Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

“Is this it? Just me, forever? What have I done wrong?”
Read Tia’s story.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: STOP WAITING FOR YOUR REAL LIFE TO BEGIN.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? You can contact us privately by filling out this form. One of our mentors will get in touch shortly.

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2,710 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • cuteButAlone says:

    To James, Spangler, Shaun, stop waiting for someone to solve your life, you have to do it by yourselves with the help of God. It is right there, where you experience the Real Power of God, when you surrender and realize you cant make it, then you will feel the Presence, support, and supernatural Presence of God in your lives, all you have to do is surrender and believe. He wont fail. Guys, if you let me give you an advice, I realized myself what made me sad and angry were all these lies from romantic movies, where there is a charming prince that comes to cinderella just because she is pretty and solves her life all of a sudden, they marry and that’s the happy ending. No-one-is-going-to-solve-your-problems except yourself: your addictions, your alcoholism, your low self esteem, your espiritual problems. Are you cinderella so good looking and with a fairy that makes magic for you to help you? NO, those are fairy tales, reality is that you have to work for your future, you need to WANT to change your life, God will be more than happy on helping on the process. And don’t hate me as someone who is married and “successful” and is trying to give you a lesson, because I myself am on patient waiting for a husband, but I learned the worst I could do is sinking on depression and self pity, when I found this article I felt in fact depressed and discouraged. It helped me to see I am not alone in all of this, and many people became bitter because they lost faith, so I never will. And it is not late for you either as much as you are alive, present time is a “present” that we have, an opportunity to make it better and change. Also, the comment someone did about a sad life and a hard time in disability made me meditate, about the difficult situation, however, again, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD. Don’t believe only healthy and good looking people are the only ones that get married. I can see real examples of life, faith and hope in real people like Nick Vujicic and Bethany Hamilton, the world could say they are handicapped or something is missing, however they have many more things that “normal” or “healthy” people. You see? no limits for God!! Both got married, he has a child, she’s waiting for a baby. What their spouses saw on them?? the charm of God’s love, that this love made them go forward and face everything , they are charming, confident, full of faith. So, it is your choice: sink on depression and wait fairy tales to happen OR give the first step of faith and work hard with God to be the best version of yourselves and can be you’ll find someone that loves you on the way. I think living this plenty can fill your heart and soul. Blessings and I hope my message encourages you

  • Chris says:

    shaun dickinson…sorry to hear of your situation….really, in order to have blessed human relationships, we need to have a healthy relationship with our creator since he alone is the only one who can bless us with people for our lives. isaiah 43.4. i would encourage you to log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above in order to start a personal relationship with you creator God the father through his son jesus christ today. only then can you find peace for your soul, true happiness for your life and people sent by God for you. you can also help yourself by attending a true Christian church. if you need help finding one let me know. blessings!

  • shaun dickinson says:

    I am 28 , I have a disability, I had feelings for a woman since my teens, she was the closest thing I had to a friend for a long time . I seperated from her she did nothing to stay in touch, she knew when I was leaving didn’t even say goodbye. Flash forwed I have had many resonable relationships with people with in the world but never a girlfriend. I found the first woman online a few years ago but she was seeing someone else and ignored me. I respected her feelings left her alone. Last year , I started trying to interact with other people – who also ignored me . Then the first womans husbands contacted my family and complained that I had been stalking her for the last two years! And threatend me with law enforcement. This is despite the fact that , if someone had ordained to talk to me I would have always been happy just being a friend. I was quite happy to leave her alone and had not spoken to her in years inbetween . That was resolved by me being willing to give up my laptop for evidence, they left convinced I was guilty but I would never admit it. I have prayed for years for guidence, these days I am on antidepressents , I fear the future and am scared of people on the phone, who pass me in the street. I just want someone to care for me not as a blood realitive. Is that too much to ask for god?

  • james says:

    ask god to find me a help mate turn my fince aroud stop smoking new hosue

  • spangler says:

    I had pretty much given up on marriage and having children but then out of the blue, I had a deep and devoted love for a co-worker. Every time I spoke with her, I would feel so elated and happy. Unfortunately, I lost that job and she no longer interacts with me. I know that I did not create that love, devotion, or happiness, but I can’t understand why she did not feel the same way if there is a loving God? I was ready to coast out of life being a nice guy and alone and unfulfilled. Now I feel dead inside. Loving her was a great feeling and I think a gift from God, but losing her friendship has been more painful than I care to admit. I’m beginning to think that maybe the next life might be better. How can I attest to a loving God if he leaves me in despair when there are two of us who could live better and glorify his existence. I know that Jesus is still alive so why doesn’t that help make things work out right for a change. I’m almost 60 years old. I’m too old to be looking for new jobs and a wife, especially if I’ve already been burned three times even tho I believe in a God and Jesus?

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    @tsebo There are a lot of men out there who desire marriage and long-term relationship. We just don’t always come in the package a lot of women are looking for as there are many eligible women out there that do not come in the package we men (myself include) are looking for I am 5ft5 a lot of women will not give me a second look because of my height, just an example. We have to get past the cover and get to the contents. I understand why you think all men are bad, you have for whatever reason chosen the wrong men, just as I have often chosen the wrong woman. From my own experience I could say all women are manipulative, gold digging users, but I know there are good women out there and that if I do give up I will never meet one. I know this to be true..all I have to do is look at my parents, married 50+ years, more in love today than when they first married…Dad worships the ground Mom walks on and she treats him like a king. 70+ year old newly weds I’ve always heard that the best way to judge a man is by he the way he treats his mother…maybe something to look at before getting to involved in a new relationship.

  • tsebo says:

    Richard Yates: I am shocked i did not know men have the desire to get married, i thought their only desire is to find a woman to sleep with and mistreat, so i am shocked i did not know men have that desire so i would say you are the only different man i have never heard a man talk in this manner, all of them are useless, they are quick to talk with no action, they lack integrity they cannot be trusted they are pathetic beings, i can never understand them. I have never seen such beings in my entire life, people who only care about their needs, disgusting indeed, so it is the first time in my entire life to see a man talk like you do, i did not know men had the desire to find a spouse you are the first and possibly the last, the rest of them are…….

    I mean they forgot they come from a woman yet they mistreat and disrespect women, i am way too disgusted and have lost respect for men and trust as well. i can never ever trust any man in my life, never, i will always perceive them as a “thing” that can never be trusted, they are danger zone, you see them you ran far away as far as possible mxm..

  • Chris says:

    Richard yates…sorry to hear you are struggling…i would pray very earnestly over isaiah 43.4 for your life and Gods faithfulness to fulfill it for you. seek the lord early, often, with fasting and he will give you clear instructions on how to see that promise come to pass in your life…psalm 25, 32 and james 1. blessings to you!!

  • Iam 45 years old iam very very very lonely I just want the love of a woman and I have prayed and prayed for 24 years and nothing u have teyed Dateing it’s and nothing I have talks to a lot of girls and nothing iam afread iam going to wake up when iam 60-70 years old and have no girlfriend or a wife I just don’t know what else to do I have tryed just about everything and everything and still nothing I go to church and I go to worship the Lord and I fellowship with girls and I go to single clubs at church and still nothing no wife or even a girlfriend and iam about to give up on the idea of ever getting married or me ever having a girlfriend please somehow help me I just don’t know what else to do

  • R says:

    To Jack and Tsebo. I don’t want to agree with you but I agree with you. It just adds so much confusion to this world? This time we all have here to accept or reject Jesus. I can see so many things that God has done either directly or indirectly to be counterproductive to His will. It just does not make any sense? I’m still trying to become numb to this unattractive tent I’m in and make peace with it. I think I might have borderline personality disorder? Things just keep getting worse. But I can clearly see where being numb is the answer that I have been looking for. Be numb and praise God. My motto for 2015 and the rest of my life. Hey Jack are you worried that by saying that God did a “botched job” that He will be upset with you? That He might not save you? Just curious because that’s how I feel.
    Tsebo. If you think men are so useless than try this out. Don’t touch or use anything that was made by a man. Then take into consideration that Jesus was a man. And are you sure you want to use the word coward? We are all just a bunch of sinful sheep, some are blessed and some are not. My advice, feel nothing, deny anything human, and worship and serve God. I’m not sure why things are the way that they are but sum up the Bible as short as you can. God loves you the way He wants to love you, Jesus died for us all, His ways are perfect in a way that we cannot understand, He loves you now but if you don’t do what He wants you to then He will send you to hell!
    Dear God please help me to go numb to any human feelings. Please have mercy on us all. Praise you God for you are worthy to be praised.

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