Comments on: 6 Keys to a Better Marriage Today

By: Tilly

Tilly — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:10:05 +0000

There is no good time to be thinking of divorce, but it feels worse if its during this time of rejoicing with family and friends. One of my best friends tells me my point of no return depends on my saturation point, whatever that means, but i understand what she is trying to say. But everytime i go through my husband’s issues, i say surely i cannot take anymore of it. I have had problems since the first day month my now husband and i started living together over 15 years ago. I have been through the physical abuse and still going through the emotional and verbal abuse. The only reason he kinda stopped the physical abuse is because in 2005 i obtained a restraining order against him. My husband is a totally insecure and needy person. He is a liar, does not know the difference between a lie and a truth. He would go to great lengths to bring himself attention, like tell me he has shot someone and that he is sitting in jail, or even fake a heart attack. Because of his insecurities, he accuses me of everything under the sun. He spreads lies about me and speaks about me to anyone who would entertain his gossips. He violates every core being in myself. I am a very strong person by nature and mostly because of my life experiences and my husband cannot handle this, so the only way he feels he can get to me or belittle me, as by his emotional and verbal abuse which i have grown not to entertain. Due to the environment that i work in, we have very tight deadlines and recently had to put in a lot of extra time to meet these deadlines. My very needy husband felt very neglected and refused to understand my position at work and decided to call my boss and have a talk with him. I felt very disrespected and violated when he did this. My husband refuses to look into himself to understand what is the cause of his actions and reactions. The only time he can conftont me or talk to me is when he is under the influence of alcohol. He has also become quiet influential in our sons (12 yrs)life which unfortunately is not in a positive way.I have filed for divorce but due to the holidays will only be processed in the new year.

By: ms. tee

ms. tee — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:44:38 +0000

Dear Ms. Torn,

I’m sorry you are experiencing the emotional pain you are. I certainly understand, because that was also me for the first 2/3 of my young marriage. I do still have moments, but not nearly as bad as before. However, through my relationship with God, I sensed my husband drifting…and I was right. The lack of affection, which used to be there, the moodiness….and more. I KNEW something and someone was capturing his attention. Unfortunately, it was true. It was months before it all came out, but I’ll tell you, if I hadn’t been prayerful for strength, peace and guidance, oh, and patience, I would not have made it. I lost babies being so stressed. I got very sick from being so stressed, and fell into a very deep depression. I MADE myself be honest, humble, direct, understanding and somewhat objective enough to talk with and confront my husband about what I felt and what I felt he was into. We made it through. And once everything was out in the open, and HE realized I’m the kind of wife who is also a true friend, who doesn’t judge him, but WILL correct him and tell him the truth, he began to open up more, communicate without defense and confessed what happened. I could have left, but I love and care for him in a way that I wanted to help HIM through the turmoil HE was going through. We finally have the marriage we should have from the beginning. If you haven’t tried, please consider speaking with your husband honestly and humbly. Be truthful about the pain and fear you are experiencing…you can’t deny how you feel, and he can’t debate it. They are YOUR feelings. And be specific about what hurts you (the lack of affection, etc.). Do neutral things together, like playing cards, board games, mini-golfing, something, to try to ease the stress a little. Ask him what you want to know, and be strong. Listen and invite him to help you work things out. Men are….interesting….(sigh) But, I truly hope things will get better for you. I do understand exactly how you feel. I cried more in my first 20 months of marriage than I have during my whole adult life. Now, when I have doubts, I do mention it, but I also know I CANNOT drive myself crazy over this man! I refuse to do so again. My insecurity and his own reaction to his infidelity nearly killed me. I won’t let that happen again. So, please try to find a peaceful place where you can find happiness and grow with your husband, as well as on your own (meaning, for yourself). Blessings.

By: chloe dean

chloe dean — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 22:51:55 +0000

my husband says I should only wear clothes up to my neck and I’m not allowed to wear shorts or anything above the knee. I do dress modestly but I’m told that its not modest if I even show a hint of cleavage very occasionally when I’m bending down. When I have told him that it makes me sad to do this as I feel its over the top and shouldn’t be required he tells me to do what I want. But then if I do wear slightly lower things (but still modest with no cleavage on display) then he gets really depressed and can’t handle it.
what should I do, should I go with it to make him happy (after all women in biblical times covered up to their neck) or should I not?

By: Kim Quinn

Kim Quinn — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:55:21 +0000

These are not new concept but it is helpful to hear them repeated. The one that hits me the most is guarding love. I hear so many women bad mouthing their husband in public. If I have a struggle with my husband I take it to God first, then to him, then if there is no resolution to a godly sister who will advise but also keep my husband and my trust. But never, ever will I speak ill of my husband in public.

By: Kristina

Kristina — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:02:56 +0000

Rebecca,
Firstly I want to say, you are a strong woman of God, despite whatever the enemy tries to do to pull you down, you have JESUS on your side. If you can, make time to just sit at His feet. Let Him minister to you, pour your heart out to Him and wash His feet with your tears. He knows you, He sees each tear that you cry and He will hear you if you seek Him in prayer. Fall in love with your Savior and He will provide all of your needs and fill your heart with gladness and joy that surpasses anything that you can think of! Most of all, in all things give thanks. Give thanks for the victory that you already have over the situation that you are in. When you give thanks, you close the door to the enemy and his ways. Bless you sister… if you want to talk more or need any more support let me know. You are precious.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:37:48 +0000

I have been divorced for 7 years. I did not want the divorce, but I saw no alterantive. He was cheatng and refused counseling of any sort, told me I caused this. I could not live a life in limbo so I filed. Although I survived and proved to myself and my children we would be fine, something remains missing in my life. I never fell out of love and that makes it difficult to move on. I go through the motions but that is all. There was never any closure, like the last chapter of a book that was ripped out. Pray for me that I can move forward

By: Single Twenty Something

Single Twenty Something — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 07:19:24 +0000

I came on to this website to learn about the right way to have a relationship. My boyfriend wants to get married, and we have been going about it all wrong. I’m so inspired by all of your encouraging words to each other! I wish I came across more women like that. God bless all of you!

By: Diane Morrison

Diane Morrison — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:33:33 +0000

My dearest Torn, it grieves my spirit to hear you in such torment over something you THINK may be going on. It is a trick of the devil to keep you second-guessing your husband and crying all the time. JESUS said “I come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly…..” the life Jesus promised is not fear and torment. The problem my dear sister is not your husband right now, it is you. Your mind can be renewed and regenerated daily thru the WORD OF GOD. I promise you if you would give the time you spend crying, to reading your word, your strength will be renewed day by day. I wil be praying for you, and your husband, but please remember GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US THE SPRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MIND.

Be stengthened my sister, and visit me sometime at http://www.devinerevelation.com. GOD LOVES YOU, AND SO DO I.

By: Torn

Torn — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:21:15 +0000

I’m a newlywed as well…
I dont know if my husband is cheating on me or not, the thought of it is very contradicting to his character..but he isnt very affectionate and as women I need that. I feel very insecure all the time about where I stand with him and it is very hard, I’m always crying or thinking the worst. I dont know what to do, I hate being emotional unstable. Has anyone dealt with being over emotional or sensitive within your marriage?

By: ms. tee

ms. tee — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:20:24 +0000

Ohh, Misrak…I’m so sorry for the pain you are enduring through these challenges. I do understand. I’ve been through the same, but to a lesser extent…and we’re still “newlyweds!” I’ve learned that marriage is especially hard when one or both refuse to look into themselves to understand what is the cause of their actions or REactions. And the causes of the problems could be on both parties, like with us. It doesn’t condone infidelity, but it is important that we assess ourselves, too, and be willing to grow. It’s extremely painful to those of us who are enduring the mistreatment and disregard of our vows, but it’s also a painful thing for the guilty one. I agree with Esther, Temmy and Kathy….And as you pray for God’s guidance, ask for peace. Ask Him to show you how to love and understand your husband, objectively–how to love him deeper and unconditionally, as He does. Ask Him to show you the troubled things your husband may not even know about himself, and how to sensitively but firmly approach him in a Godly way. Ask God to show you how to sometimes put yourself aside in order to reach into his soul. It’s very difficult to stay, I know. There is a time when one has to make a decision–the right decision–to leave or stay. God will let you know which to do, and you will know when you have complete peace with the decision. Staying, if you both truly want your marriage to work (and that’s the main question to ask yourself AND your husband) will result in a stronger union. Forgiveness, while required, can be tough, because betrayal stings, plain and simple. But, forgiving is freeing for both parties. Forgetting takes time, however. And it takes effort and understanding from both to work past it all. When you get through all that horrible stuff, your love for each other evolves to an incredibly deep, rich and beautiful place. I’m thankful I stayed and fought through my human instinct and emotional preference to abandon the situation. I know I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, but it happened. I feel stronger, though I still have bad days when I cry or I’m angry because something triggers the memory and it still hurts. But, I love my husband to death….I didn’t before, because I was very insecure and fragmented when it came to love. But now, I KNOW he loves me, too, and I KNOW God loves me more. I can now share with my husband when I am hurting or angry, and he now listens with concern and understands, and once I get it out for that moment, we continue on. He is a very different person now, and I owe that all to God for showing me how to hold on and become the wife and friend my husband unknowingly needed, as well as showing him where he needed to change. Sorry this was so long. I pray the BEST for you. Always seek God’s peace throughout all…