I’m unhappy with everything in my life

Written by Lynette Hoy NCC, LCPC

friends fail nltrI am a fifteen year old sophomore who has been raised as a Christian, but only really got into my relationship with God about two to three years ago. My parents had a bad divorce when I was seven, and since then, my Dad has not been there as a father should.

Over the past month or two, I have really been struggling to keep going, stay optimistic about my life, and continue a steadily growing relationship with the Lord. The reality is that I have been depressed for a while now. Sometimes I just start crying out of a deep sadness. In some of the worst times, I relied on God to pull me through, and He did; and I feel closer to Him because of it. I’ll be in a really high and postitive mood for about a day or so, but then the depression sets in again. I know I am not severely depressed, but I am truly unhappy with everything in my life. I can’t help but think that there must be something wrong in my relationship with God, or else why wouldn’t He heal me completely?

I don’t have any friends that I consider trustworthy enough to talk to about anything this personal, even though I’m surrounded by aquaintances who don’t understand who I truly am. I feel that this couldn’t possibly be what God has planned for me. I really need help.

Advice: I am so glad you are a Christian and are holding onto to the Lord during this dark time in your life. It sounds to me like there is an underlying reason for your depression, whether it is a loss of some kind, low self-esteem, abuse, an eating disorder, or even dealing with the reality of disappointments in your life and your parents’ divorce. The divorce of my own parents affected me. It was a crisis in my life but it was used by God to help me grow in my relationship with Him.

What will make the difference in your life?
Maybe you could ask yourself, If my life were all of the sudden to be so much better, what would need to happen? Would you need to change something? Would others need to change something? Would God have to do something drastic to make it better? Since it is difficult to count on other people changing, start with yourself and start with God. What is it about yourself that you want to change? Your appearance? Your status? Your social life? More money?

My bet is that none of those things would bring you happiness, but a good dose of self-confidence would. I encourage you to begin to work on your self-esteem. Read The Search for Significance by Robert McGee and learn about the false beliefs you probably have which are holding you back and making you unhappy. Also try The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth, or Learning to Tell Myself the Truth by William Backus .

People are usually unhappy
because they are telling themselves that they are “not good enough”, “don’t measure up”, “worthless”, “damaged goods”, “failures”, etc. But, that is not how God looks at us. You and I know that Jesus Christ loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives. So, no matter what the circumstances are, He can change us from the inside out and give us a new perspective on life. Take a step towards Him and learn about how He can change your thinking and perspective.

Another recommendation I have is that you begin to build your friendships. You don’t trust people and thus everyone is an acquaintance. So you feel isolated and disconnected. God made you to be part of His family and to be in close fellowship with other believers. Do you have a youth group in your church where you can get involved in some small groups and begin to make some closer friends? You need to take the risk to let others know you; you are not trusting people because of your parents divorce and your fear that others will abandon you like your Dad did. Because of that, you have no one to express your feelings to and thus, you stuff them inside and you become depressed. Once you are depressed you can’t feel any good emotions. So, expressing yourself to others (a couple of friends, a relative) is important so that you can break the cycle of depression.

God wants you to be happy. Here’s how.

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21 Responses to “I’m unhappy with everything in my life”

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Velma, you are so right on about Jesus and God being on our side. When Jesus ascended into Heaven, He was declared Lord with might and power and is ruling this world, with final say about everything and is working in His followers lives for their good. Even better, He is building a permanent home for us and has promised to come again and receive His followers to Himself so that all may be together. Faith, our confident trust in Christ, can carry us through the darkest of days.

  • velma says:

    I am depressed right now as I have made some mistakes. I have been depressed before and got over it. Other people can easily affect you when youre very sensitive. But Anonymous I disagree that it never goes away. This is the end times and many powerful things are affecting many as are the planets in Gods plan. Many will feel desolate and I have felt this but Jesus Christ ansd God are there for us we must have gfaith even when we are at our wits end. Faith saves us.

  • Aldo Aldo says:

    Hi Kristi, I absolutely agree with you (unless the Lord would lead us differently, of course). It is true: If you want to be wise, surround yourself with wise people; if you want t be rich, hang out with rich people to find out how they became that way; and of course, if you want to draw closer to God, gather with those of like precious faith.

    But, let us not forget to go into all the world and preach the “good news.”

  • kristi says:

    Hi Everyone, I just wanted to say, that my parents divorced when I was young, there was also abuse and alcohol issues my father had, I feel that I struggled with depression since I was 12 because of the circumstances. I remember as a child we went to church, my father rarely attended, but the rest of us did. I had trouble for years questioning why God would let this happen. I returned to him in my late 20’s, and I read the bible and study the scripture. I have found many answers in it that help, but also we have to use common sense too. One of my favorite verses in proverbs says, “don’t hang around by an angry man or you will learn his ways.” This is common sense! If we hang around by people in our life that don’t have a close personal relationship with God and really understand what it means to be a christian then we will have trouble. We are social creatures by nature, we need to be surrounded by good people to help us in this world. That is a great 1st stepping stone for anyone. Get around people that worship God and love him, they are our brothers and sisters. A group that lifts us up. This world is filled with sickness of all sorts. You will feel recharged, so you will have energy for everything else and a clearer picture. Find a great church where they preach Grace and love. It is the most important message Jesus wanted us to remember, “love one another”! We all need it to survive, Don’t give up! You may not find it in your home but it is out there for you.

  • Michael Jantzen Michael Jantzen says:

    Hello Gelu,

    Your comment has been removed (not because you disagree with the article, but because you resorted to personal attack, which is against our terms of use).

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    Sendinglove
    It sounds like you have learned a very valuable lesson indeed!Someone once said that ‘insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.’ Instead you realized that you could do something about how felt and got up the courage to do exactly that! Way to go!! And thanks for sharing! It’s always more impacting coming from someone who has actually walked the journey.

  • Sendinglove says:

    I am going to tell you something that i learned. i made the mistake, you please dont be the same way. If you are unhappy on the inside, whatever the cause, source or condition, take it seriously: use discipline to cultivate a new life for yourself and make sure you enable your self to be empowered. Being comfortable within yourself a d trusting the process of life and not being tensed by life is the normal and optimum way of life that you could aim for. Take getting better seriously and focus your attention on what you want out of life. Don’t waste your Life by numbing yourself out with TV or Food or drugs or alchohol….if something sucks….it can totally change as u work towards Making your Own fabulous life

  • Doris Beck D. Beck says:

    Dear Raval,
    I’m so glad that you found our website. It sounds like you do have a very difficult life for such a young person. You mentioned that you feel like God hates you because He is not listening to any of your wishes. However, the opposite is true. God in fact does love you! Prayer does work in God’s will and I will certainly pray for you but before I do I would like to share with you an important Bible truth.

    The key to having our prayers heard by God, is to have any barriers between us and God removed so that there are no obstructions. In Isaiah 59 verse 2 it says “It is your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.”

    What that means is that all that we have done wrong stands in the way of our prayers being heard. But God has made a way for us to have them wiped away. John 1:12 says that if we believe and receive Jesus Christ then we can become God’s children spiritually and have our sins washed away. Believing means to believe with the mind, trust with your heart and commit with your life to Jesus.

    You mentioned that you are a Hindu Raval so I assume that you have probably never done this.God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. The following is a suggested prayer:

    “Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.” In Jesus name amen

    God wants you to. He created us to have a personal relationship with Him.

    Before I close, let me pray for you!

    Dear Heavenly Father,
    I pray for Raval right now. He has had a difficult life and is discouraged. Lord would You reveal yourself to Him? Help him to see that You in fact love him with an everlasting love and desire to have a relationship with him. Speak to his heart today. Amen

  • Raval Sanket says:

    I am belonging from Hindu family. I am 23 year old and my Dad past away before 2 years.After that i have to handle my home. My mom is paralyzed i have to take care of her. I am very sad because god is not listing any of my single wishes. My all drams are fail. Now i am engaged with a girl whom i don’t love but my mom loves her. I am felling very sad. i am only child why god hates me so much???

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Hi Anonymous,

    Sounds like you have been through some tough seasons of life without much joy or happiness to offset the bad days. Have you ever sought help regarding the depression you are battling with and have you sought help in unraveling the heart and pain that is within you pertaining to your childhood and mother?

    God loves you and He does not want to see you continue in such an unhappy life. Do you have a personal relationship with the Lord? My life was very bad before I accepted Christ into my heart and life. Do you have at least a few, good, healthy friends that you can share this heartache with? We have online Mentors available to help and encourage you out of the darkness you are in so that you can begin to make healthy, happy, proper changes in your life, which will then help to restore the other vital relationships in your life too.

    May you realize that it is never too late to begin to have a better life! Are you interested in finding out how you can begin to live the better life God wants you to have?

  • Anonymous says:

    give it up. you’ll feel this way the rest of your life. believe me. i;ve been depressed my whole life. i had an extremely verbally abusive mother who made mommy dearest look like mary poppins. then i married a controlling and verbally abusive and angry man. my mother disowned me when i married at only 20 and never talked to me again. she died last summer and still hated me so much she made sure i didn’t get a dime so i would know. i am now 59. i had 4 children with this man who i stayed married to because i was terrified to divorce and he abused the hell out of my 3 sons. my oldest hasnt’ talked to us in 6 years and we havent’ seen his children becasue of my husband’s abuse. now my 3 other children won’t talk to him either. i finally am divorcing him after ruining my whole life. i’ve been so unhappy and depressed i get on my daughters nerves and she says i don’t even try to be happy. now she won’t leave her 3 children with me when i babysat them all the time. my whole life has completely sucked. and i’ve been depressed my whole life. so don’t think you;ll ever feel better. it never gets better. it only gets worse.

  • Mike says:

    Have you considered speaking to a school counsellor. I’m not saying it will be easy but it is surprising how helpful it can be to help you understand what is going on for you and help you find a way forward.
    Good luck and take care :)
    Mike

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    You are right Anna, Paul tells us to focus our thoughts on things that are good rather than get bogged down in thoughts about the negative (Philippians 4:8-9) In that verse his point is to fix our thoughts on God because in Him we find our peace and contentment. Knowing Him changes our perspective on all of life.

  • Anna says:

    Hey- it’s hard I know it is. Can I help? Just because things aren’t going the way you want them to in your life doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Just step outside and breath for a little. We have so much time on this blessed earth and so much to thank for. Smile. Laugh. Listen to your favorite song. Watch a funny movie. Do something to make you feel a little better on the outside. You might still feel lost on the inside, but if you encourage yourself to act happy, say positive things, then it will be easier and easier to become momentarily happy. This won’t last as long, but now you have something to work towards every day. God will support you in everything you do and he wants you to be happy. Take small steps!

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Lord i want to lift up my sister and others who read this item. I pray that you will help people who arein the same stuation in life. I was once depressed and know hwat is was like. I sought my Lord and he deliverd it from me. When Satan gets me to feel that way again I just go to god and listne to His Word, music and God Himself and let Him take it away from me. My sister and I do a Soaking in prayer and it gets rid of all the bad stuff that may be with me during the week. I also soak in prayer when i feel down or depressed. It is wonderful relieve.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    April, that is great advice to focus on the positive. Paul wrote, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable– if anything is excellent or praiseworthy– think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) By focusing our mind on things that point us to God we are better able to hear and respond when He speaks to us. He does have our best interests in mind and will bring hope, peace and joy into our lives.

  • april says:

    First, Lucas I adore you. Thank you for being you. It makes the world a better and more balanced place. And to the original submission about being unhappy: I feel you. I am 34 and God knows I have been and am right there too. What keeps me going? Possibility. Hope. The what-its and maybe’s. God. My Guides. But truly what keeps me going is me. I want to love myself and find ways to love myself more. I am determined not to let depression and “bad luck” keep me down. There is a reason we are all still here breathing. What is that reason for each of us? I am happy when I __________. Fill in the blank. And then put it into action. We can’t feel happy if we aren’t doing what makes us happy. And this can change daily. Listen to and trust yourself. You’re beyond worth it.

  • Doris Beck Doris says:

    One of the most difficult things when dealing with depression is the mistaken believe that you can ‘just get over it’. It’s true that we need to rely completely on God, and be involved with other believers but there is also a process that is involved that may or may need include medication if there is a biochemical reason for your depression.

    Relying on God is a good first step.

  • Ruby says:

    Rely comletely on God. He wants you to. He wants to show you how much He loves you as a father should. Make sure to get involved in a bible teaching church and read the bible and other christian books to help you.

  • Ali says:

    first, excuse me my english is weak.

    I have same feelings.
    I will divorce 3-4 years later and should give her everything I collected up to now like all of my money and … (because of our rules in my country) and start a new life after that. You have a good chance and that is TIME. I’m 30 years old and I will loose more time just to be divorced, and after that I will be 34 years old and start from 0. It’s so hard for me to give her 100,000$ for divorce (rules of my country). No other ways I found for live with her. :((
    Take your time and use it to be a successful person, rather to think about past. Get energy from future and permit yourself to be a person you wish always. If you don’t do something to change yourself and your situation better, you will find youself 30 or 60 years old and nothing will happen if you don’t start now. don’t wait for anybody else to give you great help. Just start from inside of yourself.

  • Lucas says:

    Hey !

    You’re 15… Your father went away and he’s not as close as he should be that’s reason you grew so ‘close’ to God. I’m not christian so I’m not going to get into that, but in my opinion you shouldn’t rely on your God as much as you’re doing, I’m sure he’s gonna help you and support you but nothing’s gonna happen if you don’t make it. See, I might not be you, but I’m 20 and I thought I didn’t have any trustworthy friends either, but you see, I’m gay, and I’ve been hiding who I am for the past…well… 20 years =( But I realized I was unhappy because I wasn’t dealing with the problem I was running away from it. My point is, if you feel alone, do somehting about it, don’t lock yourself in your room with “God”. Get out there and show your friends you trust them, they’re gonna trust you, if they’re your true friends. Please do not become one of those christian-freaks !! They’re just manipulated by the church D: Do something about it before ti’s too late ^^

    Good luck

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