Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)

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2,423 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Abdullah says:

    Peace,in the name of god the most merciful the most gracious. If we understand that a spouse is provision from god, and that he created us in pairs. Marriage is the way of the righteous and we should all seek marriage to be a lowering for our gazes, and a protection for our private parts. It should be encouraged to the young and old single people amongst us. And during our time single try to build our relationship with our lord and be happy with his decree. I invite all of you to worship the one true god and not put partners with him. He is above all of his creation. How could god be a man? Did you not see Jesus and Mary ate food and used the bathroom like everyone else!? Glory be to god! I invite you all to submission to the one god who has no partners (islam) as a way of life.
    Peace

  • Celine says:

    Dear dgphm:

    That is so true what Chris said. I was reading a book about people in the Bible in despair and how God showed Elijah it is the still small voice to listen to.
    1 Kings 19:11-13Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

    11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: 12 and after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. 13 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?

    Jesus loves you and doesn’t want you to desire cancer. It is interesting I read sometimes Jesus gets lonely to and he longs to talk to us. I’m sure he is talking to. I do have doubts if I hear God but I think God has been telling me to Love God more than my family which is hard for me. I do love them but I shouldn’t love them more.

    I want you to know you are not alone. There are many lonely people out there. I’m lonely all the time even around people because some are abusive and I want to escape but I know suicide is wrong because it makes God a liar. I’m not sure why God allows me to be around such abusive people but I have to love them. So those that don’t know God are blinded and we have to love them anyway. Anyway the reason I write all of this is to tell you that there are so many that don’t really have anyone. So I think I’m going to go help at a homeless shelter. I hope that God can use me to witness to those people and I think that would help you as well. Maybe you are already witnessing to those that are lonely and in need. They need the spiritual and physical food

    The people who wander the streets with nobody to love them and those that turn to drugs and alcohol. I think it’s time for the Body of Christ really to go out in the streets and really witness to those in need because some won’t enter a church. I desire that so much but I have to get cleaned up first.

  • Chris Chris says:

    dgphm…i am sorry to hear of your struggles. yes, as a married man it would be easy for me to tell you that marriage isnt exactly heaven on earth but that isnt what you want to hear. on the other hand you can know that jesus identifies with your struggles and doesnt condemn you for them. no preacher can tell you what Gods will is for you life. you can read the bible for yourself and see that God does in fact give us the desire of our hearts. why are you not yet married, i wouldnt know but there is no reason to think you wont be. there is no reason to give up your faith or your hope. jesus promises he will be found of us as we continue to seek him and listen to his voice to guide us. remember prayer is a two way Street. we pray but then we need to listen to christs instructions to lead us into our own personal promised land. i pray jesus today encourages your heart. that you wouldnt give up on your faith by what someone else says but be fully convined in your own heart that what jesus promises he is also able to perform. heb 6 amen

  • DGPHM says:

    Dear God Please Help Me. I’m so confused and broken and discouraged… Some people on here have been single longer than me and they find some hope and happiness in God. I am giving up. I feel tortured. I had no idea that life would be like this. That God could be so quiet. My prayers for help still go unanswered. I cry as I write this. I feel like my situation has derailed all my beliefs. I don’t understand how a loving, compassionate God who knows the future can be so silent with me. I don’t know if His answers are no or wait but I do know they are not yes. I cannot begin to describe how heartbreaking it is to be where I am. The pastor on the radio says that God knows what’s best for people. He kind of implied that its better for (whoever this might apply to) the person to remain single! This is heartbreaking news. This isn’t good news. This isn’t providing for me. This isn’t giving me the desire of my heart. This isn’t meeting my needs. This is creating me with the desire to love and be loved with being able to love or be loved. This is giving me desires that I don’t even want that can only be met by a wife in which God says if burn with passion then get married. But if I’m burning with passion then I’m sinning. Sinning separates me from God. A child of God will not continue sinning, 1 John 3:8 and 5:18. So my situation is a curse! Just like Judas it would have been better if I was never born! I just don’t get it? Jesus died for my sins. Past tense. I am a sinner even though I don’t want to be. Jesus defeated satan at the cross. Satan and all of his dumb followers are still messing things up. I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask for this old sin nature. I didn’t ask to be unattractive. I feel so cursed! I’m already weeping and gnashing my teeth on a regular basis. I’m so alone and I hate it! Alone, weeping and gnashing my teeth, it seems more like I’m being prepared for hell. What’s really sad is that I have found one great thing about hell. The option to love and be loved will be gone. Once the door closes I will know that I will suffer and burn and weep and gnash my teeth for eternity. God says that He will never leave me or forsake me but for me to write these things, can’t you tell that I have felt forsaken for many years? I’m in my early fortys. I have asked God to unmake me several times. Or stage four cancer. What a blessing cancer would be. I have fantasized about getting that news from the doctor and I rejoice. The look on the doctors face when I tell him I don’t want any treatments. Can you tell that I am broken? Is this Gods will for my life? My face hurts from crying. I just want it all to go away. No more pain, no more confusion, no more maybe God… I just want to cease to exist. I don’t deserve Heaven. I deserve hell. Please pray for me. I know God can do miracles. Pray that God will unmake me. Or pray that I can be blessed with cancer. Yes I know exactly what I am asking for. Dear God Please Help Me

  • sabi says:

    Susan, Thank you so much for the prayers.
    I am from Pakistan.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Sabi,

    I am sorry to hear. But, I want to encourage you, stand for the living God. He will never leave you. We have to make our heavenly Father happy. Don’t hurry up for marriage. Marriage is holy and if you wait for God’s timing. Where do you live Sabi?

    Father God,

    Thank for this time. Lord, we come again with Sabi’s issue. Lord, I pray for his dad. Lord, touch, change him and open his eyes so that he will know that You are the true living God. Lord, I pray for Sabi. protect him and strengthen him. Thank YOu for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • sabi says:

    I am praying to God,
    O, Lord ! I am sure you are hearing my prayers and i am glad. Lord, i love you and obey your command.I pray that you bless me with a right partner moreover you already know that i don’t want any non Christian lady in my life but my Dad doesn’t understand because he is against Christian and doesn’t like me since i have refused his demand.
    Except me no one is Christian in my family eventually i want to have a Bible but unfortunately my dad would not allow me but i am grateful to God that God helps me to study through Internet and it doesn’t matter but sometimes computer sucks my eyes and hard to sit in front of computer for long hours.
    Lord, please help me and bring someone to me real Christian because my life seems very complicated and there is so much stress from the Dad because he wants my marriage with his niece (daughter of Dad’s brother).
    I believe in God and have placed all my desires and dreams in the hand of God.

    And Jehovah God saith, `Not good for the man to be alone, I do make to him an helper – as his counterpart. ‘

    Genesis 2:18-24New International Version (NIV)

    18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

    19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

    But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

    23 The man said,

    “This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
    she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”
    24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

    In God I trust and anxiously waiting to see a miracle.

    I love you God! Muah
    God bless us all! Amen

  • sabi says:

    I am praying to God,

    O, Lord ! I am sure you are hearing my prayers and i am glad. Lord, i love you and obey your command.I pray that you bless me with a right partner moreover you already know that i don’t want any non Christian lady in my life but my Dad doesn’t understand because he is against Christian and doesn’t like me since i have refused his demand.
    Except me no one is Christian in my family eventually i want to have a Bible but unfortunately my dad would not allow me but i am grateful to God that God helps me to study through Internet and it doesn’t matter but sometimes computer sucks my eyes and hard to sit in front of computer for long hours.
    Lord, please help me and bring someone to me real Christian because my life seems very complicated and there is so much stress from the Dad because he wants my marriage with his niece (daughter of Dad’s brother).
    I believe in God and have placed all my desires and dreams in the hand of God.

    And Jehovah God saith, `Not good for the man to be alone, I do make to him an helper – as his counterpart. ‘

    Genesis 2:18-24New International Version (NIV)

    18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

    19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

    But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

    23 The man said,

    “This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
    she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”
    24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

    In God I trust and anxiously waiting to see a miracle.

    I love you God! Muah
    God bless us all! Amen
    fb.com/why.iamalive

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Sabi,

    Let’s pray:

    Father, I commit Your child Sabi and his desires in Your hand. Lord,Sabi loves You and he wants to obey Your command. Lord, I pray that You bless him with a right partner… a godly partner.. at the right time. Lord, fill Sabi with Your Holy Spirit. Use him mightily for Your glory. I pray for Sabi’s parents. I pray for their salvation. Lord, draw his entire family closer to You and help that family experience Your love. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I pray that You will be with Sabi, that You will guide them into the right decision of marriage, in Jesus name Amen

  • Renee says:

    @ Elkay, thanks for the encouragement I trust that God will show Himself strong in my life. Be blessed too

  • sabi says:

    Currently I am a member of cbc online ministries – Community Bible Church and joined that two years ago, since I joined I am feeling glad and very close to Jesus although except me all are non Christian in my family but I grateful to God and he brought some Christian friends to me on Facebook, it helps me to feel good and gives me encouragement. Ere I was unconscious to the God’s word but he showed me the right path. I pray to God please help me to find someone real Christian because I can’t get marriage with any unbeliever but my Dad hates me and wants me to marriage his niece ( his brother’s daughter ) its totally wrong.
    I believe in God and I am sure he will bring someone in my life forever.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Thank you Renee. As I read your post, two verses came to mind . . . 1 Cor 15:58 says that nothing we do for the Lord is ever wasted and at Rev 22:12, Jesus says He has rewards to give us according to our works . . . I pray these messages bless you.

  • Renee says:

    @Elkay, thank you for your message. You know what I got saved when I was 25 and was so highly involved with evangelism, intercession, crusades (I am in Africa :)), praise and worship etc At that time whilst I was serving the Lord I also began praying for my future husband, and I believed with all my heart that because I was concerned more with kingdom issues God was going to also answer my prayer for a spouse. Now i am turning 46 and still single so thats why the hope seems to be dwindling since I sort of think that maybe its not His will for me…….anyway He is God and worthy of all praise

  • Susan Susan says:

    Welcome Rashid.

  • Dylan Anderson says:

    Thank you so much Rob Eager for putting this up. I have had problems with not finding love for awhile now, and even though I am still young, I still wanted one bad. Little did I realize is that I don’t NEED a girlfriend or a wife, God IS my love-life. I need to accept that from now on and forget about having anyone else love me. Again, thank you and may God bless you.

  • Rashid says:

    Susan Thank you for your pray.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Mercy, Lynn & Rashid,

    I remember how I used to feel when I was single. I used to long for a partner who can understand me, talk to me, pray with me…so I can understand what you guys are going through. But the best part was, though I was unmarried(now I am married)I never used to waste my time. I was involved with church activities and it was really fun. At that time, in our church there were other songles also were there and we all used our time for the kingdom glory. We used to go out to tell others about Jesus, some were involved in welcoming new members, where as others involved in choir etc.. Then, whenever we get time, we used to meet and talk about what we have learned etc…So, it was pretty good. I encourage you all to start invest your time for the glory of God and at the right God will meet our needs. He is our good God; but only one thing we always have to remember, His ways are not our ways and His plans are not our plans but at the end if we wait for His time everything is going to be beautiful. We think only what we need right now(present) but God knows what is good for our future and work accordingly.

    Let’s pray:

    Dear Father,

    We come before You. You are the Creator of this universe. Lord, we thank You for everything..for our good health,shelter etc..etc..Lord, I commit Your very precious children, Mercy, Lynn and Rashid in Your hand. Lord, guide them, bless them with a right partner. Lord, I pray that You fill them with Your joy and peace. Protect them. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

    Friends, know that I’ll continue pray for you all.

  • Rashid says:

    Lynn
    we all have ideal that live within us and we try to find one. It is hard not only you many many other people. I think we all need to be more expressive what we search for.i have been single for 5 years but I am not doing anything to find one but same token I tell other I am in need of partnership but Bo nothing. We need to pray that Holy spirit help us all single to change ourself to do something for finding our ideal in Jesus name Amen

  • Lynn says:

    I’m 43 now & have been praying for years for God to bless me with a spouse. I try to practice celebacy but it gets very hard sometimes & I sin. I want to do it the right way but I fear I have pissed God off & I’m cursed. How do I deal with my lonliness?

  • mercy says:

    Please I need a man between 50s and 70 years of age. I’m black, please any race is welcome as long he is ready to love me.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Renee, every one of us goes through troubling situations we don’t understand, and it’s easy to get disheartened. But during periods of challenge and adversity, God is using the circumstances to prepare us for the future and grow us spiritually. We learn endurance through the difficult experiences and trials bring us to greater spiritual maturity. In the process, we find that our faith is strengthened.

    Peter tells us “there is joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. And when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” (1 Peter 1:6-7) Trust this promise.

    Dear Heavenly Father,
    Thank you that in the midst of uncertain times, Renee can choose to trust You because You are trustworthy. Regardless of the circumstances she faces, You are and always will be good. Please help her in times when her desire for marriage is overwhelming! Send forth Your Spirit and help her to trust you fully. Amen.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @Steve
    No offense taken, and you could say I took the easy way out, but a little history first. The first Anxiety attack I can recall happened when I was in kindergarten. My parents never took any steps to help me with this, I was their nervous child and was told to I needed to stop and get a grip on myself. So that what I did, i have always avoided conflict, new situation..etc. My next major flareups happened between my senior year of high school and about first two years of college. CHANGE is a major trigger. About 8 years ago I went on a cruise with friends, after the cruise they did an intervention on me because they were all worried that I was going to stroke out on them, they told me I needed to seek help. I take an anxiety med everyday, a sleep/anxiety med for at night and also have done counseling to manage it better. This last episode was the worst…I did not eat for 5 days, no sleep, dry heaves, pulse rate and Blood pressure at dangerous levels…I know if it had lasted any longer I probably would have stroked out. I took it as a wake up call from God and that I needed to get some things in my life straight before I brought someone new into it. I just feel that when and if the right woman does come along this will not happen or maybe I just meant to be alone, I’ve come to terms with that, I just know I can not endure another major anxiety attack like that again.

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