Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)

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2,357 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Aldo Aldo says:

    Dave 2.0, I fully agree with Barbara Alpert. She has not only given you some excellent advice, but a website which you can go to and find the help you need with your anxiety problem.

    Allow me to pray for you, Dave:

    Heavenly Father, in Genesis 2:18 You said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” I believe that You have sent that helper to Dave. I ask that You would help him to realize and accept her, and take the steps necessary for that relationship to evolve into that which You desire for them. Grant Dave the knowledge of how to deal with his problem, and the wisdom to put that knowledge into operation, in Jesus Name I pray, amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Hi Dave,

    I praise and thank God for your obedience. I am sure, you give first priory to God and for His word. Thant is why you want to abide in His will. God bless you Dave. Keep growing like this. He is for you, with you to bless you and protect you. Dave, His ways are not our ways. He knows what is best for us.

  • Barbara Alpert Barbara Alpert says:

    Hi Dave 2.0, I am so glad that you decided to leave a comment regarding God answering your prayer, but how your anxiety is getting in the way of it being a true blessing. Here is a link to one of our LifeLessons on Dealing with Anxiety. http://powertochange.com/studies/dealing-with-anxiety/ Once you go through the first part there are several other related links that may be of great help to you.

    I once lived with extreme anxiety as well. It was very hard to be in a relationship. I thought that perhaps God wired me differently than everyone else when it came to being in a relationship with a significant other. However, as I learned how to deal with my anxiety it allowed me to finally be in a healthy relationship with my awesome husband and even friendships with others. I pray that the above studies/further reading will be a great resource to you and the wonderful lady that God has brought into your life.

  • Dave 2.0 says:

    Well I have a confession to make, God finally answered my prayers and sent me the perfect woman, kind, caring, loving, liked to do the things I do, intelligent. family oriented even spoke with an accent and attractive…everything was perfect, except me…my anxiety kicked in and I have been in the grips of a major panic attack for the last week ( I have always had anxiety issues but have been real under control for last 8 years) Anyway God answered my prayers and taught me a lesson all at the same time. I am not mentally/emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship. God knows best, he has kept me alone because it is the way I function best, why I don’t know but I’m not going to question it. I have asked God for forgiveness and will no longer question why, I’m just gonna go with the flow and be thankful.

  • IloveHim says:

    You realise that you’re saying trust God but don’t depend on Him. God will pick a partner for us and being more social or deserving doesn’t influence whether or not we find that partner. Yes we should prepare for that partner but don’t undermine His plan for us with another practical plan

  • Celine says:

    Thank you for your answers. I’m trying to get closer to God. I can only think of two believers that stood by me through many things. So that’s why I question the fellowship. Some say they love me but I get confused because they leave, won’t talk to me at all or rarely or never spend time with me and wonder if that is love but I to learn to be content without much fellowship and I know I’ve tried my best to reach out to others and desire to have fellowship with them. It is better than not trying at all. So I need to focus on my family and spend time with them and it is hard because I love them but I know you need to love God more and pray that they will be reached. Why do you think Christians put up walls and why is it so hard for the Body of Christ have fellowship? I don’t mean all Christians but what I’ve noticed. Why is there so much rejection? It saddens me that many times the poor are attacked in the U.S. even from the church. I know it’s wrong to be lazy but not all poor are lazy. We need to be honest but not attack them. The poor in other countries like Africa aren’t put down. I’m still looking for a job and it’s challenging. I just recently saw a headline that some are being denied work because they are believers so it isn’t alway people’s fault. Anyway I don’t know why I mention that.

    You can disagree with me but Jesus had compassion on all even the poor. Why is it rare to be in meetings like the past like the church in Acts or during Smith Wigglesworth time. What do you think it will take for Christians to want those meetings? Will it take something like an economic collapse or persecution? Let us love like Jesus loved and pray for those that are struggling and if called help people find work or employ them. Not to do works but God wants us to help the poor, widows, people with autism, mental health problems etc. I’m not saying I’m for welfare but not all people believe in God and they don’t know to put their trust in him. I know I struggle with that It would be better if people worked and believed God would help them financially. It is true what you say Jeff it is hard to find someone and in these last day people are getting colder regardless what they believe. I’m not saying all but I’d rather be alone than with someone that only cared about looks, was abusive or was rarely there. I would like to be married but part of me thinks that I’ll get to spend so little time with him because he’ll be working and hopefully I’ll be working or I’ll be spending time with the kids if we have any I think it will not be much different than now being single. Even if I stayed home with children he would still be gone so much.

  • Chris Chris says:

    Jeff…the good thing is jesus never changes. his promises are true and he said it wasnt good for man to be alone. with our eyes on christ alone, we can receive!

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