Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)

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2,334 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Benny L, I agree 100% with you about high-minded platitudes and 110% with you about the pain of loneliness. I lost my wife to cancer and the pain of being together as she fought for her life was nothing compared to the pain of lonely living. Loneliness is not good, end of that discussion. I think you are looking for a genuine understanding of your current life situation and what follows is an honest attempt at that.

    After looking back over my and other’s lives, I know that God is able to bring you a wife. He has not, so I have to wonder if the question He is asking goes something like, “But if I do not bring you a wife, will you be faithful and continue to trust and worship Me?” (I get this thought from the God-Satan-Job story.)

    I know that God loves you so I wonder if He is not answering your prayer for a wife because He first wants to bring you to a higher-level of readiness for a Godly marriage that will honor Him. That’s the bigger deal and a marriage can only successfully honor God if it is based on Godly-love-principles (unconditional, sacrificial, faithful even when your love is not returned). So you must first have “died to yourself”. In other words, God is not so much bringing your future wife into your life as much as He is bringing you into hers and so you need a selfless character that can love her unconditionally, sacrificially, and faithfully even when the love you show her is not returned. She may be an “Extra-Grace-Required” kind of person!

    That’s a tall order but a Godly marriage is challenging and you need to be ready for it. A vast majority of married people were not ready and that has brought a lot of pain, maybe more than singleness would have. I don’t know what changes God might want to make in you but none of us is perfect. We all have weaknesses and stumble in many ways and we all have areas where we need to be more like Him. If you submit to God’s process, even in the pain, He will change you. How to do this? Jesus told his disciples they should “always pray and not give up.”

    We’re supposed to pray for a wife humbly and with thanksgiving. I know it can be hard to give thanks in the midst of doubt, disappointment and more. How can we feel thankful when we’re hurt, angry and frustrated? Thankfully, we don’t have to feel it. We just have to do it.

    What if God answers your prayers differently than you want? He may want to transform your desires to better match His, and to satisfy you, completely, in a celibate life. (Not a platitude, honestly.) We may not understand all that’s going on the life, but the Holy Spirit transforms our sub-conscious and that change affects our consciousness and our hearts. Ultimately, God wants us to pray in spirit and truth that “Thy will be done” because that too honors Him

    Benny, this is a bit long, but I wanted to cover the bases. And I pray for a wife, no, not “a wife”, I pray for the “right Godly wife” for you.

  • Celine says:

    This is for Benny. Have you ever thought God is protecting you? I’m sure you’re probably aware that there are false doctrine out there and I must admit it is easy to fall in to if you are not aware. I don’t want to go through all the false doctrine you can search for them online. Have you had the Baptism of the Holy Spirit? I know that some people may dispute that but it is in the Book of Acts. I know that people know about salvation but they struggle to know how to live for God after that. I struggle. I heard the Message of the Cross about how to live daily but I’m still learning. Many people believe through fasting, works, prayer, praise etc you can overcome sins, struggles but it’s about Christ did on the Cross. I know I mentioned that before but I think where you are struggling is Benny you are trying to do it. Works are important but they can’t make you holy or righteous or give you the abundant life. It’s about Jesus did on the cross not what we do. We need to look at Jesus Christ and him crucified. I believe we can only be at peace when we don’t run around doing works to have the abundant life. The Message of the Cross book would help you so much to understand God.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @ Benny. Yo buddy hang in there and don’t give up, never give in or admit defeat, I think I have about 10 years on ya I think. I will soon be 49, I just met the most wonderful woman you can imagine last night, in fact i did not even think they made women like her anymore, so kind and thoughtful and humble. I met her threw dating service, we have been talking on phone since last Thursday and finally met in person last night, she is all I can think of since our first conversation. I almost fell over when i saw her the first time, she is 55 mother of 3 Grown children grand mother of 2, and she is smoking hot…she does not look like your average 55 year old, she is very health continence like I am and takes care of herself…just awesome. There is definitely a spark, may lead somewhere may not…but i have been swept off my feet. So hang in there Benny.

  • Celine says:

    Anyway so I go back and forth and try to encourage people when they are lonely and think of reasons why so many are alone but I need to practice what I tell. Maybe Benny there is someone on this forum that could be a friend to you and or maybe later could be your wife.

  • Celine says:

    I’m sorry Benny you feel that way. What I was actually trying to tell you is that maybe you are living in the wrong place and need to move in order to meet a wife or have better fellowship with Christians. I think I might be in the wrong place but right now I need to have faith that if God wants me to move then there’ll be the finances to move. I think what is happening in the body of Christ is sad. Okay this is not going to sound the best but I think one the problems at least what I’ve observed in the States is celebrity christianity where people flock to well named preacher and want to spend there time with them or watch them on television but if you are not famous in the christian U.S. society you are discarded. I feel that way many times that I’m second third or last to the television and people would rather be watching tv than spending time fellowshipping. I know that sounds mean but it’s just what I’ve noticed. I’ve been discarded by many in the Body of Christ and when I want to get together with someone I need to schedule it like I’m going to the doctor and people aren’t spontaneous. I don’t hear from them for awhile and I get together with them once a month or once every two months. Then I keep hearing I’m so busy. I don’t mean to be rude but I think sometimes that is used an excuse to not have anything to do with that person. People that know what’s it like to be rejected still reject me. I know that you ares supposed to give love and not receive anything back but how can I give love if the person doesn’t even want to talk to me or I’m not allowed to spend time with them? I’ve given up on making friends and I’ve decided just to be alone because the more I think about it maybe it’s what God wants. I know I sound redundant but it hurts a lot when you are discarded and I understand to Benny that why did God make me if I don’t really have friends, a husband and it’s hard to find a job but I keep going and I know that time is speeding up and I’ll just have to wait until eternity to have friends that have time because it’s not for me now.

  • Teresa Brown says:

    I have felt this way is well for the past two years.really pray for a godly husband but got hurt time after time again before I realized I was putting finding a husband as my main focus instead of loving God first. tthough I haven’t found him yet and I still feel very llonely at times I try to stay focused more on God than finding my soulmate. First seek the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added.

  • BennyL. says:

    @Celine

    I appreciate that you’re trying to be helpful. Unfortunately it probably won’t help me. Serving God is about the last thing I feel like doing right now. God is responsible for me being in this situation. I’m so tired of people telling me that Jesus can somehow “satisfy” my heart, He sure hasn’t yet. And I have tried so hard to “let God’s love be enough”. It isn’t.

    I’m also tired of people teliing me that all I want is sex. I want SO much more than that. I want a family, I want someone to grow old with. I want to not feel so lonely anymore. And those are all things that are very biblical. I have never sought riches, or sex with multiple women. Just one woman (a wife) would be enough.

    But God doesn’t seem to care about what I want. He has stopped me from having them every single time I have tried. A lifetime of “purposeful singleness” sounds SO horrible. So lonely and miserable. I don’t want that! I want to experience all the wonderful things that so many other people are.

    I know that no relationship is perfect. I know that it won’t solve all my problems. But it has to be better than what I have right now. And I WANT better than this.

    I’m not serving God in any way, until he stops hurting me and allows me to have those things, which HE HIMSELF said were good.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XFkzRNyygfk. I think this song speaks volumes to how many of us feel in our loneliness.

  • Renee says:

    @ Celine the way you tried to explain to Benny L brought tears to my eyes. Lets say yes you do all those things like minister to the elderly, orphans etc, but still at the end of the day you still go back home to you , yourself alone. There are few times that i spend with family and happy etc then once they leave or I go back to my place i am still in that lonely painful place . And the way you tried explaining why we have to go through this is the one that made me cry for real…….could it really be that…i know at times we have to come up with something to explain things away as to why we have to go through it…May God be merciful to all of us the single ones who really dont know why it is so and help us daily through these struggles….be blessed Celine

  • Celine says:

    Hello Benny L:

    Here’s a thought. Have you ever tried to move to a different state or country. Maybe people in other states or in a different country would be more open to you or maybe missionary work. I know it’s not marriage but maybe visit the elderly in the nursing homes. There are many lonely people there. I used to do it and I need to go back. I would love to move back to Europe but unfortunately moving isn’t an option because I don’t have a lot of finances. Sometimes it’s frustrating that everything I desire to do costs money and a lot of money. Oh well what can you do. All I can say Jesus come quickly to take us away from this lonely world of pain and disappointment. Maybe we go through difficult times so we don’t become to comfortable in the world and don’t hold on to it and are okay when it all ends. Some will be sad when it ends because they had the good life but for us it’s not home. Maybe if we had someone we would not want to leave for heaven. It’s just a thought. Remember Lot’s wife she wanted to hold on to the dying world and look what happened to her. Maybe that’s the reason we are single but then I don’t know it’s just a thought. It might be a dumb thought but Paul made it has being single and he went through so many trials and if God helped him he can help us. Maybe it would easier if we had a great calling like Paul not that we don’t but if we were missionaries or were called for street evangelism then it would take our minds off of the lonliness. Maybe God is preparing us for what’s to come. Maybe before we leave all believers will endure lonliness because of the government if it comes that far will do to us and if we can stand lonliness now and survive maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. Maybe it will be much harder for those that have families and might be separated from them because they have never been alone and then we can comfort them because we know what it’s like.

  • BennyL. says:

    @KP

    Exactly. Most human beings have a need for physical and emotional companionship. I’ve been lonely my entire life, and whenever I’ve tried talking to someone at church (when I still attended), I would get some condescending smile and a cliche comment such as “You have to learn to let God’s love be enough”, which is such garbage. You seem to have more faith than I do. I have hardly any left. But expecting God to “be enough” when you’re lonely and everybody else in your life has someone IS ridiculous.

  • KP says:

    You are totally ridiculous to think that you should stop looking for a spouse because God is going to fulfill your heart! God is not going to hug you and kiss you and physically comfort you…it’s easy for people to say that when they have someone special in there life. I’m not saying don’t believe but be realistic and know that being lonely sucks and God can not fill that void to make you happy!

  • Renee says:

    @Dave 2.0 thanks yes it is over the counter ones. Thanks for sounding the warning, i will try to wean myself and see what happens. I am an active person who goes for jogs and walking mostly in the evening after work so had thought that this alone would tire me and help me sleep but so far not working. I think i got affected last year when i turned 45 and was now worrying about being single for life…but oh well i guess its what it is. @Ezi Patience, i thank God that going to other churches worked for you and that you met you husband. May God receive the glory for that indeed. You are one of the chosen few lucky ones i guess :). Unfortunately for me I dont want to visit other churches for wrong reasons i.e to try and meet a potential as it were. For now with the way I have been feeling I guess i need to just try to worship God because He is God and nothing else. I am so scared of raising false hope and expectations and i think it will crush me down even further than where i am currently at. I have n0w become more of an introvert because i fear rejection be it with fellow sisters or with males. I hate putting on a facade etc…so for now i guess I am where i am, if my situation will ever change it will be because of God’s grace and mercy not because i have prayed, believed , fasted etc….

    @Celine sorry and I hear you loud and clear and cyber hugs to you :). Rejection sucks and I hope that you wil be able to patch things up with your family. The world can be lonely place indeed but oh well……que sera sera. Be blessed

  • Celine says:

    Hello Renee,

    If you ever want to e-mail let me know. I understand where you are coming from Renee about people having only limited time or people make excuses and say they are busy. I think it’s just the times we live in. One of things in the endtime church is people will be unloving and without natural affection. That is the book of Timothy. We just need to forgive them because I think many don’t even think about when someone is hurt. People reject without even knowing they are rejecting others. It’s a sin that’s become normal. I think the devil has really blinded the Body of Christ in this area because otherwise it wouldn’t be so rampant. He has blinded people to not even see that they are doing it and blinded them not to care if they do it. I’m going to focus more on my family and I need those relationships to be restored. I’ve been rejected by them but I need to reach out to them even if I’ve been rejected in the past. I think it might be best to reach out to the lost and show that despite the rampant rejection in the Body of Christ that you and I will not reject the lost or reject others. God will need to show people this issue. I also think it’s just how society has become especially here because I live here. I think and hope things will change when we can’t hold on to temporary things anymore like money and our comforts and they will be gone and we will go through the same things as in far off countries. comforts, jobs, money aren’t bad things and I’m glad we have them but when I look at the book of Acts people were willing to give those up to help others and really care about each other. This didn’t mean they didn’t have those things but were willing to share. We are far from that but I have hope as the economy becomes something we can’t cling to anymore than real love will be there. Anyway I know I repeat myself but I think we just need to keep hearing it until it sinks in that just because there are those that are not hurting in the Body of Christ and and they have a job and family they shouldn’t be so cold hearted and not care about those that are without those things. Jesus was not selfish and if we are to be like Christ The Body of Christ is without excuse to act like that. I don’t mean everyone. I’m preaching to myself as well. I pray a miracle happens and God will reveal the coldness.

  • Celine says:

    I’m so sorry you are going through this Renee. Please don’t give up. Jesus Christ took care of everything on the cross. I need to believe that but it’s hard. I have tried to get rid of the pain by sleeping too much and not eating but it doesn’t solve anything. I do get depressed because I don’t really like who I am what I look like and I wish I was normal and I wouldn’t be rejected.

    Yes I agree visiting other churches is good but too many voices do get confusing. I tried it but people only want small talk or don’t talk to me at all. I have to be content alone or content if I have at least some time with others. We just need to love each other and stop rejecting each other. The Body of Christ is hurting but sadly we don’t deal with the issues of rejection in the Body of Christ. It appears to be either ignored or people don’t even think about it. Rejection has become normal. I think we do need to deal with it because there are so many lonely believers out there. I don’t mean everyone but I do think it is a problem. I believe once we understand what Jesus did for us on the cross then we can have victory.

    I do agree with Chris that many times we have our own plans. I just listened to a sermon like that.

  • Honestly it feels good to be here but I don’t know where to start from. I have been written here for close to 2years very depressed and had no one to talk to am my juniors and seniors are all married but I kept praying and telling God I don’t want pregnancy before marriage as that was the only offers coming.

    At 32 I have been trough marry trials do u know what I have been in my church for over 17years but I decided to join other worship ministers in oher church that was were I meet my husband out of my state. I went to camp and meet a man god kept for me all these years. My sincere advise. Have faith. Believe God created you to be great. Walk in God Exo 33vs 12. Lord teach me your ways and visit other church

    God bless u

  • Chris Chris says:

    renee…my suggestion was to visit other churches, not change churches. we can only meet new people by getting out and mixing. remember the principle of the promised land. the jews were given the land but they needed to go in a possess it. faith has its challenges but they are worth the effort to go through, to obtain the prize of our faith. hebrews 11. blessings!

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @ Renee, As a lifetime insomniac I know how loss of sleep can drag you down, more than just physically but mentally and emotionally. If your are self medicating with over the counter products I would strongly suggest you see a physician for this condition. I tried over the counter for years only to have them backfire on me and ended up taking extremely large and dangerous doses to work, lack of sleep will make you desperate, it will drive you to desperate dangerous levels, been there done that. There are many prescription sleep aids that are non addictive and very cheap in the generic forms. Please see a Dr if you have not already…i know what i speak of….I have insomnia, night terrors, and sleep walk on top of a General anxiety disorder. I have no idea why God made me such a walking basket case…but there is help that will make what seems like an impossible situation much better. Good Luck and Good health to you.

  • Renee says:

    Thanks @Dave 2.0 Thanks, I am not an alcoholic and i hope it wont get to that . Yes the weight gain i have noticed although i try to go jogging/walking most times. I hope that God will be merciful to me so that i keep on the straight and narrow for His glory and I wish this didn’t have to come with pain……i have been struggling with insomnia for more than a year and most times i use sleeping pills which work sometimes and sometimes they dont work and i go through the day with a heavy head and feelings of hopelessness…i hope that God will pick me up where i am at and make things okay…..

    @Rashid, thanks all i know is I dont know anymore….i really dont know…..it’s up to Him and can never force Him…its entirely up to God….at times i just wish that my time on earth be up so that I leave these earthly sorrows behind…in all my walk i have never been this shaken and despondent in my walk with Christ so i hope He will have mercy on me a sinner and help me out of this rut…i dont want to miss heaven…..

    @Chris thanks for the prayer…i hope God answers you, but i dont want to keep changing churches anymore as now some of the doctrines have confused me more…..and that scripture in hebrews..it somehow discourages me since some of them just believed unto death with nothing tangible on this earth….so why cant God just take away the desire so that i dont leave in false hope…He knows what he has already designed for my life so why punish me with false expectations…sorry good people i know you mean well but somehow because i have been in this situation for long am discouraged…i dread getting up in the morning…if only i could see some answer even if it means i dont feel like getting married etc…i will be okay..bless you all

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Renee, Dave 2.0 here I’m not going to spout any Bible verses at you or Sunday school answers, But I am concerned about you and the drinking, as someone who has alcoholism in my family your drinking for comfort/release/escape deeply concerns me. I drink on occasion just socially maybe once a week. Several years ago i found myself drinking everyday several drinks at night after work and going to liquor store every week for a new bottle were as normally a bottle could stay in my house over a year before being emptied, but it was the only thing that made me feel better. This also cause a quick weight gain, i knew something was not right. I went to Dr and was diagnosed with Hypoglycemia and a mild case of depression, the Hypoglycemia had brought on the depression because I felt bad all the time, the sugar in the alcohol made for a quick fix. I had to make a few lifestyle changes in the way I eat and add an exercise regiment to my weekly routine. Now 50 pounds lighter and healthier. Just concerned for your health.

  • Rashid says:

    Renee
    if God put a desire of getting marry in your heart why He will change God do not change He wants you to get marry now it is up to you to make effort to find your partner that is why you have strong urge to get marry because God want you to have you must clear your thought about a man of your dream and I am sure you will find someone and be easy and approach able men get scare if they are not sure

  • Chris Chris says:

    renee…not all churches are created equal. if you want, i can check on some other churches for you. just give me city and country. also get on settingcaptivesfree.com for their course, new wine so you can become free of drinking….jesus encourage renee today that you have her in your hands. nothing can harm her. help her to not harm herself. you have the answers if we will only seek to understand how to act on the faith you have given us in agreement with the héroes of faith we find in hebrews 11. thanks jesus for blessing renee today!

  • Renee says:

    @Rashid, thanks its not easy to keep holding on unless God performs a miracle in my heart that I will know with certainty that it His will for my life….Yes i know what i want ..i used to set my standards so high but with age i became realistic but still so oh well may God have mercy on me..i just don’t want it to consume me..i just want to be okay and see things in perspective…….i am tired of being hopeful
    but with nothing tangible coming to pass…..i am tired of crying so thats why am thinking that if the desire is not there i will be fine….

  • Rashid says:

    Renee
    don’t supreme the desire of marriage you need people who can help someone will come along increase your desire of marriage

  • Rashid says:

    Renee
    Are you clear in your heart what are you looking the type of partner ?

  • Renee says:

    @ Rashi thanks, but I really don’t know what to do anymore so i am trying to suppress the desire for companionship and marriage…..cause am getting more convinced that God seems to be in different despite praying, waiting and wanting to do things properly

    @Chris thanks, but its not like the church people are there for me 24/7, but anyway still they are not really there for me……people get tired and cant baby sit a 46 year old woman…..i am on facebook, twitter, skype whatsapp etc, but people can only chat with me for a limited time and i get to being lonely…so now i have started drinking to help me cope…not getting drunk yet…and i hope i will maintain that cause i dont want to miss heaven and miserable for eternity and my life was miserable as it is…..i really dont mind taking the desire for marriage away from me as long as i can just not feel the void…..bless you all..

  • Rashid says:

    Renee and J
    We are not going look backward just March forward and do something for you to get what do you want in life Jesus name Amen

  • Chris Chris says:

    renee…i am sorry to hear of your difficulties. as a married person, sometimes i long to be single. when i was single, i longed to be married so we do need to keep all of this in perspective. at the same time, we know that we have the body of christ for our family to always look to for support, so you will never be totally alone. you have lived through the hardest years of not being married. as jesus told paul, his grace would always be sufficient for us. yes, continue to believe for your spouse. Gods promises are not affected by our calenders or watches but also realize the bible says we are complete in christ. noone can make you any more complete than you already are in jesus as col 2.10 says. check out christiansinglesnetwork.org, christianconnection.com, christianmingle.com, eharmony.org for opportunites to meet people online as well….lord help renee now in her need. we all need more of you. grant her her desire for a husband. we know she has been prepared for this day. thanks for listening to our cries and showing renee how to connect with more people and broaden her horizons in jesus name amen!

  • Renee says:

    i got born again when i was 25 and i was still a virgin. I began praying for a husband at that time but where i was in a space where i wanted to please God , was involved in ministry, was zealous to evangelize as well etc and was happy and content believing that one day God would answer my prayer for a spouse. i had faith for years that it would happen in God’s time and each year would come and pass but was hardly discouraged about it.As i turned forty the struggle then began and i even started begging God to take away the desire for marriage, would ask for the Holy spirit to keep me company and fellowship with me ,would beg God to make me content, would bury myself in church activities and hang out with friends here and there …would fast and pray a lot, do all night prayers, ask pastors to pray for me and here in Africa would also go for what we call deliverance prayers etc , but still to no avail.Now i am turning 46 years old, yes still a virgin but sadly discouraged that I will ever get married. I am still begging God to make me content, to fellowship with me always but sadly i am not feeling his touch and i now dread having to face each day feeling lonely and highly despondent where i now think that something is wrong with me and that God doesn’t want me to get married. I am okay if that is His will for me but I just want to be happy and not feel the unbearable loneliness that I am feeling right now. I am still begging God to take away the desire for marriage if its not meant for me but as I write I am still in tears .

  • J says:

    I found the answer to my issue. There was an abusive relationship that I was in several years ago where I was also raped more than once. It affected all the relationships in my life but I blocked it out and didn’t remember why.

  • Chris Chris says:

    Carl…i am sorry to hear of your struggles. we know that although times may change and people may change, God remains the same. God, being God, could never be unjust with anyone. he is fair and loves us all the same. the question then remains, am i walking in covenant relationship with christ and obeying his plan for my life, including the person he would have to be my wife? so many times we are not connected or in harmony with what God wants for our lives. we have our own plans, our own will, our own concept of who our wife should be and by doing so we tie Gods hands and he is unable to give us the person he knows is best for us and therefore we remain in a stalemate of changelessness. i encourage you today to be sure jesus christ is the absolute lord and sovereign of your life. that he is your true and one and only shephered and one whom you permit to guide you in his ways and not your own. as you do, you will find the abundant life jesus came to give you, begin to unfold before your very eyes. for more information on knowing jesus as your lord and savior, you can log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. . . i pray now that your eyes would be enlightened so that you may know the hope of the calling of christ in your life and have your needs met through him in his name amen

  • Carl says:

    I will never understand why God would punish many of us with no love life at all, and makes many others have one. Very unfair for many of us that really hate very much to be Alone, and what on earth did we ever do Wrong? To see so many couples that are still together today makes us hurt very much, and they had a couple on TV that just celebrated their 75th year together. Now we have so many women out there that are so Very Pathetic and very High Maintenance today which certainly adds to the problem as well, and it is very obvious why many of us men don’t have a love life now since it is very difficult meeting a Good woman to connect with. I certainly wish that i was born many years ago since it would had been much easier meeting a nice woman to settle down with to have a family, and many women and men had to struggle back then to make ends meat.

  • Celine says:

    Hi J, I’m sorry for your situation to. It’s hard to know why these things happen. I’m recovering to from OCD and autism as well. I started to write but erased it because my post was becoming a novel. I tend to ramble. Sorry it’s still a novel. I have visited other churches but people tend to just want small talk or they have bible studies but further than that people don’t want the relationships to go. I have observed where I’m from people have strict schedules and you have to schedule time with them like going to the doctor’s office. It’s seldom spontaneous. I’m from the Netherlands and ten years ago when I was there people would just relax and sit on a terrace and eat. There was no rushing around. I do get with people but they want to rush from here to there and it stresses me out. I’m not a fast person. It’s one reason I prefer to be alone. I I’m still like the old European way where you relax and just enjoy being together. I don’t like rushing or being busy.

    Europe has changed and it saddens me. People are now overly busy. I struggle the most with food here in the U.S. I miss European food.I somethings get to eat it when my parents order itIt tastes better to me. Also it has less chemicals and no gmos. I think it saddens God people are tampering with creation.

    I don’t understand why the land of free has so much tyranny especially with food, water etc. That’s why I don’t eat much I don’t like the food. I also love the old buildings in Europe. I don’t hate Americans I just don’t understand the lifestyle of people I’ve observed. I know not everyone is that way. . I came here when I was 6 or 7 and I people didn’t explain to me at that age why it’s so different here. It was a culture shock to me. I never heard of country music, Minnesota where I live, root beer and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I wasn’t used to the fast pace.

    Anyway I’m sorry for your struggles. It will get better. I’m sorry this post is so long.

  • J says:

    Im soo sorry about your situation Celine. What about firnds you have had in the past? What about visitng other churches at times? For me why i feel unloved is many reasons but i am still recovering from an abusive relationship where i was even raped, my family having different expectiations of me from my sistrs, and me finding it so difficult to absorb Gods love instead of these. Also every one of my potential romantic relationships fail…

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