My Husband Doesn’t Share My Faith

Written by Nancy Kennedy

doesntsharefaithI’ve rehearsed this scene in my mind 10,000 times: My husband, Barry, walks through the front door and says he has a surprise for me. He asks, “What’s the one thing you want most in the world?” At first I’m confused, but when I look into his eyes, I know. He doesn’t have to say it, but he does anyway: “I’ve given my life to Christ.”

But after years of praying, waiting, and hoping, so far that’s still a daydream.

Barry and I met and married 28 years ago. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing: He liked my then-red hair and green eyes; I liked his broad shoulders and sense of humor. Plus, he was easy to talk to. As unbelievers, neither of us had a clue what our future would be. We just thought a life together would be a kick. A relationship with Christ was the last thing on our minds!

Our first three years of marriage were filled with partying, softball, and the birth of our first daughter. Then, almost without warning, God drew me into a relationship with himself. After overhearing some Christians in the office where I worked talk about heaven, I began asking questions. Although I’d attended church as a child, I knew nothing about the Bible and salvation. Then one day after a long talk with Rita, one of my coworkers, I prayed a simple prayer: “Jesus save me!” That prayer forever changed my life—and my marriage as I knew it.

I wrote the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ

Unfortunately for Barry, right from the start I was one of those obnoxious “Jesus freaks.” I didn’t share my new faith with my husband; I pushed, forced, and shoved. Believe me, I wrote the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ. I didn’t speak, I preached. I didn’t live out my faith quietly; I trumpeted my every minute change. I’d say, “See what God’s done in my life? See how loving and humble I now am?” I prayed loudly in Barry’s presence and made sure he knew he was a sinner destined for hell. I even packed gospel tracts in his lunch and added a Bible verse at the end of all my love notes to him.

To Barry’s credit, he remained incredibly patient. (Maybe he was just tuning me out.) Most of the time he avoided my religious rampages by tinkering with our car. Sometimes, though, he’d get angry and yell, “Stop with all the Jesus stuff!” Barry told me he threw the gospel tracts away because they embarrassed him in front of his friends. Once in a while he’d get a pained look on his face and say he wanted his “old wife” back—Jesus-free.

Soon we were at odds with each other. I blamed any and all our marital problems on his unsaved status. After all, if we were both Christians, life would be “happy-ever-after.” Or so I imagined. I tried even harder: blasting my Christian music and scattering opened Bibles around the house; crying and pleading with him to go to church with me. Sometimes, Barry would go. But instead of enjoying him next to me in church, I’d sit there chewing nervously on the end of my pen, praying madly that this would be The Day. Afterwards, I’d quiz him in the car, “What did you think of the sermon? Did you like the music?”

“It was okay,” he’d say. “Do we have any turkey at home for a sandwich?”

The rest of the ride home, I’d sit and fight back either tears or angry words. Why couldn’t he see his need for Christ? I’d fume. Then Barry, sensing my disappointment, would pat my shoulder and say, “Look, I believe in God, but not in the same way you do.” That was not the answer I wanted to hear.

Intercessory prayer — the right way

Then something unexpected happened. I’d been reading a book about intercessory prayer when I had a sudden flash of insight. I told myself, That’s it! I’m going to pray for Barry for the next 80 years, if that’s what it takes. And I’m going to love him. Period.

That was 25 years ago—and I’m still praying and loving. But I’m no longer pining away in self-absorbed isolation waiting desperately for my husband’s salvation to bring marital fulfillment. Instead, I’ve decided that if it takes 80 years, then I want those years to be as enjoyable as possible for the both of us, despite our spiritual differences.

When I first came to faith in Christ and Barry hadn’t, I thought God had made a huge mistake. After all, two following God together made more sense than one. But I now know God never makes mistakes. Since I’d been an unbeliever when we married, I hadn’t willfully disobeyed God by marrying Barry. My situation is by God’s sovereign design. Reminding myself of that enables me to relax my spiritual chokehold on Barry.

The way I see it, God has a plan for each life. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot transform someone else’s heart. I can’t coerce, sweet-talk, or plead my husband into being a Christian. In fact, when I do try, it only drives him away—sometimes literally. If I start nagging him, he’ll get in his truck and drive for hours.

I decided long ago to accept that it’s God’s job to change hearts. That decision frees me to pursue my relationship with God without the added burden of having to bring my husband to faith. All I have to do is love and enjoy him. That’s God’s plan for me, and he gives me all the grace I need to accomplish it.

That doesn’t mean I’m not lonely at times or that I do everything right. The other day I grabbed Barry by the shirt and yelled, “Don’t you see Christ in me?” Struck by the irony of the question, he laughed—and to my surprise, said yes. It helps to remember that Barry’s not my enemy; he’s my husband. I’m just as much a sinner as he is—maybe more so because I have the power to say no to sin and often don’t.

When your loved one doesn’t love God

Here are a few things I’ve learned over these 20-plus years

  1. Live in the now. I don’t pine for a “happy-ever-after someday.” Instead, I accept things as they are, building on what’s good (such as enjoying each other’s company and planning for our future together), and praying about what’s not so good. Sometimes that means going into a bar with Barry and having a good time drinking a soda—and letting him know I love him just as he is. It’s what Jesus would do.
  2. Live honestly. In living out my faith, I let my husband see me stumble and struggle. He knows I struggle with fear, that I can’t pass a basket in a store without buying it, and that I sin regularly and often, yet desire not to. That way, he sees that a Christian’s life is one of grace alone, rather than living by a set of rigid rules. Any changes in me aren’t by my effort, but by Christ living in me.
  3. Honor your marriage. I’m careful not to talk negatively about Barry to anyone, and when he’s home, he’s my priority. This often means passing up social events I dearly want to attend. I seek opportunities to enjoy my husband and build him up, convinced he’s God’s gift to me.
  4. Pray, pray, pray. Prayer is my link to God’s presence, power, wisdom, and comfort. My favorite Scripture to pray is Ezekiel 36:26, that God will take Barry’s heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. Another favorite is Isaiah 30:21: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'” Although it’s hard to pinpoint specific answers to prayer for Barry, I’ve seen his attitude toward spiritual things change drastically over the years. We often talk openly and freely about God.
  5. Find a support system. Surround yourself with other women who’ll pray with and for you. Also, study the Bible with a friend or small group. Attend church as often as you are able.
  6. Never give up hope. God offers everyone the same gift of salvation and eternal life. Some choose to accept it, and others don’t. But all who accept the gift do so in God’s timing, not ours. God knows what he’s doing.

I don’t understand why God does what he does. We have two daughters who don’t have the role model of a Christian husband and father. I used to worry about that. As it’s turned out, each daughter gave her life to Christ as a preschooler. Alison, now married, lives out her faith with a believing husband, while Laura’s going through a time of teenage rebellion—but even that’s in God’s hands. As evidenced throughout the Bible, God is in the habit of saving families. That gives me great hope.

Trusting God while you wait

Even so, sometimes I get discouraged. Sometimes I sit in my brown armchair and question whether God even hears my prayers. Or I sit in church and count the couples and ache because few know what my husband even looks like. Or I’ll hear yet another testimony about someone else’s husband coming to faith, and wonder why mine still seems oblivious to his need. But then there are times when Barry exhibits greater faith than I do. In fact, that’s a joke we share. I’m the one who says I have faith, while he’s the one who seems to live it.

He’s always telling me, “Why do you worry about things? God always takes care of us.” Barry almost always knows the right thing to do when it comes to leading our family. I believe that because God sees us as one flesh, my husband shares in my blessings. Because God’s promised to lead me, he leads my husband as well. I don’t have to fret. God’s in control.

The truth is, I might not ever see Barry walk a church aisle, but that’s okay. I have hope that I’ll see him walk through heaven. In the meantime, I live my life as a gift—one I never would have chosen, but one I’ve come to accept with gratitude. I know it comes from the hand of a loving God who only gives his children the best.

Related reading:
The Spirit-Filled Life: The first step to living a full Christian life is to let God’s Spirit work in you.
Talk to a mentor: If you need someone to talk to, contact us anytime. It’s free and confidential.


394 Responses to “My Husband Doesn’t Share My Faith”

  • Alexis says:

    Might I also add that the command to not be yoked to an unbeliever would apply to those who are yet to come into a marriage covenant with each other.

  • Alexis says:

    Being married to an unbeliever can be one of the most difficult challenges in a Christian’s life. Marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh (Matthew 19:5). It can be very difficult for a believer and an unbeliever to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If one partner becomes a Christian after the marriage, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent.

    Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage, convinced that this is the only way to truly bring honor to God. His Word, however, says the contrary. It is very important not only to be content in our situation, but also to look for ways to bring glory to Him out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14: “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband…”

    Christians married to unbelievers will need to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable them to profess Christ and live in the light of God’s presence (1 John 1:7). They should seek God’s transforming power to change their hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward her unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1), and she will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable her to do so.

    Christians are not meant to live solitary lives; they need to find support from outside sources such as the church and Bible study groups. Being married to an unbeliever does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be the priority of every Christian to pray for his or her spouse and set a good example, allowing Christ’s light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14). May the truth found in 1 Peter 3:1—that an unbelieving spouse is “won over”—be the hope and goal of every Christian who is married to an unbeliever.

    Here it the truth about it according to Gods word, which is the measure by which all things are done. God calls us to hard things, to stand as a witness for Him whether it is to the world or our spouse or family. Take heart in obeying the Lord, for surely His blessings will be poured out over you as you glorify Him in your trials!! You are not alone, He is your banner Johovah Nissi, and His banner is love and He will walk with us as we face the trials and tribulations of our lives.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Thanks for your input Gary. How do you understand Paul’s instructions to those followers of Jesus who are married to a spouse who is not: “if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.” (1Corinthians 7:12-13) That seems to conflict with your advice.

  • Gary says:

    When Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:6

    Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
    He is referring to those who have made a marriage covenant in church before God and not those who have made a commitment to each other in a ceremony say like in a park in what is called a civil marriage ?
    God has not joined together those who are not following his will, they have basically decided to join themselves together without any thought or reverence to God and are not a part of the body of Christ.

    Once you have become born again “Therefore if anyone be in Christ, they are a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new”
    2: Corinthians 5-17.

    That ye should show forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light 1 Peter 2:9

    Now you must pray earnestly to see if God is calling you out of a marriage he has not put together the scripture is clear “DO NOT be yoked together with the un-believer,For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

    Now I know some may point to the scripture “God hates divorce” Malachi 2:16
    but remember this is when it is a covenant marriage ordained and blessed by God,
    We see that Christ is the Bridegroom of the church and he being the Bridegroom
    he makes a Covenant with his people its a total different thing than that of a marriage not ordained,not blessed or a marriage covenant not made before Almighty God, which unfortunately today most marriages are not made under a covenant with God and are just civil and done with no regards to Gods will but exclusively to their own.

  • Kathryn Kathryn says:

    Hi Katie, This is for you. Thanks for writing so openly and humbly too. I do feel for you but I also think that you need to speak to a mentor privately. See the top right hand side of this page and it invites you to talk to a mentor. That way you will be able to get some good sound advice and share more with the mentor. I would just challenge you on how you square being a Christian and living together for 8 years? Also how come you are only now seeing these things which you are questioning? A leaning towards being work shy and his weed habit? You say he is still a student, just how old is he? Maybe you need to be having some serious conversations about your future and what you both feel marriage is all about but of course, as we read above, it’s no use nagging or blaming each other, it does not work. Is there someone at your church who can help you to see things from a thoroughly Jesus centred point of view? I believe there is someone there who can give you some wise counselling and challenge you as to your walk with Him. Blessings, Kathryn

  • Katie says:

    First of all I want to say that this article brought me to tears of comfort. I am hurting right now and I know God led me to this article for a reason. I was wondering if you or anyone reading this could have any input or suggestions for me during my difficult situation.

    My finance and I have been together for 8 years. He is a kind, compassionate, loving, and easy-going guy. Recently I got back into church. My faith wasn’t where I wanted it to be..I was praying and reading scripture here and there but knew church was necessary if I wanted to build a stronger faith and bring my fiancé to Christ. He willingly goes to church with me weekly and says he’s now praying occasionally. I am not sure if he has fully accepted Christ as his savior or even really truly believes but it is a good start.

    Everything about my fiancé is exactly what I look for in a man, however, lately he has been going through a funk. He does not have a job and does not seem as eager to get out and find one as I believe he should. He sleeps in and it makes me angry because I don’t understand why he doesn’t get up and get a job! Or just go every day if he has to and look for something. He says he’s doing it on his own time and is figuring it out. He tells me I’m pushy, and he even breaks down at times crying saying he doesn’t think I believe in him. I have completely backed off and have just been trying to encourage him but it’s so hard. I am a go-getter. People ask me “why doesn’t he just apply wherever so he can at least have some job? ” which only fuels my fire of frustration.
    Another thing that bothers me is that he occasionally smokes marijuana. I don’t agree with it and I asked him to please not and he told me I am giving him an ultimatum. It pushed him away more. He said “it is an occasional thing and doesn’t affect our relationship whatsoever. It will be something I do occasionally and I won’t do it around you because I respect that you don’t like it” I don’t get why he won’t just stop it altogether…he cries to me and tells me he loves me so much but that he is going to continue to on an occasional basis. He is absolutely amazing otherwise. He’s in college making amazing grades, he is always up to do anything to better our relationship (minus the smoking) and even suggested counseling. He would drop everything for me but not this marijuana situation and it breaks my heart. I’ve been feeling so down lately. When I don’t bring it up and we are hanging out or at church everything is perfect. But it is in the back of my head. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Sorry for the long comment..I’m venting clearly. Thank you so much

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Comment Date: 2015-04-24 07:31:22
    Robert, possibly a good way to approach this article is that wife Nancy loves her husband Barry and sincerely desires the best for him. And although her intentions are good, and she admits to have “written the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ”, she does seem to have a degree of “spiritual pride”. Her question, “Don’t you see Christ in me?” is evidence of that . . . however “Christ in me” is also the hallmark of a true Christian.

    The Holy Spirit indwells every Christian and one of His roles is to transform a Christian from the inside-out to being more and more like Christ. That is how we should “evaluate, not judge” ourselves and others by seeing progress over the years as we “are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord Who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18b, AMP).

  • Margaret says:

    Robert….I took that mention in the article to imply that, yes, her husband believes in God, but that does not mean that he considers Jesus to be his Lord and Savior. That is where her concern, hopes, and prayers lie. She has learned and accepted that it is not up to her to try and persuade her husband to come to that acceptance and commitment.

  • Robert says:


    Just noticed your reponse. You really didn’t address my comment, and I don’t understand how your question is on point. You asked, “Do you think your own relationship with God is where you’d like it to be or is there perhaps something holding you back from allowing Him into your heart more and more.” What does that have to do with my comment about how judgmental this Christian writer is about her husband’s personal faith practices.

    Hi Robert, thank you for voicing your honest opinion regarding this article. In my own walk with the Lord I have learned that everyone is at different levels of their own personal walk with Him. God loves all of His sons and daughters regardless if one worships Him one way and someone else has a different way of showing their love and gratefulness to Him. How about ? Do you think your own relationship with God is where you’d like it to be or is there perhaps something holding you back from allowing Him into your heart more and more?

    Robert says:

    March 11, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Your husband believes in God, but yet you still think he has a “heart of stone.” And unless he believes and practices faith in the same manner as you, he is a “non-believer?” You seem a bit unreasonable and quite judgmental. You ought to give this a bit more thought and prayer.

  • Mehta says:

    My experience very similar to yours. Get in touch with Thurman Scrivener “Living Saviour Ministry’s”. Download “How to get lost person saved.” Also they give away CDs on hundreds of teachings. Very informative. Worth checking out. Can Listen online too.
    God Bless

  • dream says:

    Sara.. I want to add that I dated unbeliever but I married christian and I can tell you that God is right that relationship with unbeliever is not working. But being married to christian is like marriage is on the rock-which is Jesus and when problems comes you are on the rock and your marriage will not fall apart with Jesus help and you can rest in marriage instead of focusing to evangelizise your unbelieving husband.

  • Chris says:

    sara…i regret to hear of your situation…it is a very serious one because rarely is a Christian able to pull up the unbeliever to their Christian level after marriage. normally the unbeliever pulls down the Christian more to their level so please keep that in mind. i suggest having godly women pray over and with you so that their strength and fortitude of determination can help you not make a decisión you might very well later regret. psalm 27.14 encourges us to wait on the lord and in your case, this certainly appears to be applicable. dont feel obligated to marry this person just because you have spent a good amount of time with them. life is too long to make a wrong decisión that will last for possibly 60 years as in marriage. i pray jesus give you his grace to know if this person is truly sent from him or if he isnt. nehemiah 6.12. blessings!

  • dream says:

    Sara …. If you really give your heart to Jesus and read the Bible its written there that darkness cant go together with the light . Marriage is not only love its also unity in basics things and plans. If you marry your boyfriend how will you raise kids in what belief? How will you decide on life decisions and problems? Marriage with non christian is not Gods plan.

  • Ursula says:

    I am surprised that your relationship with Christ was never discussed in depth in TWO YEARS. I encourage you to spend some deep one on one time with the Lord. He will give you the wisdom and strength to make a godly decision. The bible clearly tells us not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. You DO NOT want to go that route…trust me I know!!You mentioned that you are already feeling that you are doing something wrong….could it be that the Holy Spirit is trying to communicate something to you? After marriage things will be magnified.Maybe it is time to sit down and listen to your boyfriend’s perspective of faith,eternal security ect. Maybe this will help you to make a decision as well.
    I have been married 21 years. It was not until a year ago that my husband is slowly surrendering to Christ. It took much love,patience,sacrifice,forgiveness,tears,prayer,prayer and more prayer. I would not want ANYONE to make the same mistake I did.I believe that even marrying the right person can cause a marriage to go through a lot two,but if Christ is the center of bothe of your lives it makes a world of a difference. I am praying with you Sarah and wish nothing BUT Gods very best!!!!

  • Sara says:

    I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years now, and an eventual marriage is in the cards. I am a Christian and I very recently found out the he is Agnostic. We had never fully discussed our religions in depth, and when I would speak about my religion he would just nod along. Much to my surprise, I found out that he believes in “a higher power,” but not Jesus. I am suddenly feeling like I am doing something wrong by being with him. I love him deeply, and I picture spending the rest of my life with him, but I am feeling a sense of overwhelming sadness now that I know what he believes and how he does not plan on changing that. I can’t picture myself ending it, but I am struggling with thinking about spending the rest of my life with a non-Christian man. Any insight or advice is appreciated.

  • Annie says:

    Thank you for the information and i will do the reading to ease my mind.
    i know religion should not be a frightful thing but after 15years of all is well and than a sudden change it’s def. hard for the other person to find the happy medium.
    Thank you so much.
    all the best to you.

  • Chris says:

    annie…sorry to hear you are struugling…first read romans 14. there you will see that living the Christian life isnt a set of regulations. while obvious sins of greed, pride and lust are to be avoided, there are certain things such as described in romans 14 that could help you to see that a christians life is one of spiritual freedom, not a bunch of dos and donts. to know more about what a true Christian is, log onto or click talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus bless you with the assurance of his great love for you and grant you his wonderful peace!

  • Annie says:

    a little enlightenment would be appreciated.
    my role here is reversed.
    my partner of 15 years recently decided to practice his Christianity. and he wants me to follow him. i am catholic but not a practicing one.
    i have leaned a great deal w/ spirituality and that has been my comfort zone.
    how he wants me to change everything of who i am to lead the christian live. OMG i am so scared of all this. i had told him small steps. but i really don’t beleive in myself that i can do this. i don’t want to disappoint him but i really cant see myself living that life. i a tough person on my self already and knowing all i enjoy would be a sin just is killing me slowly. he is the one that is highly educated in this and i am not but i don’t want to be told i can’t do this or that due to the bible said………. he’s put such a game changer in our life that i really don’t know how to deal w/ this and what direction to go. i am actually kinda angry for him to just drop this on me and expect me to fallow.
    i can’t understand why he can’t just do what he does w/ this faith and i do what i do.
    so hurt and disappointed.

  • Sharon says:

    to Kathryn– I am sorry you are struggling in your marriage, if I was you I would go. you don’t need this abuse from your husband. in Ephesians 5 in the bible it says that man should love his wife as he loves himself. man is the head of the family as Christ is the head of the church but he should treat you for who you are God does hate divorce but for this case of abuse its ok to leave, for divorce its not ok to marry and for no reason divorce but for abuse divorce is ok no one should be treated with abuse. JESUS loved the Samaritan woman who was married 5 times and this man she was living with was not her husband and JESUS loved people the down and out people God loves you with an everlasting love HE died for your sins 2000 plus years ago, HE created you. also in Genesis 2 its says that a man and woman leave their parents to become one that in unity together and walk together through life God made woman from a rib so they can be one and walk together arm in arm. drinking and movies are NOT bad me and my husband loves drinking and seeing movies drinking NOT in excess ask your husband what bible he is reading its not it sounds like my bible I read JESUS on earth treated people for who they were and HE loved them your husband needs JESUS, I am praying for you. from sharon

  • kathryn says:

    Hi, I am an absolute non-believer (although I do believe we all have a right to faith or lack there-of) When I met my husband he was a non-believer and “got a calling from God” as he puts it just before we were married. He is now a devout Christian and to be honest it is destroying us. He wields his bible self-righteously and says women and men are NOT equal it says so in his bible. He refuses to stop trying to bully, cajole and harass me into “following the way”. Why can’t he just love me for who I am faith or not. He says it is up to him as “the man and head of the family to show me the way”. We end up in terrible fights in which we both behave atrociously, him spewing scripture like verbal napalm at me and unfortunately I am a nasty name caller. I feel bad for being that way but I feel that he pushes me emotionally into a corner and wont accept me for who I really am and that builds up to some real anger and hurt that eventually explodes out of me in a rage. I went looking for help online so he could maybe see what affect he is having on me and read it from the mouth of a true-believer to maybe identify with the message a bit clearer but he just says that he wont read it as “the woman isn’t the head of the family anyway” and what you wrote isn’t of interest to him. I may not believe, but for me the idea of God has always been love and acceptance. I feel like my husband is NOT a better man with Christ, he seems to just be taking every word literally and every sentence is a battle of how right he is and wrong I am. Every bad day I encounter, any and every bad thought is directly MY fault for not believing and praying about it, he never takes any responsibility for any of the wrong in our marriage it always seems to be my fault for not believing. I honestly want a divorce, I can’t seem to get through to him and he can’t seem to just accept me for who I am. Everything I enjoy doing he calls “satanic”, I watch a movie it’s Hollywood Satanic lies. I go out for drinks with co-workers it’s “satanic pass-time inviting evil spirits in. He has totally sucked the fun out of life for me and to be honest he has absolutely made me be MORE of a non-believer than ever because I see no love in his faith at all. It just seems like draconian dictatorship and if that is what God is than I am not interested. Should I stay or go? He refuses to leave the house or pay me out for my share of it and he refuses to sign divorce papers saying it’s “against the faith”. I feel trapped and lost.

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Hi Ashley, glad that you benefited from this article written by Nancy. Keep praying for your husband and trust that God will open the eyes of his heart to God. I pray that God blesses you with His peace and the joy of your salvation in Him. Amen

  • Ashley says:

    This was so inspiring and helpful to read. Thank you so so so much, Nancy for writing this article. I will forever bookmark it and look back on it when I am feeling discouraged. God Bless

  • Chris says:

    anonymous….sorry to hear you are struggling….the good thing is we know what jesus is up to in our lives. he wants to make us more like he is! church, prayer, marriage are all designed for that one self same goal, to make us like christ. if you understand that then you can rejoice if your husband is wanting to be more like christ. you can gladly yield to his preferences since too makes you more like jesus in serving him and others. phillipans 2. Matthew 20.26 to 28. you can rejoice knowing that you are the temple of the holy spirit. 1 corinthians 6. you dont have to go anywhere to enjoy the presence of jesus. he lives within. there are churches on internet you can connect with…, there are prayer sites you can log onto… in todays world jesus and his people are literally everywhere. you never need to feel alone or envious of anyone, including your husband. jesus wants to make you a team in him! it may take a while but dont lose heart. what God starts he always finishes. phillipians 1.6 blessings and peace to you today!

  • Anonymous says:

    I have a different problem. I was raised Catholic and aside from a few years during my teenage years, have gone to Mass and It has been a big, important part of my life. 20 yrs ago I married my husband. Although he had no religious background he was raised in a small town and learned Christian values. His mother would also take the kids to church on Christmas and Easter.
    Not long after our marriage we were both attending Mass. I don’t remember what exactly caused the confrontation but he told me never to ask him to go to church again.
    Strangely enough I was fine with that. I resolved to not care. I was just going to raise my children Catholic and all would be fine. I never prayed for his conversion or cared.
    Years later his job changed and his Sunday’s were always free. I enjoyed this because I could leave the younger kids with him and actually hear and participate in the Mass. Something that had be impossible while the first three had been young children.
    Occasionally he would come by choice. I never asked him.
    As time went by he came more and more. One day he leaned Over and said he was going to RCIA. at that moment all I could thin about was, Great! He’ll be out one more night ( we were having problems with one of our teens at the time and I was pregnant with our 8th).
    Now with him going to church I am in the cry room with my babies. Unless we make it to two different Mass times I miss everything again. I resent his presence in a place I found solitude and a personal identity. I feel like he made fun of me, taunted me, through my faith in my face and now just up and joins and hangs out with my friends. I feel like quitting! I don’t want to go. I mean I want to go to Mass but not with him or the same one as him.
    Now if I do something unchristian ( for lack of a better word). He throws my faith in my face in a different way. UGGG! I never have nor would do that to him because I find it so arrogant.
    Help! I hate that he has converted and goes to the same one as me. I know that is so weird and I’ve never said it to anyone. But it has been one year and the feelinga haven’t changed. Help!

  • Chris says:

    stacey…your point about christians not always acting like christians is a good one. paul himself in 1 corinthians 13 makes the same point. however paul is the same person who wrote romans which shows us that if a person will be faithful to the general revelation of romans 1, the law of God written on their hearts, romans 2 coupled with listening to their consciences which jesus has given them in creating them, colossians 1.16, admit they are sinners as romans 3 says we all are, then the holy spirit will lead them to hear, know and understand the góspel of christ even if he has to send an angel or he himiself to show up and give the person the knowledge they need. acts 9 and 10. so there will never be any excuse on judgment day for why the person didnt receive christ except that they themselves had not responded correctly to the revelation and understanding of God they had already had and therefore God couldnt give them any more. blessings to you.

  • stacey says:

    Chris, Sorry but I never said I reject Jesus-if that is what you are implying . Being Christlike to me is so much more than what bible verses you recite, what creeds you profess, or what your religion or nationality is. I’ve met many ‘christians’ who say all the right words, go to church every sunday, and do all the things that a good christian is supposed to do but their hearts are far from Christlike. I’ve met many other people from other cultures and religions who although they may not share my particular beliefs, their hearts are more Christlike than a lot of Christians I know which to me says that it is something that goes much deeper than any religion or creeds-it’s the love that’s in a person’s heart and Jesus is love. If you look at this world that God has created, their is so much variety in it when it comes to people, cultures, etc. that it doesn’t make any sense that the majority are not going to make it to God because they do not follow the same set of beliefs that you or I believe in or were born in a different part of the world into a different belief system. I’ve had people tell me that my heart is far from God when they don’t have a clue what is in my heart and that I constantly strive daily to please God and love my fellow man to the best of my ability although I fail often. I can go up to the front of the church during altar call, bow down and say that I accept Jesus, even get baptized and recite all the correct bible verses but if I don’t have the love it means nothing. I know many people will not agree with me about this and that is okay but if a person has the love of Christ in their heart despite our religious differences then they know Christ in spirit and it doesn’t matter to me one bit what religion they are. One reason why I left fundamentalism is the “black/white” mentality that is so prevalent. People are always saying if you don’t believe “x” or “y” or follow their specific formula then you are not a real Christian. The problem is a lot of people in the fundamentalists branches of Christianity equate fundamentalism with God and think that if you leave it then you are leaving God which is simply not true. God is much bigger than any religion and only he is qualified to judge the state of any man’s soul.

  • Chris says:

    stacey…i agree that spiritual beliefs should never be individually forced upon anyone. at the same time we need to understand that jesus and his words will never pass away. Matthew 24. from one generation to the next, we all must answer the question…what will i do with jesus of nazareth. either jesus and his words are totally truthful or they are not. there is no middle ground. if he said he is the way and none comes to the father but by him, then we must either accept or reject that. there is no half way believing in jesus christ. John 14.6

  • stacey says:

    I grew up in a very fundamentalist baptist church and in a culture where the majority is still fundamentalist. As I’ve grown older, I have been exposed through my schooling and career to people of many different cultures and religions which has caused my view of God to expand beyond the religion I grew up in. I try to treat each person, regardless of their background with great kindness and respect because we are all children of God regardless of our religious or cultural beliefs. I guess you could say my faith is more universal now and I don’t quite speak the language of the majority of church-goers around me. I have had people scoff at me and tell me I am not a real Christian. They often act like they feel sorry for me, think I am lost, and feel that have to ‘convert’ me. I think we are all at different points in our relation to God and relate to him in different ways which may not make sense to some more traditional church goers. I am not in any way trying to disparage my more evangelical, fundamentalist brethren-I used to be one myself-but the culture does tend to have it’s own language and way of doing things and there is heavy pressure where I live to conform to this. I guess what I’m trying to say is that an individual may have there own way of relating to God that may not make sense to others but because they don’t conform to a certain mold, family and friends become alarmed and think that person “is not right with God.” I know years ago, I used to feel this way about my Father but as I’ve really gotten to know him growing up, I realized that he did have a very close, valid relationship with God but it just did not look like I thought it should. Truly, only God can judge the heart of an individual.

  • ellis says:

    I’ve just searched what that means and it couldn’t of been any closer to the truth at the minute. God bless you :)

  • Chris says:

    ellis…praise the lord our God and his Word are timeless!! hebrews 13.5. blessings to you!!

  • ellis says:

    Chris. Thank you, I have just seen your message, few months later haha! I will take your advice and yes rather then telling him about it I will just pray about it behind closed doors and hopefully in the future things will be a little different :) appreciate your comment. Thank you

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Hi Robert, thank you for voicing your honest opinion regarding this article. In my own walk with the Lord I have learned that everyone is at different levels of their own personal walk with Him. God loves all of His sons and daughters regardless if one worships Him one way and someone else has a different way of showing their love and gratefulness to Him. How about ? Do you think your own relationship with God is where you’d like it to be or is there perhaps something holding you back from allowing Him into your heart more and more?

  • Robert says:

    Your husband believes in God, but yet you still think he has a “heart of stone.” And unless he believes and practices faith in the same manner as you, he is a “non-believer?” You seem a bit unreasonable and quite judgmental. You ought to give this a bit more thought and prayer.

  • Chris says:

    ellis…1 cor 7.14 with 1 peter 3 encourages the wife to not try and teach or preach to her husband but beieve that by her faith, the life of her husbands is sanctified unto salvation in Gods time. show your husband the love and life of christ wihtout words, unless he asks. 1 pet 3.15. only jesus can bring him to himself as John 6.37 to 44 says. we as humans can do nothing. John 6.63. as far as bibles you can check out some good versions on blessings!!

  • ellis says:

    Hi there,
    I have read your article and it really inspired me. I have been married 2 years now and my marriage has been rocky from the beginning (been together 4 years altogether) I am also a christian but my husband isn’t, he used to belie e it a little until one day he decided it was a *in his words* ‘a pile of rubbish’, I don’t pray for us a muh as I should and sometimes feel at a loss, he has a very short fuse when it comes to talking about god. Could anyone tell me the right bible to purchase please? A friend told me I need a new one as mine isn’t ideal for me. Many thanks and god bless xx

  • Mary Pinckney Mary Pinckney says:

    I applaud you for seeking extra guidance from a mentor. I pray that as you do, the Lord will lead you to the answers you continually seek.

    Father, guide her and all others with your eyes upon them. In Jesus name Amen

  • Kathryn Kathryn says:

    Oh Anne! Praise the Lord. I just feel like jumping around for joy with your wonderful news. Cathy you have been a real faithful support too and how we need that all the time as our enemy, satan, is always trying to insinuate his evil ways into our hearts and minds. We must all concentrate on keeping short accounts with God by which I mean, spending time in His word and praying as well as sharing with other Christians so that we can be discipled ourselves and thus obey His command to disciple others. I am seeking to make it my goal this Christmas to reach out to those who do not yet know Christ as their Saviour, it is not easy to do that these days but if we keep looking to Jesus and relying on the guidance of the Holy Spirit, God willing, we shall be blessed to see Him working in and through us. Have a wonderful Christmas both of you and keep encouraging others when you can. Blessings, Kathryn

  • Anne says:

    Thank you for all your responses. I highly appreciate all of it. I just want to share that the Lord has moved amazingly these past couple of days. All the prayers and pain have paid off when God suddenly turned my situation around. It just happened that the Lord led my fiance to someone he considers as a mentor. I don’t really know how their entire conversation went but to make the long story short, I was just surprised that he finally got to accept and respect my faith regardless of the denomination I am involved in. I just feel blessed for in times like this you will really see that the Lord moves in such mysterious ways. It is true that everything that is happening has a purpose that we may never understand at first; but the Lord tells us to always be still and know that He is God. If we hold on to our faith and continue to seek His will He will surely give us the desires of our hearts. After the storm has passed, my heart screams nothing but gratitude, praise, and glory to our Father. I pray that the Lord will continue to do wonders in your lives as well. May God bless you and your families exceedingly. :)

  • Cathy says:

    Dear Anne and Kathryn, Thanks for affirming that Catholics are Christian as well. Sometimes my faith grows more when I am participating in catholic activities and sometimes more in Bible studies from our protestant brothers and sisters. While I have been in good Bible Studies in my Catholic faith, right now we are in a good one but not Catholic. I really like the people in my Bible study currently and we have become a small faith sharing group that I really like. But sometimes their view on things is very different from what I was taught and what I believe. I don’t agree with everything they believe. If your fiance is very Catholic, I could see how he would not appreciate participating in non catholic activities. For myself, going back and forth can be confusing and sometimes makes me question everything from both sides. We are all Christian but the doctrines and view on things can be very different. I like Kathryn’s suggestion that you talk to a mentor. I might do that myself because it does get confusing. I am not sure where you live Anne, but check out the different parishes and see if there is one that does help you grow spiritually. Right now our Parish is doing a Bible study on Mark and the teacher is tracing all the Biblical references why Catholics do what they do. I haven’t participated in all the sessions but it was very interesting and helps many things make sense. But as Kathryn said, the most important thing is believing and following Jesus, and listening to his Holy Spirit within us. Sharing God’s love with others. Will be praying for guidance and wisdom for both you and your fiance. You are lucky that your fiance is a believer.

  • Kathryn Kathryn says:

    Hi Anne, I felt for you so much in your first blog but I have just read the second one too and to a large extent I can agree with what Cathy has said, (Thanks Cathy). It did look in the first blog that you were saying that Roman Catholics are not Christians which is just not true. (A small doctrinal point here is that the word “catholic” means universal so in that sense all those who trust in Christ as their Lord and Saviour and seek to be His obedient disciples are part of the one catholic/universal church also known as the Bride of Christ) Of course your point is that your fiancé seems to feel that the Roman Catholic church is the true church. I can understand his point of view to some extent about protestant churches such as the one you like to go to as you feel it is building you up in your faith. However, there is no perfect church and certainly no perfect denomination. Traditions and loyalty to childhood church going can be very important to a lot of people but equally, they can almost become an idol if we put them before knowing God personally through Christ’s death and resurrection.
    There is so much more I would love to say but I think you should click the button at the top and get a personal mentor so that you can discuss this more thoroughly. I do feel though that it would be good for you to talk more together on this matter because it will have a huge impact on your married life as the writer says. Maybe you could discuss this with your fiancé and check out someone (or a Christian couple) who can see both sides. His for familiarity and tradition and yours for growth in your walk with Christ. May He grant you wisdom and discernment as you seek His will. Blessings to you both. Kathryn

  • Anne says:

    Hi Cathy, thank you for your response and prayers. I really appreciate it. Anyway, I just want to clarify that I do believe that Catholics are Christians too, and that’s what I’ve been explaining to my fiance. I have high respect with each religion or denomination for I believe that we are going to be judged not by our religion but on how we live out and share the word of the Lord. Yes, my fiance is a believer in Christ and I have no problem with that. The thing is, just like what you said, respect in the way I choose to honor and worship is important. We as human beings are different and if I feel like I am growing spiritually and as a person in a particular denomination then he should also respect that the way I respect his — what’s important is we believe in the same God and that our values are not being compromised. But he wants me to stop seeking for the Lord in a Born-again Christian faith and I just feel like I am being deprived of something that would help me grow and be a better person. I believe that all of us are brothers and sisters in Christ whatever denomination we prefer to be involved in; and it’s all good as long as we aim to improve ourselves and our faith through God’s word. I just feel like it’s unfair for my fiance or any other person to see me as becoming less of a person just because I seldom do Catholic traditions and started attending a Born-again Christian church. Thank you and will be praying for you as well. God bless you. :)

  • Cathy says:

    Anne, So you don’t believe Catholics are also Christian. I am Catholic and I am a follower and believer in Christ. If your fiance is Catholic, he is also Christian. Just because we have differences in doctrine does not make us any less Christian and any less “Saved”. You can find the same thing, Bible Studies, Be filled with the Holy Spirit and work for the Lord at your parish or one close by if you look for it. I know, because I thought I had to leave my CAtholic faith to be Christian, but my home is with the faith of my birth and with fellow believers who respect the way I choose to honor and worship Christ. There are so many lovely Christian believers in the Catholic church, just as there are in other denominations. There are also Catholics who are at the beginning of their faith journey, just as there are in other denomination. We are called to evangelize and bring the good news of the Gospel to all whether Catholic or some other denomination. I think it sometimes seems very unloving and unchristian to believe one group over another is more closer to Christ. If your fiance is a devout Catholic and is a believer in Christ, than what is your problem. Since you your self are Catholic, I urge you to to look more closely into your own faith. It all makes more sense as you study God’s word and have the Holy Spirit open your eyes to the beauty of the Catholic Church, it’s sacraments, and traditions. Check out for any question you may have about your faith. They are pretty good about giving answers to questions you have about why you think the Catholic faith is not Christian. Good Luck my sister in Christ. Will be praying for you. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are not Christian if you choose to be Catholic.

  • Anne says:

    Hi Shelley, thank you for this inspirational post. I find myself in a somewhat similar situation. I’ve been crying and pleading to God for days and nights now. My fiance is a really great man and I love him dearly. We get along very well until I decided to attend a Christian church. We were both Catholics, by the way. He feels like I am drawing us apart because of my newfound faith. That I do not practice religious traditions anymore and that always fires up arguments between us. I learned that we must not be unequally yoked but we’ve been together for 6 years and I can’t just throw it away just like that. I respect our differences but he can’t seem to respect mine. He wants me to go back to being a catholic and stop attending Christian services. I feel like I’m being deprived of the chance to grow in my faith and my relationship with the Lord. We are soon to be married yet this whole thing leaves me puzzled and afraid to take it to the next level. Please pray for me and your advice will be highly appreciated. Thank you and God bless you more.

  • Shelley says:

    To my brothers and sisters, I thank you for your comments on this issue, as I pray that all of you will seek His grace and that He will respond to your needs in Jesus name amen

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