Awaken Love

Written by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Okay, that’s a really corny title, but I’ve been thinking for a while about the verse in Song of Solomon which says, “Do not awaken love until it is ready.” I think some of us have let our love be awakened too early, or too abruptly, and so it never really woke at all.

Several routes to this disastrous awakening exist. The first is obvious: perhaps you had sex with several guys before you were married, and it was an empty experience. Most teenage girls who sleep around, for instance, don’t experience orgasm, and often don’t really experience much arousal at all. The guys aren’t really into giving the girls pleasure; they’re too young and immature. So your body doesn’t necessarily learn how to become aroused, and sex isn’t that exciting.

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The other route is the exact opposite. You did everything right. You waited until you were married to make love, but your husband was so into it that everything happened very fast. He liked it so much that he wanted to all the time. So it became a chore. You never really “awakened” love.

What’s all the fuss about?

I think many women are in this situation. They just don’t see what all the fuss with sex is about. It seems like everyone is lying to them. It’s as if culture is trying to con women into thinking it’s something great, so that you’ll want to make love all the time, but the truth is it’s not that great at all. They start to believe that sex was designed for men, and it’s a big rip off.

If this is you, your love was awakened too early, and in the wrong way. And chances are you’ve become a little bitter about sex. It’s just something else on your to-do list. Then you read on blogs that Christian women are supposed to understand how much their husbands need sex, and you’re supposed to put out. Oh, great. That’s really fun now, isn’t it?

I understand. Believe me, I do. But I also think that there’s a way past this, and I want to share it with you today to offer some hope.

How to awaken love again

Maybe what you need to do is to awaken love again. Talk to your husband about it, and if he will agree, take a sexual hiatus for two or three weeks, or longer if you have to. During that time you agree not to make love. That way the pressure is off. You’re not working towards some goal anymore. Instead, take that time to explore. Lie naked together and just touch each other. Let him touch you and figure out what actually feels good. Have baths together.

It may kill him, and so I really don’t recommend that this last very long for his sake. But I think some women need to be reminded that they do, actually, have a sex drive. It’s just buried and never really woke up for a whole variety of reasons. We need to figure out what feels good, and he needs to figure out what to do to make you feel good. You can also have fun with his body, too, when you realize that your performance isn’t the point of the evening.

I don’t recommend this for everyone (though it is fun for a night every now and then in almost any marriage), but if you talk with your husband and explain it, I think it can revolutionize many marriages.

 Take the next step:

I love my husband, but I don’t like sex
Help! My wife doesn’t want sex

Help! My husband doesn’t want sex 

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2 Responses to “Awaken Love”

  • HappyWife says:

    God did not design sex to be a chore for us ladies. Someone had a great talk with my husband the week before we married and pretty much told him he had to earn sex by awakening his wife. He learned female anatomy and the sweet spots and lots of patience, and it has paid off for both of us. Ask your husband to pray and ask God to give him ideas about how to make you feel great. God invented sex so he is the ultimate authority.

  • Deborah says:

    I WOULD recommend this for EVERY MALE. Men to realize that women actually want to express their sexual desire but they are being put down, put on hold, put out in the cold, etc., by TOO much pressure from the male. Women are never given the CHANCE to desire. Have some sympathy men, leave her alone!!! When she does finally come to you – then is your chance to gently explain that that’s how you feel about her. It’s the same desire, you just have it more often. Then (maybe, hopefully, finger-crossed for good-luck) she’ll understand and even be flattered.

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