How to Battle Porn

Written by Jennifer Abegg Grant

Feel like you’re losing the battle against porn? Talk to an email mentor, confidentially.

battlepornFour steps to winning the war against temptation

Pornography is progressive; what starts as a glimpse becomes a gawk. It follows the law of diminishing returns – whet the appetite and we want more.

No seven-year-old chooses an XXX-rated movie at the video store. It starts smaller, wearing down convictions a little at a time. Therefore, any form of compromises is serious.

Related: Read Jeff’s journey out of porn addiction.

Here are some practical tips for battling pornography:

  • Build a shield
    When Fred Stoeker found a Playboy magazine on top of a hotel ice machine, he considered the risks of one little compromise. He began to weigh the pros and cons in his mind – he was on a business trip; his wife would never know. Should he look at it or not? Then Fred recalled a Scripture memory verse, or as he calls it a shield verse: “Flee from sexual immorality…. You are not your own; you were bought with a price.  Therefore, honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NIV).

Fred realized, “I have no right to even consider looking at it. I haven’t the authority.” Memorizing Scripture to help combat the temptation to lust has aided him many times.

  • Bounce your eyes
    Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey wrote Every Man’s Battle to help Christian men fight against lust and pornography. “If we define lusting as staring open-mouthed until drool pools at your feet, then a glance isn’t the same as lusting,” they write. “But if we define lusting as any look that creates a chemical high, that little pop, then we have something a bit more difficult to measure.”So train yourself to “bounce your eyes.” In other words, discipline your eyes to immediately look away from anything that might cause lust. The authors of Every Man’s Battle compare bouncing the eyes to yanking a hand away from a hot stove. “Not only did I train my eyes to bounce away from (sensual) ads, I also trained myself not to pick them up in the first place,” Fred explains.That’s key. If we seriously desire to prevent or stop a pornography problem, we must not allow ourselves to even look at it. Don’t buy the romance novels. Throw away the movies with scenes that might cause your mind to go where it shouldn’t. And don’t linger on the lingerie ads. Recognize the sources of “that little pop” and avoid it whatever causes it.
  • Be accountable
    If you are serious enough about fighting temptation, you need to admit that you can’t trust yourself. So ask someone else to call you into account, to make sure you’re living according to God’s ways. “We must establish at least one to three supportive relationships for the purpose of accountability,” writes Russell Willingham in his book Breaking Free. “Without accountability we will be…unable to control our behavior.”The Bible puts it this way: “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28:13, NIV).Rob Andrescik, editor of New Man magazine, subscribes to Covenant Eyes, an Internet accountability program. The program sends Ron’s accountability partner a regular e-mailed report listing every single web site he visits. “When you know your accountability partner is going to see where you’ve been surfing,” says Rob, “it has a way of sucking the life out of temptation.”
  • Be authentic
    While Gene served as an associate pastor, his tinkering with pornography escalated into a full-scale sexual addiction. Eventually his secret did get out and he was appropriately fired from his church. Yet not everybody close to Gene knew. He recoiled at the thought of being completely open with his friends. “My life continued to deteriorate until the day I visited a pastor friend,” Gene says. “Without having planned it, I confessed my deepest secrets to him, pouring out my failure and guilt. I was certain that he would loathe and reject me.”The other pastor came around his desk toward Gene. “I almost expected him to strike me in outrage,” he says. Instead, he pulled Gene into his arms, hugged him and wept over him. He didn’t validate the sin that Gene was entrenched in, but he catapulted the healing process. “There in that office, for the first time in my life, I understood that God loved me, because this friend showed me.”Being real and vulnerable with others – along with accountability, bouncing the eyes and memorizing Scripture – helps equip us in the spiritual battle. And this is a spiritual battle. “Christians who use pornography are attempting to satisfy legitimate needs for love, both human and divine – and satisfying legitimate needs for love, both human and divine – and satisfying neither kind,” writes Russell Willingham. “But the deception that perfect fulfillment is just one magazine or video away keeps us coming back,”

So as we fight the battle, we need to begin by seeking God for our satisfaction. We need to find our pleasure in Him.

Pornography may be a lifelong temptation. But if we’re equipped to battle it properly, we don’t have to lose the war. God will give us the strength we need to fight. And win.

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96 Responses to “How to Battle Porn”

  • Tom Tom says:

    Steve–
    Please view my post to Frank below. . .

  • Steve says:

    I started when I was 13 and im 16, I really want to stop but I keep going to it after 3 weeks or so, I need help, I pray to God asking for forgiveness but I feel as if it is not fair I keep asking for forgiveness but don’t repent, please someone pray for me and tell me what I can do to stop commiting this terrible sin over and over again

  • Tom Tom says:

    Frank–

    What you are battling is one of the most common struggles men have today. But it IS a winnable fight! Thousands of men overcome the lure of pornography each day and so there is no reason you cannot be one of them.

    To get started, where do you most often encounter or view porn? Magazines? Internet? Movies?

    Like anything else you are doing in disobedience to God, viewing porn is something that is a choice. You can either choose to pursue it or not. Certainly, there is a “draw” towards it, particularly for a man because men are visual creatures. But understand that it is NOT a physical compulsion, it is a mental one, and thoughts can be controlled by your will.

    Be encouraged. I have talked with others who have had the same challenge you do and they were able to overcome it.

    Let’s start with this–If you are really serious about dealing with this problem, then you must first remove any and all opportunities to view porn. Add an internet security program to your desktop or laptop computer which will prohibit porn from being accessed, and do the same for your phone.

    Here are some sources:
    Web Guard is one such source. http://www.afo.net
    Restoration is another. http://www.restorationpath.org
    Watch http://x3watch.com

    Here are some other tools for you to peruse to get you started in the right direction:
    Jericho http://jerichoventures.com
    Every Man’s Battle

    Check out Philippians 4:8 and tell me what it says to you.

    Finally, but most importantly, are you born again spiritually? If not, you have little hope of overcoming the porn problem. Although I used to look at magazines, the day after I was saved I simply realized how ungodly it was to do so and threw away the magazines. I’ve never desired to look at porn again. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t find a pretty woman attractive, but there is a great difference in looking at beauty and lusting after it. So I ask you again, are you sure you are born again spiritually? Do you love Jesus Christ more than porn?

  • frank says:

    I started watching porn at age 14, I am 23 now and I have watched porn almost everyday since then. I have kicked the habbit many times but relapsed again, “sometimes I go a few weeks without it sometimes a few months but I find myself sliping back into the same old habbit, i guess it really has to do with lack of faith cus my porn addiction to me is more like a form of escapism from my messed up life. I need to believe that God can fix my life and turn it around I want to be happy again, I want to feel useful again, I want to regain my self worth and confidence. sometimes I choose to stop, I pray and ask God to give me strength and he does but along the way, something bad happens or my situation becomes worse and then I lose hope and find myself escaping my life through porn once again. I have currently gone two weeks now without porn but I doubt I can maintain this streak of abstinece.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Bernice–
    Remember that to “repent” is NOT just to say you’re sorry and that you won’t do something again. To repent is to change your heart and mind about something in such a way that you abhor that thing and would never consciously do it again.

    I highly recommend you get a copy of the book Every Woman’s Battle. It addresses all aspects of a woman’s sexuality before the Lord. Your local bookstore would have it or you can go to http://www.christianbook.com/battle-workbook-discovering-sexual-emotional-fulfillment/shannon-ethridge/9780307457981/pd/457981?event=ESRCG

    “Father, knowing that you have a perfect plan and pattern for a woman’s sexuality, I pray that your Holy Spirit will carefully guide Bernice in her thoughts and actions so that everything she thinks, says, and does will bring honor to you Father and be representative of her relationship with Jesus Christ. You have promised not to allow more temptation than she can bear, and we claim that promise for Bernice. Show her the pathway to escape Satan’s temptations and remind her that fleeing the temptation is the way to defeat it. Thank you for what you’re going to do to further Bernice’s walk with you as you mold her into the godly woman you desire her to be. In Jesus’ Name, amen.”

  • Bernice says:

    I know I already sinned with my eyes, even if Ive never had sexual relation. I do love God that is why I want to stop doing this to him and to myself. I dont want to leave no space for this awful thing I want to give my God my heart, soul everything to him because it is his. The thing that I hate the most is when I repent and ask for his forgiveness I than go back doing it all over again. It is time to change permently Everytime I get temptation to watch I will quickly get on my kness and pray to him that is something that I will start doing I wanna show him that I love him and I choose him. Thank you so much for your words, I will remeber them. I know that I am strong in Jesus name I will no longer! loose to the temptation of this sin I will defeat it everytime!

  • Tom Tom says:

    Thanks for sharing Bernice. Please let me respond to a few of your comments:

    You say that after viewing porn you feel sad and disgusted. Obviously your conscience is telling you it is wrong to watch it and you are feeling guilty as a result. Therefore, it would seem you need to decide if the enjoyment (like) you get from viewing it is worth the guilt you experience afterward.

    Then you say you want to save sex for marriage. Jesus spoke to this in Matthew 5:27ff: “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” While you may not be physically having sex before marriage, you are sinning against God by engaging these lustful thoughts.

    You also say “I love him with all my life and heart.” Do you Bernice? If you love him with ALL your life and heart, why are you making room in a corner of your life for pornography? You have a decision to make: Who is going to be the Lord of your life? Jesus Christ or pornography?

    “Father, I pray that Bernice will really come to grips with this sin in her life and that she will understand that repentance is a turning away from something and not going back to it. You have told us that unless we repent we will perish. Therefore, please convict Bernice of her sin to the extent that she really knows the pain and sorrow she is giving you, and that she will choose to truly love you more than life itself. Please make porn so repulsive to her that she will flee from the temptation the next time Satan puts the thought of viewing it in her mind. May she claim 1 Corinthians 10:13 for her life and her actions. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

    Bernice, you might want to pick up a copy of Every Woman’s Battle to read, although you already know the path you need to follow.

  • Bernice says:

    I will be honest my big sister had showed me porn. Just to show me how sex looked like..I was about 9 or 10 I really liked it. I continued watching it. I would always watch it and later I would feel discusting and sad, and felt like I had betrayed God. Im 17 now and I still watch it sometimes its so hard Its also so embarassing because im a girl.. I don’t masterbate or anything and I strongly believe in marriage before sex and I want that.. though I still watch porn for my satisfaction and the way that It feels.. I feel so sad because I always say sorry to God and repent than I go back to do it again I know My God is amazing and forgiving but he is God!! and he does not deserve that. Its unfair. I love him with all my life and heart. he has done so much for me.. Yet I still watch porn and I know that it draws me away from God it makes me lazy, angry , unmotivated disggusted. I want to change for my God. please pray for me.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Scott–

    I know it’s a winable battle. I won it years ago.
    Don’t trust your own strength–trust in the mighty power of Jesus Christ who gives you the victory! (1 Corinthians 15:57).

    “Father, I pray that as Scott trusts in Christ alone to defeat the damaging effects of the lust of the eyes and the flesh, you will give him complete and lasting victory and that he will then be useful as a witness to your ability to defeat Satan at every turn. May Scott be given opportunities to speak to other men as they also do spiritual battle with this issue. Strengthen Scott’s faith through this as well as his daily dependance on you. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  • Scott says:

    Thanks Tom. Just having you respond Is really helpful. I’m going to quit! Please pray for me.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Scott–
    Please read my January 26th post below.

  • Scott says:

    I need help stopping my porn and masturbation addiction. I know I let God down when I watch porn, but I still can’t stop. I don’t know what to do.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Yem–
    Yours is not a struggle that millions of others haven’t had, and it’s important that you don’t consider it as something that makes your worthless or unloved by God. It’s obvious you understand it is sinful activity and needs to be dealt with. That’s a good starting point.

    I’m going to give you some resources to investigate; but I also want you first to read my last two posts below dated November 30th. The battle over porn and masturbation starts and ends with Jesus Christ. Without him, you will have no victory. As Jesus stated to Nicodemus in John chapter 3, “You must be born again.” At that point, you will have the Holy Spirit’s power to break the cycle of repetitive sin in your life. You will also have surrendered yourself to Jesus and will no longer do anything willfully that would dishonor him. Like anything else we are doing in disobedience to God, viewing porn is something that is a choice. We can either choose to pursue it or not. Certainly, there is a “draw” towards it, particularly for a man because men are visual creatures. But understand that it is NOT a physical compulsion, it is a mental one, and thoughts can be controlled by our will.

    Here are some resources and other thoughts:
    Remove any and all opportunities to view porn. Add an internet security program to your desktop or laptop computer which will prohibit porn from being accessed, and do the same for your phone.

    Here are some sources:
    Web Guard is one such source. http://www.afo.net
    Restoration is another. http://www.restorationpath.org
    Watch http://x3watch.com

    If you view porn magazines, destroy those you have and plan your travel routes so that you do not pass by any stores that sell them.

    Destroy any videos you have–NOW–and don’t go near any video outlets.

    Here are some other tools for you to peruse to get you started in the right direction:
    Jericho http://jerichoventures.com
    Pick up a copy of Every Man’s Battle and read it carefully and thoughtfully. You can find it at: http://www.amazon.com/Every-Mans-Battle-Winning-Temptation/dp/1578563682/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422287707&sr=8-1&keywords=every+man%27s+battle

    Immediately start memorizing scriptures that deal with the lust of the eyes such as Job 31:1 (“I have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?”) Check out Philippians 4:8 and memorize it. When the urge to view porn or masturbate occurs, recite the verse(s) out loud several times.

    With the strength of the Lord Jesus, you can WIN over this Yem. Step up and get to it!

  • yem says:

    hi i have struggled with pornography and masturbation for years. I feel like god has a purpose for me but i have such self doubt and pity for myself. God has saved me from death so many times and yet every time i get sucked into the addiction i feel so ungrateful. i know what i am doing is wrong i don’t know how to stop. i feel like it affects my brain as well making me feel stupid. I want to be close to god. no one knows and i don’t really know where to turn to.

  • Tom Tom says:

    One more thing–
    While some people might believe that viewing porn is passive entertainment, here’s what has been found psychologically:

    “Porn is addictive for the same reason that many drugs are addictive. Neuroscientist Dr. William Struthers explains how the brain reacts to viewing pornography repeatedly:

    As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on these images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed. The neural circuitry anchors this process solidly in the brain. With each lingering stare, pornography deepens the Grand Canyon-like gorge in the brain through with images of women are destined to flow.” (Wired for Intimacy, p.85)

  • Tom Tom says:

    While I respect all of these comments, and while I agree that lust is a temptation that will never completely cease, I have to disagree that it can’t be overcome. Can an individual on their own defeat it? No. Can a born again believer in Jesus Christ overcome it? Absolutely!!

    When a person turns to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit of God comes to indwell the child of God, giving them the power to overcome any and all temptations. (1 Corinthians 10:13). While Satan is too powerful for us to defeat, Jesus Christ has already defeated him. Scripture tells us, “Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4).

    Those who don’t know Christ will always succumb to temptation to lust. Those who are His will recognize the temptation and run from it. I know–I was there.

    Repent (turn from your sins) and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. The guilt and experience of lust have been dealt with at the Cross.

  • chenns says:

    Either Christian or Muslim lust and temptation are common in this world. I know people in Saudi Arabia where one cannot browse to porn site but they crack the site (I don’t want to mention it here to tempt others to use it) and watch porn.
    Lust and temptation is a life long struggle once you had there. Only Jesus Christ (Isha)who comes on Judgment day is the only name through one can overcome lust and temptation. Pray to Gods chosen(Isha) by submitting your eyes, body, soul and spirit. Amen

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    To Egesa Uganda and Why Adderall is Bad For You, glad that you found this article to be very informative. There is additional links and tags at the end if you desire further reading and insight.

  • egesa uganda says:

    Thx to Allah hw ever i was with a view dat if all people where mosilems cos i like da way dey handle godly issues otherwise most of these things orignats from da western countries how claim to be fighting for human rights hence putting in alot of money to da younger genaration who join and worse of all dis practice is in da churches my point is these basless churhes should be stoped or given hard directives by da govement in dat wen such acts are ditected oden dat church has to be closed.

  • Alfred says:

    Hi Tamar, I’m so glad you had the courage to write in, as that shows you really want help. Let me encourage you to read what Jamie wrote to Jeb and to Philip (on Feb. 17). I used to look at porn and worse yet was my addiction to masturbation. To free myself from these I had to find the ONE who has the power to set us free! That leads me to relate what struggles I went through: I said again “This is the last time I will do it to myself.” Finally I started using the scripture in
    2 Corinthians 6:16 “For you are the temple of the living God”. Focusing on Jesus and realizing that I my body is the temple of the living God has helped me much.
    Hi John, I think I know where you are coming from! When you ask “Who are you hurting in doing so?” The answer is “yourself!” When we choose to serve God and have the Holy Spirit guide us, we are NOT missing out on anything. Rather, we are in a position where priorities are set to our benefit. This happens as we find greater fulfillment in serving others, while selfish needs seem unimportant. There is joy in realizing that our life has purpose and we find fulfillment (not in looking to please ourselves but in helping someone). I have found that I was most often tempted when my focus and my strength was most needed for some important task. That is when I had to ask God for help to get my priorities back in focus! I pray that God will give each of us a passion, a cause to work and to strive for! Jesus said (in Matt 24:42-43
    “Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming.” He meant that we need to be alert, active and on duty, so that at any time we can be caught doing what He is asking us to do.
    So, John, we may think that no one is watching, yet our attitude, our focus and our energies are out of tune with God’s will for our lives, and as a result we are less effective in doing what is really important! Think about it; then Pray about it. You were meant for something better than focusing on pleasing the body. God will give you direction only as you ask Him.
    Blessings.

  • Shelley says:

    Dear Heavenly Father.

    Lord I lift up John to you as you need to show him who one hurts and that is children and ladies who do not need to be exploited. In Jesus name amen

  • John says:

    You guys are crazy. There is nothing wrong with watching the porn occasionally and relieving sexual tension. Who are you hurting in doing so? There is noone else involved. Or how do you do it when the natural and I repeat NATURAL urge comes? Do you open the bible instead? Give me a break! Whether it’s photos in the magazine or the fantasy in your head, it’s completely harmless. Stop living in denial and think that the more miserable life you live the closer to god you are.

  • Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up my friend to You at this time in his life that You would heal him of porn. in Jesus name amen

  • Tamar says:

    I AM greatful for this site.I am struggling with porn.After I watch it I feel far away from God.I love God but my actions aren’t showing it.I feel like I’m letting people down.I look at women like meat some days and I hate it.I never want to feel distant from god.It says we should not put anything before the Lord our God and that’s what addiction does.I am thankful for all of you on this site for helping me any help that I can get is great!

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Jeb, let me encourage you to read what I wrote to Philip. I would echo similar things to you as well.

    Let me add to that an apology for removing your email address. We just cannot guarantee who might try and take advantage of you through the public broadcasting of your contact information so we feel it is better not to let those stay on our site.

    There are resources for online accountability that you can have access to. One resource that I have found very helpful is http://www.xxxchurch.com. I would also recommend that you find someone already in your life that you trust who can be an accountability partner with you. It is a little more risky but it also has much more weight when it is someone you already see regularly.

    Lord God, I pray for Jeb and ask that You set him free from the grip of pornography. Bring someone into his life who will help walk this path with him. Help him to look to You primarily to set him free. Amen.

    Jeb, I can also invite you to connect with one of our mentors. They can help work through some of these things with you. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and a mentor will get in touch with you soon by email.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Philip, I really appreciate your determination to deal with your problem with porn.

    I know this is going to sound a little weird but hear me out: I think God wants to use porn to strengthen your relationship with Him. Here’s why, you have seen that you are not able to consistently resist the temptation of pornography. For this destructive habit to stop having control of you there is going to have be some kind of ‘outside intervention’. Jesus is that outside intervention. One of the most encouraging promises I came across in reading the Bible is Galatians 5:16 “If we walk by the Spirit we will not satisfy the desires of our sinful nature.” I had read that wrong for a long time: I had in my head that I had to stop satisfying the desires of my sinful nature in order to walk with the Spirit, that is backwards. When we walk by the Spirit we no longer follow the desire of our sinful nature. The fact that you are still following the desires of your sinful nature indicates that you are not walking by the Spirit. Rather than trying to stop satisfying the desire of your sinful nature, Paul is encouraging you to walk by the Spirit.

    What does that mean? Well, it means living every moment of your life with an awareness that the Spirit of God is with you and is speaking/leading you. “Walking” means listening/looking for Him and for His leading and then following where He is going. It means asking Him for direction, expecting to receive that and then stepping out in faith that indeed He has. Jesus said that everything He did was directed by the Father (John 5:19); everything He spoke was exactly what and how the Father directed Him to speak (John 12:49). If Jesus needed that kind of moment by moment leading how much more you and I?!

    So practically speaking, how you ‘walk by the Spirit’ is by training yourself to hear His voice. First of all, train yourself to recognize the voice of God: read the Bible, pray, gather with other believers and serve others with an expectation that God is going to speak to you there. Second, talk with God throughout your day: thank Him for the good and beautiful things He brings to your life, ask Him to show you how to respond to situations that come along, ask Him how He wants you to avoid temptations, ask for His help in those situations you know are difficult. Find ways that you can have physical reminders looking to God; even if you have to tie a string around your finger, do it! Third, when you are faced with temptation, let your first reaction be to read your Bible (or quote memorized scripture) and to pray. Ask God for His Spirit’s help to resist the temptation and turn your attention to God and His promises for you.

    That’s how God will use the temptation to draw you closer to Him: every time the temptation comes up you will begin to automatically start reading the Bible and praying. You will see God’s help to avoid those temptations and worshiping Him because of it. You will be so wrapped up in knowing God better because of the temptation that you won’t have time to satisfy the desires of your sinful nature. Pretty soon Satan will give up tempting you because it has the opposite effect of what he is trying to accomplish.

    The key is not to try and argue yourself out of following the temptation. When the temptation comes turn your attention towards God. Since you will be walking by the Spirit so you are better able to hear His voice you will find that you will be better prepared to follow the Spirit when the temptation comes. Just follow Him and you will not go wrong.

    Lord God I pray for my brother Philip and pray that this battle over pornography becomes a turning point in his relationship with You. Help him to develop a life pattern of walking by the Spirit. Sensitize his heart and mind to know Your voice. Strengthen his resolve to follow You even when it is hard. And bless him with a depth of relationship that will radically transform his life. Amen.

    Philip, let me invite you to become a part of TheLife.com community. There you will find daily challenges that will lead you into a fully committed life after God. You will connect with other men and women who are pursuing a life that has Christ at the center of everything. You will be equipped and mobilized to a life of sharing with others the joy and hope of Jesus. Just go to http://www.thelife.com

  • Jeb says:

    I started looking at porn in 7th grade I don’t remember why I did it buti did it twice that ine night and I didn’t look at porn again till last year and it’s been a battel and a couple minutes ago on I funny I saw something and the temtation just took over and now I’m tired of losing I’m going to take a stand and stop not only the pornagraphy but also the masterbation and I would appreciate if someone would be my accountability partner and cheack up on me and see how my walk with Christ is and how the battel is going and seeing if I’ve looked at any pornagraphy and to also pray for me I’ll put my email so you can get in contact with me would sometime please help me with this battel. And if your struggling I’ll do my best to help as muck as I can
    Here’s my email
    [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information]

  • Philip says:

    I struggle with porn also. Just saying it makes me ashamed of myself. I am saved, but sometimes I have doubts because I feel so far away from God. I know what’s right and what’s wrong, but I still do what’s wrong. I’m only 18 and I really wanna stop. When I really think about it, I want to stop so much..but when the temptation comes, it’s like I forget almost everything. Yeah I debate in my head whether I should or shouldn’t..and I for sure know what the right answer is, but I still do the wrong thing. I’ve lost count of how many times I said, “this will be the last time, then I’ll stop.” Well, I’m ready to stop. I know it’s a life long battle, but I am tired of giving in. I don’t want to have a ruined marriage and hurt people. I’m ready to be done.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Julio I absolutely affirm your statement, “I can’t stop myself.” That was something I discovered about myself as well: when it comes to doing the wrong thing I can’t stop myself. I can put up boundaries and guidelines that can curb my bad actions but ultimately those don’t change the lusts within me that drive that behaviour. Paul wrote about how ineffective our rules and regulations can be to deal fully with the evil that lies within our hearts. He says that self-imposed restrictions like “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!” are bound for failure. “Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.” (Colossians 2:21-23)

    What is really needed is a complete make-over of who I am on the inside. I needed someone outside of me to make me clean. Any attempts I tried to make myself clean is just using an already dirty wash cloth and dirty water. Instead of getting clean i just smear the dirt around. What I need is someone who is perfect clean to wash me and make me new from the inside out. That is what Jesus does for us. He is infinitely clean and when He died on the cross He did it so that He could pay the penalty for my wickedness. He then was raised to life so that He could now live in me and be the new nature that I need that isn’t trapped in my own dirtiness. “So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away – look, what is new has come!” (2Corinthians 5:17) Jesus puts to death our old nature with all of its sinfulness and in exchange gives us His perfect nature, pure in every way.

    That divine transaction is only the beginning though. Yes we have a new nature but we need to live according to that nature rather than our old nature. After Paul wrote about, “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!” he then went on to encourage us to “Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:1-3) So rather than focusing our attention on our own efforts to rid ourselves of sin, he is telling us to focus our attention on knowing Jesus better. By focusing on knowing Jesus and following His leading on our lives moment by moment we will be doing those things that He wants rather than the things that our old nature wants.

    So to put that in context of your struggle with porn Julio, you first need to put your trust in Jesus’ sacrifice for you and commit to following Him. Then, as you go about your day, be in constant communication with Jesus. When you see something that triggers your lusts let that be a reminder to look to Jesus for His help to keep your thoughts pure. Ask Him for His help. Thank Him for His sacrifice on your behalf and that He is now living in you guiding you away from those temptations. Listen to what He says about putting things out of your life that feed those lusts and replacing them with things that feed your relationship with Him. And then obey what He tells you, thanking Him for His help. It is a moment by moment mindset: any time you lose that focus you go back to trying to wash yourself with your own dirty cloth. But if you keep in step with how Jesus is leading you it will be His unlimited power that will give you victory over the lusts that seek to take control of your life.

    Does that make sense? I know it seems almost too simple, and it is simple. That’s why Jesus said “Come to me all of you who are weary and weighed down; i will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28). He is not putting the weight of a whole bunch of rules and regulations that we have to follow. He is giving us a new nature that is no longer a slave to sin. As long as we look to Him we are free from the weight of following rules. Instead we live in purity because it is His nature in us that just naturally does what is right and desires what is good.

    Let me pray for you, Heavenly Father, I ask that You would help Julio understand that freedom that comes through Jesus Christ. A freedom from exterior rules, a freedom from wickedness within, a freedom of Jesus’ perfect nature in us. I pray that as Julio looks to Jesus for that freedom of a new nature and that he would find the strength to resist the lure of pornography. You know the heaviness that this sin has caused in his life and he needs the rest that You Son has promised. I pray all this in Jesus name, amen.

    Julio, let me encourage you to get in touch with one of our online mentors. They can help you look to Jesus’ leading in your life and can encourage and support you along the way. You are not alone in this and we want to be a part of how Jesus helps you follow Him. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and one of our mentors will get in touch with you by email.

  • Julio says:

    I’ve been dealing with born for like 10 years now. It started as a simple movie and since then it’s been bad. I’ve gotten myself into situations where I could’ve gone to jail for it and I thank God for saving me from that. I stayed away from porn for about a year after that happened, but now I come back to it. I’ve tried stopping so many times, but I can’t stop by myself. I’ve noticed my mood getting worse an I can’t stand being with my girlfriend because I feel like a pig. It’s hard for me to go back to God since I feel like I’ve done so much wrong so that’s why I wrote here. I just really want to get rid of all this

  • Michael Jantzen Michael Jantzen says:

    Hi Ricky,

    I’m totally Amen-ing (I know that’s not a word) Doris’s comment and prayer. I just want to add a note or two as a man who has had to fight to experience purity.

    Having an accountability person is a great idea; some of the power of addiction is broken by opening up and being honest face-to-face with someone you trust.

    But you may also test how much you actually want to live in purity by how willing you are to rid your environment of things that tempt you. You can’t control what people put on billboards or what woman wear out shopping, but you can control much of what comes into your house.

    For example, sometimes men I talk to say they want to stop watching porn on T.V., but when I ask them if they would be willing to go without cable for a while, the answer is often ‘no.’ I get it, there are some great shows on TV, but if we don’t hate porn enough to cut the ways we access it out of our lives, then we don’t actually want to change that badly…mostly we just hate the guilty feelings we get after watching bad stuff; we don’t hate the sin itself.

    I hope that puts some clarity to the choice in front of you. There are some practical things you can do to remove temptation and by doing that you show how much you really do want to change.

    Several years back, I walked into some movie stores and cancelled by memberships (which people never do, so it felt really weird), but I needed to cut that opportunity for sin out of my life.

    Even now, my wife has the code for our TV for renting shows or watching stuff that is of a higher rating. Taking practical steps is what brings freedom, not just thinking about it, intending to do it, or just praying to get rid of guilt. I speak a little harshly because I have fought this fight and know how the heart can easily fool itself. I am praying for you to find freedom by the grace of Christ Jesus. If you want to talk with one of our online mentors in more detail; it’s confidential and free. We have people who specialize in helping guys walk through this issue. Just click here: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ Take care!

  • Doris Beck Doris says:

    Ricky,
    Thank you for visitng our website and for the honesty in your comment.

    First of all, may I just say that being honest is the first step in dealing with addictions. Admitting that it is a problem and telling others is very important. Do you have anyone in your life that can be an accountability partner for you? Another man is ideal if there is someone you trust to walk this through with you.

    Second, repentance and asking God for forgiveness is another huge step. Let me pray for your right now:

    Dear Heavenly Father
    Thank you for Ricky and his decision to not only admit that he has a problem with his addictions to cocaine and pornography but to come before you and repent and ask for forgiveness. Thank you Lord Jesus that You promise to forgive our sins if we confess them before You.

    Help Ricky to walk moment by moment in the power of Your Holy Spirit. Give him strength to resist the devil and to stand firm in the strength of Your might.Thank you that You want to change lives. I ask that You would do that for him and in him today and in the days to come. Amen.

  • Ricky amerson says:

    I am so tired of the separation from God that my sins of addiction has caused. My addictions include cocaine and pornography. It all comes down to the flesh and trying to satisfy it rather than God. I want to please God but the more I indulge in my sins the further from God I get. Yesterday I decided to repent and ask God for forgiveness. I had to start somewhere. I have to resist the devil and I can’t do it alone. I need the help of Gods Holly Spirit to help me get back on on the path to righteousness. The shame and guilt has caused the depression to magnify in my daily life.I’m just tired alone and I need prayer from all that are willing-Rick

  • pine says:

    Warrior, I feel the same as you. I thought I was reading my writing.. keep on trucking.

  • Dear Brenda,

    I never new I would come back so soon with a testimony. I’m pleased to inform you that, on your wise advice, I have since enrolled for the “Way of Purity” course, and it has profoundly changed my life, not only by bringing me genuine and instant deliverance from pornography and masturbation, but also by changing the way I look at God and His Word. I’m still busy with the course, as I enrolled only recently, but there is already remarkable progress. Now I know that my God is my Lord Jesus is my deliverer and very soon, I will have freedom from all other yokes of bondage and strongholds in my life. I will never be the same again, and all this happened so that His marvelous name may be glorified.

  • Alfred says:

    Hi Joseph, This is a very well written article, explaining the reasons and solutions to this addiction. I’m with you in prayer that you again be set free! Did you read what Brenda said on December 18th? She mentions a free 60-day online course called “The Way of Purity” at a website called Setting Captives Free. Here is the link and I pray that you find this to be a blessing that will result in a testimony of freedom in Christ for you:
    http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/courses/way-of-purity/
    Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for giving Joseph the courage to write in, and to ask for help. YOU are the real source of help, and we trust that the results will be positive. Pornography can be and will be beaten, as Joseph turns from the counterfeit to the real answer to life’s problems. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.

  • Joseph Hurd says:

    I’ve. Been. Dealing. With. Porn. It’s. Hard. Some. Times. I. Have. Stopped. Wacthig. It for. 19. Years. But. God. Freeeed. Me. An. I. Went. Back. To. Porn. And. I. Just. Whant. To. Be. Free. I. Just. Had. To. Stay. In. My. Word. An. In. Worship.

  • Andrew says:

    @Commenters porn is a result of trying to escape the pain in our lives as all men will tell you when things are stressful or a deep inner pain or loneliness then porn is a short term solution which never satisfies.

    Lord Jesus I pray that men who are struggling will deal with the real pain in there lives and surrender to you. Lord I pray that you will deliver them from this and that they will be healed I ask Lord for the healing of the Holy Spirit.

    In Jesus Name,

    Amen

  • shelley anderson says:

    Well! What a subject to talk about. Porn. is a serious situation in life. I know it is not easy for of you. Now! This is my opinion, but I believe we have all had some kind of phorn in us at sometime or other. We need to let go and let God take is away from us. I know before I became a believer, that i looked at men in the wrong way, but now when i see men I turn away with God’s grace with me.

  • Miriam says:

    Pornography like any other sin is a “SUBSTITUTE FOR GOD “. IF WE KEEP THE VERTICAL IN CHECK THE HORIZONTAL WILL WORK. The etiology must be PRIDE. We must all HUMBLE OURSELVES. THE DEVIL IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR WEAK MINDED INDIVIDUALS ! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND TAKE ACTION !!! RUN FROM PORNOGRAPHY LIKE A GAZELLE RUNS FROM A LION!!!

  • Warrior says:

    I have been battling this curse for 18 years. Like most I kept falling back into it and felt so much shame and guilt. I was in a terrible rut, no confidence, bouncing to and fro from God. Some days I cannot even pray because of the guilt I feel. About two weeks ago I did some research on porn and just how it affects your brain. After years of exposure to it, it eventually takes over the logic center, making us inept to accomplish certain things. It makes you lazy and selfish and pretty much unproductive. I noticed these things constantly in my life and now I know the main cause behind it.

    I want to succeed in life, I have a baby boy now who is 1 years old. I am not married and that too has been another episode entirely, but I am trying to clean my life up and serve God with a pure heart. The people around me, especially my son deserve a healthy minded person. It has been two weeks since I last looked at porn, and I can say although it has been difficult, I feel 3x the man I was. Praise God but do not become too casual…always be on guard. Satan knows this is our weakness and exploits it as much as he can. The bastard ain’t gonna ruin my life anymore. Stand up and realize too that there is only despair and agony for those who disobey God. We need to obey his commandments. God loves us, but also He is holy and will not tolerate this filth.

    You only have one life, one chance to do things right on earth. Start now. God bless.

  • Ade says:

    I’m actually glad to be reading this especially the part

    “The other pastor came around his desk toward Gene. “I almost expected him to strike me in outrage,” he says. Instead, he pulled Gene into his arms, hugged him and wept over him. He didn’t validate the sin that Gene was entrenched in, but he catapulted the healing process. “There in that office, for the first time in my life, I understood that God loved me, because this friend showed me.”

    I have been free from porn and sexual immorality since September 2012. I was at home getting ready to go to school at the time and realized how far away from God I was. I confessed to my whole family about my short comings and they have been nothing but supportive. It was amazing the love that they gave.

    I am currently alone again and at school. And its been going very well for about a month now. But just these passed week its gotten really hard. I can’t remember where it crept in or when but somehow its now getting harder to focus on God and the WORD.

    I didn’t stop doing my devotions, it might be the devotional I’m using isn’t as poignant anymore.

    But here I am. I’m just trying my best not to watch any porn. Actually I haven’t and that’s very good.

    I just don’t know what to do, because I don’t want to fall. I am aware of the majority of things that can go wrong: Depression, Shame, Missed opportunities, Disappointment, Hatred for myself and others, things stolen by the devil if I decide to indulge.

    I am aware that as a Child of God to sin, is a decision that we make and sin has no power over us. I just don’t understand why I would still want to do this even when I know the ills and pains.

    I’ve been listening to very good music and it get me through most of it. But when I’m left to myself I don’t know what to do.

    I have verses: Submit yourself to the Lord, resist the devil and he will flee from you. It reminds me that sin is only temporary and if you can hold on to HIM (God, Jesus) the devil will leave.

    I have more verses: some about the awesomeness of being alive and the hope there is in life. And the love of God.

    I just don’t want to fall. I didn’t know what to do… So I came here. I’m just looking for a way not to and a way to hold on to my love, Jesus, even longer.

    I apologize for the long write up. I just didn’t know what else to do.

  • Brenda Miller says:

    Steve, I am grateful too that your heart has not yet been hardened. However, if you are still battling daily with a pornography addiction, then it is essential that you cling to Christ with all that you are, asking Him for His power to help you to overcome, and that you be willing to do anything in order to gain the victory over your bondage. Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:7-9:

    7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell [NIV].

    Are you willing, Steve, to do whatever it takes to rid yourself of the chains of pornography? If you are, and if you have not yet tried “The Way of Purity” course, then I encourage you to check out the following link:

    http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/courses/way-of-purity/

    I pray you find success as you pray and submit yourself fully to Christ Jesus your Lord and Saviour. Amen.

  • steve says:

    i too fight a daily battle with porn and lust. it gets so intense that i fear giving into temptation. and when i have given in (at times it kept me enslaved for months), i always ended up far from GOD, and feared losing my salvation. sometimes i have to be reassured. it is a hard road, and porn is a deadly addiction. i am surprised and thankful that it didnt harden my heart. praise JESUS!!!

  • Brenda Miller says:

    Zack, thank you for having the courage to write in here, and I completely agree that Jesus did come to set you free from slavery to sexual immorality and from all forms of bondage. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and the Solution to your problem, and I want to offer you a resource that I pray you will find helpful in learning how to appropriate the Truth of the Gospel so as to overcome your imprisonment to pornography. It is a free 60-day online course called “The Way of Purity” at a website called Setting Captives Free. Here is the link, Zack, and I pray that you find this to be a blessing that will result in a testimony of freedom in Christ for you:

    http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/courses/way-of-purity/

    Please know that I will be praying for you, Zack, and I would love to know if you choose to enroll in this course, and also how you are doing in the future. May God richly bless you as you seek Him!

  • Sometimes I just wish I had no access to a computer, a cellphone or TV. Yet I still need all these things for the good they serve. I know that the day Jesus comes, there will still be lots of porn and other garbage all over the place. He did not come to take away porn and its associated temptations, but He did come to save me from being a slave of sexual immorality. And is His grace enough? YES!!!

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