Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

“Is this it? Just me, forever? What have I done wrong?”
Read Tia’s story.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: STOP WAITING FOR YOUR REAL LIFE TO BEGIN.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? You can contact us privately by filling out this form. One of our mentors will get in touch shortly.

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2,697 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Jack says:

    >>>Instead they go after jerks.

    No, R, you’ve got this backwards. Do you really think girls go after guys who kick helpless dogs; who swear and curse at an old lady walking by; who pokes a hole in someone’s tire; who smear feces on someone’s windshield? That’s the definition of a jerk.

    No, girls go after guys who are intriguing, alluring, mysterious and project an aura of bad-ness, not jerk-iness.

    Example: I’m the nicest guy in the world. But I’m tall and pretty good looking, even in later years. When I was 20-30 people said I was a cross between Timothy Dalton, Gregory Peck and John Cusack. Look at their pics and you’ll see they all resemble each other. That’s how I looked.

    Yet I never had girls attracted to me (occasionally, but I wasn’t interested in them) because I didn’t project this quality of allure and “bad” because I was a NICE GUY—-until I had to deal with an eye problem one time. I had to wear a pirate’s patch. Suddenly I’m getting all these stares and smiles from knockout, beautiful girls when I walk through a store.

    You see, it wasn’t my good looks that made girls stare at me, it was the black patch that immediately gave them this impression I was some kind of handsome rugged buccaneer who could sweep them off their feet. As soon as the patch came off when my eye healed all the stares stopped and I became the ordinary nice-looking guy again that girls never gave much glance to. The “mystery” was gone.

    So lesson learned; girls are NOT attracted to jerkiness–that makes them pathological. They ARE attracted to mysteriousness—that’s a girl being totally normal.

    In sum:

    If you’re short: strike one
    If you’re bald/balding: strike two
    If you lean toward the ugly side; strike three
    If you possess more than one of these characteristics: Game over! You’re out!

    In this situation, a guy should go into a profession that will make him lots of money because he’s going to need it in order to attract any good-looking girls. They’re called “trophy wives”. Sometimes they make excellent companions and will give you children and make your life comfortable as long as you can make them comfortable. “Happy wife, happy life”. For your information, 50% of the Christian marriages out there in mega-Churches are composed of these kinds of couples.

  • Kat says:

    R:

    What you say makes a lot of sense, in a horrible kind of way. I’m beginning to believe that God doesn’t give a rat’s rump if people are happy – as long as we’re obedient. BUT – we also aren’t allowed to tell the truth about being unhappy and hurting. We’re supposed to pretend that God is enough, Jesus is enough, and we want to obey more than anything in the world – even if that means we wish we were dead. God doesn’t care if we wish we were dead.

    The only way he wants us to be happy, is if we can somehow force ourselves to be happy obeying him and having only the things he wants us to have. I would much rather be enfolded in the arms of a wonderful man than stuck sitting on a church pew at oh-dark-thirty in the morning, wearing clothes I hate, listening to some pastor tell me what a horrible sinner I am (but evidently my money isn’t so horrible, because they always pass the offering basket around.)

    No – I have almost given up on getting any help from God at all, regarding my love life. I’ve stopped bugging him about it, and am trying to be content with a few scraps of pleasure and comfort like a good book in the evenings.

  • R says:

    The problem with that Angie is that the person writing this is not married. It would help if women were actually attracted to guys that are trying to be like Jesus. Instead they go after jerks. Then they have something to cry and complain about. Then when that relationship ends they will find another jerk and do the same thing over again. Then there is this stupid saying that women do this because they want to change the guy. What kind of messed up thinking is that? Or women like guys that are jerks because they have low self esteem. Little sayings to justify their actions. Women are so confusing and unpredictable! How can a man plan a life with a wife if you cant figure out what she is thinking? It’s no wonder why this world is such mess. I use to be a good Christian guy. I might as well have been invisable! Now this is just a small survey of people I know and myself. But if Christians can’t find love to have good Christan families, but worldly people are shacking up and having kids, it does not take too much thinking to figure out that this world is doomed! So I’m changing my way of thinking. I know God does not want robots but I now believe that He wants me to act like a robot. Feel nothing. Worship God. Die to self (which if you really did that marriage would be out of the question. ). Just let go of anything of this world and just expect nothing but praise God for everything. It doesn’t make sense but its scriptural. Praise you God for making me unattractive. Praise you God for not providing me with a wife. Praise you God for loving me so much and being so compassionate to me. Who am I that you would be mindful of me? You must increase and I must decrease. Blessed be the name of The Lord God Almighty. He is worthy to be praised. His love is stronger than my pain. I no longer have pain because I have died to any human feeling. All human feelings are lies and should be ignored! I should just be thankful to be alive. And to help me think like this I need to accept that I will never be married or loved. That this “life” is all just a test to see if I can learn to robot my thinking and to die to myself. Maybe none of this is really real anyways. How much of it really makes sense when you “really” think about it? God made satan knowing what satan would do! God made men and women so different knowing what would happen. But if I’m the one to blame for being a sinner, if God is God and He can do what He wants (and holding on to scriptures that I think might help me, that look like they give me hope only to find out that they don’t help has made my life terrible!), that there is NO last resort do this and it is guaranteed to help/work, then I, Me, the person writing this, I have to do something that makes sense! The only thing that makes any sense at this point in my life and will help me to live like God wants me to is to pretend that I am the only person on this earth. All these “people” around me are just situations that I will be around to see if I can be a robot and deny any human thought or feeling and just go straight to being a Godly robot that feels nothing. That I should just be happy (regardless of how miserable I feel as a human) because this is a day that The Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24. So I guess the trick is deny myself of anything human and realize that this is all just a test. The key to doing this is to change my thinking to what is more reality so that I understand that there are no people around me but only situations to see if I can praise The Lord in all things and turn the other cheek when I need to. This is my last stand.

  • Elkay says:

    tsebo, it is clear from your posts that your experiences with men have generally been unpleasant and for that I am truly sorry. Genesis 2:18 contains some of God’s first words regarding His creation of the human being: “It is not good for man to be alone.” This truth still applies. Throughout history, people have sought companionship, though sometimes the focus has been on quantity rather than quality. Even if we count hundreds as pals, we can still be lonely. Loving relationships are built slowly and with significant effort, affording us time to nurture only a small number of loyal friends. But it’s these true friends, not mere acquaintances, who will delight and motivate us throughout life.

    In order to develop loving friendships, we must love sacrificially. A relationship that grows out of selfishness or dependency will die as soon as the other person tires of the lopsided arrangement. But two individuals committed to giving without expecting anything in return will develop a mutually beneficial friendship. They serve one another gladly, valuing the other’s desires and needs above personal wants.

    Even in loving relationships, however, emotional and psychological injuries can occur. We all make mistakes. But thankfully, everyone who follows Jesus Christ has experienced pure pardon. We should, therefore, be prepared to ask forgiveness and be forgiving.

    Only by modeling Christ in our life can we truly commit to a friend’s spiritual growth. As we practice biblical principles, we will be able to encourage our friend to pray and meditate on the Word of God. The commitment to love, forgive, and motivate another person results in a wise and joyous friendship. I pray these words will help you find the man that God wants to be in your life, a man who loves you sacrificially and whom your also love sacrificially.

  • tsebo says:

    Okay I hear you Kevin, unfortunately they are very few men, very rare and can be counted, to be honest, for the most i have known, i have not seen anyone (except only a few) who are vulnerable to love, all of them are way too cold and one ends up thinking maybe they dont have feelings and have no ability to love and it is something that is impossible for them to do because they are used to changing women like underwear. Besides the bible says in the later days, the love among brothers will be cold, it is already evident, men dont really have love. It is men who are to love, that is why the bible says ‘love your wife’, if men cannot love, where is this world going, they need to lead by example God made them the head and not the tail, but they are losing this battle and cannot demonstrate the love that God expects them to. If men truly had love, i am sure there will not be singleness we are taking about right now, that is why i blame the men, God made them the head for a reason.

  • angie says:

    I would suggest letting I, ME, MINE go away and you will have a successful marriage.

  • peace says:

    wow some of these comments are extremely depressing ,….I actually get somewhat sad myself after reading these things so I don’t think I’ll be coming in this post anymore , at least not till I become strengthened in my singleness .

  • Kevin says:

    To tsebo,

    Wow! I could say the same thing about women. Seems women only want you for your money. Then there’s that BBAS (Bad Boy Attraction Syndrome) as so frequently mentioned here. To quote, “They (women) have no feelings and can never understand the meaning of love, they are selfish and always want to please their evil desires, that is the real truth why it is difficult to find marriage.” See, it works both ways, don’t it. ;)

    I too have prayed and prayed for female companionship but have gotten nowhere….yet. Just like most here, I too am so tired of seeing couples together while I am always by myself. Someone to share my life with and become one as God wants us to. However, I haven’t given up hope entirely and still hold to Jesus’s promise that he will take care of this need which I so Godly desire.

    I just have to hold on and keep the faith.

  • tsebo says:

    seriously i have had enough. I aint going to beg for any man to love me, its either you love me or you dont. If you love me, dont say it show it. i will believe what i see not what i hear. its unfortunate that there are no more men on the plant but just humans who wear pants thats it, they are heartless have no emotions all they think about is sex, they cherish woman buttocks my goodness gracious, men are useless indeed, they are horrible things, disgusting, they dont respect women, they are useless and can never be respected.

  • tsebo says:

    Truth is men are useless they are scared of commitment all they want from a woman is sex nothing more nothing less, that is the honest truth and reality. they have no feelings and can never understand the meaning of love, they are selfish and always want to please their evil desires, that is the real truth why it is difficult to find marriage.

  • Jack says:

    Aldo, I’m sorry but you’re absolutely wrong on nearly all points. Let’s look at them:

    1. >>>”as far as “Does God Promise You A Spouse?”, one can only seek the answer from God Himself.”

    Who do you think all the unhappy, lonely singles here were going to for an answer–their great-Grandmother?? I would venture to guess, as good Christians, they were all seeking out God for an answer to why their years of prayers were not being answered. At least that’s what most all of them have testified.

    2. >>>”Not everyone is meant to be married”

    If your greatest desire in the earthly realm is to have a partner then you are meant to have a partner, else God would not have said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4. Is there anyone here broken and alone for 30 years who didn’t take delight in the Lord at one time when you first started praying for the perfect mate? No, I didn’t think so.

    3.>>>”The secret is a point many of us overlook before getting married- asking God to send us the right partner.”

    Again, is there anyone here broken and alone, shriveling up like a prune from lack of love who didn’t first ask God to send them the right partner? No, again I didn’t think so.

    4.>>>”when you include the Lord in it, the difficulties and issues which arise are much easier handled than without the Lord..”

    That’s well and good, Aldo, when you have a partner when difficulties and issues arise. Most of the lonely, broken hearts here don’t have the luxury to even have someone they love to deal with difficulties and issues. They’d kill to be in a position like you where at least they had someone to fight with. And don’t forget, you have luxury of making up with your spouse at the end of the day and holding her lovingly in your arms in bed after a little spat that afternoon. It’s easy to say, “Far easier to patch up your quarrels with the Lord than without Him”. If only most of us were on the same side of the fence as you.

    5.>>>”So, is it too late for some of you to try what I am suggesting? Absolutely not!”

    Of course IT IS too late for many of us. What a condescending thing to suggest. Many here are 50, 60, 70 years old and have been alone praying to God for a spouse for half-a century. Tell them it’s still not too late to find happiness with a mate and start a family.

    6.>>>”All God wants is an acknowledgement from you that you want His help. Will He give it? If humbly done with the right motive…”

    Let’s have a show of hands all of you here who graciously acknowledged that you needed God’s help in finding a spouse. Wow, nearly every hand went up. Will he give His help? Did all you broken, alone lonely-hearts expect that God would answer your prayers when you did everything Aldo suggested?

    7.>>>”The answer is yes.”

    No, Aldo, from all the testimonies we’ve read here from people who have followed your prescription for decades for successfully finding a spouse—the answer, sadly, is a resounding, “NO!” Please don’t take my words for it. Just read through maybe two years worth of letters posted here. For every success story like yours there are 99 who did everything you suggested and God still failed them miserably. Facts are facts. What I’m saying is the truth. If I am not telling the truth, if someone who’s been alone for 30 years can say I’m wrong please step forward and tell me so. Truthfully, I want to be proven wrong. As God is my witness, I do.

  • Aldo says:

    It is true that it is recorded in Gen. 2:18, “It is not good that man should be alone,” but as far as answering the question, “Does God Promise You A Spouse?”, one can only seek the answer from God Himself. Not everyone is meant to be married is as true as not everyone is meant to be single. There are those who relish the idea of being married, and there are those who despise it. For the one it is a mystery of why it hasn’t happened yet, or why having happened, it ended disastrously; for the other it is an answer to prayer.

    The secret is a point many of us overlook before getting married- asking God to send us the right partner.

    In my case, both I and my wife-to-be were praying that precise prayer. We have just celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary. Oh!, I’m not saying that our marriage has been without difficulty. What I am saying is that when you include the Lord in it, the difficulties and issues which arise are much easier handled than without the Lord.

    So, is it too late for some of you to try what I am suggesting? Absolutely not! All God wants is an acknowledgement from you that you want His help. Will He give it? If humbly done with the right motive, He most certainly will.

  • curious says:

    Rebecca : I will definitely go check that out thank you :)

  • Rebecca says:

    I love you very much Dave 2.0, and of course with the love of the Lord. I have seen your comments from the past, I have seen how you have changed, it’s not your strength that i like the most, but how you humble yourself and kept the faith, this is what a Christian life is about, there’s always going to be some fight.
    I too have had loads of pitiful and depressive comments on here, because i was angry, then i realised that I was only building a wall between me and God by doing so and I was not allowing him to bless me or talked to me.
    Having said so, I still wish I had someone talk to, to hold, to care for…but this time I am patient, and I do not focus too much on it.

    @Curious, sure, can you check the link on my name that will lead you to my praying blog, otherwise you can try 365testimonies blogspot.ae
    I wouldn’t put my email in here because of spammers.
    I hope you can get to my blog.

    Thank you

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Curious, Thanx, I too think I am ready for the right relationship..my past relationships have not been right…unequally yoked, or drama based. I’m not a drama kind of guy, I like to enjoy life and have fun but also life comes with responsibility and is not a 24/7 party. I admire anyone who goes into mission work especially over seas. I don’t have it in me, maybe I have spoiled myself a little to much. Best wishes and Good Luck.

  • curious says:

    Dave 2.0 , I appreciate your comment ,and I’m happy to hear about your come to Jesus moment as you had stated .these days the enemy is everywhere that’s why we have to protect our minds in our hearts ,because spiritually speaking it’s extremely dark right now ,I’m sure you already know all of this, but I appreciate your comments and your responses .I know for me personally I am definitely ready for a relationship I know that without a doubt ,I have never had an actual Christian based relationship and I know mine would be directed definitely towards marriage I am definitely ready for something serious . but it’s not about my timing is about the Lord’s timing in his will that he has for my life whatever that may be .:) I know there is a few things that I have to take care of before anything were to happen anyway so I might as well not rush it lol ,I know career wise there’s something that I need to do that’s been in my heart to do for a few years I’ve just been kind of going round and round about it ,so I guess I’ll jump on board and get that finished up and see where the Lord leads me ,me personally would love to do missionary work out of country and I know we can do missionary work anywhere that we are at ,but in my heart I feel very loud and not afraid to go out of the country and do long term mission trips I guess I’ll see what happens .blessings to you and your life .

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Curious, Good…but I do understand your point, I was at the point many are on this site are at, at one time and was probably one of the worst. God gave me exactly what I asked for and in doing so took me to the woodshed and taught me a very valuable lesson. What we call a “Come To Jesus” moment down south. I also understand your having been upset by some of the comments on here that are just plain wrong Biblically and morally, perhaps there is a serpent among us to test ones faith and fortitude. Peace.

  • curious says:

    Dave 2.0…..all is good , I think at times I just get a little frustrated because we all come on here for encouragement and of course to vent, to get out some frustration or what have you so I completely understand it just gets really discouraging ,when some people just keep posting over and over and over and over and over repeatedly how awful their life is and other things as well like I stated in my last post ,I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to convey . , and it gets discouraging but at the same time the only thing that keeps me on here ,is reading post from you, Rebecca and other people that’s what keeps me coming on here .,anyway long story short all is good and to Rebecca ,..are you open to exchanging emails ? I would love to hear more about the situation that you were in in facing and possibly be a prayer warrior to help support your prayer team and such ,if you are at all up for that just let well now I know the website organizer of course won’t let us exchange emails openly on the forum but they will privately exchange emails if both parties are agreed to it . anyway god bless all of you on here and till next time .

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Curious, I feel I owe you an apology, I must have overlooked the comment on here that “was OK with dating married men” You are correct thats not right.

  • Rebecca says:

    @curious.

    You know this article has raised a lot of comments, more than any other article, the other article that has a lot of comments also is Porn Addiction.
    Each of us has our own fight, some of us need to pick our cross.
    What’s happening in Syria (I am in the Middle east also) is truly despicable. They are the Christians who are not worrying about what to wear or what to eat, they are holding on to the cross and wont give up, that’s faith. We have weekly prayers here my praying team and I for them.
    While we also know that Abba Father takes care of the big problems and the small ones also, we just need to believe, stop believing is the biggest sin of all.

    love

  • rens says:

    Jack: wow! my ex dumped me for that, but you can be delivered from it.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Curious…its a little of both, some people are venting..sometimes you need to get it out of your system or even see it in print before you realize you need to make a change…there is nothing wrong with venting God knows we all make mistakes. Some of what you sighted about ” going after married men ” was meant in jest just a little joke to be taken with a grain of salt. Yes the world is an evil place especially for Christians now…the one group you can attack and know one will lift a finger, but in spite of that if we as Christians have other problems, preventing us from seeing the Glory God we will be of no use in the the battle for God and Christianity, because we are battling God ourselves.

  • curious says:

    after reading some of the comments ,I was truly wondering ,after reading a few of them some of them are Christ based answers and questions and such and some seem like non Christian views and going after married men and weird stuff is this a Christian blog or is this just venting ?…it’s hard enough to be a Christian these days like I should even say anything cause in other countries right now as we speak Christians are being murdered and persecuted ,for staying true to following the cross of Jesus Christ who is real and is still alive ,..this article just seems to be all over the place not the article itself but the comments ,everyone has the right to freedom of speech but just wondering to the one who created the article which I find very good and interesting and insightful ,it seems to have open doors to the demonic activity ,like I stated some comments are really uplifting and encouraging some are sad but an honest truth of how they feel ,but some are just downright rotten and filthy ,I Don’t Know Who am I to stay but this is my freedom of speech of just putting my two cents in not that anybody even has to pay attention ,

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    Did someone say my name?! LOL Yes I am still here. I have been out of dating game for about six months due to leg injury and last realtionship…that I was not equipped to handle.

  • Rebecca says:

    @Sarah, yes indeed, I also have noticed the same, like the verse that says delight in the Lord, he will give you the desires of your heart.
    Hence if your heart desires a spouse, just delight in him.
    Though couples who are predestined, is wonderful, one e.g is Jack here….God knows his heart and his patience so he destined him to have this wife, you are blessed Jack.

    @Kat, there used to be a lot of smart, interesting and intelligent men in, Dave 2.0 is one of them, Steve also, though I have not seen him in a while, there used to be many on here who made an impression, strength and humility to God is an appealing character of a Christian man.
    I really hope you are blessed with a single christian man one day Kat :)

    love

  • Kat says:

    Jack, if you’re married, why are you hanging out on this thread?

    It figures the smartest, most interesting man here is married, LOL.

    Well, I am not averse to dating married men. So if you ever decide you need someone enjoyable in your life, give me a holler. [g]

  • sarah says:

    I’ve been doing a lot of research on the whole idea of free will vs. predestined spouse and I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that I think it’s different for every person’s life. I’ve seen some couples where you look at them and think, wow! God totally designed them for each other, their lives, their backgrounds, etc, mesh so perfectly… but then I look at some of the ways in the OT where God obviously meant Rebecca for Isaac (and told his servant to go find her and she’d be at the well). Obviously, Joseph and Mary were meant for each other, Ruth and Boaz, that OT prophet who married the prostitute etc, so I do believe there is definitely some precedent in the Bible for pre-ordained relationships. I think there’s not a one-sized fits all approach regarding how God brings (or doesn’t bring) people together in marriage.

  • Chris says:

    bahnanas….i regret to hear of your struggle…yes life can be challenging in different ways. marred life can be a help for a lonely person but many married people are lonely also. the person we marry is always changing like anyone else, sometimes for the better and many times for the worse so we cant look at marriage as a solution to lonliness. only jesus and his true body of believers can be our true family. yes, keep praying for a husband. thats fine. be visiting churches to meet new people but be sure you cultivat your communion with christ because he is the only friend guaranteed to never leave you. if you are unsure of your relationship with christ as your personal savior, log onto…knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray you find the true fulfillment in life through christ as yor closest companion and by seeking him and his kingdom, he promises to supply whatever else you may need. you can trust him about that as you do. blessings!

  • Bahnanas says:

    I commented on the post before…at that time I was still a little hopeful. I believed that God was still preparing me and also preparing my future husband. Today, I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know if God exist…and if he does exist then he has forsaken me. Starting to believe that maybe God brought us to this world but we are responsible for our own destiny…through our thoughts, words, and actions we create our own reality. Do you know what lonliness feels like? I can’t describe the feeling but I know it hurts to the point where I medicate myself to fall asleep and I’ve often thought “if only I can die, so I won’t feel this pain.” Loneliness has always been a part of my life…even as a child I felt unwanted and unloved. All my family and friends are married…I’m 41 and still alone. I honestly believe God will never show up in my life. I’ve seen the worst ppl in the world always finding love. They leave one and 2 days later have someone new. I believe I’m still here because I have to raise my daughter. I’m so tired if this loneliness. I’m tried of my daughter seeing me without a partner.

  • Jack says:

    Hi Kat. You’re sweet. ;-)

    But when I said I was the perfect spouse for someone, I meant it literally. I am married to a woman who doesn’t realize I am the perfect spouse for her. She has a borderline personality disorder and sometimes is an angel and then other times is like a demon from hell. She IS saved, but these things are biological, not spiritual. For 35 years I have had to patiently deal with her often sudden dramatic mood changes. Often I’ve felt I’d have a heart attack (I’m older, by the way) by the sheer “darkness” that would descend on her and how she’d verbally and emotionally abuse me. But I love her dearly and I believe my God-given task is to look after her until He calls me home. Hope that explains things.

    By the way, I would be a perfect example of God placing a Christian with what looks like the completely wrong spouse, as we are like oil and water in a hot pan. But God’s ways are higher than ours so I trust He knows what He is doing. Good luck.

  • Kat says:

    Rebecca:

    >>>>Jack, honestly answer me do you think you can be a perfect spouse for someone?

    Jack:

    Rebecca, I AM a perfect spouse for someone. ;-) She just doesn’t know it.
    ————————-
    Kat:

    Hey, Jack,

    How about me? I like the way you think and your realistic outlook on life. Where do you live? :-)

  • Rebecca says:

    Aw Jack,

    How cute…haha :-)

  • jack says:

    >>>>Jack, honestly answer me do you think you can be a perfect spouse for someone?

    Rebecca, I AM a perfect spouse for someone. ;-) She just doesn’t know it.

  • Rebecca says:

    When I asked God, why don’t I have a husband just like everyone in here is asking.
    he said to me, because you are broken let me fix you first, there are many broken ppl out there…they are not fit for a relationship. If they can have a relationship with me and accept my peace and trust me…then they will be able to handle all kind of relationships.
    I am a work in progress and so is everyone In here otherwise you wouldn’t be asking for a spouse.
    Isaiah 26:3

  • Rebecca says:

    Jack,
    Very good explanation.
    where is God?
    It’s a question of believing. I believe he is in me and I feel it. After having asking him why why why is there not a man for me….why do I feel like I need to have a husband….?
    All I got was silence.
    but I never stopped believing and THEN he talked to me in HIS words.
    But that was between Him and me, if you want to know and have all your questions answered be at peace with God first.
    No parents can give advise to a child while he is having a tantrum.
    PLEASE note that you may come up with all kinds of hypothesis from research or from the world’s wisdom and at the same time using the bible but it’s between you and God, he will answer, if only you’d listen.
    Jack, honestly answer me do you think you can be a perfect spouse for someone?

  • Jack says:

    Rebecca, I appreciate you addressing my question. The issue I raise is not “should we rush out and marry the first person we meet”. The issue is, “As God’s child, a God who said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’ (the belief that God saying this is license for every Christian lonely-heart to expect God to deliver the perfect spouse to them is such a universal precept that I won’t even attempt to refute it, although it is a false precept) why do we then spend 50 years praying to God for the perfect spouse and after X number of years, say

    “Lord, why are you not hearing my prayers? Why don’t you give me a spouse? Did you not say, ‘It is not good for man to be alone’? Why then are you keeping me alone. Am I going to die alone, unwanted and unloved–no children to carry on my name–when I’m 70, after 50 years of praying to you? Is this how my life is going to end? Where are you? Why aren’t you fulfilling the desires of my heart like you promised you would?”

    Does that prayer sound familiar? It should. If you’ve read any number of posts here like I have you will find no less than 100 similar questions from lonely, frustrated Christians here in just the last 2 years alone.

    No Christian should ever go out and marry the first person they meet. Usually, 99% of the time it ends disastrously like your did. But a single Christian has several options open to him/her:

    1. (s)he can pray to God for the rest of their lives, a roll of the dice, quite frankly, and a relatively few lucky individuals (1%, in fact) will get the marriage of their dreams. The rest will end up alone for the rest of their lives or find themselves in sterile, or unhappy, or dangerous marriages that will end in divorce if they’re lucky, or violence/murder if they’re not.

    2. (s)he can take matters into their own hands and bypass God altogether and have the results as No. 1

    3. (s)he can throw in the towel and resign themselves to a fate of singleness “There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:12

    4. the men can give up the idea of a happy marriage and just use prostitutes for the rest of their lives. While not ideal and a breaking of one of the commandments, it at least satisfies the sexual aspects of a relationship, but it can have dangerous consequences (AIDS, etc)

    You, Rebecca, sound like a person who experienced #1 and then reverted to #3 but are still open to #1 and are advising people to take a serious look at #2.

    But the overriding question in all of this is, “Where is God in this process? For most of us here He is MIA/AWOL, or so it would seem to the millions of Christians who have prayed to Him all their lives for a spouse only to end up dying divorced, or alone, or an unwilling bachelor/spinster.

  • Rebecca says:

    @Jack;

    I wont sidestep your question, but not much is known about, however I will tell you about what happened to me once when I dated an angry guy.

    We met online, because just about anyone can marry anyone, and this is what I wanted, I was desperate.

    He was very nice with me, extreme politeness and kindness. But when we are in public or with friends, he was a total disaster, he can never control his temper, he used to swear even at children on the streets because they are walking slowly, he could not handle a five minutes traffic jam, there was always a form of violence in his behaviour towards people in general and difficult situation, I was always frightened.
    Then i wonder, is this what i really want? Is this man ready emotionally? Isn’t he going to snap at me one day?

    That was five years ago, I havent had a single date since.
    You can marry anyone you want if you wish to, just post your desire online on any of those match making websites and any girl from a third world country would marry you even if they know nothing about you, because the man i used to date 5 years ago ended up doing the same thing.

    But is it what you really want Jack, or are you a strong person who wants to give love and receive it back in a healthy way because love and marriage is a gift of God, not a step in life as if it was a certificate of approval.

    I don’t know about you, but I do know that I am not ready, I have done all the kicking and screaming, but I wasn’t ready to handle an angry guy. I wouldnt be able to, I was terrified, I should have been stronger but I gave up on him because I wasn’t ready.

    I hope Dave 2.0 tells you what happened to him too.

    Why people waited 50 years and never got married, it’s because they did not take any actions, they kept going around that mountain for far too long, just like the Israelite in the desert, they are not facing the real issue.

  • seeking says:

    God please forgive us all for our unfaithfulness ,and you alone . spouse or no spouse ,that is the question we’re all here to talk about ,the question really is if he never brings one are you still going to believe he’s your Saviour that is a personal choice between an individual and the Maker of heaven and earth . we are on here to encourage one another in the faith ,not promising that God will bring one to an individual because we do not know the answer to that question only the Lord knows the answer to that because he knows the beginning to the end . this life is really really hard and I know that from personal experience as much as I can say for the rest of you ,it’s a battle between our salvation in our souls ,…we’re living in a dark age and where the spiritual battle seems to have empty out the last month even people I know on a personal note ever experienced and felt the spiritual intensity of warfare in their lives ,eternity is exactly that Eternity forever this moment here on earth is just that a moment …even though I personally do know that it doesn’t feel like just a moment it feels like an eternity when you really desire to have a mate who loves the Lord ,but there’s still the question of knowing and those that have knowledge of the truth and know that there is an eternity and in reality this life is fleeting even if it feels like it isn’t .but let us truly encourage one another we all have days of venting and that’s OK but somewhere along the lines we have to encourage one another to keep on striving and keep on going to finish the good fight to finish the race .

  • Jack says:

    >>>> “….but rather your refusal to place your trust in Him.”

    The question Kat and most others in here unlucky in love (no love) for 40-50 years is, “How many more years have I got left to trust Him, and how many more years CAN I trust Him when He hasn’t delivered on His promise for the last 50?”

    Think about that. There are people in here who say they have prayed to God every day for the last 50 years for a spouse and are still alone. After banging your head against a wall for 50 years what do you do when you finally snap out of it and say, “This is not accomplishing anything except giving me a splitting headache.”

    I know many are going to sidestep the question by saying, “Your attitude is not Godly, Jack” or “God will never answer your prayer if you can’t trust in Him.” or “You trust in Him as long as it takes. If that’s until the day you die then so be it.” But if a person prays until (s)he dies then the teaching, “God supplies all your needs” is pretty much a false teaching then, isn’t it? I mean you tell me, because that’s the way it looks to me and dozens of others. I’m just asking a practical question: “If God hasn’t answered someone’s prayers for 50 years until he’s ready to roll over and die, then what has been the point of even bothering to pray for a spouse?”

  • Rebecca says:

    I am sorry if I hAve hurt your feelings Kat.
    did you know that praying the born again prayer without believing doesn’t bring salvation?
    I think you should consider talking to your pastor, please have a face to face conversation with a man of God. This is serious. Not just about your singleness but your salvation.

  • Rebecca says:

    @Kat; your sarcasm doesn’t do anything to me. You are not the only one in here with no luck in love. The reason ppl are commenting on this article it is because they all can relate to it. But you are screaming on the top of your head for attention. You are acting like a little girl. And men does not find this attractive I am just saying maybe you forgot. No one can answer your questions on here certainly when you are emotional. God can answer you, but if you complain you will not hear Him.I am glad that you will be silent for a while I hope during that time you will be still and listen to what God wants to tell you. I will keep praying for you. I am in a very nice prayer group in dubai…and guess what? All of them are married couples I am the only single lady amongst them.

    @Dave 2.0 it’s good to hear from you again.
    love

  • seeking says:

    Kat..here’s the thing I didn’t tell you to shut up ,I said enough is enough ..meaning people are offering you advice you’re just not taking it ,in actuality some of your questions have been answered but it’s up to you to choose to want to see that .I’m sorry if you think that we are being harsh on you but sometimes in my life people had to be harsh on me for me to actually open my eyes and stop going round and round and round about the same thing when actuality it was right in front of my face the whole time .so there’s no need to be argumentative or place blame on one another but in actuality I think it was actually good for you to hear that ,and I think deep down you know it because you needed somebody to tell you that ,just like at times I need people to tell me that so I can gain focus . there is actually Scripture in so many words that backs me up on this ,I can’t speak it word for word but if you search the Scriptures in the New Testament you will find it ,with some you must be gentle ,and some pretty much in so many words you have to put the fear of God into them for them to hear else they won’t even take notice of the word in front of them …and to be honest in your last paragraph that you had wrote that I read anyways you sounded much more in tune . the once again as it stated in my last post that was directed just to you I pray that God blesses you with all things .may you have a joyful day be at peace .

  • BennyL. says:

    Kat:

    From your posts, I can tell you’re making the same mistakes I did, in terms of my thinking and attitudes towards God.

    First off, God doesn’t like anyone better than anyone. The Bible says “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. We are ALL sinners.

    Second, this decision to “sneak past God” will not help you. I can certainly understand feeling that way, because I once felt that way. Believe me, sneaking things past God will not fill the void in your life.

    Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that becoming “Super Christian” and devoting your every waking moment to church will make you complete. Far from it. You want a solid, committed relationship with a man. There’s nothing wrong with that.

    I believe that what’s stopping you from receiving God’s help is not any lack of willingness on His part, but rather your refusal to place your trust in Him. I know how hard that can be. It took me a long time to do that myself. But it doesn’t have to take a long time with you.

    Why do you desire a husband? Companionship? Love? Children? Romance? Sex?

    If so, then good. Because ALL of those are biblical desires. God said in the first part of Genesis that it was not good for man to be alone. Throughout the Bible, emphasis is placed on why Christians SHOULD marry and have children.

    Now, people will bring up Paul and “purposeful singleness”. But that was HIS decision. It wasn’t a command. Unless you are so consumed with working for the Lord, that somehow being married would harm your ministry and you don’t want that, then being single is not for you.

    My suggestion is to stop listening to the lies of the devil. Satan hates anything and everything to do with God. And he loves to undermine our faith. Stop listening to his lies. God does not love you any more or any less than He loves the rest of us. God is not same cosmic sadist who gives you desires and then forever prevents you from fulfilling them.

    Another thing you need to stop listening to, is the unbiblical garbage found in articles such as this one. God is not our “Heavenly Husband”, God does not command you to ignore your desires for human love (and sex). I don’t know where Rob Eager got the idea that we are supposed to be satisfied by being “spiritually married” to Christ. None of that is in the Bible. Stuff like this article is depressing and demoralizing.

    Instead, read what the BIBLE says about God. All the people who were willing to trust Him with their desires, and found them fulfilled. Now I’m not saying that if you desire lots of money or wealth that God will automatically give that to you. What I am saying is that if you have a desire that is biblical and fulfills God’s commands (“be fruitful and multiply”), and are willing to trust in Him completely, then there is no reason why God would not help you.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Kat, I don’t think anyone is telling you go away. Your anger at God and Yourself is so great that you are unable to take the advice offered. I’m not being critical, I have been were you are and its not a good place. Until you come to grips with your anger..you will never have any peace. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to make a change, that’s what it took for me. For me I had to forgive myself for my anger towards God and anger and hatred of myself and I forgave God and asked for forgiveness for my anger at him, after that I started over..fresh slate. No I do not have what I desire, but I have what I need…Peace.

  • Kat says:

    seeking and Rebecca:

    It’s very kind of people to pray for me, and I do thank them for their prayers.

    I’m not angry all the time, although I may sound that way. I’m just unable to stop seeing the facts that are right in front of me.

    The fact is: I have been unlucky in love, and God has not helped me.

    I’ve never been able to ignore facts and content myself with vague hopes about “maybe someday….” I need to see things right in front of me, here and now – be able to hear, see and touch them. Otherwise, I have a lot of trouble believing them. I believe there was a man in the Bible who was a bit like me. He was named Thomas.

    The only reason I did the born-again prayer is because I don’t want to go to hell.

    Like I said before – God is going to do whatever he wants, regardless of how I feel. So I might as well let go of the whole thing. Just try my best to stop thinking about it, enjoy the things I’m allowed to have, and quit asking God for things.

    In effect, God said, “Quit bugging me about your love life! I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

    So – I’ll quit bugging him. But I’ll never forget that he wouldn’t help me.

    And now you, too, are telling me to shut up and get with the program – you don’t want to hear it anymore. OK, fine. I’ll shut up. But I will never forget the good Christians who told me to shut up when I kept asking for an answer to my question.

  • Rebecca says:

    God is love, we are supposed to encourage each other, cry with those who cry and laugh with those who love.
    We are not supposed to hate.
    But some of the women in here makes me ashamed, their bitterness is evolving into hate for God and his Righteousness, be still and know that he is God, the same reason you won’t give a certain things to children afraid that they might hurt themselves is the same reason God wants you to grow first, the more you rebel the less you’re going to see his Miracles.
    I just hope Power To change remove this article, so people will stop complaining.
    Sharing your pain, and praying by accepting God guidance is not what everyone can do, unfortunately.
    I will keep praying for you, those who want to join me to pray please do so.

  • Rebecca says:

    @seeking, I agree to, and others who keep complaining should do the same, be wise and mature enough to just walk away.
    If you dont want prayers/guidance then what do you want?
    A husband, a wife? Do you really think you’re fit enough for a wife/husband, when you cannot even control your tempers?

    Well I won’t give up guiding and praying for you all: Please check what John Paul Jackson says about the 3 dark nights on you.tube.

    And also, single doesn’t mean dead. Sinning is being dead, and sinning is not believing.

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