Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.


Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)


2,383 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • DGPHM says:

    Dear God Please Help Me. Does anyone know why God made women emotional and men logical? We know that God wants His people to get married. And God knows the future. So He knows that the majority of marriages end in divorce. I don’t and can’t for the life of me understand what women want. I have tried to be the perfect guy. What is the perfect guy? Women say they want one thing but then notoriously do the opposite??? Does anyone understand women? Even with the Internet there is no simple answer. How can I even try to build a relationship when all my logic tells me that women are emotional and emotions change? I’m not a mind reader. What I think is really sad is that I would really like to be the perfect guy. I’m just unattractive so there is only so much I can do and what I have done does not work. And why are women so attracted to jerks and players? How is it that jerks and players can do whatever they want and women will just love the guy more. Even if they get beat up. But the nice guy like my Dad, he didn’t make much money and I guess he just wasn’t good enough. Didn’t cheat, drink, smoke, cuss, was a virgin, loving and caring… Didn’t matter, divorced. What is the message here? This is awful and I’m sick of this mess. I don’t like the fact that I am being forced to deal with my desires that require a woman, not just a woman but a wife. What a mess this world is in. And because I am in this world, I’m a mess. So many single moms. So much divorce. I use to be a great guy but I am unwanted. I am trying and praying to be content. It’s not working. Now negative feelings have set in. Bitterness, anger, depression, frustration… These aren’t even close to the fruits of the Spirit. I wish God would meet my needs. I didn’t create me this way. I open to any advice that will get me out of this lonely place where I feel tortured every day. DGPHM. Dear God Please Help Me.

  • Your style is unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from.
    Thank you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity,
    Guess I’ll just bookmark this site.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    That’s good to hear Dave, connection with other followers of Jesus is such an important part of our relationship with Jesus. Let me encourage you to prayerfully consider who you could talk to about your anxiety issues and the recent changes you have been experiencing. I know in my life it has been such a crucial support for me and helps bring balance to my perspective on life circumstances.

    Lord God I pray for Dave as he looks to You for continued growth in his life. Bring the right person who can be a strong support and walk alongside Dave as he draws closer to You. I pray that You would help Dave shed the anxiety that can be so debilitating. Solidify his trust in Your care and provision in his life. Amen.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    Thanx, I have gone through the links Barbara suggested, need to go back through them again and again and expand on it, I have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember, the last 7-8 years have been great, this last attack I really thought I was gonna die.

    I have not spoken to anyone at Church or otherwise other than doctor, I think I scared him. I am a a private person and really have trouble sharing my problems with others.

    For whatever reason I am finding myself becoming more interested in Church activities…something you would have to guilt-ed me into doing just a month ago (Mom and my dear sweet Niece). I’ve started helping out at some events, I’m not an upfront lead person I like being in background, also considering at some point not anytime soon, but trying to spear head a singles ministry/group/meeting group as the Church and group of associated Churches ( we are non dom, but there is an loose org of us across the country) no longer have any singles ministry at all. When I was a younger man early 20′s they used to have state wide singles retreats at the summer camp we attended when we were children a few times a year, but all that stopped. I’d like to see it happen again. I know of at least 3 marriages in the church i attend that happened as a direct result of those meetings. That’s the plan. For the time I’m just following the path put before me. It feels great to have let go of all the anger.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    By the way, I think we should change your name to Dave 2.1 You have definitely gone through an upgrade :)

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Dave, I am impressed with the way that you are dealing with this new insight into the way God is leading you and how His Spirit has identified for you an area of your life that needs some transformation. God does not give us that kind of insight if He isn’t also putting things in place to accomplish that transformation. So how do you see God creating next steps for you? Have you talked to anyone at your church that you trust as a godly mentor about what has happened and why? I know Barbara had given you a link to a study in how to deal with anxiety. Have you had a chance to follow through on that?

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    Just a little update. I am over what I call my almost nervous breakdown, almost completely shut down. I broke off my relationship with the woman that was everything any a Christian man could have wanted in a woman. It was such a relief, it made me realize that if it was supposed to be it should have not drove me the point of an almost nervous breakdown/shutdown. I just let it go and decided to let God. I’m back in Church much to my families delight, I am alone but I am also content and for lack of a better term at peace with myself and God. I guess if the right woman does come along it will be easier and my nerves will not get the best of me. I sound like one of those Sunday school answers that I hate so much, but it is what it is. Peace out Yall and best wishes. I will keep ya posted if anything develops in the love and matrimony department.

  • Celine says:

    I’m sorry I did go to college. I don’t always think about what I write. Africa is a continent. It’s okay Jenn I correct people when they think Holland is a country which is not meant to be rude but just to inform people. The Netherlands is the country where I’m from and and Holland is a province but my point was simply people don’t put people down in third world countries if they struggle to find work and people don’t say they should just starve if they don’t work. God will judge the lazy. I don’t like welfare either regardless if it’s for the poor or corporate welfare but seeing some people starve is not good either. I think when the economy collapses welfare of all types will end or the economy will be rescued by a world currency before it collapse. You can tell them to trust in God but if they aren’t believers they would not understand. We as the Body of Christ just need to love them . Also I read an article that the church can’t help all the poor but when I think of Jesus and the loaves and fishes then I know he can provide for all those in need and I think we need to believe that so welfare can end. Anyway I think if we want to get married we need to love God and others because would we abandon or let our significant other struggle?

  • Jenn says:

    I go thru my phone and have problems at times with auto correct,so please excuse errors.

  • Jenn says:

    Matt,….really ?….not trying to be rude sir ,but in your last post to Celine ,does it really matter throughout the whole message ,that she stated Africa was a country ….I honestly didn’t know that either ,so thank you for being informative ,but not understanding your point . well obviously you’re pointing out that Africa is a country ,but for some reason I feel like you did it to make her feel stupid or something ….and that’s not cool …if u didn’t mean it like that please forgive me, but that’s what it sounded like….anyways God speed to all, may Christ use us to be his wittness and truly love like he loves:)

  • matt says:

    @celine.. in ur post u said, “in other countries like africa”. africa isnt a country.

  • Celine says:

    I llke to listen to sermons but I’m careful who I listen to. Actually I’m like reading books by Pastor David Wilkerson and I like the Swaggarts as well. I love Pastor David Wilkerson’s heart for people and it’s sad he’s gone but he is with Jesus. I like listening to his son as well but I hope they don’t get off in another direction. I like listen to old gospel music. I’ve been reading Matthew. I do pray for people. I have a prayer blog to pray for people in Hollywood and I wrote a screenplay with the Gospel in it and I hope God can use it. I would to be part of a ministry that preaches the pure Gospel in L.A. I’m far away from California but I have a big desire to help people there because those in the media need it has much as those that aren’t. We as the Body of Christ can’t put them down. They are lost and blinded and need to hear the true Gospel and not another Gospel and another Jesus. I like to read things from Warren Smith and really like apologetics and like to read about discernment. Also I’m writing a book about my life. I do need to probably put scripture in the book and the blog. I don’t do that enough. But you might not like me any of you if I say this but I learned that I can’t overcome sin through self will or self effort or doing a bunch of works. I tried the problems are still there. Then I learned to have faith in what Jesus Christ did on the cross for me and it does work but I don’t do it enough. I end up trying to do myself and I have to stop thinking if I do works which is good to do works the problems will go away. . Now some people don’t like that teaching and I think the enemy lies to us and tells us we can overcome sin problems when we do good works. Good works are wonderful but I’ve found they don’t help me overcome my problems. They help temporarily. So people can get upset but I’m trying to understand the message of the cross. I followed a ministry where they thought every sin was a demon and you just have to cast those demons out and renounce generational curses and I did all that at a meeting one time for a couple of days but I felt horrible afterward. It made things worse. I’ve tried counseling, reading Christian books, getting prayer which is wonderful and prophecies but the problems are still there. So I have to come to a place and realize I can’t carry these crosses and I need Jesus to do it and then I can have rest and not worry and strive. Anyway you can disagree but I know what has helped me. It helped with getting my driver’s license. I just asked him to help me and it worked. Anyway I tend to write long post but I encourage everyone to let Jesus carry your cross or burdens and rest that he’ll deliver you. That doesn’t mean be lazy and do nothing for God but when it comes to sin and problems only God can deliver us. If we could deliver ourselves then Jesus won’t have had to die on the cross of calvary.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Celine,

    Thanks for your post. You can post anytime. I am available for you.

    Celine, first I encourage you to get to know who God is, How much He loves us, about Jesus and Holy spirit etc. Because, when I started getting to know these things, I started realizing that, how much God loves me… This is very important. Then, learn, what God is expecting from us. He is a holy God and He expect us also to be holy. This can happen only with His grace.

    Start asking God for direction. Ask Him, Lord, I am willing but I don’t know how where to serve you. Celine, I’ll tell you God will reveal it you. Occupy yourself with (if possible)with church activities, pray for others, pray for other countries etc..etc..

    I remember, once I was in love with a boy(before marriage. We both were living in two different states and we wanted to get marry. But, one day he called up my office and told me that, he is getting marry to another girl. Date also fixed. I was like shocked. Today, I thank God for what he did to me. Because, God knew, if I would have got married to that person my life would have been miserable or whatever it is…God knew it before itself. So Celine, focus on Jesus, occupy yourself with lot of Kingdom activities. Listen to sermons/preaching, read devotions,pray for others, listen to good spirit filled devotional songs etc…by heart Bible verses. Don’t allow yourself doing nothing. I am sure Celine, God will use you mightily for His glory.

    God bless you Celine!

  • Celine says:

    Thank you for your kind words Susan. I still battle with anorexia and have fear of not making it. I’m very exhausted. I know people say let go of people in the past and things in the past and I know God says we are supposed to the past but what is painful is everyone that I love leaves and the most painful moment was one a young man who I cared about but it wasn’t the other way around left. I was too clingy and needy and I never got to say I’m sorry and he told me once on the phone we will never be together and those words still hurt. Then I asked him IF he cared about me and he said I was his everything. That makes no sense. But oh well it’s been too long and he’s moved and I have to even though I’m struggling to want to move on. It would be easier with friends and a husband. It’s hard to understand why God wants me to be alone and why he removed those that I love. I wonder why everyone I love always leaves. Anyway I don’t know where God wants me and it’s a struggle because if I tell people I would like to do this for God people are discouraging but part of me wonders if I shouldn’t do something because people don’t want me to do it.

    I would like to be used by God in a mighty way and I know some don’t have that desire to reach the same people. I always use the example what if Pastor David Wilkerson didn’t go and what would have happened to all those people God wanted him to tell about Jesus? I know people discouraged him too but why would he be able to go and not me? I’ve had a heart for those in L.A. and I don’t think it’s of the devil. I know some don’t care about those people but God gave me the heart to care and why can’t I go out there and be a light in the darkness to those people? People tell me it’s not realistic my plans just to pack up and leave but some would say it wasn’t realistic for God to use Moses to part the Red Sea or for Esther to be used by God. To the world those things aren’t realistic but we has believers are to be used by God in mighty ways and to believe God can use us and sometimes we need to step out in faith even if we have no support, resources, friends and only opposition and still go even if there are risks. What will we do as a Body of Christ when those from the streets come stand outside the churches such as the homeless, drug addicts etc. Will we say it is too risky to help or not realistic.

    What if I never go and at the end of my life God will be upset because I didn’t tell them about Christ and it will be my fault they didn’t hear.

    Sorry for the long post. I don’t have a lot of communication with people.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Celine,

    I know it is not easy to be alone and specially with hurts and pain. Thinking about the past etc…Celine, God loves you so much. His love for us is beyond imagination. He is God and He knows about our future also. He knows what is best for us. Celine, in the Bible in Matthew 6:33 says..But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. God created us to do His will; to live for Him and to worship Him. Why not start asking God, God change me; help me to start focus on You and Your kingdom. I want to serve You; teach me to pray, teach me to worship You; teach me to live the way You want etc… I am sure my friend, God will start working in your life. When you start focus on God and His kingdom, I’ll tell you, you don’t feel lonely or you don’t have time to think of anything. And when God knows our need and He will fulfill it at the right time.

    Let’s pray:

    Dear Father God,

    I thank You for this time. Lord, I commit Celine in Your hand. Lord, You fill her with Your presence, joy and peace. Lord, guide Your child and help her to focus on You and Your kingdom. Use Celine mightily for Your kingdom. Protect and bless her and I thank You for hearing my prayers. IN Jesus’ name, Amen.

    God bless you Celine!

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Norma,

    I praise and thank God for your testimony. Norma, our God is God who created this universe and He knows what is best for us and when. Yes, it is better to abide in His plans.

    God bless you!

  • Louise says:

    I really struggle to accept advice about being satisfied with singleness from married people. You may have great things to say, but it doesn’t really fly when you are home with your lovely wife living on for God TOGETHER.

  • Norma says:

    I’m Norma Jali from Durban I would like to take oppertunity to thank you guys and for most wonderful commentsyou hv shared and It giving me a courage cause I was one of this lady whererby I had anger with God asking Him why can’t He provide me with a husband and so many men will approach me after some months they will disappear without a word cause I had that anger even when I am with the man can’t controll my anger and I felt that Ghod doesn’t love me and I even said I’m gonna praise and worship himcause He doesnt even know if iam existing bt after some weeks I repented to God with all my heart and I trust Him when He says we mmust wait patiently unto Him and we must ask His Kingdom first and anything shall follow,thnk u very much I’m inspired and couraged by you sisters and brothers in Christ,God bless you,pleasee dnt hesitate to send me whatever will courage me on the above email

  • Celine says:

    I too feel lonely but I think I really believe for me personally it is because my walk with God is not so close. I listen to sermons read books and read the Bible but I don’t do it enough and I know that doesn’t get me into heaven. It’s what Jesus did and the cross. I can’t do anything with God. I have felt the pain of lonliness since I was 13 and I’m now 33. I saw someone I cared about marry someone else. He never loved me and I wasted 5 years of my life having feelings for him. He flirted with me and he looked at me a certain way and of course I didn’t know God so in a way it was best we didn’t get together.

    I met another person and wanted to be with them and they married someone else. Then their was a person that I met that I cared about and God told me I idolized him and I broke it off and that was hard. I know I hurt him. I called him back crying but it was too late he was gone. I didn’t know him very long but it still hurt. It is true if we are unhappy too long it’s not healthy. I have a lot of bondages so I believe those sins are keeping me alone. I love to be married but I don’t want to search and look. If God wants it will happen. I tried to search many times only to see them be with someone else. I don’t want that to happen again. I don’t understand all of God’s ways but someday God will tell us or will be so happy we made it to heaven that all those cares will be gone. I think for me personally it is also because I want that person to make me happy and that is God’s role. That person wasn’t created to make me happy. That person is created to worship God with me together and God needs to be first for him and me. I think marriage would probably be a distraction for me so I have to be okay with the loneliness because it better then forgetting about God completely. And friends are a distraction as well. Until I put God first and not focus on people and how they can fufill me I’ll probably be alone until Jesus returns but it’s better then the other person feeling like he needs to be God in my life and that can only lead to pain and divorce and a broken home. A person couldn’t deal with what I’m going through and be happy with me. I have too many issues and problems and God needs to deliever me first. Nobody deserves that and I don’t want that for anyone. Anyway this is getting to be a novel. I tend to write a lot because I’m alone so much so sorry about the length. I should go to bed because I only slept a little yesterday.

  • anonymous says:

    Celine there will always be love for God. But there will always be a barrier between people and God if unhappiness prospers. I do not know if you ever struggled with this type of pain. If you did you can understand that with the passing of time you can love and follow God with all your heart, but again majority of people are not ment to be alone. I’m 45 now. You can tell I still have time but it feels like I missed sonething in my life.

  • Celine says:

    I didn’t mean to attack anyone. They are just what I learned. So I’m sorry if I upset anyone. Okay I wrote a really long post but I’ll try to keep it short so I’ll make a list the following could be the reasons for people being single but we need to ask God. They could be none of these things.

    Persecution is coming and God doesn’t want us to see a loved one lost to persecution.
    The Enemy is attacking
    God is seeing if we are still faithful to him
    Lack of communication with God
    Think people can make them happy
    Only a few sections of the Body of Christ have real love and many people are overly busy and it’s difficult to have relationships with people if they only see each other once a week
    People put up too many walls and keep people out
    People have too many issues and the person is waiting because that other person has to be delivered from problems
    Jesus is coming back sooner than we think and he doesn’t want us to get to attached to the things on earth
    People try to follow God and be righteous through works instead of the object of their faith being on what Jesus did at the cross. Obediance is important but we need God’s help to be obedient and not through our self will
    People are called to be single because God knows if they get married they might come distracted by their significiant other and not focus on what God wants them to do
    False beliefs and listening to another Gospel
    Protection from people that could lead them astray
    Being in the wrong place where God wants them to be for example around a different group of believers
    We are in the end times and one of the things of the end times church is that people with not have natural affection and focus more on their own needs then others

  • anonymous says:

    So what? Are you literally telling me I have not seek God enough? Have not focused on God enough? I’m 45 years old now. The last relationship I had was when I was 34. I only had 2 relationships in my life and most did not last more than a year.

    I grew up with a Christian family but discovered Jesus when I was 23. I have been giving my life to my faith and my loving God but I think I have all the right to complain about this frustration accumulated over the years. I’m sorry to shut every other believer but sometimes God can be harsh. I understand that through his love and grace alone I can keep living each day yet I have to also defend my “selfish” “desires” I am but a man, an imperfect man at best.

  • Chris Chris says:

    R….its true that at times we christians may not express our faith the best way that we could however seeking God and seeing him who is invisible with the eyes of faith are biblical expressions. heb 11.1, Matthew 6.33, jer 29.11 to 13, John 20, heb 11.27. i encourage you to keep a balance. we sure cant change the bible and we sure dont need to. blessings!

  • R says:

    I’m so confused. I don’t say that jokingly around either. Why do people say we need to keep our eyes on Jesus when we cannot even see Him? What does it mean to search for God? You people are speaking christianese did you know that? Think about Jesus… I can do that. Study the Bible… I can do that too. Stop saying things that aren’t even possible. You know I have been a believer for many years and some of the ways that “Christians” word things is just wrong. Does anybody agree with me?

  • Celine says:

    Dear Sad Truth:

    It’s interesting we just had someone else on this thread that went through the same thing but God really helped him. I’m actually reading a good book right now. It’s called Have You Given Up Lately by Pastor David Wilkerson. I too am lonely and don’t really have any friends. This is what God is teaching me through this book and I already know it but so many people desire to get married in order that the other person will make them happy. I have been there and people feel it. I wanted other people to make me happy but it doesn’t work that way. God wants you to come to him and express how you feel and let him carry that cross. Also only God can really make a happy because people fail and they sin and they can say cruel things. A girl wanted a husband so Pastor David Wilkerson prayed for her and a husband came but three months later she came back and said she still felt lonely. Philippians 4:19 is a good verse. In the book it mentions that people struggle with relationships because they don’t really communicate with God or get bored with God. I don’t know your situation but for me I know that is true. I don’t spend much time with God and I rarely talk to him but it’s strange because I go to church and people don’t talk much to each other. So could it be we need to really focus on God. I think busyness can drown him out. God doesn’t want us to suffer and when lonliness becomes to much God will spend a friend. God doens’t tempt us with evil or do evil towards us. Sometimes we are tested.

    Here is another thing I wrote and I’m repeating myself but I listened to a sermon about lonliness and it mentioned somethings we are lonely because God is lonely for the lost. So maybe the lonliness is because God wants you to go out and witness to the lost and also the lonely and tell them that God wants them to have a relationship with him. Anyway I don’t want to repeat myself all the time but sometimes we need to hear things over and over again before we finally realize that’s why we are in the situation we are in.

  • The Sad Truth says:

    Well i certainly do Blame God that i don’t have a wife and family today which i am having so much difficulty meeting a good woman to settle down with, and i have done nothing wrong on my part. To see so many other very blessed men and women that were very lucky to have met one another with a family makes me wonder why is God doing this to me, especially when i see that all my friends are settled down with a family which hurts me very much. To be all alone and having no one is one of the worst things that can happen to me, and since God said that man should not be alone which makes real sense to me. And reading other topics that said a wife is a gift from God makes me wonder why don’t i have that special gift from God too? Loneliness sure hurts a lot when you have no other friends either, and i would never even wish this on my worst enemy. No one should never be alone at all including many women that want so much to have a husband and are having it very difficult meeting one. And i do feel very sorry especially for many of the women that wanted children too. It is very sad that cancer is a sickness that kills you very fast, but loneliness is a very painful and slow death.

  • Aldo Aldo says:

    Dave 2.0, I fully agree with Barbara Alpert. She has not only given you some excellent advice, but a website which you can go to and find the help you need with your anxiety problem.

    Allow me to pray for you, Dave:

    Heavenly Father, in Genesis 2:18 You said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” I believe that You have sent that helper to Dave. I ask that You would help him to realize and accept her, and take the steps necessary for that relationship to evolve into that which You desire for them. Grant Dave the knowledge of how to deal with his problem, and the wisdom to put that knowledge into operation, in Jesus Name I pray, amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Dave,

    I praise and thank God for your obedience. I am sure, you give first priory to God and for His word. Thant is why you want to abide in His will. God bless you Dave. Keep growing like this. He is for you, with you to bless you and protect you. Dave, His ways are not our ways. He knows what is best for us.

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Hi Dave 2.0, I am so glad that you decided to leave a comment regarding God answering your prayer, but how your anxiety is getting in the way of it being a true blessing. Here is a link to one of our LifeLessons on Dealing with Anxiety. Once you go through the first part there are several other related links that may be of great help to you.

    I once lived with extreme anxiety as well. It was very hard to be in a relationship. I thought that perhaps God wired me differently than everyone else when it came to being in a relationship with a significant other. However, as I learned how to deal with my anxiety it allowed me to finally be in a healthy relationship with my awesome husband and even friendships with others. I pray that the above studies/further reading will be a great resource to you and the wonderful lady that God has brought into your life.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    Well I have a confession to make, God finally answered my prayers and sent me the perfect woman, kind, caring, loving, liked to do the things I do, intelligent. family oriented even spoke with an accent and attractive…everything was perfect, except me…my anxiety kicked in and I have been in the grips of a major panic attack for the last week ( I have always had anxiety issues but have been real under control for last 8 years) Anyway God answered my prayers and taught me a lesson all at the same time. I am not mentally/emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship. God knows best, he has kept me alone because it is the way I function best, why I don’t know but I’m not going to question it. I have asked God for forgiveness and will no longer question why, I’m just gonna go with the flow and be thankful.

  • IloveHim says:

    You realise that you’re saying trust God but don’t depend on Him. God will pick a partner for us and being more social or deserving doesn’t influence whether or not we find that partner. Yes we should prepare for that partner but don’t undermine His plan for us with another practical plan

  • Celine says:

    Thank you for your answers. I’m trying to get closer to God. I can only think of two believers that stood by me through many things. So that’s why I question the fellowship. Some say they love me but I get confused because they leave, won’t talk to me at all or rarely or never spend time with me and wonder if that is love but I to learn to be content without much fellowship and I know I’ve tried my best to reach out to others and desire to have fellowship with them. It is better than not trying at all. So I need to focus on my family and spend time with them and it is hard because I love them but I know you need to love God more and pray that they will be reached. Why do you think Christians put up walls and why is it so hard for the Body of Christ have fellowship? I don’t mean all Christians but what I’ve noticed. Why is there so much rejection? It saddens me that many times the poor are attacked in the U.S. even from the church. I know it’s wrong to be lazy but not all poor are lazy. We need to be honest but not attack them. The poor in other countries like Africa aren’t put down. I’m still looking for a job and it’s challenging. I just recently saw a headline that some are being denied work because they are believers so it isn’t alway people’s fault. Anyway I don’t know why I mention that.

    You can disagree with me but Jesus had compassion on all even the poor. Why is it rare to be in meetings like the past like the church in Acts or during Smith Wigglesworth time. What do you think it will take for Christians to want those meetings? Will it take something like an economic collapse or persecution? Let us love like Jesus loved and pray for those that are struggling and if called help people find work or employ them. Not to do works but God wants us to help the poor, widows, people with autism, mental health problems etc. I’m not saying I’m for welfare but not all people believe in God and they don’t know to put their trust in him. I know I struggle with that It would be better if people worked and believed God would help them financially. It is true what you say Jeff it is hard to find someone and in these last day people are getting colder regardless what they believe. I’m not saying all but I’d rather be alone than with someone that only cared about looks, was abusive or was rarely there. I would like to be married but part of me thinks that I’ll get to spend so little time with him because he’ll be working and hopefully I’ll be working or I’ll be spending time with the kids if we have any I think it will not be much different than now being single. Even if I stayed home with children he would still be gone so much.

  • Chris Chris says:

    Jeff…the good thing is jesus never changes. his promises are true and he said it wasnt good for man to be alone. with our eyes on christ alone, we can receive!

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