples. Rather than give you advice on how you can stay “intimate” and together with this man, I really think the Lord would have you break off with him and his bad influence entirely. If you know and love the Lord, I believe He would want you to ultimately marry a truly good and decent Christian who is following Him and living His way.
I’m praying for you. Look to Jesus, and obey Him, dear!
In His love, Dr. Muriel
AJ I highly doubt you have ever opened up the Bible and read the truths that were inside the book as your thoughts are pretty much what Jesus fought against with the Pharisees in the Bible. Hopefully you will find the courage to read the words and find out what a Pharisee is. Try to dispute the fairy tails that you say are untrue. You seem to be pretty intelligent and I challenge you to prove me wrong as many have tried and failed.
Your logic is severely flawed as according to your thinking as long as the law says it is ok to do it then it is fine to so even if a fairy tail book says it is not right. The question is what happens when the law changes as the morality of people are changing. First the law said that to be married you needed to have a certificate, then the law changed to living common law is the same as being married, now it is changing to being married to a man and a man or a woman and a woman. Then it will continue as the perverse society we live will keep on changing the boundaries. This will not be good enough because the thrill of the same sex wears off so then we will want to change the laws to have sex with children and continue the downward slope. This is what occurred with the Romans as there society collapsed under their perverse ways.
Many secular sex psychologists who don’t believe in Christ or the Bible say there is a physical chemical attraction released when any type of sex that occurs with phone sex, cam sex, petting and intercourse which feels fine when the act is occurring. The high wears off though and on to the next exciting thing. With people of non faith and faith there is an overwhelming sense of closeness that occurs when any type of sex is involved because there is a chemical release which is more powerful than drugs which is why it is dangerous to do this type of sex or any type. There is a reason why there is a billion dollar porn sex industry and recently in an article in an England online newspaper they estimated that 1.3 million sex addicts were unable to break the habit of porn. This resulted in a secular psychologists setting up an online psychologist center to help people break this habit as they do not have to give there names.
Christians mistakenly leave Christ at the door after they get married and after a year of sex they find it not fulfilling any longer as they have forgotten to have Christ in the relationship. Then they lose there way and divorce and turn to the same sex for physical satisfaction when this is not longer satisfying they find another exciting thing to deprave there perverted mind. Sex is an extremely beautiful thing however our culture and society has perverted it in such a manner that people of faith believe the lies that that the media spreads.
SEX outside of marriage destroys because the more you have it the more you want it and the harder it is to get out of the trap as sex becomes lust not love and lust wears out. King David had sex with Bathsheba as he lusted after her, King Solomon had a harem and both lives were destroyed. If you don’t believe in proven history of these two men. Most recently Ryan Giggs the famous England soccer player who slept with his brothers wife before she got married to him got her pregnant and the week before her wedding gave her money for an abortion. The perverse continued as during his marriage he slept with his brothers wife till and tried to hide it via a court order till a brave parliamentary MP exposed the lies and the perverted man that he was. There was much much more that occurred as a secular world knows it is wrong but it started with thought life. There are many other stories for others who comment on the blog regarding it is OK take serious look at how sex destroys lives and I believe that if you study the Bible you will agree with the interpretation of the Bible.
In all honesty, theres probably some quite good advice on here if your considering stealing or murdering somebody. But sexual desire is natural, do what you feel comfortable with and no more provided your inside the law of course. If your happy to have phone sex with your boyfriend, crack right on and don’t let some quotes from an ancient and frankly third hand account storybook make you feel guilty!
Jessica, i really sympathise with your freinds but i will tell you its really christian and good to wait until marriage, no other way about it, whether physical or verbal. Sex is reserved for married couples, but one mistake christians make is not to regard it as a Gift from God, that the engange in it in what they thing is a christian way and thing being explicit is worldly yet they crave for the worldly ways and end up cheating their partners and result in divorces. what i will tell you is, what ever these people sought where ever they went they already had it all in their marriges, free for them to take. We have it gifted to us in the confinement of marriage, what ever satisfaction they sought from extramalital or gay relationships, is already gifted to us in marriage, what i will tell my christian freinds is to stop pretending not to want more and embrace this gift (as in the book of Solomon)within our marriages and will shall never want, be open with our partners and experiment in the explicit ways we think are worldly and our marriages will be rock solid. this looks like a small element of marriage but though small if it fails it wrecks the marriage. Lets trust our father who provides our needs, knows what we want and gives us good and right gifts to meet the needs.
I disagree with this… marriage in the “old days” around 100 BC was not what it is today. God knows if you truly in your heart love and plan to marry this person. If pure meaning that you are with this person for the rest of your life I think it is perfectly fine… not to have sex but to speak of it. Because weddings today are government not God. Making a promise to God to Marry is serious though so do not go into phone sex thinking if you break up you can just pray and move on. But if it’s the one… and you just dont have the money…. or the place to marry that’s not marriage in God’s eyes.
I don’t know that I totally understand this. See, when I was a kid growing up in church, there was always that stigma of “sex is only for marriage”…so a great number of my friends waited until marriage. They didn’t date traditionally, but “courted”, which meant sitting next to each other in church, or going on group dates but never really being alone because they didn’t want to tempt themselves.. A good number of them married young, and seemed soooo happy and sooo in love.
And now they’re ALL divorced. Some are very disillusioned; see they thought that if they followed all the rules they have been taught, everything would work out.
But it didn’t.
Most of my friends are atheists now, and some later on decided that a homosexual lifestyle would make them happier.
They were doing everything they were supposed to…so why didn’t it work?