Why do I have to be single?
There is a lot of pain in being single. I don’t know why God allows it to happen.
Advice: Your e-mail was forwarded to me so I could respond to you out of my own experience.
I am 52 and have never been married. I know what it’s like to long for someone to share your thoughts with. I have felt low at times. And I have felt like a one in a world of pairs. I know what you are talking about!
We were all made with a desire to be loved and to belong. I don’t think singleness is God’s ideal. But He knows what it is like. Jesus came to earth and lived for about 33 years as a single in a world where singleness was not as accepted as it is today. There are many references to God’s desire for widows and orphans to be cared for, so He feels for people who are alone.
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What has helped me immensely is developing my relationship with God and letting Him meet my need to be loved and to belong. I can talk to Him anytime and pour out my heart to Him. (Psalm 62:8 invites me to do this.)
I experienced great freedom when I let God love me and stopped looking to marriage and a relationship with a man to meet my needs. And I’m sure you know that marriage doesn’t guarantee that a person is never lonely. I think the loneliness would be even greater in a marriage where one is ignored.
If I feel unloved, I tell God and remember His great love for me. He allowed His Son to come to earth and die in my place so I could be forgiven. If I need a hug, I tell God. Believe it or not, He can make me feel loved even when no one is around!
Journaling is a great way for me to pour out my thoughts to God.
But I also find I need to be involved with people. There are so many people who need someone to love them. I find as I get older that I am more interested in children. I have become an “aunt” to the daughter of some good friends. I even held her in the hospital when she was only a few hours old! Her love for me never fails to cheer me up. I also enjoy teaching 7 and 8 year olds in Sunday School.
Now and again I need to remind myself of the advantages of being single! I don’t have to consult someone else before I schedule an activity or in spending money. I can pursue my own interests. I don’t have to cook if I don’t feel like it! I don’t have to worry about my marriage breaking up or my kids getting into drugs.
And you know, I’m enjoying my fifties more than I imagined in my forties! My life has purpose and meaning. This is not to say that I don’t experience any tough times — I do. But on the whole, life is good as I live each day with God.
Let me know if any of this helps!
M. Meier
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