Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

Related: Married or single, none of us are second-best. We are all God’s first choice.

The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

The freedom to love

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.

During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.

Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

devo-interact-icon-42x42So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below.  (The form is under the last comment.)

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2,045 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”

  • Jonathan says:

    Kyle there is nothing wrong with you, I think you’re focusing way too much on your looks and the past. There are women around you now that like you but you can’t see it! It’s TRUE. It does not matter, and it’s never too late. Dare to believe, take the steps to improve and grow. God will see the walking steps of faith and you can learn from other guys, it’s okay to. I do it all the time.

  • Kyle says:

    Jonathan, I wasn’t always a negative person. It took a long time and a lot of misery to put me where I am now. There was a time when people saw me as someone who very little could get down. I rarely complained other than stuff like “it’s too hot outside” (and here in Texas that means 105+ with 80% humidity) and while I had days when I felt blue, it passed quickly. I was the person people turned to when they were feeling bad because I always had something positive or uplifting to say, or at the very least, I was someone who would listen without condemning. That is why I could never figure out why so many women treated me the way they did. I didn’t thinking following the Bible was a bad thing. However, I was told many times by women I asked out why they rejected me, because I was simply “too nice” and they felt it made me “boring” and a “wuss/wimp/pushover.”

    As for how I look, there isn’t much I can really do. Short of surgery, I cannot fix the fact I am losing my hair. I was simply cursed with the gene(s) for it. I could get laser eye surgery, and will one day, if I ever get my student loans paid off. Right now, I want those gone so I can be mostly debt free. So for now, I have to wear glasses. They are not “nerd” glasses or gigantic. Just normal looking glasses very similar to what I see hundreds of others wearing. I can’t do contacts due to an issue which would cause the contact to tear off parts of my cornea and trust me, that is horribly painful. I’m not fat, my weight is considered correct for someone of my height. I guess you could say I am just plain and average at best. I dress like most men (single and married) do around here ranging from jeans, t-shirt, and hat, to slacks and a nice button down shirt when the event calls for nicer clothes.

    All that said, the last time a woman was interested in me was 8th grade, so 22 years ago. I was too dumb to realize it at the time, but found out years later that she had a serious crush on me and I broke her heart by ignoring her. Needless to say, that made me feel very bad because I perhaps threw away a good woman (and she grew up to be a good, beautiful Christian woman) and I hurt her in the process.

  • Jonathan says:

    Kyle thats unfortunate youve experienced what you have. I know Ive experienced similiar things, but its only when Im negative, and give off those vibes. not talking woowoo stuff here, but for me I do see the bad more and expect it when Im that way. People can feel it, especially women. Really force yourself into self help books, PUA stuff, and bettering your outlook. I know of bald guys, handicapped guys even that can get beautiful women. You have it in you. You are a man and God gave you everything inside you need to attract a woman of your desire, whatever that may be. who cares what women think? its harder said then done. Really dont take it personal. Keep bettering yourself. there are many resources out there that can help you. Ive put some on here before, but they got deleted or didnt approve my comment. we will see if this one even makes it.

    and You cant go to women for advice on how to be an attractive man. thats learned from other guys who know what they are doing and have been through this. Women will say then want something “logically” but respond emotionally to something else. doesnt matter what they believe in, say or convince you. Im sure youve seen this side, as I have. But the good thing is that this can work for you. Gorgeous women Ive seen with guys that arent the typical knight in shining armor. And I have seen some that have. It goes beyond looks. You can leverage a womans emotions. Like marilyn monroe said “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.” lol its true. You can never win arguing or using logic to win with a woman. They are fun, cute, and silly. Thats it. More important things in life then that and with what God has planned for us. Youre the man, and you have what it takes. harness it, and believe it deep down and believe it! Im serious. SOme women are sneaky, immature, and dont even know what they want or cant even handle their emotions and thoughts. Youre the man, who can handle it.

    Tintin, while you are trying to help kyle I wouldnt, youre just making it worse. Thats what every girl says. What girl doesnt think of herself badly? Or judgemental? No girl, all girls, even the ones kyles been affected by would totally agree with you.

  • Kyle says:

    @TinTin

    “You are totally stereotyping women. It’s clear from your posts the type of attitude you have towards us and that’s unfortunate.”

    My “attitude” as you put it is not something I ever wanted. It is based on what I experienced from several dozen so called “Christian” women. I can only go on what I have seen, heard, and lived through for the last 20 years. And stereotypes exist for a reason and they have a lot of basis in truth.

    “Not all women are looking for that. That’s like me saying all Christian guys are boring and unattractive.”

    Oh let’s see. That is exactly what I and several other guys I know were told by numerous women at church. The men they dated were mostly non-Christians because they found them to be “exciting,” “hot,” and “fun.” These are the kinds of men who leave a trail of human wreckage behind them. They told the guys at church that we were “boring,” “ugly/unattractive,” and with me told me I was “stupid,” “repulsive,” an “embarrassment” and even to “do the world a favor and kill yourself.”

    If a woman who was looking for a Christian husband would ever give me a chance, she would find I am a man of honor who would love, respect, and treat her like God says to. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. I believe in treating women (and truly all people) as Jesus would, and for some reason, many see that as a sign of weakness.

  • TinTin says:

    @kyle
    You are totally stereotyping women. It’s clear from your posts the type of attitude you have towards us and that’s unfortunate. Not all women are looking for that. That’s like me saying all Christian guys are boring and unattractive. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. (It does feel like they’re all taken sometimes though). Keep a positive attitude. Keep your eyes and heart open for a change. It’s tempting to be cynical, I know. My church in Columbus, Ohio is having this singles dance thing this weekend. I must admit, I’ve been before and failed to meet anyone, but I’m going to try again. You never know. My prayer for you is renewed hope and faith.

  • Kyle says:

    Dave, for the most part, I try to get to know a woman before even considering asking her out. Sometimes is quickly becomes clear that I just wouldn’t be interested in her, but I will still try to be nice and friendly. No reason to be a jerk. Usually if she reciprocates and shows me the same interest, I will see how it develops and usually just be direct in asking her if she would like to go out sometime. Wording can vary, perhaps mentioning a specific activity she likes or going to dinner at her favorite restaurant. Believe me, I’ve thought many times about how to say it differently, but I am just a very direct person. I do not like euphemisms or “beating around the bush.” I just prefer to say what I mean and wish more people would do the same.

    I’ll tell another story. As our singles group was on the verge of death and down to 7 members, I asked this woman who I considered my friend if she’d be willing to attend my company Christmas party with me. It is always a miserable time for me because I am always the only person who attends without a date/spouse/significant other. My coworkers like to torment me about it. I was sick of always having to go by myself so I asked her if she would be willing to go with me. I made it extremely clear that I was not asking this as a date or anything romantic. I just wanted to have a guest with me at the party, but did not mention the torment from my coworkers. It’s at the nicest restaurant in town, so all she’d have to do is enjoy the food, listen to a boring speech or two, make a little chit-chat with whoever was at our table, and then leave. I did not expect anything beyond a couple of hours of her time. She told me she’d let me know since she needed to check her calendar to make sure that date wasn’t already taken. I trusted she was telling the truth, but the real reason was so she could launch a full nuclear strike on me without doing it in public at church.

    A few days later, I got an e-mail explaining to me that she would not go to the Christmas party with me and why. First off, she assumed this was really my extremely lame attempt to ask her out no matter what I claimed. She was the one who said she would never go out with someone who was so “intellectually beneath” her. She also had to tell me I’m too ugly to ever have a woman and not just her. Not quite sure how she did it, but she managed to write this up into a 3 page e-mail. That was the last time I ever set foot in that church.

    I do agree with you that women are looking for the hunk in shining armor, and cannot accept that there are so few of them. Most men are not built like that, but we’re good people who would make good husbands. Even Christian woman are like that. No one has ever insulted me for my height (I’m 5’11) thankfully. My one big problem is thanks to some very unwelcome genes, I am losing my hair and have been for about 12 years. Many women have said this is why they consider me to be so ugly. It’s not like I chose it or wanted it. I also have to wear glasses thanks to another bad gene I inherited, which apparently is also seen as a sign of being defective. To use a cliché, shouldn’t Christian women look at what’s on the inside like Jesus did.

    Maybe it is because we except better from people who claim to be Christians that is why it hurts all the more.

  • Dave says:

    Hi Kyle, Been there done that. LOL I live in a backwoods redneck area in as small do nothing town, I had to go to the next largest city closest to me to find a dating service all the online stuff is crap. I agree with you 100% all of the Churches in this area have also given up there singles programs. My true story attended great singles group at a local church not my own about 40 people led by a older couple to us then anyway they meant in their late 30′s. Just about everyone in our group managed to pair up and marry, I was left with the two single women who were lesbians and two bitter divorced women who hated men, I can’t imagine why there husbands left them :). I’ve been told I’m to short to date by many women I am 5ft5, once told this by a woman under 5 ft, she was looking for some 6ft or more????? Anyway I know it is hard. I know I’m not the greatest looking guy in the world and also realize i will not land a super model type…I think a lot of women are still looking for the over 6ft drop dead handsome knight in shining armor to sweep them of there feet. He’s not real, I can sweep the right woman off her feet if only allowed the chance. Kyle I also have question or two for you…what is your approach to women? I’m the last person to criticize, but from some of the reaction you have received in past that you mentioned I just wonder if perhaps you may be approaching then wrong or you just happen to be surrounded by a lot of B’s. Moving may be an option, sometimes I regret the day I took a job in this wasteland of a town, but now I’m stuck. I am really interested in your problem…keep responding and don’t let them bring you down sometimes we start to believe ourselves unworthy and if we do that who would really want us. When they are rude like that call the a B in your head and say there loss..nobody deserves that kind of treatment man or woman.

  • Kyle says:

    In response to Dave’s suggestion of trying a dating service. Where I live, there is no such thing. There used to be one years ago, and it ceased to exist because of lack of interest. I am stuck in a town that is totally geared toward the 60,000 college students that live here 9+ months out of the year. It does not have anything for singles over 25 or so, and a population disparity of 80% male to 20% female for singles in their 30s. Online dating has proven pointless. eHarmony wouldn’t let me join, twice. I will not try a third time; I consider it a fraud site. The only e-mails I ever got on Match.com where from guys looking for sex, although I suspect they were really just trolls. No woman ever contacted me or replied to me. Christian Mingle has no one locally (lots of profiles that haven’t been active in a year or more) that I would be interested in. I’m not overly picky, but I am not interested in a woman who weighs twice as much as I do and that’s pretty much all that is active there. Plenty of Fish was a waste of 30 minutes since the closest match it found for me was 100 miles away in Houston.

    And yes, it seems that all women, Christian or non-Chrisitan, want any more in this world are the “bad boys.” They will go from one horrible man to another either because he is “exciting,” “good looking, “rich,” or some combination thereof. Sadly, I am none of those things (or so I’ve been told by many women) so that pretty much leaves me beyond hopeless. I have had so called “Christian” women reject me and tell me it is because I am “ugly,” “repulsive,” “stupid,” that they would be “embarrassed” to be seen in public with me, or my personal favorite, that I was “intellectually beneath” her. (For the record, she thinks that because she got her PhD in theoretical mathematics with an IQ of 160 she is something special. My IQ is around 130 and I am not some moron. I have two degrees and will start on my PhD in a few years if all goes according to plan.) One woman actually told me to “do the world a favor and kill yourself.” And THIS was a woman in church who claimed to be a Christian. What kind of so called Christian says this to another human being? Only twice did a woman politely decline without making an insult, excuse, or something. Both just said they appreciated the offer, but just weren’t interested. I told them I understand, and truly appreciated them just being honest with me not having to add more to it. Of course, both of them are now happily married with kids with husbands who make more in a month than I do in a year.

    I’ve been told to find a new church with a singles group. Well, guess what, in this town of ~250,000 people, they do not exist. Every single church I would attend (there are some I would not for reasons such a serious disagreements over doctrine, but that’s another topic completely) has disbanded their singles group for people older than college age. I’m going to tell a story here that few will probably believe; and I would not believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears.

    The last church I attended had a singles group of almost 100 with people ranging in age from mid-20s to mid-30s. I started attending in 2005, just before starting grad school. It was a lot of fun, both at church and outside of it. We had four couples as our sponsors/teachers; all good Christians who had been married for decades. They truly cared about our needs and wanted us to be strong Christians with a good life, whether single or eventually married. Then the bottom dropped out. We lost two of the couples as they had to move away due to work. One couple both took jobs at a major hospital in Dallas, the other was transferred to Miami leaving us with only two and our backers with the most influence gone.

    The powers that be, aka those with a lot of money and thus influence, setup committees to “reevaluate” the different ministries of the church. A committee comprised of 7 women, all in their 70s or older decided that we were not a “good influence” on the church. (Yes, that is the exact words they used both to our face and in their final report.) Some of these women used to come to our class and harass us to “hurry up and get into the newly married class.” They cut off the small amount of funding we had, although our sponsors kept it alive for a while with their own money. However, then the committee played their backup card and had the church go to only 2 services, eliminating the one with more contemporary music, despite the fact it was always full. They knew this would drive away people and ensure new ones did not join. When I left, there were only 6 people out of the original ~100 and last I heard, there are 3.

    These women looked at us like we were defective or something. You could see the loathing in their eyes every time they’d barge into our class to lecture us, or when some of us spoke before their committee. It was like the Spanish Inquisition; we all could feel the animosity coming from them. I was lucky being a guy; the single women bore the brunt of their hatred. They actually said that having single women our age was having potential adulteresses in the church. I swear, Christians can be some of the most hateful people on Earth. It does make it hard to want to go to church after being hurt more than once by people who claim to be Christians.

    Anyway, after I left I spent a few months doing some soul searching, praying, and looking for a job in a larger city that isn’t all about a university. Not finding one which was comparable or better than my current one, I started looking for a new church. IIRC, I visited around 20 over the course of about 8 months. None, not one, had a singles ministry. One or two had what they called “small groups” for singles, comprised of 4 and 6 people respectively, all male. When I inquired about a singles group, I was told at every church that it was disbanded by the church leadership, usually without a reason being given, except it was part of the “new direction” the church was taking or some such bunk.

    I don’t know what it is, nor do my friends. I still see two of the guys that were at the last church I attended. We hang out once a week, watch football, go to the movies, the gun range, or some other type of “guy thing.” It’s fun, but it’s not the same as going on a date with a nice lady. We’ve had numerous discussions about this topic and all we can figure is that the modern Christian church simply doesn’t have a clue what to do with us. People used to get married in their 20s at the latest, and now most do not. Those in charge cannot understand this and do not know how to respond to it. Either they ignore it, attack it, or get rid of it by driving us away. I wonder how they will answer to God when he asks them on Judgment Day as to why they treated us so poorly.

  • Rashid says:

    Hello
    Dave and
    every one
    Dave you was lucky you found one that get along well with you which is important to have good love and understanding. Then you should show her your good feeling and good faith I am sure she will change her faith for you if you show her your faith strength God works many ways

  • Dave says:

    Well Dave here, I kinda been giving you guys updates on my attempts to to find a wife, background joined a dating service aftter not dating for about eleven years. Just recently a lady in her forties, we have a lot in common and seem to get along great……then I discover how much God really hates me……….she is a PAGAN! She said something like a pagan/ christian. I have no idea what that really means. I can just see it now, heyMom meat my new lady friend, will she be attending church with us Sunday, no she’s a pagan and does not believe in organized religion…..at some point mom passes out or blows a gasket. Why does everything have to be so hard?

  • Dave says:

    Yo Kyle, i have felt the same way for most of my life, I am now almost 49 and the children/grandchildren boat has sailed, my parents don’t even ask anymore. Yes like you i tried to date christian woman and found they were not interested, most wanted bad boys, only to end up divorced and raising “Mr. Wonderfuls” children on there on, and like you i have never herd a peep out of God, I’ve come to the conclusion that people who say God speaks to them are few bricks short of few load. I say step out of your comfort zone…most churches offer very little in the ministry to singles, especially men…we are looked at as incomplete..a sing woman can always be used as spinster Sunday school teacher but single men are looked at suspiciously. Try a dating service man, I joined one back in December and i have had more dates in the last 7 months than the last 20 years, just went out with one last night that we both hit it off terrifically, and she would not have been someone i would have normally asked out. Don’t count on God to bring your wife to your door or answer prayers…we have to do the foot work….God only gets credit for the good stuff….I’m sure if you meet and marry a wonderful woman….your family will say Praise God or our prayers have been answered, frankly i have my doubts. The only thing you can rely on is yourself. Good luck looking.

  • Michael Jantzen Michael Jantzen says:

    Hello Kyle, Which comment are you referring to? Directly below there is a lengthy comment from you, and I searched our database; all comments from you show up as ‘approved.’ It is our policy to not delete comments unless they are spam, very accusatory in tone, or using curse words directed at others. We welcome differences of opinion. We never delete comments just because we don’t agree totally with them. Take care.

  • Kyle says:

    So you deleted my comment? Just what was so wrong with it? And not even an e-mail to explain why. Real Christian of you.

  • Kyle says:

    I’ve been praying for 18 years for God to even give me a chance with someone, and so far I have never had a single date in my entire life. All of the Christian women I asked out told me in one way or another to buzz off, several saying some horrible things I don’t think even most non-Christians would say. I would treat a woman with the love and respect God says to, and would never do something to intentionally hurt her, but all I see are women going for men who do nothing in the end but leave a trail of human wreckage behind them.

    People quote the Bible and make all kinds of excuses for what has happened (or not happened) to me. My parents want grandchildren so bad they have gone from just reminding me to get married to trying to guilt and shame me. I’ve even been told that this is God’s punishment for something I must have done years ago. That doesn’t really help. I’ve never asked for fame, fortune, glory, power, or beauty. All I have asked God for is a woman who will love me for who I am, imperfections and all. A woman who will be my wife, lover, friend, companion, and mother to our children. Some days I find it very hard to keep trusting God since the only response I’ve had from him in almost 2 decades is nothing but silence.

  • TinTin says:

    @Pete
    Yes it does. Makes sense too. I think I’ve just been struggling with how much effort I should put in on my end ya know? Because ultimately I think that if It’s not in His will, then I won’t find a husband. So that’s the hard part. I’ve already decided for myself what I want, and I’m taking some steps to get it, just like I would with a job opportunity. Apply, pray and hope it happens. To me, it’s a mix of my own free will and His will. Hopefully they’re the same!

  • Pete says:

    TinTin,
    You’re right, that wasn’t very clear. I’ll try to elucidate. God gave Adam the ability to tend a garden, name animals, and love Eve. God gave Eve the capacity to help and love Adam. They were designed to meet the needs of the other by God, thus God fulfilled those needs through them. That did not preclude their relationship with God.
    Jesus said that the two greatest commandments were to love God and to love others. To love God is to keep His Law and commandments and to love others is to place their needs above our own. God placed us in a physical environment and in human families and communities. He intends for us to use the gifts, talents, and abilities He has given us. He is not going to do our job for us, otherwise we’re just automatons. We have a part to play. Now that I’ve said this, I have to clarify a point: I do not in any way profess a ‘works salvation’. Our works are considered worthless in that regard. Our salvation is solely based on the grace, mercy, death, and resurrection of our Lord.
    Does this clear it up?

  • TinTin says:

    @Pete
    What did you mean by that last line about He does not do what He enables/designs us to do? Can you elaborate?
    Thanks
    T

  • Pete says:

    Whoa… wait a minute here. Married to Christ? Really? Jesus is not our spouse. He is the bridegroom of the Church, not the individual. The individual serves as a part of the body of Christ, but not the bride herself. God often uses the imagery of marriage between Him and His people, but that did not and still does not mean that He is each person’s spouse, otherwise there would never have been the Jewish race. The claim Christ “marries” us is mixing contexts or takes the imagery out of context. Additionally that would make Christ a polygamist and a homosexual which is obviously heresy. God created Adam and said it was not good for man to be alone. He brought Eve to Adam and they became one flesh and God said it was good. This happened prior to the fall obviously. Yet, Adam still walked with God in the garden while still being in relationship with Eve. There is a clear need for human relationships, even intimate ones, even when in the closest relationship with God. Yes, we need God to fulfill us, however, He does not do what He has enabled and designed us to do.

  • Vinz Ideas says:

    Great article! I am very blessed by this article. Thanks for sharing.

  • Rashid says:

    God way is only way to accept love and wife I have done my way to find love but ending up got divorce that why decided to wait for God message for me . If we use our plan that is going to fail. Who will pray for me to have best friend and life partner. Can any one offer me pray? I pray to holy spirit to bring each one of you a good partner because you all deserve it that is God kingdom.

  • Teresa Brown says:

    I too can relate. I lost my baby brother and started dated his friend hoping to feel closer to my brother in the beginning I felt maybe something good came out of something horrible. Turned out he claims he was into God but did drugs and cheating. Now he swears hes changed. This experience has bought me closer to God but I can’t help but feel let down and trying to continue to wait for a husband . Praying for all of you as well. Hugs?

  • Mimi says:

    God supposedly brought me the right one years ago but he was hard to take seriously because I would see him up in another ladys face and different parties he didn’t say two words to me. Then after I get a job and car and buy my own clothes he suddenly gets a hard on and startd coming after me ? Then what? I don’t think so. I still don’t understand why in all the years of full gospel churches God never brought me a husband. He sure brought the wife beaters.

  • Rebecca says:

    Hello Jonathan,
    That’s the attitude, be in charge of your life, but let God be first in your life. You will see. He doesnt need us to be good boys and good girls, He just wants us to know how much he loves us ”Jesus Christ on a cross” that’s how much he loves me, and i know it.

    Hello Tintin,
    You didnt ask me how, but I shall tell you anyway, I have registered to a Christian dating sites, which is a free ones, there are nice people, you may opt for your match or simply chat to hundreds of people a day, there are a lot of good testimonies, i did meet someone once, we met in person in didn’t work, but i am not giving up, its worth a try :)

    <3

  • Jonathan says:

    Tintin, it’s not hard to find people for me, or used to be not hard! Just have to be confident and and have a positive mindset and I could make friends with almost any girl I wanted. But now I’m depressed, and the blame goes to God. When we fall in love with someone it’s all in our control, God just over sees it, like free will. He let us chose to sin against him, let alone wanting to be married was in his perfect plan I don’t think is that much of a big deal to him.

    I do get mad sometimes because he is in control and has helped others before, but that puts the responsibility off of you I feel like. Once I get out of my funk and start dating again, it was because I took charge and believed. Not because God decides every small thing in our life.

  • Jonathan says:

    Thank you Rebecca, I love encouraging post like that. I don’t feel Gods love and I’ve sunk down into depression so far. I feel like he doing bad things and holding out on me. But he would never do anything to harm me, so I gotta believe he is always good.

  • TinTin says:

    @Jonathan and Rebecca
    Rebecca’s encouragement to keep faith in God’s goodness is sound. However I think to say that if we believe enough we will get a spouse, doesn’t sound right. Some people never marry. The hard part is figuring out how much action we should take to find love. Or should we just sit and wait? And hope? I’ve been praying and hoping for a husband too. I really think Jonathan should avoid marrying someone who is not a Christian. But just out of curiosity, what steps do you plan to take to find your wife? Where will you look?

  • Rebecca says:

    Hello Jonathan,
    God loves you more than any future wife you will ever have or anyone else on earth.
    The right woman has to also love God more than you, so that both of you can have a healthy Christian relationship, just like Christ loves the Church (us).
    All this will come in due time, you know there is a season for each thing, like summer, winter, we wait when plant a tree for it to grow fruits, we wait patiently and hope.
    While waiting, trust in God, as he sees that you KNOW HE loves you, you will see his Glory.
    Just know that he loves you, do not doubt, this what JEsus said to Peter when he tried to walk on water to meet Jesus, Jesus said, your faith is weak, why did you doubt? Even though if your faith is weak, it’s ok if it is the size of a mustard seed, it doesnt matter. But if you doubt that God loves you and want to provide for you then you will miss out on the good things.
    Be patient. I am waiting also patiently, it is hard I know, but I shall grow in the process and be ready to start a relationship healthily with the right one.

  • Jonathan says:

    Rashid thank you so much for those encouraging words. A more detailed question I have is

    Ive had many struggles and doubts are creeping in as that I might not find her, and that my love for women is growing cold from past hurts.

    Is it wrong to me to want a wife more then anything? I pray for her all the time. I have doubts though that Ill never find her, and that God doesnt want me to have one.

    What does it mean to surrender my desire for a wife to God? If he gave me that desire, why do I have to give it up or back? Why cant I be thankful and pursue someone. I get confused on what that really means.

    and Finally, I dont know if you can answer this question, but Im going through a dry season with God. I am so distant, emotionally withdrawn, I miss having that spark and love in my heart. I cant even attract a woman with how I am now. Ive prayed for months that it will go away, But I dont see any hope or sign that this will happen. Should I expect good things to happen and proclaim I am healed etc?

    I worry that God will ruin this desire, and let me down. I dont want to surrender this to him, its too important to me. I miss having a woman in my life, and its my greatest desire. I would rather settle for an unbeliever woman then never get one at all.

    You don’t have to reply, but this is what’s been going on. I’ll remember your words

  • Rashid says:

    Hi
    Jonathan
    That is good you want a nice woman remember while you searching for your dream keep God in every moment of your life. That love will be for ever I wish the same but I don’t want to marry because of ju d the sake of Marriage. If keep God your side you will meet the person for your life. I know with my own experience you going to be surprise the out come but please keep praying accept him he is the only one who created the whole world soon you will have love of your life.

  • Jonathan says:

    I want a wife more then anything in this world. An amazing one. I don’t know if waiting on God is helpful or not, I’m gonna go after it and expect good things!

  • Rashid says:

    Hi
    Ella
    We have control upon our choices. But I paid big price for it not following God law of love for partner the way God want.
    I think God way is not to give love but don’t receive from other side. I think it is better to be not with some in relationship because it is not going to work if there is no equal receiving or giving end it is going to fail.please pray mean you are acknowledging for His power and following his law of love.
    Marriage is like two people who care and love each other including children walking on very thin string.if you know what I mean
    God bless

  • Ella says:

    Yes it is about 2 people who chose to love and to commit one another. And yes God teaches us to love while we tend to like receiving more than giving love. But what if a person is willing to love (and has loved) but never loved back? Does that mean, marriage is not for them? Does that also mean, that God doesn’t orchastrate a path to uniting 2 people? Are we really on our own choises and considerations even after praying?

  • Rashid says:

    Hi every one

    All I can say to many many comment that one thing I learn after so many love pain that first thing to love ourself and second thing I learn to love other it’s like sowing a best love seed that can grow best and remember every day love to other with good so it can come good.
    Many of us think that many people are married why I am not married I was married too but that marriage or relationship was dead we both was there because just sake of being in relationship. But we blame God for failed marriage. We have to do ours part and God will do His part. I wish only God put me to touch with person who has good love seed and ready to sow like I am ready to sow.

  • Rashid says:

    Hi
    Sasha I could not read your comment I just wanted know you just repeat my comment my comment was to mention what I have went through and understand the pain I will not wish for no one that is why I chose that God the mighty power to get Him involve in my every level of life I I clear myself thank God for guiding me to reach my soul

  • Sasha says:

    I have read many of interesting desire like similer to mine desire to find love for ever I am feeling same way that many of you are feeling

  • Rashid says:

    Hi everyone I have read many of interesting desire like similer to mine desire to find love for ever I am feeling same way that many of you are feeling but still I have hope and strong faith that one that God have chosen for me still is out there. God has bless me in many ways but why not a beautiful wife from inside and out side who will spritual searching for love from God.

  • Kate Kate says:

    Hi everyone, my heart goes out to each of you. I know how hard it is longing for a mate, for a deep, fulfilling relationship. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen, let’s keep growing our faith in God. What is essential to faith? It is believing God loves me and cares for me even if everything around me is terrible:

    Habakkuk 3:17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

  • Palesa says:

    I’m 31 years of age , single lady . I’ve been praying for a Husband since I was in my 20′s. I’ve watched my friends get married and have kids and yet nothing is happening for me. The guys I’ve dated are selfish and they do to care about me.ive stopped going to church , I’m hurt and dissapointed in God. The loneliness I feel pains me.im scared I will not meet anyone . I would like to be a mom one day buy it all seems so impossible ryt now.

  • Elisa says:

    We are not. If it weren’t our longing for marriage or for the desire to be removed, it would be something else.

  • karen says:

    I cant find a guy who can love me.

  • sri says:

    Hi jason if you wanna chat with me about christ let me know. God bless [it is our policy not to display personal contact information].

  • Jason says:

    After two years of marriage, my wife left me for her boss at the church in an affair. However, I hold out the promises of God and feel that the perfect woman is out there and we are being prepared for each other. I’m 28, love is not starting over for me but becoming more complete as I become closer to God! Amen

  • GM says:

    He who finds a wife finds a good thing,and obtains favor from the Lord.
    Lord Jesus Christ, Be it unto me according to your word, and for the purpose of Your kingdom. Amen

  • tasha says:

    Im 28 and still cant find a guy who can love me. But I will keep on trusting my lord and oneday he shall answer my prayer with a loving, christain husband. Advice to all single ladies never give up hope.

  • MR says:

    Dear Lord,
    Please help me, guide me, walk with me to find my husband, my mate, my friend, etc. I want a serious relationship and need your help finding this man in my life forever. I want a good faithful man in my life. AMEN

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