I’m unhappy with everything in my life
I am a fifteen year old sophomore who has been raised as a Christian, but only really got into my relationship with God about two to three years ago. My parents had a bad divorce when I was seven, and since then, my Dad has not been there as a father should.
Over the past month or two, I have really been struggling to keep going, stay optimistic about my life, and continue a steadily growing relationship with the Lord. The reality is that I have been depressed for a while now. Sometimes I just start crying out of a deep sadness. In some of the worst times, I relied on God to pull me through, and He did; and I feel closer to Him because of it. I’ll be in a really high and postitive mood for about a day or so, but then the depression sets in again. I know I am not severely depressed, but I am truly unhappy with everything in my life. I can’t help but think that there must be something wrong in my relationship with God, or else why wouldn’t He heal me completely?
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I don’t have any friends that I consider trustworthy enough to talk to about anything this personal, even though I’m surrounded by aquaintances who don’t understand who I truly am. I feel that this couldn’t possibly be what God has planned for me. I really need help.
Advice: I am so glad you are a Christian and are holding onto to the Lord during this dark time in your life. It sounds to me like there is an underlying reason for your depression, whether it is a loss of some kind, low self-esteem, abuse, an eating disorder, or even dealing with the reality of disappointments in your life and your parents’ divorce. The divorce of my own parents affected me. It was a crisis in my life but it was used by God to help me grow in my relationship with Him.
What will make the difference in your life? Maybe you could ask yourself, If my life were all of the sudden to be so much better, what would need to happen? Would you need to change something? Would others need to change something? Would God have to do something drastic to make it better? Since it is difficult to count on other people changing, start with yourself and start with God. What is it about yourself that you want to change? Your appearance? Your status? Your social life? More money?
My bet is that none of those things would bring you happiness, but a good dose of self-confidence would. I encourage you to begin to work on your self-esteem. Read The Search for Significance by Robert McGee and learn about the false beliefs you probably have which are holding you back and making you unhappy. Also try The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth, or Learning to Tell Myself the Truth by William Backus .
People are usually unhappy because they are telling themselves that they are “not good enough”, “don’t measure up”, “worthless”, “damaged goods”, “failures”, etc. But, that is not how God looks at us. You and I know that Jesus Christ loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives. So, no matter what the circumstances are, He can change us from the inside out and give us a new perspective on life. Take a step towards Him and learn about how He can change your thinking and perspective.
Another recommendation I have is that you begin to build your friendships. You don’t trust people and thus everyone is an acquaintance. So you feel isolated and disconnected. God made you to be part of His family and to be in close fellowship with other believers. Do you have a youth group in your church where you can get involved in some small groups and begin to make some closer friends? You need to take the risk to let others know you; you are not trusting people because of your parents divorce and your fear that others will abandon you like your Dad did. Because of that, you have no one to express your feelings to and thus, you stuff them inside and you become depressed. Once you are depressed you can’t feel any good emotions. So, expressing yourself to others (a couple of friends, a relative) is important so that you can break the cycle of depression.
You are right Anna, Paul tells us to focus our thoughts on things that are good rather than get bogged down in thoughts about the negative (Philippians 4:8-9) In that verse his point is to fix our thoughts on God because in Him we find our peace and contentment. Knowing Him changes our perspective on all of life.
Hey- it’s hard I know it is. Can I help? Just because things aren’t going the way you want them to in your life doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Just step outside and breath for a little. We have so much time on this blessed earth and so much to thank for. Smile. Laugh. Listen to your favorite song. Watch a funny movie. Do something to make you feel a little better on the outside. You might still feel lost on the inside, but if you encourage yourself to act happy, say positive things, then it will be easier and easier to become momentarily happy. This won’t last as long, but now you have something to work towards every day. God will support you in everything you do and he wants you to be happy. Take small steps!
Lord i want to lift up my sister and others who read this item. I pray that you will help people who arein the same stuation in life. I was once depressed and know hwat is was like. I sought my Lord and he deliverd it from me. When Satan gets me to feel that way again I just go to god and listne to His Word, music and God Himself and let Him take it away from me. My sister and I do a Soaking in prayer and it gets rid of all the bad stuff that may be with me during the week. I also soak in prayer when i feel down or depressed. It is wonderful relieve.
April, that is great advice to focus on the positive. Paul wrote, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable– if anything is excellent or praiseworthy– think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) By focusing our mind on things that point us to God we are better able to hear and respond when He speaks to us. He does have our best interests in mind and will bring hope, peace and joy into our lives.
First, Lucas I adore you. Thank you for being you. It makes the world a better and more balanced place. And to the original submission about being unhappy: I feel you. I am 34 and God knows I have been and am right there too. What keeps me going? Possibility. Hope. The what-its and maybe’s. God. My Guides. But truly what keeps me going is me. I want to love myself and find ways to love myself more. I am determined not to let depression and “bad luck” keep me down. There is a reason we are all still here breathing. What is that reason for each of us? I am happy when I __________. Fill in the blank. And then put it into action. We can’t feel happy if we aren’t doing what makes us happy. And this can change daily. Listen to and trust yourself. You’re beyond worth it.
One of the most difficult things when dealing with depression is the mistaken believe that you can ‘just get over it’. It’s true that we need to rely completely on God, and be involved with other believers but there is also a process that is involved that may or may need include medication if there is a biochemical reason for your depression.
Relying on God is a good first step.
Rely comletely on God. He wants you to. He wants to show you how much He loves you as a father should. Make sure to get involved in a bible teaching church and read the bible and other christian books to help you.
first, excuse me my english is weak.
I have same feelings.
I will divorce 3-4 years later and should give her everything I collected up to now like all of my money and … (because of our rules in my country) and start a new life after that. You have a good chance and that is TIME. I’m 30 years old and I will loose more time just to be divorced, and after that I will be 34 years old and start from 0. It’s so hard for me to give her 100,000$ for divorce (rules of my country). No other ways I found for live with her. :((
Take your time and use it to be a successful person, rather to think about past. Get energy from future and permit yourself to be a person you wish always. If you don’t do something to change yourself and your situation better, you will find youself 30 or 60 years old and nothing will happen if you don’t start now. don’t wait for anybody else to give you great help. Just start from inside of yourself.
Hey !
You’re 15… Your father went away and he’s not as close as he should be that’s reason you grew so ‘close’ to God. I’m not christian so I’m not going to get into that, but in my opinion you shouldn’t rely on your God as much as you’re doing, I’m sure he’s gonna help you and support you but nothing’s gonna happen if you don’t make it. See, I might not be you, but I’m 20 and I thought I didn’t have any trustworthy friends either, but you see, I’m gay, and I’ve been hiding who I am for the past…well… 20 years =( But I realized I was unhappy because I wasn’t dealing with the problem I was running away from it. My point is, if you feel alone, do somehting about it, don’t lock yourself in your room with “God”. Get out there and show your friends you trust them, they’re gonna trust you, if they’re your true friends. Please do not become one of those christian-freaks !! They’re just manipulated by the church D: Do something about it before ti’s too late ^^
Good luck