Suicide – Giving Life Another Chance
Give life another chance. You may be reading this article because you are contemplating killing yourself. Or perhaps you know someone who is.
If you are at the end of your rope there are suicide hotlines and other resources here.
If you are that person who has lost hope for your life, please read on. Let me talk to you personally. I realize that you may have already planned to end your life or even tried to. All you can think about is how hopeless your life is, how you can’t go on living like this. The pain is too great. No one understands the burdens you carry or the emotional turmoil you are experiencing.
But, you are here now and because you are, let me share with you some hope, about how your life can be different, about why you should give life another try.
Options: I want to ask you to consider doing something other than trying to end your life. You may have tried counseling or talking to someone to no avail. I’m asking you to try taking some steps again, steps which will help you move in another direction, away from the self-destructive thoughts which have plagued you.
First of all, you need to understand why you are depressed.
You may say, “I do know why. I am a failure. I’m in debt. My wife/husband left me. Someone died. I’m unemployed. I’m lonely. I’m______ (you fill in the blank).” I want to tell you that though you have many problems and struggles, most likely, you are also struggling with a physical deficiency of chemicals in your nervous system. This may be a major reason for the depression you feel.
Many people who are depressed don’t know that depression is also caused by a deficiency of neurochemicals. A recent article from the world renowned Mayo Clinic stated that “experts believe a genetic vulnerability combined with environmental factors, such as stress or physical illness, may trigger an imbalance in brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, resulting in depression. Imbalances in three neurotransmitters – serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine – seem to be linked to depression.”
These chemicals help people concentrate, improve mood and increase energy. Medication can help increase these neurochemicals along with natural methods such as exercise and taking time to grow spiritually. You still need to work through other issues such as the loss of a loved one through death or divorce, low self-esteem, guilt, resentment, anger, or past sexual abuse. Those crises and losses need to be dealt with, processed and grieved.
Have you been going to counseling and been treated for depression? If not, go immediately to your family doctor or a psychiatrist or to the nearest emergency room for help. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center. If you are suicidal please contact 911 (in the USA & Canada). Please do this immediately!
If you are presently in counseling, you need to contact your therapist and/or psychiatrist to tell them you need help for these suicidal thoughts and self-destructive plans. Ask a family member or friend to go with you.
Understanding depression and challenging your emotions
Your feelings and your depression cannot be trusted. Feelings are not objective truth. Feelings are indicators of subjective thinking and you need to explore the thoughts you have been dwelling on that have led you to contemplate suicide. Thinking about killing yourself is believing lies about life and about the future. Many people in the past have struggled with depression but, they didn’t cave into or trust the feelings. They had the courage to go on, the courage to believe that their future and that their life could be different.
Martin Luther graphically described one of his frequent rock-bottom moods: “for more than a week I was close to the gates of death and hell. I trembled in all my members. Christ was wholly lost. I was shaken by desperation and blasphemy of God.” (Here I Stand, Abingdon Press).
Don Baker, pastor and author wrote of his experience with depression: “I seemed to be out of touch with relatity. Life was a blur, often out of focus. My life seemed to be nothing but pretense and fantasy. No really cared, I felt-not even God. The only solution-at times-seemed to be suicide….”
These men did not follow their feelings. They rejected the despairing thoughts and moved forward. They were able to overcome hurdles and their emotions of defeat. You don’t need to be led astray by your negative feelings and thoughts either.
It’s time to challenge that thinking. Time to see your life from a healthy perspective. You are a person of value. You are important and you can change your thinking and behavior and improve your life! I implore you to also give God a chance to give you hope as well. Turn to God and seek His help and guidance. Why not find out what He can do?! I have witnessed how He has changed lives, lifted the downcast and brought hope to those who feel lost.
Ask yourself:
- What feelings are underneath my depression?
- Do I suffer from low self-esteem?
- Am I having guilt problems?
- Am I struggling with relationship problems?
- Am I fearful about something?
- Am I struggling with some loss?
- What types of thoughts rule my mind?
- How can I take a step towards seeking God?
Ask God to reveal these things to you. Then, pray and ask Him for help and to change your life from the inside out. Don’t give up! Don’t be a quitter! Contract with someone close to you right now NOT to take your life.
Moving beyond hopelessness
Usually people who are feeling depressed are not doing what would help them feel better. You need to fight the depression and move forward. Talk with someone about your feelings, about your life. Expressing your feelings to someone is very beneficial. Exploring with someone, especially a counselor, what underlies your feelings can help you begin to problem-solve.
Seeing your doctor for a physical exam and telling him or her about your depression can lead to further treatment for the physiological causes. You most likely need to take an anti-depressant. Regular exercise and proper diet is very helpful and can also increase the neurochemicals your body is missing.
Spending quality time with caring people, friends, God, members of your family and church will give you a sense of connection and help you regain meaning in your life.
Where to start: You have read this article. Will you now consider taking a step towards life? A step towards rebuilding your life? A step to reach out for help? Refuse to believe the lies you have been telling yourself. Lies that life is hopeless, you are worthless and you have no future.
I’m here to tell you that your life has a future and a hope. I have seen so many people get help and go on to enjoy a better life!
Call for professional counseling. You can find a counselor. Write out a list of what will help you start over.
Here are some suggestions:
- Professional counseling:
USA:
American Association of Christian Counselors directory
SuicideHotlines.comCanada:
Centre for Suicide Prevention - A physical exam and medication.
- Prayer
- Support from family and friends
- Exercise
- Guidance for finances. Contact Crown Financial Ministries for free financial counseling.
- Working through grief or loss.
- Reading a book such as The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter, Frank Minirth or The Search for Significance by Robert McGee or Learning to Tell Myself the Truth by William Backus or Keep Believing: God in the Midst of Our Deepest Struggles by Ray Pritchard.
- Other: _________________(fill in the blank)
I hope that I have been able to talk you out of harming yourself. Please contact someone for help, like an online mentor. Call your pastor, counselor, a friend, your doctor. Take a step towards life and hope now.
©2004 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, Visit CounselCare Connection
Dear Anusha, My heart goes out to you at this moment in time. Please continue to reach out for help as you did with us here. There are suicide hotlines you can call and you can also reach out to one of our online mentors for help as well. Anusha, we all have failed at so many things in life but must find inner strength to move on regardless of our stumblings. Please do not feel as if you are all alone in this world. There are many people that are ready to help you if you choose to reach out for such help and accept it. I suffer from suicidal thoughts for many years and each time I reached out for help I made it through to the other side of the dark tunnel I was traveling through. Please do not end your life. There is so much more for you to live for than the fella that just left you and the failing of a class. Reach out today through a suicide hotline, a local ER room and/or by filling out one of our mentor forms. I hope and pray to hear ack form you. How are you feeling today?
i’m anusha i’ve failed in some subjects and even i’ve failed in my love the boy whom i love has a relation with another girl because of both i’m greatly depressed and i have decided to end my life,nobody is there for me in this world
Hi Paul, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. That must be an overwhelming loss. It sounds to me like there is a lot of pain and hurt that is piling up in your life but I want to remind you that God’s presence in your life is not dependent on you or the way that you feel. Your assurance of His presence is based in His character. Remember that He promised “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) I know sometimes when there is sin in your life that Satan likes to suggest to you that God could never love you after all you have done but remember He loved you before you had given your life to Him: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) If God loved you enough to allow His Son to be punished in your place how much more does He love you now that you have been adopted into His family?
Those feelings that you have about not being able to pray and getting trapped in habitual sin are results of allowing Satan to have a foothold in your life and listening to his lies. James wrote, “Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you.” (James 4:7-8) Resisting the Devil and drawing close to God are achieved by the same means. Some people have called it “Spiritual Breathing”: you exhale the bad through confession of sin. Acknowledge before God that you have sinned and ask for His forgiveness; “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” (1John 1:9) You are now able to inhale the good by asking God to help you live in dependence on His Spirit to overcome the temptations and to live out His plan and purpose for your life; “If we walk by the Spirit we will not satisfy the desires of the sinful nature.” (Galatians 5:16) Let me invite you to study this idea of Spiritual Breathing more in-depth at http://powertochange.com/experience/spiritual-growth/walkinspirit1. It is a four part study that will help you discover the promises of God to help you to live an abundant life in Him.
Paul I don’t want you to think that I am saying “Follow these simple steps and your life will be happy-happy all the time.” There will be heart-ache and disappointment. But when you are living every moment in direct connection with the Spirit of God—listening to His leading and guiding, following in obedience to His voice—you will have the confidence of knowing God. That is what life is all about.
Lord God, I pray for Paul and ask that You would help him to discover who to resist the devil and draw close to You. He is trapped in this downward spiral that moves him closer and closer to utter despair. He needs Your help. Empower him by Your Spirit to Spiritually Breathe into a new and vibrant relationship with You. Bring people around him who can help walk with him through that process and love him with Your love. Amen.
Paul, let me invite you as well to talk with one of our online mentors. They are safe people who can help you find God’s Truth in the Bible and apply it to your life in real ways. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor and a mentor will contact you by email.
I find it even hard to even write this. I gave me life to the Lord many years ago. It all started off good, then my life went back to how it was. I tried ending my life before I was a Christian. My childhood was full of rejection, and it still is with me today. Depression, guilt and anxiety plague my every day life. I am sad, lonely and without joy. My Sister took her own life three years ago. I am in so much pain. I am lost. I feel as though God is not with me. I am sinning all the time. I find it so hard to pray. All I am doing is wandering in the desert with no where to go.
I can understand how it would seem that way Robert. Getting rejected can be a very difficult thing to recover from. It can really change your perspective on things. That is why I think it is so important to refocus your perspective from the One who made you, who has a perfect plan for your life and is at work to accomplish that purpose. I know when I am feeling beat up by life, everything that happens to me gets interpreted through that perspective. There is a great story in the Bible about that. The king of Aram was at war with Israel but every time they tried to make a move to attack God told the prophet Elisha where they would be and the Israelite army was always prepared with the upper-hand. The king of Aram was furious and thought someone from his ranks was leaking the info to the Israelites. When he found out that it was Elisha he sent a large contingent of his army to Dothan, the city where Elisha was, with instructions to capture Elisha. This large force arrived at Dothan during the night and surrounded the city. In the morning the city woke up to the view of enemy forces everywhere around them and they were hysterical. Elisha’s servant came rushing to Elisha blurted out the story and cried in terror, “What are we going to do?” This servant was overwhelmed by the view of the surrounding forces and could not see any hope for him and his master let alone the city of Dothan. But Elisha calmly continued to eat his breakfast. You see his eyes weren’t focussed on the problem surrounding them; he had his attention directed toward God and saw a completely different set of circumstances. He said to his servant, “Don’t be afraid. Those who are with us far outnumber those who are with them.” The servant was confused because he knew that the small security force in Dothan was no match at all for the huge army of battle-hardened soldiers that surrounded the city. Then Elisha prayed, “O LORD, open his eyes so he may see” and in an instant the servant’s perspective changed and God showed him the hills that were full of an angelic army with horses and chariots of fire all prepared to battle on behalf of Elisha, his servant, the city and for God. Suddenly the Aramean army looked pathetic compared to the legions that stood at the ready of the command of God and the fear inside the servant of Elisha melted away.
My prayer for you Robert is that God would open your eyes as well so that you will be able to see things from God’s perspective. When He looks at you He does not see a shy man who is hopeless and useless. He sees a man whom He has created for a specific purpose and who He has specially equipped to carry out that unique, one-of-a-kind plan. He sees a man whom He loves and treasures and wants the very best for. Jesus told a story once about a merchant who went seeking fine pearls and when He found them He sold everything He had to purchase them. God is that merchant and you are one of those fine pearls that He sold everything to possess. He gave Himself to rescue you from the path of destruction that you are on and to give you abundant, eternal life. Jesus said, “I came that they may have life in all its fullness” (John 10:10) I know right now life does not seem very full but that is because you are overwhelmed by the enemy forces that surround you. I pray that your eyes will be opened and see that those that are with you far outnumber those who are against you. God is working out His perfect plan for you and if you fix your eyes on Him He will help you to see things from His perspective.
So God I do ask that You would open Robert’s eyes and he would be given a proper perspective. Reveal to him how much You love him, how perfectly You have created him for the plan You have for him and give him confidence in Your perfect provision. Amen.
Robert I know it can be intimidating to share openly on the forum. If you feel more comfortable you could connect directly with one of our online mentors who would love to help you see things from God’s perspective. If you fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor a mentor will get in touch with you by email.
i’ve tryed asking women out all i get is one excuse after other and made fun of all the time. women just don’t like me i’m a fool to think they will. all you people are lucky because women approach you women will never approach me. i will never have a girlfriend or relationship or children i will die very lonely man never knowing what love or sex is like. i’m shy man who is hopeless and useless and women know it. look no woman will ever come near me. i can’t complete against other men i’m beat before i start
Hi Robert, I know what it is like to look at yourself and feel like you have nothing to offer. I know me with all of my limitations and weaknesses and there are times when I think it is impossible for anybody to see anything of value in me. But what I have discovered is that my value is not so much about who I am or what I can do, but who God is and what He is able to do through me. A great encouragement that I find in the Bible is, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10) God has created me for a specific purpose. He made me exactly the way He needs me in order to carry out His plan through me. I know how much of a difference the right tool makes in any job and God made me to be the right tool for the job that He needs to get done. That means I am not going to fit into just any situation because I am designed for a specific situation. So rather than trying to do the things that I was never designed for I need to look to God to find out from Him what He has planned for me to do. There are specific people that He wants me to develop relationships. No one else can have the same kind of impact that I do. There are specific jobs that only I can accomplish. Because I know that God is perfect in everything He plans and carries out I can have confidence that He will use me perfectly in the place that He wants me. And it is amazing to be in that place doing that job! I know that is the place where I belong.
The same is true for you–God has made you exactly into the person that He needs in order to carry out a specific purpose. The best way to find that place is to look to God and follow His directions. He will never leave you to try and guess what His plan is. He is speaking to you at just the right time and pointing you toward just the right job and relationships. Focus your efforts on knowing God, listening to His voice and obeying His directions in your life and I promise you it will be amazing! You are, after all, a masterpiece made by the ultimate master of all time!
Lord God I pray for Robert to discover in You the purpose for which he was created. I pray that he would be able to develop the pattern of life that looks to You exclusively for his purpose and value. I pray that he would find that place in life where he fits perfectly and experiences the joy of knowing that he is your masterpiece. Amen.
Does that make sense Robert? Have you heard that before? What kind of experience have you had with God?
i’m useless and hopeless and all women hate me no woman will ever come near me just because i’m shy and a virgin at 50. i will never know what it like to be in a loving relationship with any woman making love to one other i will die a virgin. it impossible for me to get confidence in myself because women don’t come near me never have
My councillor listened to everything i had to say about my fear of females. my councillor thinks it comes from me being bullied at school from girls who made fun of me for being shy. i always kept to myself never talking to anyone i didn’t have friends and i still don’t . i’ve to go back and see my councillor next week. he going to teach me how to approach females and chat with them.
Robert, It’s really great that you tried asking Sandra out. I am sorry to hear that she said no. Often we have to ask out more than one person before we get the answer we’re looking for. Dating is a process. If it didn’t work this time, try again. I see that you’ve mentioned your fear of women twice now, which must mean that it is a very important part of your own story. You also said that you’ve tried everything I mentioned in my last post. So how did it go when you talked to a pastor or counsellor? Were they able to give you any insight into why women are such a cause of fear for you? It’s probably going to be difficult to be in a relationship with a woman if you’re scared of her. What did the counsellor recommend?
i’ve tryed everything you said but it doesn’t work women just ignore me. i asked this woman called sandra out but told to get lost. you know i will never have a girlfriend or relationship with any women or experience having sex i’m hopeless and useless at everything and women know it. i’m terrible shy and terrified of approaching women i’m actually scared of them always have been. women never have approached in my life.
Sara, I am SO PROUD of you for calling the hotline!!! I wish I could give you a huge hug right now. I just saw your comment or I would have responded sooner. (I’m getting follow-up comments emailed to me now so if you write again I should see it almost right away.)
Depression is really hard. I think it’s hard because it’s something that you’re dealing with in every moment. It’s not like if you injure foot and you can take a break by sitting down – you know how it only hurts when you stand on it? With depression, it’s there all the time that you’re awake. So it’s not easy, but it IS possible. I can tell you from my own experience that it has been more than a decade since the last time I caught myself thinking that maybe it would be easier if I just wasn’t here. It gets better. It really, really does.
You’ve already done the hardest part – you made the decision to begin. You made that phone call, you’ve begun to arm yourself with knowledge. You’re fighting back which is really hard to do when you’re already down, but you are doing it an that is amazing. It’s not going to be fast, but that’s ok it doesn’t have to be fast. It just needs to happen, one step, one moment at a time.
The loneliness it partially the depression and partially a side effect of the depression. I know for myself, when I was in the thick of a depression the last thing I wanted to do was spend time with people or try to get to know new people or “go be social”. It felt impossible. Depression makes us feel more alone than we are – more hopeless – but it also stands in the way of some of the things we would normally do to be less lonely. It’s an isolating condition. But take a look at what you’ve already done – you’ve called the hotline, and you’ve commented here. Both of those steps are steps toward people and away from loneliness. I know it’s not the same as having someone to talk to over dinner, or someone to go to the movies with, but it’s a step. And all of those steps add up.
Do you ever read that website http://www.postsecret.com ? Every Sunday Frank (the guy who runs the site) posts about 10 postcards that people sent to him with their secrets written on them. A lot of people write about suicide – why they think it’s an option, or why they’re so glad they didn’t do it, or how someone else’s suicide affected them. Take a look at the site and be reminded that a LOT of people have felt what you are feeling right now and a LOT of people got better.
Use the resources the hotline gave you. See if there’s someone in your life that can walk through this with you. And feel free to write back on this post, I’m here.
Thanks Claire, I did call the suicide hotline, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It wasn’t as scary. I’m still feeling extremely lonely, But I got a few suggestions from the hotline that could help me heal faster or cope with my depression. It’s very difficult.
Sara, Getting completely better overnight doesn’t happen, but getting a little better today than you were yesterday is entirely possible. It is the hardest thing in the world but it is possible. Can you trust this 1 800 SUICIDE hotline? Yes you can. The hotline was endorsed by the Surgeon General of the United States. They have handled almost 6 million calls since they began in 1999. Reaching out for help is scary, it takes a lot of strength. But look at you – you’ve reached out to me twice already. You CAN do this.
Think of it like training for a marathon. For most of us if we just get up one morning and decide we’re going to run 26 miles…. it’s not going to go so well. But anybody can train to run a marathon. It takes a lot of work – more for some than others depending on what kind of shape you’re in when you start – but if you train, if you stick with it and do the work then just about anyone CAN run a marathon. You have to commit to the process. You have to set reasonable goals for yourself. (In our marathon example you couldn’t just count the full 26 miles as a victory. Every time you went out for a training run, that would be a victory. If the first day all you could do was walk to the end of the block and the next day you walked to the end of the block and one house further, that’s a victory.) You may find that your journey back to a healthier life looks like that. Some victories may look small to someone on the outside, but you and I both know that every step towards life is a victory. Every minute that you are not thinking about ending your life is a win.
I believe that you can do this. Your therapist probably agrees with me, so that’s two of us cheering you on. It’s not going to be quick, but it is going to be so very worth it.
I posted my comment, im not sure if it went through. But thank you Claire. I wish I could get better over night, but that is pure none sense. And can i trust these hotlines? are they confidential? I get extremely paranoid sometimes whenever Im trying to reach out for help.
Thank you Claire. It is the hardest thing in the world. It scares me sometimes. I wish i could get better over night, But that is pure none sense. Is it safe to call these hotlines? is it confidential? Im always so paranoid when it comes to asking for help.
Robert, I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment earlier. I do not believe that you will have to be alone for the rest of your life. I know it might seem that way right now, but I believe that there is hope for you. You said that you have a hard time approaching women because you afraid that something horrible might happen. Is that because horrible has happened to you before or to someone you know? Fear is an incredibly powerful motivator (whether it’s compelling us toward something, or keeping us far away from it). There may be a perfectly rational reason for your fear (it hurt last time, I don’t want to hurt again) or it may be irrational, either way it’s a powerful force. Have you considered going to see a pastor or counsellor to help you work through this fear? It sounds like you want to make a connection but feel that you lack the tools to do so. A good counsellor can work with you help you deal with the fear and give you practical steps that you can take to move in the direction of what you want.
It may be that little steps would be an easier way to start. If approaching a woman is impossible right now, what if you just tried to talk to women in a very casual setting. Ie do you say hi when you meet someone in the hall? Do you talk to the barrista at Starbucks? Do you chat with the girl at the check out counter? If not, try just saying hi with no intention of asking her out. It’s a low stress option because it’s going to be a very short conversation – in a minute or two you’ll have your coffee or your groceries or you will have walked on down the hall. It might be that you are insulating yourself more than you realize. If talking to strangers feels like too much, try just smiling at them. Give yourself a time frame – maybe a morning, maybe just 10 minutes and commit to smile at every person, male and female, that you meet in that timeframe. It’s a place to start as you work to build a community around yourself.
Community takes time and it’s hard, especially if you feel like you’re not the most outgoing person. So take it slow. You need to find people who are like you. So what do you like? What do you do in the evenings? What makes you smile? Write out a list if you need to and then start thinking about where the other people who like those things hang out. If you’re a movie buff, you can find like minded people at the movies. If you’re into Stargate (and who isn’t? I love that show) then there are a thousand places on line where people who like Stargate (and Stargate Atlantis, but not Stargate Universe) hang out. Go find them. It’s always easier to strike up a conversation about something you like. So start with that. It may feel strange at first but think of it as practice. Conversation is a skill and you’ll get better with practice.
I’d also encourage you to get out into your own neighbourhood. There are probably others like you closer than you realize. Do you like basketball? Chess? Hiking? Are you interested in first aid? Check out your local parks and recreation guide and see if there is an activity you would enjoy. See if there’s an upcoming lecture at the library, a class you could audit. Find the place where you have something in common and you’ll find the conversation is much, much easier. Do you have a faith background? Church can be an incredible place to find community. If you’ve never considered church look for one that is running the Alpha program, it’s an excellent place to start and geared toward people who are curious about Christianity.
Confidence is tricky because when you don’t have it it feels like it’s harder to get to than the moon. Again, think about what it is that you are good at. Now think of someone who needs the thing you’re good at and see if you can find a place to volunteer. You’ll be helping others and you’ll find that your own confidence grows as you’re able to help and as others see you do the thing you’re good at. As your confidence grows it will be easier to approach women.
Take it slow. You’re probably not going to radically alter your whole life in a single day HOWEVER, you can make one change today that sets you on the path to a totally different future. What is it that you want? What is one small step you can take today that points you in the right direction? Tomorrow you can take another one. Also, don’t discount the psychological benefits of getting a pet. If you’re allowed to have a cat or dog where you live consider bringing an animal companion into your life. It’ll give you someone to care for and there are studies that show that pets reduce stress and blood pressure and can alleviate the touch desert that people who live alone sometimes find themselves in. You are important and you have something to share with the world. Start small but take action and see where you feet can take you.
Hi Sara,
I think it’s fantastic that you’ve started therapy. That takes courage and I am so proud of you for doing that! As I’m sure your therapist has – or will – tell you depression is both physical and psychological. Depression affects the chemicals in your brain which actually makes it harder for you to feel happiness – harder for your brain to process those emotions. It affects sleep – both needing to sleep more and not being able to sleep much at all. It’s not as simple as just “feeling happier”. Your body may need some help getting balanced out again and your therapist will be able to help with that.
I am sorry to hear that you have attempted suicide twice. Does your therapist know that? Does your family know? The best definition of suicide that I’ve ever heard says that suicide is what happens when our pain exceeds our resources for dealing with pain. In order to avoid suicide attempts in the future we need to do two things: 1. reduce the amount of pain in your life and 2. increase your resources for dealing with pain. Therapy works in both areas, which is why it’s so important. I do not know the circumstances that lead to your suicide attempts, but if there was something that happened (there usually is) a therapist can help you process what happened. Sometimes a trauma makes us see ourselves inaccurately, or makes us believe things that aren’t true – about ourselves or the world. For example it might make us feel worthless or unimportant or dirty or broken. A therapist can work through that with you.
I know you don’t feel like you have much hope, but I see in hope in your actions. You’ve recently stopped cutting. That’s enormously hopeful. Cutting is often a coping mechanism, a way to try and gain some control when life feels like it’s spiralling out of control. Being able to stop that is a huge step towards a healthier life. It’s entirely hopeful. Also, you’re getting therapy which means that at least part of you believes that things can get better, that therapy can help, that you are worth the hard work of going to therapy. That’s hope. Maybe not a huge sunshiny ball of hope, maybe more like a little flower of hope just peeking up above the soil. It’s a wonderful start.
I don’t know if there’s a chance that you could still be a danger to yourself but I’d encourage you to put some safeguards in place. Has your therapist talked about what to do if you experience suicidal thoughts? If you live in the US you can call 1 800 SUICIDE any time day or night if you feel you are a danger to yourself. If you’re outside of the US, let me know and I can get you suicide hotline numbers in over 100 countries around the world. I can promise you that it does get better. I know what it feels like to believe that death is only option. (You can read my story here.) But I can also tell you that now, at 35, there are so many things to live for. You have taken the first step, it gets easier from here.
Hi,
Im a depressed 20 year old, with very little hope in life. I’ve attempted suicide twice. I just recently stopped cutting myself. I drag myself out of bed everyday. It’s incredibly hard to try to live like this. It’s a chore. Im sick of it, I just want to be happy. It’s causing my family and friends stress, and it’s hurting and angering so many people in my life. I dont know what to do, sometimes suicide seems like the only option. Ive recently started going to therapy, my next session is in a few weeks.
i live alone all day with no friends to turn . i’ve only got a older brother and he stays to far away from me. i’ve just got to accept i will be on my own for the rest of my life. me approaching women to terrified something horrible mite happen. a woman would never go out with me not even for tea or coffee. i’m useless anyway and have no confidence in myself.
Hi Robert, Happy Belated Birthday! I celebrated my 43rd birthday on the fifth as well.
I also am the kind of guy that doesn’t like big crowds of people. I much prefer connecting one to one. But I have learned some things that have helped me to be more comfortable in those situations and get past the awkwardness so that I can meet people and develop friendships. I am sure that you can also develop some ways of responding differently so that you can have more confidence in situations you are unfamiliar with. I invite you to connect with one of our online mentors. They can be very helpful to talk with and get some ideas from. If you fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor one of our mentors will respond back with an email.
You can do this. I know that you can learn some new skills that will help you get past the initial awkwardness and begin letting people get to know you and befriend you.
i’m terrible shy towards women always have been even when i was at school girls never came near me. all my classmates where getting girlfriends but me. girls never came near me or even talk to me . i always standing by school gate alone ever day nobody ever talk to me still like that today. i’ve never liked being in crowds where their alot of people. my 53 birthday tomorrow . i’ve always wonder why women won’t talk or approach me i will probably never know the answer to the question .
Debra, The world IS NOT better off with you. You’re going to be a grandmother, don’t miss out on that. I know that your daughter is moving far away, but that doesn’t mean that your relationship with her is over. It’s going to be different, but it’s not over. Between the move and her pregnancy she’s going to be going through a lot of stress in the coming months. She just might surprise you and come to you for advice. She’s never been a parent before, you have. You’re the expert here.
I understand that you have had a hard life. But when the shrink agreed with you that it was hard, I don’t think they meant for you to take that as a reason to end your life. Yes it’s hard, but there is hope that it doesn’t have to always be this way. Things are messy right now and it can be so tempting to just walk away from all of it. But there is so much that you’ll miss out on if you’re not here to see it. What stories do you want your daughter to tell your grandkid about you? Wouldn’t you rather be here to tell them yourself?
If you are a danger to yourself today please call 1 800 SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) from anywhere in the US. They have people who can help you right now.
You mentioned that your daughter is moving but didn’t say why. It’s possible that she’s not doing this to you, she’s pursuing an opportunity – a job perhaps or a relationship. If the boyfriend is a total loser, then it’s all the more reason for you to stick around so that when your daughter sees her mistake she has someone to come home to. Sometimes we can’t see the flaws in the ones we love the most. Sometimes people think that once there’s a child involved there’s no going back. She is going to have to sort that out for herself, but you can be part of her story and part of her decision making process if you stick around.
You’re 40 years old, there is a lot of life ahead of you. There are so many famous people who didn’t get started until they were about your age. And then there’s Colonel Saunders who didn’t start Kentucky Fried Chicken until he was in his 60s. Who knows what might be just around the corner?
I know that right now it feels like there is nothing to look forward to. Things may seem very overwhelming. But suicide is not the answer. It’s far too high a price to pay. There’s an article on our site from a women who felt much like you do. Read Jeanette’s story. I think it can help. There’s a verse in the Bible where God says that he has plans for each of us, plans to give us a hope a future. I prayed for you just now and I asked God to show you all the good things there are to live for. I asked him to help you and to give you something to look forward to. This is not where your story ends – you’ve got a grand baby to meet!
Hello I am turning 40 this may my 23 year old daughter is 17 weeks pregnant and moving very far away. The boyfriend is a total loser. But that is where his whole big faimly is at. I have 6 bothers I have not ever had much to do with. All but one is alcohol and drug addicts. My mom died last year. My grandma at 93 is still living but about to die too. I am married for 6 years and we fight all the time. My husband is never home works out of town. So but of cause I strat seeing someone and fall in love with a total mess. I have been sexual and mental abuse for as long as I can Remeamber. As young as 4-6 years old. By more then five of my faimly members. I lost every thing I worked for in 2006 and never strayed working again. I am in about one hour helping the only thing I ever had to live for pack the u haul up and drive away from me too. I just give up. I hate this life and can’t under stand what the hell did I do to deserve this life. It is half over and I am nobody , nothing, I lost everything , no one cares about me . I don’t care about me eather. I hate the world. I beleive it would be better off with out me in it. I have nothing to contrited to it. Hell even the shink I went to told me I have a hard life. I just give up
I hear the pain in your words Robert and am so sorry that you feel like you have no chance with women, no opportunity to be friends them or have a relationship with them. Have you tried going to events where there are both men and women? Perhaps a single’s group at a local church?
Robert, may I suggest that you fill out the form on this page http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ and one of our online mentors will walk alongside you on your journey. There are places where you could get more comfortable with women and perhaps grow in your self esteem to you would feel like you could in fact approach women.
i’ve no chance with women never had a girlfriend or relationship. i’m terribled shy towards women i’m 52 and still a virgin. i couldn’t approach women and they don’t approach me never have.
Aishwarya Subramaniam, I know how scary it is to be in a place where you feel like there is no good thing left in your life. You were very brave to ask for help. It takes a lot of strength to do that and I am so glad that you did. Thoughts of suicide are very personal and I know that it is hard to share them, but for most of us, we need help to get through this. I don’t know what your family situation is like or how old you are, but if it’s possibly, talking to a family member is often a good place to start. If you don’t feel ready to do that, then there are a lot of resources available. You can find a worldwide list of suicide prevention resources here.
One of the best things I’ve read about suicide is this simple explanation: Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Often people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide feel weak, or cowardly but that’s not true. Feeling suicidal is not weakness, it is not failure, it is something that happens to you. Everyone’s coping resources are different, if you have come to the end of your resources then we need to either reduce the pain or increase your coping resources to get you to a place where you can manage. (There is a longer version of this here. It’s really good. Take a minute to read it.)
There is more help here. And email mentors are available here (there is a special group of them who deal specifically with people who feel suicidal.) I won’t tell you that it’s going to be easy, but I can promise you that it DOES get better. I was 16 when I was sure that death was the only option that made sense for me. It hurt so much and everywhere I turned was another wall. I thought I was completely alone and that there was nothing else I could do. I felt trapped and I was so scared. That was 19 years ago and I promise you that I am so thankful that I did not end my life then. I know that you cannot see all the good things right now. I know that things are awful and that you are in a lot of pain. But please, take one of these resources and let someone help you. Because this is not the end of your story and you don’t have to do this alone.
hi, I hate my self I have lost hope in this life. i often think of committing suicide pls help me to come out of it..
i am terribly depressed and hopeless about life pls help me
M, It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to. Would you like to talk to a mentor privately? You can use this form to request a mentor and you’ll get a response back by email, usually within a couple of days.
Dear M
It sounds like you are going through a really hard time right now. I hear in your words the love you have for your family. If you commit suicide your family are the ones who are going to be effected for the rest of their lives. Your boys need you in their life. Everyone has regrets but we can’t live our life holding onto them. Before you hurt yourself please talk with one of our mentors, its free and confidential. If you want a mentor please fill out this form: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/.
M, I will be praying for you.
Sincerely
Leah
I am 47 and I am always thinking about suicide due to my past stupid moves in life. I had a great job in the military but left it to be with my wife and two boys and did not consider the consequences. I am now deep in debt, our cars are ready to break down, I am in a dead end job and I feel so sorry for my two wonderful boys and my wife. I tried to seek help at the hospital and told them of my suicidal thoughts and all they did was through me in the psycho ward for two days and left me alone. I see no way out. I have no pension to turn to and I was informed in April I have a disease (hemochromatosis)which is so confusing me about my diet as every Doctor I have seen tells me something different. I have a lot of Brain fog and sleep about 2 hrs a night and just when I think I may have a solution to my problems I break dowm and think of my great job in the military and what I could have had………
Hi nameless,
Thank you for being so open and for sharing your heart with us. I can see how the situations in your life have been hard to go through. I have put you in touch with one of our mentors here at Power to Change. This is a free and confidential service and a mentor will be able to talk to you in private and perhaps provide resources for you to walk through difficult situations. I would also like to tell you that I have been in the very dark pit that you are living in – and I know that it seems that there could be no way out or nothing good to come. But when depression lifts, you will see just how beautiful life can be and how much you are loved. I also understand that my mere words probably don’t bring much comfort but I will keep you in my prayers because I know that was the only thing that took me out.
meant that i am living in pretense, outwardly i pretend to be happy but in actual sense am always sad. my baby passed on and this hurt me so much. I dont know if God will give me other children. I feel that even if i see a counselor, it might help me. all i need is a breakthrough. I have two MA degrees but still have no stable source of income. I am now loosing my memory. i no longer reason the way i used to 4 years back. I even wanted to do a PhD but i am not sure if i can handle it now because i do not think and reason anymore. this could be because of stress. may be if i ever got a breakthrough, then my old intelligence would be regained. otherwise at the moment, i feel that life has nothing to offer
I have lost hope in this life. i often think of committing suicide and i tell my husband about this thinking. Many a time, he has tried counseling me. The reasons as to why i get this thinking is that with all the qualifications that i have, i have failed to get a job, i desire to have good things in my life but have labored in vain. My husband is also not financially stable. i feel am leaving in pretense and hardship for the last 4 years. I have lost hope. i tried to have a baby and did everything possible but the baby still passed. This has affected me the more and i feel very depressed. I have lost touch with family members. most of them seem to be complaining. I sometimes don’t feel like picking my phone to call anyone. I also tried getting saved but have not had a break through. God show me which way to go.
Dear NoName, There is no such thing as being “too young” to say that you’ve been depressed for half of your life. Depression can strike at any age. My heart aches to hear about everything that you have been through. No one deserves to be treated like that. You do not deserve to be treated like that. I know that things look bad, but suicide is not the right answer. There are people, trained professionals that you can talk to right now. If you are in the US or Canada you can call I-800-SUICIDE to speak to someone right now. If you are outside of North America you can find resources on this page. We also have mentors who are available, you can use this form to contact a mentor who will respond by emails. Mentors usually take a couple of days to respond so if you need to talk to someone today, please use the phone number above so someone can talk to you right away. There is more to life than what you have experienced so far. I can only imagine how much pain you have been in, but it does get better. I promise, it gets better. God has a plan for your life. You’ve been so strong to stand up in the midst of everything that has happened. Be strong just a little longer, just long enough to ask for help and then you won’t have to be alone anymore. I will pray for you.
Hello, I’m a 20 years old male studying in college, I’ve been depressed for maybe 50% of my life, I know I’m too young to just say that..
I was born and raised in a racist community, bullied at school, almost enslaved by those who bullied me, I was under their mercy. I left that community at the age of 15, with no friend at all, 15 years and made zero friend, in fact I had ones who eventually turned out to be just like the others, this was worst thing that ever happened to me, I still sometimes cry when remember the times.. All I could ever remember is just sad and unfair and abusement..
The new school I moved to was not bad, no one noticed my presence, graduated from high school and again.. No friends, I have this problem with making friends and trusting them, actually it’s not them I don’t trust, it’s me, coz usually I don’t know how to talk to people how to just be friends with some one, I don’t know what is it like to be friends with some one I don’t know how to tell a joke, I don’t know anything about dealing with people like me.
Now I’m in college for 2 years, and history seems to be repeating it’s self…
I’m stuck with people who hates me… I went to this college educational trip to Malaysia.. I never wanted to go, some one convinced me to go, though I knew he just wanted me to go for his own benefit somehow (something about money).. Anyways I went with this guy hoping he would prove me wrong.. I expected everything that happened there..
Every one left me alone, every one forgot about me..
One in this Malaysia trip day I was involved in some problem with those people, my room mates asked me to borrow iron machine from our colleagues next door so I brought it, later that day the iron machine owner told me to bring it back so I asked my room mates where is it?? They didn’t whoa where it is!!
I had to tell the owner to be patient while I look for it, he yelled at me and almost beat me, I went to look for the iron machine, one of my room mates was sleeping so I had to wake him up coz the owner is so pissed of and I’m the only one to blame, when I woke him he yelled at me and threatened me he would beat me if I ever woke him up for “such reasons”, eventually I found it and more yelling and humiliations from those 2 guys.. Over an iron machine.. What did I do to deserve this?? This whole thing reminded me of the times back at school and I swear.. I locked myself inthe bathroom and cried for over an hour, and still couldn’t stop the tears stream…
I’ve always been alone and always humilated by others, some times I feel like I don’t belong to this world, I’ve never done anything bad to any one, I’ve never hurt anyone not even in a fight, I’ve always been a good guy, I’ve never smoked or drank or anything, I seriously don’t deserve anything that’s happened to me.. Sometimes I blame God for all this, sometimes I hate God for creating me.. I just want to put an end to my life but I cannot suicide for religious morals.. I just want to die.. The depression and hatred to those people in my life are just too great for me to bare.. I have been waiting forever for my life to change and get better
I see my future, I see myself alone, languishing with no one to even bury me… I wish God would just take my life..
Jennie, I can relate to the desperation and exhaustion that you’ve expressed here; I get the sense that you’ve given up hope on a very deep level.
I know this for sure: although the struggle that you’re experiencing every day is intense, it is not the end of your story! You are not defined only by your emotions, but by the many ways that you look like God; by the mother you are to that amazing child of yours; by the goodness, tenderness, and generosity you bring to the world.
You, Jennie! You are irreplaceable here, and can be known by your beauty instead of by your brokenness.
When you visited this blog, were you able to follow any of the links mentioned in the post? Have you already attempted the professional counseling route?
In my own struggle with thinking and emotional issues I’ve grown to understand that keeping our head above “water” involves a lot of work! Are there any tools that you consistently use that help you to cope?
There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about our choice to cry out to God when we feel like we’re drowning in our pain — He promises to rescue us when things seem utterly hopeless.
You are not forgotten, and the God to whom you pray for help is hearing you! One of the challenges for those of us who wrestle with dark thinking is to choose to move forward believing that despite our emotions.
Do you have a minute to scroll up through some of the other blog comments? You’ll notice there that some links are noted: you’ll find encouragement and potential next steps if you follow them. Also, you can be linked to a mentor to whom you can talk reguarly and privately (just scroll to the top of the page and click on “Talk to a mentor” if you’d like to be connected to a more private conversation).
You’re circumstances may not change, but your heart and your mind can be made whole because of what Jesus has to offer. You don’t need to live like this for 50 more years! You can be free!
I am tired, so so weary. i just wish that God would take me home. I would help him with that but i can never seem to finish the job. i am a single mom who has had mental health issues since childhood. I dont wan to struggle anymore. I take 8 different pills just to get through the day. I just wish there was one day that i could wake up and just feel joyful and unburdened, but it has never happened. i have believed the God would heal me or help me but it doesnt seem like he has done either. i dont see my life changing and i cant bare the thought of living like this for 50 more years.
Dear Ruby, you sound terribly depressed and hopeless about life. Our hearts go out to you. Won’t you consider talking to one of the mentors on this site?
I have copied one of the staff who can assign you to a mentor who will try to support you and gi
Be you some guidance. Also, it is of utmost importance that you find a professional counselor or talk with your doctor about the symptoms you are experiencing. You most likely are struggling with clinical depression and need an evaluation, counseling and treatment.
God does not want you to feel so hopeless and despairing. Jesus said” I have come to give you life and to give it more abundantly”
His plan for your life is to give you a new purpose as you discover how much you are loved and forgiven through faith in Christ. Give God a chance to change your life. Read more about faith on the http://www.powertochange.com and http://www.counselcareconnection.org and http://www.keepbelieving.com. we will all be praying for you.
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
I dont want to go out-Im so happy when im home alone.Ive been like this now almost 2 years, and financially im getting into an awful mess. Im wondering what the point of life is…? We all die in the end-im wondering if its better sooner rather than later. when i try to talk about how i feel-no ones really interested-people today seem to have enough problems of their own.. Does anyone else feel like this…?
Dear Friend, You need Jesus! Life on earth is temporary for all of humanity. Jesus came to give life and to give it to the full no matter what your circumstance is. My heart goes out to you but, you can’t live in despair and regrets. You have today to start over – to look to Jesus for help and hope. He cares. He can be your Savior – all you need to do is turn to Him and ask for forgiveness and ask Him to come into your life and change you forever. He has promised eternal life, forgiveness of sins and to be with you forever. Read about How to know God Personally http://www.counselcareconnection.org/articles/97/1/How-to-Know-God-Personally/Page1.html and ask the staff at http://www.powertochange.com for a mentor who will write to you and encourage you.
God bless you in the new year as you put your faith in the One who changes and redeems lives.
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
i have no hope in life anymore. ive got infected liver,diabetes,hbp,hc,kidney stones. And there are still some haven been diagnosed.my dreams crashed. i have lost the wing i had to fly wherever i wanted to. life is meaningless without a dream. i cant chase my dream with sicknesses.it never will come true.forever. this pain will be in my heart til the day i die.
Thank You Darren for your kind words, I pray God will bring new hope and joy back into my life also..
God Bless You,
Michele
Michele, I’m sorry to hear that you have for the moment given up hope. I’ve forwarded your comment to one of our mentors, who will contact you soon. If you would like to speak with them confidentially by email, just reply, if not, don’t. However I think you should, it could only help analyze what has brought you to this point and encourage you for the future. I pray that God will bring new hope and renewed joy into your life soon!
I’ve lost all hope in my life, I just don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel for myself. My hope is gone..:-(
If you are reading this because of suicidal thoughts, please please seek a trusted counselor, professional to speak to. My husband killed himself two years ago leaving our 8 year old son without a father and everyone left behind with enormous guilt. Suicide affects the people left behind more than the victim could ever realize. My father also killed himself when I was in college. The aftermath of suicide is devasting, please help yourself and by doing this you save your loved ones a lifetime of pain.
rob, I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. I don’t know what you’re feeling and going through, but as someone who struggles with issues of self-esteem I imagine it is very difficult. I’ve forwarded your comment to our mentors; one of them will email you, if you want to talk you can speak with them confidentially, if not you don’t need to reply … however I want to encourage you to speak with them so that you can seek to help uncover the roots of your self-hated. I pray that you will find relief for your struggles soon.
For me it is not depression. I hate my self to the point of rage
I worry sometimes because I can tick a lot of those items on the list. I’m not suicidal though. Some people just have less coping skills. Most people just want someone to talk to.
Suicide Prevention in Your Life