Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)

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2,213 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Rashid says:

    Jenn
    He will provide us inteligence to understand other person wish for us and finding the real truth without any more delay in Jesus name Amen

  • Rashid says:

    Jenn
    Thank you for clarification I was thinking what :) you are correct Jenn it made me think after God who will be children or wife or grand parents

  • jenn says:

    sorry I meant to say he will provide us with everything we need not that ,you will provide us with everything we need lol..

  • jenn says:

    I think your right on with that statement Rashid. Yeshua will lead his children to the purposes to fufill his will in this life ..we may not recieve everything we want but I can guarantee you you will provide us with everything we need .:)

  • Rashid says:

    Jenn
    God does show his wish for someone. I pray to Holly spirit that he give me the wisdom to understand and God knows best for man and woman

  • servant says:

    be prepared to hear the trumpet call .

  • Jenn says:

    Rashid ,yes I would welcome any friends in Christ . I have had a revelation today one that I’ve had some times before but its getting more possible now and I’m starting to wonder if this is the walk that the Lord has for me to be single .not sure but the way things are going and what I believe the Lord is showing me and numerous other people even though yes we do not know the day or the hour but we will know the season of his return .I do believe this generation we will see his return what day in an hour I don’t know but I do know that it’s near .so well that being said I know the Lord wants what’s best for his children ,and if that means me being single and not having children till his return then so be it .I know I will have rough days sometimes but when I think about the reality of God actually using someone like me for his kingdom would be pretty awesome ,I know he doesn’t need me for anything but I know with all my heart and I need him more than anything ,.,

  • Rashid says:

    Trish Hicks
    God does have control on our life and provide chances to meet and love someone special that is God reward to us like children wife or husband for woman in return we follow the guidence go God.i have many many event that prove me that God power was with me other wise I could not do it without his love for me. I do believe it is urge of marriage, give and receive love, and sex in special way to someone who is only thinking of his partner.

  • Rashid says:

    Jenn
    I will like to communicate genuinely with woman like you with all respect if some way you value my intention if also God willing is there if not then we can be good friend that God choose us to learn and devolve knowledge and God intention may be God telling me as a man with good intention I hope I clear myself enough to communicate see if something is there can be value Jesus name Amin

  • jenn says:

    Trish, your comment is right on…I agree on what you wrote,and Ty for writing it so well:)

  • Jenn says:

    Rashid ,thank you for your comment .no pretty much think of it like this so are you saying that women should be the ones asking men out ?which does happen these days but I’m talking even about the role versus men and women ,I know there is been somewhat I shift over the century which is makes it even more difficult then for
    old fashioned woman like myself can never find a date because men don’t seem to like to ask women out on dates anymore or even communicate with them . .now with that being said yes it is scary the rejection part but how is anyone supposed to meet each other if you don’t take a chance .so what I’m saying is I guess I could be the one to go out and see a guy and go to me start talking but that totally takes away the role of the man ,I can do many things I’m not all girly girly but what I’m trying to say is is that I want a man that’s confident enough even though I might say no at least you have the guts to go up and ask ,and the other part is yes you should wait until the Holy Spirit leads and guide you and maybe you will get rejected and I know I probably will get rejected a couple times or something who knows all I’m saying is how is anyone supposed to get to know each other if nobody ever does anything ,in this day in age everybody is leaving it up to computer sites and dating sites and trust me I’ve tried them numerous times but it’s so strange to me people don t even communicate anymore like they used to when you’re even in a restaurant or anywhere its like everyone has to be to themselves and smile occasionally but don’t ever say hello….do you get what I’m trying to say is that if people genuinely communicate with other people more instead of computers and dating sites and cell phones and texting like you know we’re supposed to do then yes I don’t think there .that’s part of what I’m trying to say I hope it all came out right because it’s hard to write things down when I want to speak them , have a great day and I hope that helped God bless you ,

  • Trish Hicks Trish Hicks says:

    I have to say in this area of my knowledge of word of God, I really don’t know so much as God promising a spouse to one.However God knows everyone’s heart…….God knows each and everyone’s ability of controling the sexual urges God has created within us. There are many times where ,for instance Paul he was single all his life.Now whether Paul was created with the control or he just managed his mind to dedicate his life to the Lord,I am not aware of.What I do know is there are people God will create for soley himself.There are even times he will enable one before or after or even in between perhaps a break in between a persons relationship, God will want one sometimes them all to himself for a season.So in what i have learned I would say No he doesn’t promise a spouse. But one thing i do know when he knows the desire of one’s heart,as long as it’s in his will,and usually it is because a born again Christian usually always has the desire of God’s desires so therefore it is in his will. I just try to live by one main command,other then his laws and that is and that is (Matthew 6:33 Instead, desire first and foremost God’s kingdom and God’s righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.)

    I don’t really have scripture to back up everything here. I am just writing what i have learned. I do hope and pray i have been able to answer anyone who might have a question pertaining to this subject
    Many blessings,
    Trish

  • Rashid says:

    Hi
    Jenn I know your faith on God is strong how men should know what woman like to see in her potential man ? God will direct her to accept his wish to date.or we just sit and wait see Holy spirit guidence? I don’t want to ask for date and get rejected and many women going to start saying he is asking everyone.

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