Why do I have to be single?
There is a lot of pain in being single. I don’t know why God allows it to happen.
Advice: Your e-mail was forwarded to me so I could respond to you out of my own experience.
I am 52 and have never been married. I know what it’s like to long for someone to share your thoughts with. I have felt low at times. And I have felt like a one in a world of pairs. I know what you are talking about!
We were all made with a desire to be loved and to belong. I don’t think singleness is God’s ideal. But He knows what it is like. Jesus came to earth and lived for about 33 years as a single in a world where singleness was not as accepted as it is today. There are many references to God’s desire for widows and orphans to be cared for, so He feels for people who are alone.
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What has helped me immensely is developing my relationship with God and letting Him meet my need to be loved and to belong. I can talk to Him anytime and pour out my heart to Him. (Psalm 62:8 invites me to do this.)
I experienced great freedom when I let God love me and stopped looking to marriage and a relationship with a man to meet my needs. And I’m sure you know that marriage doesn’t guarantee that a person is never lonely. I think the loneliness would be even greater in a marriage where one is ignored.
If I feel unloved, I tell God and remember His great love for me. He allowed His Son to come to earth and die in my place so I could be forgiven. If I need a hug, I tell God. Believe it or not, He can make me feel loved even when no one is around!
Journaling is a great way for me to pour out my thoughts to God.
But I also find I need to be involved with people. There are so many people who need someone to love them. I find as I get older that I am more interested in children. I have become an “aunt” to the daughter of some good friends. I even held her in the hospital when she was only a few hours old! Her love for me never fails to cheer me up. I also enjoy teaching 7 and 8 year olds in Sunday School.
Now and again I need to remind myself of the advantages of being single! I don’t have to consult someone else before I schedule an activity or in spending money. I can pursue my own interests. I don’t have to cook if I don’t feel like it! I don’t have to worry about my marriage breaking up or my kids getting into drugs.
And you know, I’m enjoying my fifties more than I imagined in my forties! My life has purpose and meaning. This is not to say that I don’t experience any tough times — I do. But on the whole, life is good as I live each day with God.
Let me know if any of this helps!
M. Meier
Dear Daryl, It seems that you have made a good choice to remain single, as that allows you to benefit from the funding associated with the residential program. Diana and Travis that work for NES are helping you in more ways than you may realize, and no doubt have your best interest at heart. I like what Marilyn says in this article, “If I feel unloved, I tell God and remember His great love for me.” God is your friend when you are alone and also when you are with your friends.
I find that one of the greatest things God is calling me to do is to be a friend to those around me. That is one thing you can also do, for the people you live with will appreciate real friendship. When you care about each other then you are family to one another. Let’s pray together: Dear Heavenly father, I thank You for being there for Daryl, and for giving him peace. Help him to trust You each day. May he ask You every morning to fill his mind with wisdom and his heart with joy. Then those he lives with and works with will appreciate him as a friend. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I have funding that require’s me to be unmarried. I’m not too happy with the requirement to be unmarried. I live in the residential program. I’m not too happy about having to live in the residential program. I changed my mind that I don’t care about having to spend the rest of my live in the group home. Even if I move out of the group home I will still be living in the residential program. If I did get married I will have to be seperated for living in the program That’s why I want to be single for the rest of my live. I don’t ever want to have a wife because I’ll loose my funding. I would like to give up my funding but Diana and Travis that work for NES won’t let me. Anybody that want’s to get married has to give up their residential funding. I’m upset that I’m stuck in the residential program. If I want to be married I will have to give up my residential funding.