You said that you are praying and that is an excellent place to start. I don’t know your financial specifics but generally speaking you do better to hold on to a house, especially one that after 30 years is probably close to paid for unless a) the house is much bigger than you need or b)you have reason to believe that house values are about to go down. I would suggest an appointment with either an accountant or someone from your bank. Get some solid business and financial advice from an outsider who doesn’t bring any emotion to the situation. On paper it should be fairly clear whether you’re making money or losing money on your business. If you’re losing money it may be time to cut your losses and close the store. (What’s the point of working hard for no return?) I know that the idea of closing the business is probably not pleasant but remember that the store is not your identity. It’s an anchor for you and it probably feels safe, but it is not who you are, it’s just what you’ve been doing. Closing the store is not a failure. If it doesn’t make financial sense to stay open then there’s no shame in closing the doors. If you have enough wiggle room in your finances to do so, try to deal with the business and the house separately. Doing both at once will be very stressful.

You asked a really good question – how do I work through this when all I want to do is crawl in a hole? The answer is that you try to reduce the problem as much as you can, then you simplify your life as much as you can and then you get help. There is a limit to how much one person can do. Are there things in your schedule that can be taken out? Is there any money to hire in some help with cleaning, cooking, accounting etc? Do you volunteer somewhere and need to take some time off? Imagine if you were sick, you would have to make radical changes to your life to accommodate for your illness. You are recovering from one of the most stressful experiences on the planet, you need to give yourself some room to do that. The business is probably your biggest expense so start with that. Get some good business advice and find out where you really stand financially. Once you have the information you should have what you need to decide whether you can keep the store or if it’s time to let it go. One thing at a time. Try to get to bed early if at all possible. Good, consistent rest does wonders.

I sympathize with you in your pain. The circumstances you describe sound very sad and difficult. From my own experience with divorce, my thought is that there really is no escaping the pain. You see, God did not design us for brokenness, but for perfect intimacy, love, affection, understanding and friendship. This is what we all crave for – at least I know for sure this is what I crave!!! – and it’s why, perhaps, your husband is so quick to go look for a new girlfriend. It is because of his emptiness inside, not because you did not fulfill him, but because God created us for something perfect, which is to be in a relationship with God Himself. At the moment, since we are all sinners we do not have perfect relationships with each other – but we can begin to enter into relationship with a perfect God. God is faithful, true, compassionate, kind, patient, helpful, merciful, affectionate, pleasant, and strong, just like the wonderful husband we all long for. Once I started to get to know God through the Bible and receiving the good news that Jesus Christ is really God with us, God come down to earth to take on all human suffering and OVERCOME it, then I started to see my relationships in a new way.

Would you consider connecting with one of our mentors, who could email with you regularly to help you through this tough time? Just click here: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

After all, there is no easy way to solve everything, but there is a God who loves you with unfailing, unconditional love and He is able to heal you, to show you the way forward, to care for you during the darkest nights and to bring you to the point of forgiveness and great hope! Would you choose to trust Him today?

Many blessings,

Kate

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have a question for you. Do you think there is a question between happiness and joy? If you do see a difference, which one do you have a preference toward?

Many blessings,

Kate