Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)

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1,961 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • joanna says:

    Hi. I read the webpage and I also became frustrated. But I took the time to pray and repent. The worst thing I want to do is become angry with the Creator of of life. I asked God to continue to work on me through his word but also show me if there is anything blocking the way of my season of marriage. Unlike others, I dont want to marry just to say that i am married. I believe that there is someone in this earth that I can help him chase 10,000. But until then I will continue to perfect chaseing 1,000.

  • Rebecca says:

    @Desperate: Patience is the key, God is mad about you, and is waiting for you to get back to him. When you prayed, and it was delayed, you gave up, and you did not receive it.
    I have been there before, 3 days ago, I have received my driving license finally, it only happened because I patiently waited and look unto God, and understand why sometimes we wait, because the moment is not right, it’s ok if you get married when you are 40, 50, 60 or 90.
    Wait, with faith, Im sure you know a verse that talks about waiting with faith for the right moment, Him delaying doesn;t mean Him not wanting to give you anything.

  • Dspr84? says:

    Bitterness yes but unjustified no. I use to be on fire for God. I know the Bible pretty good from many years of studying and going to Church and listening to CSN radio. So I can start by responding to your statement here “nowhere in the Bible did God bring a wife to any man.” If you read for just a few moments at the beginning of the Bible you can clearly see where God noticed that it was not good for man to be alone and made him a wife. Adam and Eve. I have not always been bitter Glen. I hoped and prayed and believed. Jeremiah 29:11 sounds really great, Philipians 1:6 is great too. (I even made up the saying that when Jeremiah has an emergency he goes 2 911.) All the scriptures where it shows God doing something or that He is going to do something are great. But when nothing happens… I started to look at the Bible differently. God is in control of everything. He knows everything and He created everything. He knows me and my situation. I have heard it said that even if I was the only person Jesus would still die for me. But if I in my situation end up in hell then His death would be for nothing. I feel like you looked over a lot of stuff that I wrote in my first comment. You say that women are attracted to man for whats on the inside. Have you ever noticed that women are attracted to jerks? If you ask around or do some research online you will see that women love jerks. Who knows. It would be nice if you could do everything that God wanted you to do and have a great life. But it’s not like that. Do God’s will and satan will quickly be there to try and destroy your life! Whats terrible is realizing that satan was created a very intelligent angel knowing that he would cause many people to go to hell. There are so many things in this world that were put into action that are counter productive to people going to heaven. Why? I know His ways are not our ways and are ways are not His ways. This scripture would seem to clear up anything that does not make sense but if it doesn’t make sense then it doesn’t make sense. You hope I don’t find a wife and I hope I die. I have been trying to make myself better in the last few years, have you ever tried to figure out what women want? In my case, because nothing seemed to work, I asked this question. And I researched it. Let me tell you something, it’s a sad day when you get to this point. The answer, nobody knows what women want. Not even women. Of course there are the normal answers, good looking, honest, nice, ect. But that does not mean that she will like you if your like that. The fact that women are emotional creatures and men are logical creatures IS NOT A BLESSING! Just one more curse that is counter productive to God’s plan of people going to heaven. So here I am stuck in this situation, with so many prayers unanswered, where the answers are not that simple. Where my eyes have been opened to the fact that God has created me this way and I cannot fix my situation, and He is not helping me. And this realization has caused me to stop loving God. He said He would not give me anything more than I can handle but if I have fallen away, if I have intentionally turned off the path, if I end up in hell, then wouldn’t this situation be more than I can handle?

  • Glen says:

    With the unjustified bitterness you have towards God ,I hope you do not find a Wife
    ,because you will be no good for her.First become the Man God intended you to be by repenting of this “woe is I attitude” .A true Man is not attractive on the outside ,but on the inside if you truly repent of your sins and PUT ON JESUS CHRIST you will be as attractive as he is ,follow him with your whole heart.THEN GO TAKE YOURSELF A WIFE nowhere in the Bible did God bring a wife to any man .With determination you can find a wife.O by the way man has been given his own free will and the majority has chosen SIN which causes them to be an enemy of God thus the chaos
    in this World stop blaming God man up.

  • Dspr84? says:

    I just don’t understand God. I did not ask to be born but I was. If I had a choice I would have liked to be a lot better looking. My dad wished the same thing. I am unattractive, that’s just how it is. I did not put desires in me to want to love and be loved. I did not put the desires of my flesh in me, but they are there. So these statements that I have made are part one of why I think God should provide a wife or at least give people the option to deactivate these desires that they have. Part two, God says that He is our provider. Jehovah Jirah. He does promise to meet our needs right. If we are struggling with our loneliness and our desires and it is causing us to sin which separates us from God, and if we are separated and out of God’s will, not saved, if hell is in our future because of our situation, then this is more of a need then what others have implied. God the Father. I don’t have any kids but I cannot imagine watching my kid suffer with something in life when I have the ability to help him out. What about that scripture where it says “Luke 11:11-13
    New International Version (NIV)
    11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Or what about you have not because you ask not? Or what about ask and it shall be given to you? Then there is that scripture that says God won’t answer your prayers because you want to fulfill your lustfull desires. This is TERRIBLE! Who hasn’t prayed for a wife or wanted a wife to fulfill their desires? Do you see how these words get twisted to apply to circumstances! I hear pastors talk about how great marriage is and how great God is for giving us the gift of marriage and how great love can be. And how He made it pleasurable for us. So if your one of those people that have married, praise God for providing for you a wife. But if your cursed like me, well God is not going to answer your prayers because you want it for your lusts. Dosent God also say that if you are burning with passion then to get married? I have prayed, I have tried, and now I am really starting to see the fruit from my curse of being an unattractive human whose prayers don’t get answered. I no longer desire reading the Bible and learning about how God knows the future. That just means that He knew that I would be in this situation. I don’t want to know how compassionate God is because I don’t think He is. I don’t want to hear how He promises to meet our needs because He hasn’t. Why did God make things this way? If God is for us, who can be against us? God is against me. From the beginning of the Bible we can read how God is against us. God made Adam and Eve knowing that they would be deceived. God made lucifer knowing that he would be satan and turn and deceive many. God knew this while God was creating lucifer. God then put the old sin nature on us. Why? Adam and Eve were innocent. Satan was added to the environment with God knowing what was going to happen. Death I can understand but the old sin nature, the curse of all the other stuff which is contrary to what God wants??? Why??? This is terrible!!! I’m so sick of this fallen world! I’m so sick of not understanding whats going on in my life! I’m so sick of praying for what I think is God’s will for my life and getting no response which is the same as no or wait. I know the term “lost” is used for the unbelievers but I accepted Jesus about 34 years ago. I’m lost! I feel like God has left me or forsaken me even though He says that He won’t. It’s no wonder why nobody wants to go to Church with me. My life is anything but blessed. I am cursed! My relationship with God has been destroyed by my singleness. And the worst part is, all this, my tears, frustration, depression, grief, torture!!! The list could go on and on. The worst part is going to be when I wake up one day in hell. Like Judas it would have been better if I was never born. I don’t know why God has made things this way? I don’t know who God is trying to prove Himself to. In the end, satan will be destroyed, many people will be burning in hell and there will be few people in Heaven. If it is not God’s will that any should parish but that all should come to repentance, then why isn’t it like that? Why isn’t it set up that if you do everything like God wants you to you live a great life? Instead of getting attacked by satan, and people, and jobs, and family, and friends and … People say hang in there. The good news is that some day I will die. Then my old sin nature will be dead. It’s unfortunate that the old sin nature cannot be killed. Please do not say take up your cross and bare it!!! Please do not say resist the devil and he will flee. I’m talking about being dead to sin. Not being able to sin. Not wanting to sin. Instead of going through life resisting and trying live the Godly life. I’m a sinner. Cursed is the man who is born ugly and cannot receive favor from Jesus. Please God, unmake me so I can’t go to heaven or hell, or remember anything. Or please bless me with stage 4 terminal cancer. I’m a sinner, defeated and requesting termination of this project.

  • Chris says:

    Kran Air has a point–with the very rare exceptions of people like Jeremiah, marital status is a choice, and as time goes on, it looks like an increasingly risky choice at that. I was in the same position as some people here are in now. God delivered me from my “need” for a mate and blessed my finances in a BIG way a year or so ago.

    I pray that others can find that same spiritual sanctuary.

  • Jim says:

    Looking for a spouse to fulfill rather than an opportunity to walk out what we are called to live is a great point.

    I wonder about the supporting arguments though when you consider the below miraculous pairings. If you listening to couples living their lives for God, they’ll acknowledge that God sent them their spouse. I believe them.

    Adam and Eve.

    Isaac and Rebekah.

    Naomi.

  • kran air says:

    You will get frustrated if that you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce?

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi George, If you would like to stop receiving comment notifications you can unsubscribe yourself but I do not have access to do that on your behalf. All you need to do is go on to the article and scroll all the way to very bottom. Just under the comment field you’ll see a line of text that says, “You are subscribed to this entry. Manage your subscriptions.” Click “Manage your subscriptions” and you’ll see an option to unsubscribe from the updates on this piece.

  • Mike says:

    So God would rather we live in a fallen world, bombarded by temptation on a daily basis? Seriously?

  • George says:

    How do I delete your actions

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