Robert, may I suggest that you fill out the form on this page http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ and one of our online mentors will walk alongside you on your journey. There are places where you could get more comfortable with women and perhaps grow in your self esteem to you would feel like you could in fact approach women.

One of the best things I’ve read about suicide is this simple explanation: Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Often people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide feel weak, or cowardly but that’s not true. Feeling suicidal is not weakness, it is not failure, it is something that happens to you. Everyone’s coping resources are different, if you have come to the end of your resources then we need to either reduce the pain or increase your coping resources to get you to a place where you can manage. (There is a longer version of this here. It’s really good. Take a minute to read it.)

There is more help here. And email mentors are available here (there is a special group of them who deal specifically with people who feel suicidal.) I won’t tell you that it’s going to be easy, but I can promise you that it DOES get better. I was 16 when I was sure that death was the only option that made sense for me. It hurt so much and everywhere I turned was another wall. I thought I was completely alone and that there was nothing else I could do. I felt trapped and I was so scared. That was 19 years ago and I promise you that I am so thankful that I did not end my life then. I know that you cannot see all the good things right now. I know that things are awful and that you are in a lot of pain. But please, take one of these resources and let someone help you. Because this is not the end of your story and you don’t have to do this alone.

It sounds like you are going through a really hard time right now. I hear in your words the love you have for your family. If you commit suicide your family are the ones who are going to be effected for the rest of their lives. Your boys need you in their life. Everyone has regrets but we can’t live our life holding onto them. Before you hurt yourself please talk with one of our mentors, its free and confidential. If you want a mentor please fill out this form: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/.

M, I will be praying for you.

Sincerely

Leah

Thank you for being so open and for sharing your heart with us. I can see how the situations in your life have been hard to go through. I have put you in touch with one of our mentors here at Power to Change. This is a free and confidential service and a mentor will be able to talk to you in private and perhaps provide resources for you to walk through difficult situations. I would also like to tell you that I have been in the very dark pit that you are living in – and I know that it seems that there could be no way out or nothing good to come. But when depression lifts, you will see just how beautiful life can be and how much you are loved. I also understand that my mere words probably don’t bring much comfort but I will keep you in my prayers because I know that was the only thing that took me out.