Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

“Is this it? Just me, forever? What have I done wrong?”
Read Tia’s story.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.


The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.


Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? You can contact us privately by filling out this form. One of our mentors will get in touch shortly.


2,882 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Chris says:

    danyi…sorry for your situation…being in a strong and love-filled Christian church-family is the first step in God giving you your own. as you put jesus first in your life and let him be your healer and provider for all of your needs. exodus 15.26, deuteronomy 7.15, phillipians 4.19. if you cant find an appropitate church let me know. praying for jesus abudant health and provision your way today!

  • dream says:

    Danyi… I feel with you. Loneliness is really hard. I was single a long time and I know its hard. Now married I can tell you that sometimes loneliness is even harder, when husband dont understand me or is distant. I am so happy that Jesus realy knows me and feel with me and is living in me so he understand my desires and thougts. He is a good
    God he will tell you if you can do something about
    how you meet your spouse. I can tell you that I
    was hungry for love and peace and if God is and he
    let me know himself. I went to other churches to
    other towns even countries to meet my spouse
    and God blessed my search. You can search for
    your husband too, its not bad. Like a Ruth did
    something to draw attention of Boaz you can do it
    too. God bless you in your search and waiting.

  • Danyi says:

    Wow reading the responses of R and Kyle…I can relate to a lot of what you two are saying. I want to be married and have a family of my own-I am the only one in my family who doesn’t have a spouse, significant other, or a child. God says in His word that he would withhold no good thing from us…asking for a family of my own is not a bad thing, so I don’t know why I don’t have it yet. If it is not God’s will for me to be married, then I wish that He would take away the desire and tell me exactly what he wants me to do. I believe that I can be content for the rest of my life doing God’s service (even living like a nun or something) and seeing the fruit of that work. But yet and still I want a husband and am tired of being alone.

    I grew up in dysfunctional settings, and learned over time to be quiet and withdrawn and I think I come across to people as mean & unapproachable. I’m really just very shy and awkward and don’t know what to say to people most of the time. So of course this behavior has led me to be in my early 30s and never had a relationship with a man before and I don’t have many people I consider to be friends. I do appreciate traditional values and am not looking for material things like riches or guy with big muscles and such. I just want to live happily and quiet with my family. I’m definitely attractive, go to the gym often and such, I just freak out whenever I see guys looking at me and I don’t respond, and I guess they’re not interested after that…

    I do get depressed, cry sometimes and think about suicide (I don’t have the confidence to do that). But then I think, who am I to tell the creator of the universe to give me a husband or I’ll kill myself? Who do I think I am? But I think then again, if he created the world, he can answer my little prayer…

    I wish I could live like a robot, thinking and doing only what God wants, but he didn’t make us like that unfortunately. I do have hope though. My loneliness and alone-ness leave me more time for prayer and reflection and I see myself changing and maturing each day-its pretty scary actually. I’m much more in tune to the Spirit of God & can see and understand things that people may not. I find find enjoyment helping others. I walk around reminding myself to keep smiling instead of frowning and I find people respond more to me. I like learning new hobbies & recipes (if I want a husband I have to learn to cook for him, right). If I read a good book, or watch a funny tv show and can laugh at that, or take a walk and enjoy the sunshine, then I’m content. When I look outside of myself and see the goodness of the Lord in the land (believe me, its there) I’m ok. So I haven’t given up yet.

    There were times in my life I wish I could just stop living. I suffered for years with a very serious illness, but overcame that. But today I found some abnormalities in my breast…so I’m thinking, you know what, I don’t know what’s wrong but I don’t want to die! I just don’t know how to live this life that God has given me. But I still have hope. This life has just got to be lived. Did God promise me a spouse? I don’t know. But I know that I live for his pleasure and not my own. Whether single or not. I still have hope guys.

  • Kyle says:

    Ugh, my Internet goes out for a few days (blasted tree rat chewed the line when he got stuck trying to get into my attic) and way too many comments to respond to so I will just pick a few.

    Kat, thanks for understanding. It means a lot.

    “How perfect does your woman have to be?”

    If I found a woman who loved me for who I am and I loved her, she’d be perfect in my eyes.

    If you mean what are guys looking for, I can only speak for myself.

    I’m not someone who is picky when it comes to how a woman looks. Short, tall, thin, curvy, black hair, blonde, white, black, etc. etc. etc doesn’t really matter. All I want is a woman who is a strong Christian who will love and accept me for who I am, faults and all. I won’t judge someone based on looks alone, although there are a few things that are a definite no go for me.

    -If she drops profanity constantly (I let a bad word slip on occasion, but when I see a woman and the first word out of her mouth is an F-bomb, I look the other way.)
    -Smokes, drinks to excess (I am not opposed to drinking alcohol, but I oppose getting drunk), or uses drugs
    -Hateful, rude, or condescending toward me or others.
    -Covered in tattoos and/or body piercings (eyebrow, lip, nose, that type)
    -Extremely overweight (And by this I mean to a point where it is bad for one’s health. Show a little self-respect and take care of the body God gave you.)

    As for meeting in real life, I must have missed it when you mentioned it the first time. I don’t intentionally ignore someone unless they’re being rude, and you never have been. :-)

    “Exactly. The men on this site are always whining that they can’t find the right woman. They might not have that problem if they would look at the women right under their noses – like you.”

    Speaking for myself, I would never ignore a woman I met if she showed me even the slightest bit of interest. Sure, it might all come to nothing, but I would not turn into Nanook of the North and freeze her out.


    Dream, you said “The desire to marry is the sign that you will marry one day. Because if God wants you to be single he wouldn’t give you a strong desire to marry.”

    I am not sure where you get that from. If desire is all it took, I would have been married 15 years ago. All it has ever brought me is pain, suffering, and the Devil trying to temp me by using my loneliness. Thankfully, I have managed to stay strong enough to resist him.


    Victoria, you’re young and also you’re a woman so it is a lot easier for you than for us guys. The only advice I can give is to not try to look for a perfect man, because no such thing exists. Accept the fact that everyone is imperfect, but if he is a good, Christian man who seeks and loves God, then at least give him a chance. He might not be the one, but he very well maybe. At the very least, you’ll make him feel good about himself that a lady actually accepted his offer, even if it was just one date and nothing else.

  • Nico says:

    I like being chased it doesn’t push me away I love a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it.

  • dream says:

    CuteButAlone… I am glad I could helped you. If God told you that you will marry this year-it will happen, because he is faithful. If it is only your wish and it will not happen soon but later, dont give up trust in God. Let me pray for you: Dear God I pray for Lisa B. Lead her on her search for her spouse as she wait for you and your direction. Put
    her in the right time in right place to meet her
    spouse and you join her with her husband. As she
    trust and believe in you give her strength to stay
    pure until marriage. I pray in Jesus name. Amen

  • dream says:

    Kat.. dont give up. Dont end in mental institution. God will give you strength. I truly feel with you because I was waiting too long too. But Gods love always carried me through. Realy!

  • Kat says:


    Kat… Did you ask God what he wants according to your mate? Did you ask him if he wants you to marry? If yes, did you ask him what you should do about it?


    I ask God questions all the time and get absolutely no clear answers at all. None. Nada. Rien.

    A Magic 8-ball toy would give clearer answers than God gives me.


    Then God told me and other single girls to pray and we prayed and met every week and fasted too for a year and then the things started to changed. All girls from praying group got married in different time. I got married in my late thirties and I know God prepared me.


    Well, I am glad God comes through for some people, at least.

    I could enjoyed my single life before- traveling, serving the Lord etc.


    I do enjoy traveling – when I have time and money to do it.


    Maybe your mate is just behind the corner and you are giving up and giving God ultimatum. At the beginning of some year many years ago I didn’t know that the same year I would get marrie


    Well, God needs to hurry up if he doesn’t want me to end up in a mental institution, having been made insane by this situation.

    But I am truly grateful that life worked out for you. You seem to be a nice person.

  • cuteButAlone says:

    hey dream! Thanks a lot for sharing your success story! it encourages me! I’v been praying for a husband for 10 years and nothing happens, I meet only jerks on my way :(. Could you please support me on prayer? my name is Lisa B. , I’d like to get married this year, as difficult as it might sound, I hope for it!!!
    Kat, thanks for your kind words, I wish you a good future in love, really :). I just, you might not like it, but I remember once you mentioned you’d go even for married men and that isnt good, isnt good to cross that line… dont loose yourself for a simple desire!!! I meet on my way all time married men interested on me, guys with girlfriends, but I say NO to them… I know it is not correct and I dont wanna fall just because I feel really very alone sometimes, because if I do this would mean I betrayed myself, my belief, my personality, my wait… for just an ephemeral moment of passion and I know how it will end!!! they search for playing, if I surrender I will be only one of his toys and then he will look for the next toy. I also think to myself I dont wanna do to others what I would not like they do to me, I would not like my husband cheats on me the same way these dudes cheated their wives with “me”. Even after 10 years of praying I still believe in the plans of God, I do. I think God has a good future for me, so He does for you too.
    Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

  • Chris says:

    victoria…sorry you are struggling but i can assure you that you are still very Young to be overly concerned about marriage. i married at 25 and found out just how immature i really was. it almost destroyed my marriage. God has seasons for our lives. just as we must wait for spring to come, so too we shouldnt rush into our spring time of marriage. it would only turn into a terrible Winter for you. as you seek jesus kingdom first, Matthew 6.33, he promies to supply your needs. if you were called to be celibate, you wouldnt want to be married. so wait on the lord for his timing in your life. psalm 27.14. recognize the times and season you are in. psalm 30 to 31 and be content until your marriage day arrives. philippians 4.6 to 11. blessings!!

  • dream says:

    Victoria. .. The desire to marry is the sign that you will marry one day. Because if God wants you to be single he wouldn’t give you a strong desire to marry.

  • dream says:

    Kat… Did you ask God what he wants according to your mate? Did you ask him if he wants you to marry? If yes, did you ask him what you should do about it? I know christians who felt God told him to wait and then they met their mate, other were searching, praying hardly and seeking and God bless them too. I was one of them. Firstly I didn’t want to marry, but God told me that it’s because I was hurt by men. Then I was waiting and waiting,and nothing happened. Then God told me and other single girls to pray and we prayed and met every week and fasted too for a year and then the things started to changed. All girls from praying group got married in different time. I got married in my late thirties and I know God prepared me. I could enjoyed my single life before- traveling, serving the Lord etc. Maybe your mate is just behind the corner and you are giving up and giving God ultimatum. At the beginning of some year many years ago I didn’t know that the same year I would get married!

  • Victoria says:

    I’m only 22, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my future, and whether or not it involves marriage and a family. I’ve been failing at relationships, and I just wish God would tell me if it’s in His plan for me to be single or not. If it isn’t, I pray that He takes the desire to be married away from me so that I can put more energy towards other things on my prayer list and in my life. It is in His will for me to be married, I’d like Him to confirm that somehow. Idk…I feel pathetic.

  • Kat says:

    CuteButAlone – thank you for being kind. I appreciate that.

    “Why complain to God if I select as a boyfriend to a handsome, lusty, inmature, jerk, non-christian dude??”


    Well, the kind of man I *want* would be a handsome, lusty dude who is not an immature jerk, LOL.

    And I complain to God because we are all told to pray, to tell God what’s hurting us, and to ask God for help.

    Can’t God do miracles any more? If he could part the Red Sea, then getting me set up with the right man (or giving me a lobotomy so I don’t care) should be a snap.


    Really, how can someone not to love someone cute, tender, romantic as me n___n?


    Exactly. The men on this site are always whining that they can’t find the right woman. They might not have that problem if they would look at the women right under their noses – line you.


    . in my case, I plan to move to another country to give myself more choices than this sexist third world country, besides
    I’m 34 and most people my age is married and with children here, they marry at early 20s maybe in another place they marry later, I dunno.


    Good luck with your move – the place you are from sounds awful. I don’t recommend the U.S., but Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the U.K., or any of the Western European democracies would be a good choice.


    . there was a dude that said I was what he expected all his life, this otherwordly girl… just to end saying he does not believe in marriage and he just wants sex, telling me on my face…


    That guy deserves to be slapped, HARD, for talking to you at all if he wasn’t going to come through for you. What a jerk!

    In fact, the next man who starts with me, gets me happy and then fails to come through for me, is going to get slapped as hard as I can slap him. Maybe I’ll make trouble for him at work or with his family, too. He deserves to be hurt as badly as he hurt me.

  • cuteButAlone says:

    only message to Kat:
    I know how it feels you are in love with someone who does not like you for real, and even you can be good and charming (as I am). Some men are just mean and inmature and they will never change, Maybe you can do a favor to yourself and move on about this M. guy, to me sounds like a waste of time. Also, it reminds me when I selected bad guys, bad choices, why complain to God if I select as a boyfriend to a handsome, lusty, inmature, jerk, non-christian dude?? This is my free will, but I accept it was a bad choice and that is WHAT really gives me faith and reliability this is the best choice, better alone that with any of these that were my bad choices. Really, how can someone not to love someone cute, tender, romantic as me n___n? if I have lost faith in someone, seriously, it is men, but NEVER loose my faith in God. However, there should be somewhere someone good… in my case, I plan to move to another country to give myself more choices than this sexist third world country, besides I’m 34 and most people my age is married and with children here, they marry at early 20s maybe in another place they marry later, I dunno.
    Kat, I think sometimes the problems are inside us, too, we choose wrong, I now ask God to prevent me to give my heart to any jerk, but to choose wisely a good man, and so far my heart is doing well not falling in love with anyone…. there was a dude that said I was what he expected all his life, this otherwordly girl… just to end saying he does not believe in marriage and he just wants sex, telling me on my face… I like him and I pray for his salvation but I DONT see us together… this simple, but men, just see how jerk and stupid you can be… really, time to grow up! life is short…

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Kat, I am so sorry that you have had your heart so callously treated by M. Our culture of self-centredness has given license for people to chase after their own self-gratification at the expense of others, and it is tearing us a part. Unfortunately, people in churches have fallen for the same lie and act just as selfishly. The Bible’s description of love paints a very different picture doesn’t it: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1Corinthians 13:4-7) This passage is often used in marriage ceremonies, and rightly so, but if you look at the context it is referring to the love that followers of Jesus should have for one another, not just their spouses and family members. I know that I have a hard time living out this standard of love in my own marriage, let alone with people outside of my family. One of the things Paul emphasizes in this passage though is that our source for such love comes from God, “All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” (vs 12) The more that I keep my eyes on Jesus and allow Him to guide my thoughts, attitudes and actions He will direct me to love like He did. And as we see from His life, people are attracted to that kind of love.

    There is a site that is built to help people truly follow Jesus and look to Him for guidance in every part of their life. Can I recommend as you put God to this 6 month test that you also put yourself in a place of intentionally following what He is saying to you? Go to, sign up for the Daily Devotionals, work through the Life Challenges and the Life Series there. Consider saying the prayer, “Dear Jesus, I want You in the center of my life and commit through Your power, to serve and obey You Any time, Any where, at Any cost, to do Any thing.” See where He can take you in 6 months.

    Let me pray for you: Dear Jesus, I know You feel the pain in Kat’s heart as she longs to have true love but is disappointed over and over. You too suffer rejection from people even when You are the one who gave them life. I pray that You would bring true love to Kat. Reveal Your plans and purposes for her and continue to make her into the godly woman You have called her to be. Amen.

  • Kat says:


    kat…sorry you are struggling….its so important that we let Gods plan for our lives unfold


    Thank you for being kind.

    What if God’s plan for my life is something I’m really going to hate?

    If God would [deleted] TELL me what the [deleted] he plans to do to me, that would help. But he obviously doesn’t give a rat’s rump how I feel or what would help me.

  • Kat says:


    It’s like one of my child throwing tantrum-If God will not give you love you will kill yourself.


    How come God is allowed to tantrum like a child if we don’t say we love him and pretend everything he does to us is A-OK?


    Jesus will lead your life in his perfect will and will give you a mate.


    Yeah, at the speed of continental drift.


    .God is the love you are looking for.


    Not unless he can physically touch me, hold me, kiss me, etc.


    And men don’t like when women are chasing them, then they will run away.


    In that case, they shouldn’t complain about not being able to find a mate.


    Relax and let it go by God’s way.

    If I do that, I will be 100 years old – and a dried up old biddy for Jesus. If THAT is God’s plan for my life – just kill me now.

  • Chris says:

    kat…sorry you are struggling….its so important that we let Gods plan for our lives unfold as we give our hearts to christ and let him do the guiding. that is to be at the right place at the right time with the right people so that our lives can be joined to the person of christs choice for us. having jesus as lord means allowing his lordship to be yielded to each day and to be willing to be with his people in a Christian church, for when we make Gods family our family, he makes us families too. exodus 1.21. for more information on being jesus you have made jesus your lord to be able to experience his complete plan for you log onto or click talk to a mentor above. praying now that your heart will be open to jesus instruction so that through his leading you can enter into your own personal promised land. blessings to you today!

  • dream says:

    Kat… are you reading after yourself? It’s like one of my child throwing tantrum-If God will not give you love you will kill yourself. If you give your life to Jesus and repent, your life will not be your own. Jesus will lead your life in his perfect will and will give you a mate. But our life doesn’t depend if we have or don’t have a mate. God created you he has a plan for your life.God is the love you are looking for. Men are not perfect even the perfect man you are thinking about can disappoint you. And men don’t like when women are chasing them, then they will run away. Relax and let it go by God’s way.

  • Kat says:

    Actually, I am very much in love with a man who gives me crumbs.

    I have been in love with him for almost 2 years. It hurts that he ignores me a lot of the time. And yes, he does know that I’m interested. I recently got fed up will his b.s., and I gave him my contact information and told him to use it if he ever wants to or needs to. I told him I’m not going to chase him, or put my life on hold, hoping.

    And I won’t. Like I said, I’ll go out with almost anybody – once. But it would have to be somebody really wonderful to make me forget this man (I’ll call him M.)

    I’m presently giving God a little more than 6 more months to either set me up with the right man – or else give me a lobotomy so I don’t care any more. I am considering ending my life if things are not better by mid-January. I don’t want to live another 35 to 40 years with nothing to look forward to in my love life.

  • tsebo says:

    I am a woman. I don’t wan
    t a bad boy. I want a man who means what he says someone I can trust. someone who will love me the rest is history I couldn’t be bothered. I need love more than anything else

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    OK I thought a lot about this last night, first its not men vs women we are all in this together with the same goal in mind.

    That being said I have been told I was to nice on more than one occasion, so does that mean women want bad boys….In reality no…what they want is a man, some one who has the ability to lead and protect, marriage is a partnership, however regardless the man is head of the family and the leader from a Biblical perspective. the Bible also tells a man how to treat his wife with respect and honor. So we can still be strong leaders and still be respectful of our spouses or potential mates. What has happened in our society( western culture) men are now being taught to their role in life is to be subservient to women. We have become wimps and that’s not what a women wants despite what society says. I am guilty of this thought I had to be doormat to in order to attract a woman, turns out we have been taught wrong. Women are looking for a man not a wimp that’s why it seems some women do make the mistake and pick a bad boy, the choice is wimpy Mr nice Guy or bad boy.

    Frankly I like strong women, My mother is a very strong woman, but my father is a strong man and is head of the family. She treats him like a king and he treats her like a queen.

    Guys man up, which does not mean be a jerk, but be a leader and strong, not a doormat and ladies allow a man to be a man….but if he treats you bad…realize you are not with a real man.

    Clear as mud right.

  • Jay says:

    To finish what i was saying earlier, i guess most of these women were very Abused by men at one time which i can see why many of them are like this today. Very sad if that was the case.

  • Jay says:

    It is very sad reading many of the comments about women, but it is very true how women have changed over the years for the worst. Most women that i have noticed are very stuck up these days when i myself will start a conversation with the one that i am attracted to, and she will be very nasty to me and she will tell me to leave her alone and Don’t bother me again which it is very rude on their part.Why in the world are there so many very unfriendly women nowadays which i will never understand at all. And it is very true that there are certainly much more Gay And Bi women too that are adding to the problem which really makes it very difficult finding a good one these days which is very sad. When you compare the women of today to the women of years ago, it is like night and day. Most of the women of years ago were certainly the Best of all compared to now, that is for sure. Once women’s lib started it really messed them up very bad, and many of us Good men that really wanted to find a Good woman to settle down with are certainly going to have a problem now since it is Not our fault at all. I really wish that i could’ve been born many years earlier since i definitely would’ve met a Good woman to settle down with to have a family since Most women back then were a lot Nicer and much Easier to meet at that time. I really Can’t take the blame for this one since i am a very Good man that just wanted a Normal life like so many others that were very Blessed to have.

  • Kat says:

    Dee is one of those women who doesn’t like me because men usually do like me. I’ve encountered her type before.

    He’ll take her to the dance, but try to fool around with me behind her back.

  • Jack says:

    Dee: >>>>” I don’t know where you get the idea that women are looking for the “bad boy” ”

    Dee, why are you shooting the messenger? I’m only repeating what Dave, R, Kyle, and several other guys have already said, that in THEIR experience dealing with women, including Christian women (maybe PARTICULARLY Christian women) the women all seem to reject these dozens of nice guys here on PTC and gravitate to what Kyle and the others refer to as “bad boys”. I didn’t say it, they did. But I will say that in my younger years when I was hanging out at churches trying to meet a “nice Christian girl” (there’s an oxymoron for you) my own experience was essentially the same. I never met flirtation to the degree it could be characterized as a mental disease until I came in contact with church girls. I had girls chronically flirting with me (there’s a term I can’t use here, but the second part of the word is “–teaser”) and there was no end to them. But as soon as I asked them out on a date, suddenly it was like they all turned frigid. I mean you could feel the temperature in that room suddenly drop 40 degrees or so. Now my question: if the girls just plain weren’t interested in me, then why all the flirting? Some of you guys know what I’m talking about, I’m sure. I have a theory: the girls come from families where sexuality is pathologically repressed at home and church is the only place where they can let their sexuality loose but be in a safe environment so that a guy they don’t really like, but love to flirt with, can be kept at a safe distance. But that’s my experience. Maybe some of the guys can relate a few of their own experiences with good church girls flirting with them. Call them the “Runaway Flirts”.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Well Dee, I am glad to know that it is not up to you to determine who is and who is not a ‘good Christian’. Especially when you are basing that judgement from a few short posts in a forum like this. This forum is intended to be a place where people can share their ideas, encourage others, and read about different perspectives that they hadn’t considered before. It is not a place to make judgements about others, or criticize other people’s character. You are welcome to join the conversation, disagree with other’s perspectives, post your thoughts, but please refrain from maligning other people. To intimate that someone acts like an ‘easy woman’ is unacceptable here.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Kat, I like your practical suggestions. I do want to let you know that this is not a dating site and the policy is not to publish personal contact information. I know that makes it a little hard to connect with people here, but it is for the safety of the participants. Since this is not a dating site it does not have any of the screening processes for those who post here. Unfortunately there are predators out there looking for people to prey on and caution must be taken in the public publishing of personal information. But I think you said once that you were going to find your mate if you had to go through every guy in the world to find him; that is a great attitude.

  • Kat says:

    Jack, Bill, Kyle, Dave, and R,

    Forget about women like Dee and CuteButAlone.

    In my experience there are a lot more women at church than men. That’s one of the reasons why, for me, church is mostly a waste of time.

    How perfect does your woman have to be?

    I’ve generally acknowledged to be good-looking – I’m short, have a curvy figure (not fat – built sort of like Marilyn Monroe), reddish-brown hair, excellent skin.

    My problem seems to be that I’m not prissy and conservative enough. I think a lot of Christian men think I’m not quite Christian enough to suit them. I also suspect that they’re afraid they wouldn’t know what to do with me if they actually got me.

    One thing I’ve noticed: this message board is full of men and women who are unhappy about being single. “Why won’t God send me my soulmate?”

    Well, do you think God is going to package the person up and have UPS or FedEx deliver them to your doorstep, labeled, “Soulmate”?

    Why don’t you people try to meet EACH OTHER?

    Seriously. Take some initiative. Trade email addresses. If you don’t trust each other, make up a new throwaway email account specifically for this purpose.

    One or two people will have to take on the grueling responsibility of coordination. Find out where everybody lives. Pick a central location. Determine a date that will work for the majority of the group. Make a reservation at a restaurant in the city you picked. Maybe find some hotels nearby and research travel information.

    Voila. You’d have a real life meetup of most of the people on this board. And maybe – just maybe – some of you would get lucky.

    At the very least, it would be a break in your routine.

    IIRC, I have asked both Jack and Kyle about the possibility of talking to me further to see what develops. I believe Jack said he was already married. What’s Kyle’s excuse?

    Seriously, though – think about doing a real life meetup.

  • cuteButAlone says:

    agree with Dee, a good Christian woman wont pursue a “bad boy”. What is true, at least was for me and for what I saw in other girls… is that when you are inmature you feel attracted by rebel and troublesome “mystic” boys. The first guy I liked was very very bad, but I loved him and insisted even when he harm me… mom told me that men never change and to really move on and I obeyed mom. She is right, men dont change, God can help them change but only Him, not us women. Then, as I grew up and became a woman and also trying to grow up spiritually I dont feel attracted to that kind of men anymore. I consider them a waste of time, an exhausting and leading no-where relationship. I even think some men NEVER grow up, see how ugly these once upon “bad boys” look now, ridiculous… it is time to grow up!! time to wake up and help to build a better world for us and our children! Personally I feel exhausted of inmature men and it is not an age thing, seems they never grow up… and I am alone because spending time with them only makes me go backwards, when I need to struggle with many things already and wanna push forward!

  • Dee says:


    I’m going to BLUNT with you. YOU are one of the biggest complainers on here!!! YOU know NOTHING about what women want…especially good Christian women because clearly if you did you wouldn’t post just dribble at nauseam. I don’t know where you get the idea that women are looking for the “bad boy” and where ever you get your information…’s incorrect. Perhaps that is distorted view on the women you have come in contact with, but DO NOT clump ALL women in that category.


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