Cool Down your Hot Head

Written by Mary Kassian

sexlove_anger“For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires” (James 1:20.)

Do you fly off the handle?

“Fly off the handle” is a term used to describe what happens when someone erupts in sudden and uncontrolled anger. The phrase dates back to the time of the settlers, who relied on hand tools for their survival. The handles of the tools were made of wood – which inevitably dries and shrinks with time.  Thus, after having hung in a shed for months, the handle of a hoe or rake would often become loose.  Using an ax with a dry and shrunken handle was positively dangerous.  When swung, the sharp metal head could fly off the handle with such force that it severely endangered the user and everyone standing nearby.

Uncontrolled anger is like that.  According to the Bible, it wounds relationships (Prov. 15:18), and eventually “slays” the fool who wields it (Job 5:2).  Flying off the handle is extremely dangerous – it leads to all sorts of destruction. That’s why the Psalmist advised his friends: “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! …it tends only to evil.” (Ps. 37:8)

This past Thanksgiving, Kent Schnable planned to celebrate the holiday with his wife and loved ones.  Instead, his family and friends kept vigil at his side in the hospital, praying for his life.  Schnable was a victim of road rage.  He was on his way home from an evening out with friends when a man in a blue pickup truck drove up behind his white Ford 150 and impatiently flashed his brights – demanding that Schnable either speed up or pull out of the way.  Schnable didn’t comply to the driver’s satisfaction.  The blue pickup then veered onto the gravel shoulder and spit up rocks as it attempted to pass several vehicles on the right.  Further down the road, the two pickups crossed paths again. By this time, the driver of the blue pickup was irate.  He cut in front of Schnable and forced him to screech to a halt.  The confrontation between the two men ended with Schnable lying unconscious on the pavement with a life-threatening brain injury, and people of the community shaking their heads over the senselessness of the tragedy.

Experts report that one out of five Americans has an anger management problem.  They maintain that failure to manage anger is the major cause of conflict in our personal and professional relationships. The apostle Paul probably would have agreed.  Though we don’t know if the people of Ephesus had to put up with the road rage of impatient chariot drivers, we do know that Paul considered the topic of anger an important one to address with the believers who lived there.  This is what he said:

“Be angry and do not sin…Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Eph. 4:26, 31 (ESV)

Paul knew that in order to properly manage their lives and relationships, the believers in Ephesus needed to recognize a few things about anger.

Recognize that anger is a normal human emotion

Paul introduced the discussion by saying; “Be angry…” In other words, he wanted his friends to recognize that like joy or disappointment, anger is a normal human emotion. All of us get angry.  And the emotion is not sinful in and of itself.

Jesus got angry when the religious leaders self-righteously opposed the healing of the man with the shriveled hand (Mk. 3:5). He also got angry when people set up shop in the temple and used it as a place to feed their greed (Matt. 21:12).  On that occasion he was so enraged that he cleared the place by kicking over tables and benches, sending both the merchandise and the merchants flying.  Jesus was furious – and he let everyone in the place know it!

Anger is an emotion.  And it can be entirely legitimate.  If anger were sin, then God would be a sinner, because the Bible speaks extensively about the anger of God.  The answer to this, of course, is that God gets angry about the right things, and that he exhibits his anger in the right way. His anger is felt and expressed correctly because of the holiness of his character. But it’s difficult for us to practice a truly holy anger.  That’s because we’re tainted with sin and do not have the same knowledge that God has in all matters.  We end up being sinfully angry rather than angry with sin.  When Christ was angry, he did what was right, but when we are angry, we often do what is wrong. As James observed, “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires.” (James 1:20)

Recognize that anger is often accompanied by sin

Paul wanted his friends to recognize that human anger is often accompanied by sin.  That’s why he coupled his acknowledgement that they would feel angry with a warning against sin (“Be angry and do not sin.”). Because anger is a normal human emotion, we don’t need to beat ourselves up about feeling angry.  However, we do need to carefully evaluate the source of our anger (“Why do I feel the way I do?”) as well as our response to the anger (“How will I choose to deal with this feeling?”).  This is where the sin usually shows up.  It doesn’t occur in the emotion as much as it occurs in the attitudes and actions surrounding it.  The problem is not so much that you feel agitated, but that in pride you have judged and condemned your brother, and that you are now belittling, berating, and slandering him.

The next time you’re angry, try to take a step back and evaluate your own attitudes and actions instead of just reacting to other people’s failures.  Remember Paul’s words, “Be angry and do not sin.”  (Next month we’ll study more of Paul’s instructions on anger)

Bringing the Word to life:   (Ephesians 4:26, 31)

Is your anger holy? In verse 31, Paul outlines some sins that commonly go hand-in-hand with anger. Think back to a time when you felt angry.  Did you sin in any of the ways listed below?  Grab a pen and put a check beside the sins you committed.

  • Bitterness (Gr. pikria) – feelings of animosity, hatred and gall.
  • Wrath (Gr. thymos) – rashly exploding or bursting.
  • Anger (Gr. orge) – handing out judgment and punishment.
  • Clamor (Gr. krauge) – harshly crying out and demanding.
  • Slander (Gr. blasphemia) – speaking negatively and hurtfully.
  • Malice (Gr. kakia) – harboring ill will and the desire to injure.

Can you think of any other sins that accompanied your anger?  Jot them down in the margin.

Take a moment to repent.  Remember, sin sticks to anger like Velcro.  The next time you’re angry take care to examine your own attitudes and actions for sin.

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One Response to “Cool Down your Hot Head”

  • Terri Whiteman says:

    Thank you for writing on this subject. I just broke up with a man who had this problem. He was constantly getting angry with me over what HE thought was wrong. This man has been married 5 times. He always told me that his 5 wives were ALL crazy, but after I knew him a while, I could really understand that THEY WEREN’T the ones who had the BIGGEST problems. He wouldn’t ever read his Bible. He told me that he would read it only when HE wanted to, and that he would go to church ONLY when HE wanted to. I told him what God said about NOT forsaking the assembling of yourselves together, and that HE needed to go when “God” wanted him to go. But he only went to church with me four times over a period of a year and a half. He wanted to do EVERYTHING HIS way, and didn’t EVEN consider ANYTHING that I wanted to do. He was the last born in his family, the baby, and that’s just the way he’s acted throughout ALL 5 of his marriages, and with me, his former girlfriend of one and a half years. I prayed SOO much that God would turn Kevin into a GODLY man, but EVEN God won’t force his will upon Kevin or anybody else. It was a horrible relationship, and I am glad it’s over, but I pray for his salvation and well-being. Thank You and May Bless you and this ministry. Terri

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