Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

“Is this it? Just me, forever? What have I done wrong?”
Read Tia’s story.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: STOP WAITING FOR YOUR REAL LIFE TO BEGIN.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? You can contact us privately by filling out this form. One of our mentors will get in touch shortly.

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2,594 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Tom Tom says:

    John–
    You are right. Marriage is not necessarily the answer for happiness in life; it is only supposed to be one part of a full life that is centered on the Lord Jesus Christ. Some are married, some are not. Some people are beautiful or handsome and some are homely. Some people are in good health and some are not. Ultimately, joy and peace are dependent on one’s relationship with Christ, not one’s circumstances. Paul said he had learned to be content in ALL things. Focusing on one’s looks, health, or marital status can become an idol; something that takes the focus off of God and onto self. God loves us and wants the best for us; however, that doesn’t always mean what WE think is best for us. If we spend all our time focusing on what we “want” or think we “deserve” then we’re not focusing on the Lord–as in “Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, mind, and strength,” not to mention just simply trusting and resting in him.

  • John says:

    Everyone,

    Just wanted to put my two cents in. Marriage isn’t the know all, be all, end all in life. Sure, it’s great, but it isn’t the answer to everything. A wife is wonderful, but no person can meet all your needs and desires. Only God can. To me, that means learning to be content, like Paul said in Philippians 4:11. I have never been married, but I have been in enough relationships to know that marriage doesn’t magically solve every problem.
    A very wise old woman had this to say about marriage. “There’s more to life than sex. And it’s not nearly as much fun as it’s made out to be. It’s taking care of children, paying bills, keeping a home.”
    I know that no one wants to hear this, but saying “I do to someone” doesn’t make for a magical, wonderful, fairy-tale life-I have had enough married friends tell me me envied my freedom as a single enough times to know that!

  • renee says:

    @Tom when you then speculate and say may or may not be the best thing for you in life it then does my head in completely. Pretty please if you are not use if that whats God is saying just dont say it…it discourages me greatly…….cause my argument still remains if god does not want it for me because as you tom says it may not be the best thing for me…I have prayed that He takes away the desire and I become content in my being single for life….but at this point in time it has not happened…so Tom its not like I am forcing God to give me a spouse …. lets learn to not generalise on people’s issues and appera to like be trashing their sentiments……..it really is tough when you have done all you can…i have prayed that prayer of saying that Jesus you are my spouse and i want to be content in having you alone…and meant every word whole heartedly but still I yearn for marriage…so please Tom your answer is discouraging me and not drawing me to God……to tsebo I am sorry my sister, I hear you loud and clearly…may God minister to you , I dont know what he has purposed for you but the only thing I know is that God is love…and I dont understand why some get married and some dont despite desiring it……I hope that one day soon God will make all things clear to you whatever it is that is meant to happen….I feel your pain as I am in a similar situation and I love God with all my heart…….hold onto His faithfulness and never ending love…….may His peace and love envelope you and help you go through each day..may He sutrround you with people who love you and keep you company so that you dont feel thsi excruciating pain……for me mosttimes i end up watching endless tv and being on the internet just to distract myself and i pray or talk to God during those times when it hurtts deeply…..all the best tsebo

  • R says:

    “Because of that, I don’t see a direct connection with our salvation and things like marriage per se.” I have believed in God for as long as I can remember. I believed God would bless me with a good wife. The Bible tells me to get married if I burn with passion. It also says that it is not good for man to be alone. My inability to find a wife and Gods not providing me a wife has left me greatly discouraged and depressed and still a sinner. I gave up on God because of His lack of helping me or providing for me. I am on a downward spiral heading straight to hell. My morals, my knowledge of the Bible, everything I have done for God really must be like filthy rags to Him. Do you think I would have written any of these comments if I was blessed with a good Christian wife? So God expects perfection but look what we have to work with. I’m so angry and frustrated at this point in my life. I look at my empty hands and I say this is my reward??? God cursed me when He made me look this way. He cursed me when He put desires in me. I didn’t ask to be born. Being single is like solitary confinement without walls. Why did God either directly or indirectly make things this way. He has complete control. He knows the future. A good woman can make a bad man good. The lack of a woman can make a good man bad. You just give. You think about all those unanswered prayers… You can’t believe how miserable life is. It’s torture! I just gotta figure out a way to go numb. I don’t want to feel anything any more. This is Gods fault! I tried to live a good life. But look how I talk now. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. I wish there was something that worked with God. Because I’m 100% sure that prayer has not worked! In summary, prayer does not work, God has not provided or given me the desires of my heart, I see no hope or future, He says that He will not leave me nor will He forsake me but I’m convinced that He is ignoring me, this is definitely not an abundant life. After being ignored for so long I started to see in the Bible where His promises must not apply to me. Anger and bitterness set in now. Reading the Bible is discouraging! I end too many sentences with “not me!” How can God call Himself love and compassionate and provider and so many other things that imply that He actually does something! He is just going to watch me fall.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Jack–
    I’m afraid we’ll have to agree to disagree. I’m always surprised at those who teach what I simply cannot find, in context, in scripture. I’m not saying I’m so smart, but I’m sure you know there are many learned scholars who do not agree with those you mention.

    Because of that, I don’t see a direct connection with our salvation and things like marriage per se. We live in a broken world that brings pain to every aspect of life, and God in his love and desire for many more to trust in Jesus Christ allows it to continue for a time. EVERY aspect of life, including marriage or singleness, is damaged and distorted by sin. While it easy for ME to say that, it’s another thing to convince someone who is struggling so greatly with loneliness, or illness, or pain. It is small consolation that, “Well, if you know Jesus Christ, at least you’ll get to go to heaven and forget all of this miserable life you’ve had.” At the end of the day, only Jesus Christ can bring any peace to those who suffer. Only He has the answers.

  • Jack says:

    Tom, I know that predestination can be a touchy subject to bring into the conversation. Smarter theologians than you or me–John MacArthur, Don Piper and James White, for example, all Calvinists–would struggle to find an answer to this. I’ve listened to much of all three and they all say that predestination reaches all the way to who God chose to be saved who He didn’t choose. Marriage, being a part of our lives also has to touch our salvation. It has to figure into the mix somehow because it is the very fabric of our life, our life’s partner and the children we and our partner create to receive the gift of salvation for the next generation of God’s chosen.

  • Tom Tom says:

    Jack–
    At the risk of opening up the Calvinism box, I lovingly say that I’m always amazed that so much can be read into one word–foreknowledge–that isn’t there. The scripture CLEARLY states that those he foreknew he predestined to be conformed to his Son. It CLEARLY does NOT state that he predestined some to be saved and others to be left on their own. Who are those he “foreknew?” Those that would, by faith, accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, nothing more and nothing less brother. My concern here is bringing human teachings (Calvin) into this discussion because it gives little hope to those struggling with things such as marriage. Calvinism has nothing to do with someone getting married or not.

  • R says:

    I agree that marriage may not be the best thing for me. Because it takes two people trying to make it work. So we can agree that marriage might not be the best. But what about desires? What about wanting to love and be loved? There is no doubt that burning is not the best thing for anyone. But how do you get rid of desires? How do you become content? How can you not envy someone that is loved and encouraged by their spouse and their family. And if you ask them how or what they did, they say it just happened. They are blessed. Some of them are Christian and some of them are anti. But there is no doubt that they are very loved without even trying. It’s been an awful day for me. My ability to cope with this situation is fading. I imagined myself being a dad on the way home from work. I thought about my son coming to me sad and broken. He cries out to me for help and he begs and pleads with me to help him. I just look at him without doing anything. I can see that his situation is really bad and I know that he is losing this battle. I’m not going to do anything. I wrote down that he will reap what he sews. I wrote down that I have given him everything he needs. I wrote down that my ways are not his ways and his ways are not my ways. Though he has no love he should still serve me and do everything I ask of him. I wrote everything down for my son and he needs stop complaining, stop doubting, and just serve me and worship me with everything he has. I wrote down for him that its a good thing to be single so he can focus all of his time on me. I have everything I could ever want but I still want you to worship and serve me. I expect everything and I have already done great things for him. I don’t care if you are struggling just say today is great. Be happy because I am telling you to be happy! THIS IS NOT LOVE!!! If I had a son and he needed my help I would help him. It would break my heart if he came to me and told me that he was crumbling on the inside. If he asked me for a wife I would not give him a stone. I wouldn’t remain quiet. I would go and kick satans teeth in and say enough! This is my son and I love him! Do you hear me son. I love you. No more of this! I don’t like how this is going and what it’s doing to you! Lets go spend some time together. No more crying, no more heartache. That’s love. I hate this world! I have wept while I wrote this. I hate how we as people are FORCED to do things. Free will!!! How is loving God or go to hell free will? If God is for us who can be against us? Was God for us when He put satan I’m the garden? Was He for us when He gave us the old sin nature? Was He for us when He made men logical and women emotional? Was He for us when He made Isaac and Ishmael and all the terrorists that have come from Ishmael? Was He for us when He made satan? Can He be called the Good Shepherd and di all of these things? Can He be called The provider if He does not provide? Is God really the winner if the majority go to hell and only a “few” find salvation? I hate how messed up this world is! I want a good world instead of this corrupt going to he’ll in a hand basket full of lust and lies mess that we have. And when I look at my situation it’s no wonder for me why it’s the way that it is. How can this possibly be the way God wants it to be?!!!! My small mind does not understand. Where is the logic. It is easier for me to see why this world is so messed up because of all the predetermined factors like the old sin nature and women being emotional. Just look at all the single moms out there that were never married! It morals were valuable I would be worth something. But I’m worthless. Rejected and abandoned in so many ways that you wouldn’t believe or understand. I can’t believe it myself. Days like this are more and more frequent. Something has to change! I want out of this world!!! This is not living!!!

  • Jack says:

    for tsebo; I feel your pain, man. I was there for a number of years. How it all works out in the end I don’t know. We don’t know who are chosen for good and who are chosen for bad. We only know what is happening to us on a day-to-day basis and the cumulative effect of that good or bad at the end of our lives. When we die we are at the mercy of God. I wish I had better news but that’s why I say, don’t wait for God to answer your prayers because nowhere in the Bible does God specifically say He will bring a spouse to you simply because you prayed and prayed and prayed until your knees were bloody. You have to go out and make it happen by hook or crook. I know the Bible says, “Lean not to your own wisdom (actions)” but you’ve followed that dictum and it has only destroyed your life. “Seek and you shall find”; that’s action. “Lean not to your own wisdom”; that’s inaction. Which will you choose? The ball’s in your court, tsebo.

  • Jack says:

    For Renee: what I am saying is that the doctrine of predestination as taught by Paul dictates that from before the foundation of the universe God in His omniscience knew those who He would choose through the counsel of His will to join Him in heaven, and those who it was His good pleasure not to choose. Not choosing them, He didn’t automatically condemn them to hell; by default they condemned themselves by their sinful actions and thus had nowhere else to go BUT hell because God, again through the good counsel of His will chose to withhold His saving Holy Spirit from them. Many say, “But that’s not fair.” From an earthly perspective it doesn’t seem fair, but we are not talking about a judicial system based on fairness, we are talking about God’s Holy Will which supersedes any kind of earthly system of fairness. it pleased God to choose not to save them and we are pots who are not in a position to judge the potter who either made us vessels of perfection the (chosen) or vessels of wrath and destruction (unchosen).

    Those who are predestined to join Him in heaven are joint heirs with Jesus and are given the gifts he has promised in the Bible. Does this include marriage? Not specifically but as Tom pointed out the chosen are to be conformed to the image of His son and if marriage is a stepping stone to that conformation then God will bring it about. He gives to His children, those predestined to be with Him the “joys of their heart”. The ones not predestined to receive the power brought by the Holy Spirit to choose Him are left to their own devices, fate, free will to either marry by hook or crook, by sheer good fortune, or they simply get thrown by the wayside as a result of the odds of something good or something bad happening to them. Thus “He makes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust”. That looks like “the good and the bad” but it isn’t; it’s “the justified (chosen) and the unjustified (unchosen. There is a variation of this known as double predestination, in which God actively predetermines that most of humanity is destined to be sent to hell (an active act by God as opposed to inactive) but we won’t go there. The first one I mention is a passive state; it result from God simply not taking an action (sending His Holy Spirit) to save most people.

  • Dar says:

    Yes Tsebo I totally agree with every word. You just said exactly what I feel too. Thank you.

  • tsebo says:

    hi Jack thanks for your response. I have lost hoping it becomes painful. I have accepted I have never been loved. The acceptance helps me to cope in life and accept no one loves no one loves me enough to marry me. I am not as fortunate as the other ladies. The ladies who are loved are
    fortunate and i kneel down on the road they walk on because they are special they are loved they are fortunate so I admire them deeply because they are real women that is why they are loved and are married. I tried all and I have stopped trying it is torture it is painful it drains. Thank you regards tsebo

  • Tom Tom says:

    Renee and Jack–
    My Bible says, “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.” This clearly says God predetermined that anyone who would trust Christ would be conformed to the image of Jesus. It says nothing about predetermining who will and won’t be married. If God micro-managed every piece of our lives, we’d simply be robots with no choice in anything.

    Trust in the Lord as your first spouse since as believers we are all his bride. Marriage in life may or may not be the best thing for you. Seek him first. Live your life for him. He will “give you the desires of your heart.”

  • renee says:

    @Jack, interesting comment to tsebo. So are you saying that God predestines some to marry and some to not marry? That’s kinda scary then..so why cant he just take away the desire for marriage instead of Him giving us the desire for marriage when He knows he aint gonna answer some people? I have prayed for marriage since i was 25 and am now 46 and it hasnt happened. I have also prayed that He takes away the desire for marriage if its not his will for my life and so far that has not happened..so I have just stopped praying about either and just now saying que sera sera , what ever will be will be….at my wits end and i dont want it to affect my relationship with God…..its tough but then oh well He is God and sovereign…nothing one can do , but be at His mercy then…..this life ….I pray that all my brothers and sisters in the same boat will receive their answers soon.

  • jack says:

    tsebo, you say you’ve given up. Was that decision an act of your God-given free will because you believe God will never answer your prayers for a spouse? Or is it possible per Pauline theology that you were predestined by God from the foundation of the world to never be allowed to have a spouse? Which do you think it is, a matter of your free will to give up or God predestining you to give up?

  • BlessedSingle says:

    CuteButAlone, I am a sister and you are very welcome :)

    To all those who are alone, hurting and left wanting, I lift you before the Lord and pray that you find wisdom and peace in your hearts. I pray that you connect with others of strong faith, and as iron sharpens iron, I pray that your faith is sharpened and strengthened. You are fearfully and wonderfully made so I pray that you remember who you are in God. Amen

  • tsebo says:

    I have given up. being a woman you can’t
    chase a man they use you. so I have given up I tried all still no results

  • Chris says:

    cupcake….father we stand with our dear sister today so that isaiah 43.4 can come to pass in her life. bring it on lord!!

  • Cupcake says:

    All I want is not to spend the rest of my old age alone,I just want someone faithful to God and me, they don’t have to own the world, someone to laugh, and talk to, Hold hands take walks, just enjoy what life we have left is that to much to ask, but God never answered that one prayer, I wouldn’t forget God and I don’t fill I’ve done anything so bad in life, GOD has and always been there through all and I mean every time I’ve called He has answered,( NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE) Could have brought me out of some of the things ive been through.God I’m thankful you’r in my life, my heart, so thankful i’m blessed in my faith . It’s just this, one thing, no husband, i’v asked, prayed for waited on,waited for nothing, is it me. Am I distanced to spend the spend the rest of my life alone.is something wrong with me?

  • GoodHonestAnswer says:

    To Tom, thank you very much for your support. Peace.

  • Pietas says:

    God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a healthy body to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a healthy body to be satisfied, then health, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

    Does that work too?

  • Tom Tom says:

    Hi GoodHonestAnswer–
    I can really feel your pain, particularly if you are a Christian looking for a Christian woman. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I’m not out there trying to find a spouse these days. It’s really getting to be slim pickins! However, I’ve actually heard some women say how much they wish they could find a good old-fashioned guy. I suppose if I were you, I’d be attending some of the social gatherings of a good, Bible-believing church. I think I’d also give that online Christians-finding-Christians service a try to see if anyone in my neighborhood was looking for a guy like me.

    “Father, you told Adam that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. That’s why you created Eve. And while your plan isn’t necessarily for every man to be married, I believe you have someone out there that would be just right for my friend, GoodHonestAnswer. Won’t you please guide him and the as-yet-unknown “her” to meet and discover the love they can share for each other? It’s such a simple thing for your Father. In the meantime, please encourage GHA. Keep his mind occupied with the things of the Lord and how he can best serve you where he is. Keep him focused and patient while he waits on you, and thank you Father for caring for GHA. May you richly bless him in the days to come. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  • CutebutAlone says:

    Hi all, thanks for your comments! the best of them is BlessedSingle, be richly blessed brother/sister :D. Celine, I do agree solution is not psychology at all, there is no solution for soul wounds on human medicine, they will give you pills and create new problems and addictions, I faced this when I started with some anxiety as teenager, I could not sleep some nights, but saw the pills didnt work, so I stopped taking them and preferred to stay awake watching TV lol. I saw pills create addiction to other people, so I avoided them, but only several years later I surrendered my life to Jesus for real, and I was able to sleep and live in peace. I take the good part on JAck’s comment, I dont wanna be as these 40 something single frustrated atheist people, I understand I need to do something else, maybe move somewhere else, where there is ppl still single, because in my latin american country ppl get married at 20 something… I guess, being more proactive, etc. Whatever but feeling like a loser at 40 something and still single, never atheist by the way, because God made many things for me and my family, just this thing of marriage was not answered but I have seen His mercy in other things in my life, family and friends. Again, with the article I understand much better, it is not God’s fault or He forgot, it is more complex than this, free will… I depend on Him to meet someone good, but God wont force him to love me… that will be the man’s choice… I am full of hope, and please do not insist with that stupidity of psychiatrist or so, I feel insulted, I am a normal and good person and I dont see a frigid future either, God is in control of everything, I have to thank Him it wasnt worse, when I see on TV what happens to children and women and they didnt live the attack I think sometimes it could have been myself. Also on my way in life I always try to recommend parents to talk to their children about sexual abuse to prevent this, because the worst approach is avoid the topic when it is a cruel reality, it is better to prepare children and they defend themselves or speak about it, making the negative experience to be a motivation to prevent others about this and hoping many cases can be avoided or at least discovered and child receives the support and love he or she needs!! blessings! by faith I hope to tell in this forum good news about my relationship status in a close future, Amen

  • D says:

    @ celine I like your responses it shows that you are a woman of faith and of substance. Its only God who makes a final decision . Let us allow the holy spirit to guide us . GOD is alive , God start by cleaning us before he can give us our blessings . GOD promises us good life but everything its acvording to his will .

  • GoodHonestAnswer says:

    Well for many of us men that are still Single today, it is very hard to Connect with a good woman nowadays since the women of the the Good Old days were the best since they were Raised very well by their parents back then to find a good man to settle down with and have a family. Today their parents Don’t care at all since they like Sleeping around with so many different men at one time, and that shows you how much different the old days were. Most women now are very high maintenance and are very Independent since they have their high paying jobs which makes it much worse for many of us sincere men looking to settle down, and most of the women today Can survive without a man since they are making a lot of money which i have just mentioned. So for all us men out there that really hate being Alone And Single, it really hurts for us. Years ago that certainly explains why our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles had long lasting marriages since most of them i would say were very Committed to one another and had to Struggle to make ends meat. Really explains why it was a lot easier finding love in those days with the help of many families and friends that would introduce you to someone that they think would be right for you. Makes me really wish that if i could’ve been born many years sooner, i most likely would’ve been married with a family of my own today instead of being all by myself now.

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Hi Celine, I’m Barbara a Blog Mentor for this site. Just wanted to let you know that we appreciate and value you reaching out and leaving thoughtful comments to the other readers. Thank you for doing such even while you are going through some rough times yourself. Perhaps you would like to have one of our mentors connect with you in a more private manner (via email) to encourage you through whatever you are facing at this time. Here is a link if you would like to connect with an online mentor: http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor/

    Father God, at this time I would like to pray for Your beloved daughter Celine. I have no idea what difficulties she is going through at this time of her life, but You know everything that she is facing. I pray that You would bless her with Your Spirit of comfort. I pray that as she prays to You more and digs deeper into Your Word that You would speak more clearly to her heart and give her deeper revelation. In Jesus’ name, Amen

  • praise says:

    Celine I don’t think you answered a question wrong I think you wrote it out helping to encourage others in the truth . please don’t get discouraged ,when people get upset as I’ve often done myself before we take it out on people when we don’t want to accept the truth …it’s just a part of growing ,

  • Celine says:

    Im sorry I upset people. I don’t have all the answers but just what I observed or learned. Don’t know an exact scripture where we will get answers in heaven but I think if we have questions and they don’t get revealed here on earth than don’t think God would leave us without the answers but kind of going through a hard time so won’t be posting here anymore. Need to focus on reading the Bible and praying and I think I get to easily distracted from those things.

  • R….well I am a woman that is single and not married ,I have never at least to my knowledge tried to take advantage of a man in a way of taking all this money I wasn’t raised like that ,anyway what I’m trying to get to is just like in my situation a lot of times I get upset and I’m like ,thinking to myself all the good ones are taken or all the single ones out there are liars and cheats ,or the ones out there will not wait for sex before marriage ….but you know what I still know deep down there are good guys out there just like I know there are good girls out there ,not that I’m anything special but I like to think of myself at least trying to be one of the good girls ,meaning for instance if I met someone and it clicked with them I would definitely want to pursue a godly Christian relationship between a man and a woman that I have never experienced before in my life .now is that all being said ,we still do not want to sear our conscience with lies from the enemy ,it may not be what you want to hear but that’s the truth of the matter and deep down if you’ve ever experienced the Holy Spirit in your life then you know that to be true .it’s interesting to me how many singles there really are and how interesting it is but it seems like most of us Christians singles or scattered all over the world .because I can tell you in my case at least usually everyone around me that I know someone personally is in a relationship or married ,…going through seasons of being content and going through seasons of not being in content ,what is normal in this walk but we must keep marching forward ,especially when it’s painful .God is merciful he is loving and he is truth and righteousness ,don’t get me wrong there has been times where I have yelled at God been angry and bitter myself ,but like I said even when I go through times like that I know deep down his wants the best for his children he loves all His creation ,he does not wish that any man should perish ,that is a truth a definite truth and it is up to us to make a conscious decision what we want he’s allowing us to make a choice he will never force us ,like I stated before I do not know why he created the world and everything in it I don’t know everything but I do know one reason why he did ,in all honesty I do believe he wants to bless every single one of his children if they would just submitt to his will whatever that is I don’t even know that for myself right now ,…and why is there a hell well there’s always the biblical explanation as I’m sure you already know ,,so I pretty much comes down to do we believe God at His Word or we don’t ,everyone has a choice everyone is allowed to make a decision ,and I will tell you that I do believe 100 percent that the Lord loves you R,and I don’t know if you’ll ever get married I really don’t I don’t even know if I’ll ever get married ,but another thing I do know for sure is that this life goes so fast ,and one day on planet earth it will be all over ,and if we were married on this earth ,it will make no regard in heaven …Lord Jesus I pray that you fill R heart with what you want him to do ,let your Holy Spirit be as lightning through his soul,let him see truly a piece of what you see ,let him feel the love that you have for him ,have all the bitterness and anger hurt and pain wash away with your Holy Spirit ….I have faith that when you read this in due time you will experience the true love in the awakening that the Lord wants you to see .may the Lord bless you continually through your life ,always and forever amen .

  • R says:

    It breaks my heart to say it but I have to agree. I think God is cruel. But let me tell you my reason and then you can agree or disagree with me. I did not create myself. I did not make me unattractive. I did not put desires in me to want to love and be loved. I did not put in me what it feels like to know what love and loneliness feels like. I do not know the future. All of what I have just wrote God has total control over. He knew when He made me that I would be writing this awful email and the other awful emails I have written. He knew at what point I would snap and give up. And He had and has the power to change that. Unfortunately I have grown extremely bitter! I now shake my fist at God in total frustration! I have prayed so much. Praying now just depresses me. I’m not getting better i am growing worse every day. And all those cliches are not helping. When we are weak He is strong / when I am weak I am sinning, He is strong regardless but I am still sinning. I don’t understand why God would directly or indirectly make such a messed up world. I know that His ways are not our ways and our ways are not His ways. BUT AREN’T HIS WAYS TO GET PEOPLE INTO HEAVEN? If it is not His will that any should perish then I have expectations that the awesome all mighty God would do things to help people make it in this messed up world! Adam and Eve didn’t have a chance against satan. Mankind then being cursed with the old sin nature don’t have a chance. Is it really free will when your desires are 100% against what God wants. So people’s choices are burn with passion and then go to hell or get married to a woman that you will never figure out! Because there is no Christian default plan that will make a wife happy all you can do is try and hope. But if she loses interest in you because you are not meeting her unspoken emotional needs (aka unreal expectations) then your relationship is done! And she is going to take you for half of everything or more of what you have! All women need to listen to this. You are going to be judged for what you do when divorce your husband and take him for all that you can. We are all going to be judged but Christian women need to change there ways! One more thing to you Christian women. Us men are not mind readers! You talk more, understand more, interpret more, perceive more, BUT ON REALLY IMPORTANT ISSUES YOU ARE QUIET! If we ask you what’s wrong and there is something wrong and you say that there is nothing wrong… Then you are a LIAR! CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES SHOULD BE THE BEST MARRIAGES OUT THERE. BUT THEY ARE NOT. I can understand why when I look at how single I am! I was a good Christain man that would have been a good Christian man. Now, I hope I never get married! I have zero value as a husband so my plan now is to be a hermit. I just want to buy time until I die. I blame women for a lot of the reasons why this world is so messed up! You women just keep on playing victim with the kids in the middle. If your boyfriend does not go to Church or follow the Bible THEN IT AIN’T GOING TO WORK! If you are not going to communicate THEN IT AIN’T GOING TO WORK! If you expect us to read your minds and do everything perfect THEN IT AIN’T GOING TO WORK! If we have tried everything we know how to make you happy, and you are still not happy, then it ain’t going to work!
    So how do I sum this up. Is it fair that God has put me in this situation? Stop for one second and pretend that I am talking about my employer treating me this way. Is my employer fair setting me up for failure and then firing me when I fail?
    Unfortunately I’m going to go from weeping and gnashing my teeth here on earth to weeping and gnashing my teeth in hell. Because this is what’s on the line, this is why I write this. Just like Judas, it would have been better if I was never born.
    I am open to any specific advice that will get me out of this awful torture that I am going through.

  • taebo says:

    jack God is cruel!! he has favourites and yet he demands otherwise from us. T
    there’s are those he is happy to give spouses and for some of us he couldn’t be bothered. He is cruel and his love is only for those he loves. I am disappointed with him extremely disappointed indeed!!!!

  • well at times we are all discouraged but I do ,appreciate the comments and responses and let us not be so hard on one another after all we’re just trying to help each other .I’m thankful for all of you and may God bless all of you. Celine, please don’t take that last comment too hard it’s all in learning and discipleship .may the Lord lead us all into his well regardless whatever happened to help us make it into his image from glory to glory .let us humble our self together in love and in truth and truth serenity of peace

  • renee says:

    @Celine, I hope this wont be a duplicate. I had written an earlier comment but cant seem to find it on the thread. I had said that Celine I always enjoy reading your comments, however on some of the comments to Jack you kinda lost me. If you dont really have an answer I believe its best to just say I don’t know and not speculate on reasons like you did, I would have respected you more if you had left it at that. We are all not God and He is sovereign…and most times we are not all at the super stage that you are at, but God loves us still. I am 46 years old, a virgin, and have served, witnessed to people and in africa we also have crusades and door to door campaigns etc, an intercessor praying for others, nations etc…..have also prayed that God takes away the desire for marriage, but he has not done that..all I now know is that God is sovereign and if we dont have answers lets just point people to god’s sovereignty. All earthly things are to be enjoyed on earth and in heaven my knowledge of the word (it mat be limited from your super knowledge) is that we will be as angels and worshipping God day and night so am not sure when the question and answer session will be…if you could point me to the scriptures that say so it will help me to be corrected ……lets try to just embrace people who are hurting, tell them about God’s love and that despite the earthly challenges He still loves us and not to make out God like he with holds things because of the reasons you mentioned…there are a lot of people who God has blessed despite being not perfect and if God was to bless us because we are perfect, woe is us. I love God because He is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in Love. Why I am single He knows best, whether I will get married He knows..He is sovereign..and I refuse to go through life thinking that maybe it because i was going to be unequally yoked (and i know people who are unequally yoked and are happy, God is God, His understanding and His ways are beyond our ways. i am not saying lets disobey God), there are also a lot of things that God doesn not promise but He still comes through because He is God..lets just be compassionate and understand and love each other as God has commanded us..and the complex things we ask Him to reveal if He so wishes but lets not think that we are experts…God is love and so so gracious..so Celine please dont speculate..and i hope i have not speculated…be blesse

  • renee says:

    @ Celine, I have always enjoyed reading your responses but on the latest ones mmmmmmm. I would have respected you more if yo had just left it at I dont know, cause am sure no one knows why we find ourselves singles, despite doing what we felt was right before God and men. Serving in the house of God, repenting, fasting and praying, witnessing to the world , etc…I am 46 years old, a virgin and have prayed to God that He takes away the desire for marriage too but it hasn’t happened..prayed for marriage, nothing. So I believe the safe answer is that God is sovereign, lets not try to reason God since we are not God..I got kinda discouraged by your responses to Jack…. Its best to talk about the love of God, His faithfulness, and I am not sure if its biblical correct to say we will get some of the answers in heaven since from my understanding these things are for this world and in heaven we will be like angels of God, worshipping Him day and night…i could be wrong . So pretty please Celine i dont want to be discouraged from following this blog because of some of your answers. God is Sovereign so when we cant explain something or know the answers, lets try to point others to Christ and let them know that God loves them and not speculate like that..be blessed

  • we are living in a dark age is everyone knows ,the Christian community is an infiltrated for a long time but I lust and sexual fantasies to be taking place in the place of love .sad but true . paul stated as he wishes everyone were as he was ,I’m assuming that means to be unmarried because of the doctrine that followed ,but at the same time I think we all agree and , of Scripture of in so many words if you can’t control yourself to not burn unless I get married ,so here’s the truth someone else told me before when I brought up that Scripture ,you can get married and still burn ,I don’t understand all of God’s plan ,but I know there must be a reason even when I don’t understand it .is everyone else I go through times of being upset about it than being content .I really believe the Lord is raising up warriors for his kingdom whatever the cost ,may God bless every single one of you and let us be together in harmony and helping prepare each other for the will that God has planned for us .

  • Celine says:

    Sorry I misspelled. I was with younger people and they were in false doctrine

  • Rebecca says:

    Dear Jack,

    Let’s take a closer look at this problem, using this allegory:

    There was an apple tree, in the West Garden, it was a beautiful tree, watered, fed and most of all loved by the Gardener.
    Lovers sat under its shade, children climbed it, birds of many kinds, dozens of them have their homes in the apple tree, its beauty could be seen from as far as the balcony of Leila beyond the West Garden.
    But Leila knew that the apple tree has a problem, it has never borne a fruit.
    The Gardener never wondered why, however the apple tree wondered why it has never seen an apple of its own, form within Apple Tree was thankful to the Gardener who loved him unconditionally. But most of all, Apple Tree wanted to grow apples, and the Gardener wanted the same.
    Leila was a botanist, a plant doctor. One day she came down her Balcony and took a walk in the West Garden, sat under the Apple tree to read a poem. Apple Tree loved the poem, so Leila did the same everyday.
    Then one day she asked Apple Tree, I know how you can bear apples, would you like to know?
    Apple Tree out of pride did not want to know.
    Leila tried again: ‘Why don’t we take a look at your roots?’
    Apple Tree inquired: ‘Will it hurt?’
    Leila said: ‘It might hurt a bit, it might take long too, but when I find what’s wrong deep in your roots, I will remove it, and you will bear the best of all apples’
    Apple Tree hesitated: ‘I am not sure about it, how much will it cost?’
    Leila was delighted: ‘It’s free!’
    Apple Tree doubted; ‘what if I do not bear fruits after the treatment, what if it doesn’t work with me, what did I do wrong? What’s wrong with my roots?’
    Leila replied: ‘Trust me, I am an expert, I know what’s wrong, I will be gentle, it will take long, but when it’s healed, you will bear the best of all apples’

    The end

  • Celine says:

    Hello Jack:

    I don’t have all the answers. I would recommend each man here go to their prayer closet and really ask God why they aren’t married. I recommend to take those needs to the cross. I don’t believe God withholds things from people but sometimes the timing is wrong or there are other reasons. I believe one day in heaven will know all the answers. I would love to have tons of friends and fellowship with believers but rarely to never have that. I can of course focus so much on that that I get so depressed and I’m at that point but I’m trying my hardest to only focus on God. This how I learned to get blessings from God and that is to put our faith in what Christ did for them on the cross. It is no guarantee that a lonely person when they are married will not be lonely if they are married. So my question to this men are if you were ever in a relationship were you still lonely? I have been in one relationship and I was still lonely. Yes I to am lonely but I don’t want to marry someone in false doctrine or doesn’t believe how I do. I don’t like to put myself in a box but I am Pentecostal and no not the funky stuff out there that’s seen in some of those churches. There are no men my age around me so that makes it hard. I was with younger people but it was false doctrine. I recommend a good book that I have read to help people understand this issue and why people are lonely among other issue The book is from Pastor David Wilkerson and it’s called Have you felt like giving up Lately. He is no longer alive but I learned that in a sense God is my husband and supplies all my needs. I have to really believe that because I have a hard time trusting God and believing he loves me and protects me. Here is a devotional that I think might help. I’ve included this again so people can really think about it

    Read the part on bread alone in that devotional I think it will help

    http://www.tscpulpitseries.org/english/1990s/ts940523.html

  • Jack says:

    >>>>>It [getting married] isn’t God’s will.

    But Celine, Paul admonishes, even commands certain Christians to marry, “But if you cannot contain, then marry; for it is better to marry than to burn [with passion]” 1 Corinthians 7:9.

    The men here cannot contain their passions; they realize they should marry to keep from burning with desire. But no woman will have them as husbands. Therefore it falls to God to help these men find wives to keep them from committing the sin of fornication/adultery. But if God doesn’t answer men’s prayers to find wives, yet He is commanding them via Paul to get married, then this doesn’t make a bit of sense. God is not the author of confusion, yet there is nothing more senseless and confusing than God commanding Paul to write that men should marry and then not helping men to marry. These men are writing that their lives are being destroyed by loneliness; many are choosing to turn away from God. Please help me to understand this confusion.

  • Celine says:

    Hello Jack:

    I hope you don’t think I’m being rude. I don’t mean to be. I don’t really have an answer. I think some are called to be married and some like Paul weren’t. I think also in Paul’s time there was a lot of distress and persecution and sometimes in that situation it is important to put God first. There could be many reasons why people that prayed don’t get married. It isn’t God’s will. There could be a sin in there life that keeps them from being married. God might know if he gave that person a spouse they would forget about him or make that person an idol. It could be that God doesn’t want that person to get into false doctrine and to be unequally yoked. It could be the enemy. It could be unbelief and doubt that God would
    provide maybe unforgiveness or maybe no believers are around that know the truth. But it could also be a reason that will only be revealed once that person is in heaven. It could be that their relationship with God is off like they try to earn their salvation and it’s all about works and maybe they focus to much on people and not enough and God.

  • Jack says:

    Celine, all I’m asking is what about all the people here and the millions, maybe billions of people throughout the last 2000 years who prayed to God to be fathers and mothers for decades of their lives and died in old age single and childless? What about them?

  • Celine says:

    Æsop. (Sixth century B.C.) Fables.The Harvard Classics. 1909–14.

    Hercules and the Waggoner

    http://www.bloggingtheologically.com/2009/07/08/everyday-theology-god-helps-those-who-help-themselves/
    A WAGGONER was once driving a heavy load
    along a very muddy way. At last he came to a part of the road where the
    wheels sank half-way into the mire, and the more the horses pulled, the
    deeper sank the wheels. So the Waggoner threw down his whip, and knelt
    down and prayed to Hercules the Strong. “O Hercules, help me in this my
    hour of distress,” quoth he. But Hercules appeared to him, and said: 1
    “Tut, man, don’t sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel.” “THE GODS HELP THEM THAT HELP THEMSELVES.”

    What about Abraham and Sarah and how they went their own way at first. They relied on themselves. Also today is the day of salvation not tomorrow. I don’t mean to be rude but once people die that’s it. It’s on this side of life that salvation happens.

    I guess will just disagree. Here is an example of my own life. I have a disability and I tried hard to get a driver’s license and tried and failed. Only when I asked Jesus for help then I passed not before.

    I went my own path also with a boyfriend and it ended up in disaster and I did not ask God for input and it ended up in heartache. I gave my heart to another before I was saved and it turned out in heartache. Then when I was saved I was dumb enough to do it again and he married someone else. So I know looking for a spouse on my own is not right it leads to heartache.

  • Jack says:

    >>>>God helps those that help themselves is not scriptural why did Jesus go to the cross if we can just help ourself.
    Remember, Celine, Paul admonished us to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling”. Now if we are to work out our own salvation isn’t that taking matters into our own hands and robbing God from doing the work for us? But that is exactly what Paul orders us to do. Basically, Paul is telling us to tend to our own earthly matters, including our salvation here on earth. God will tend to our salvation in the afterlife. In the same way we should take control of our own romantic destiny here on earth and not leave it up to God to find us a spouse when He makes not a single promise to do so in the Bible, nor does God order us to turn solely to Him when we’re looking for our earthly mate. Proof for this truism is the simple fact that millions of Christians who wait on the Lord to bring them a spouse die alone, unloved, bitter at God and losing their faith. Does this sound like the outcome God is hoping for us in these situations?

  • Celine says:

    God helps those that help themselves is not scriptural why did Jesus go to the cross if we can just help ourself. We should deny our self meaning our own talent, ability, way and then when we really let go and let God things change. Trust me. I have witnessed to people by my own strength but we really need the Holy Spirit. Yes false doctrine is alive and well. Why do you think there is 50% of divorce in the church? Because many marry those God didn’t want them to marry. They believed in a lie and look what happened. I’d rather wait till I’m old and gray and get married then get in the flesh and marry the wrong person.

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