Does God Promise You a Spouse?
Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.
Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.
After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.
Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.
The gripe for love
My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.
Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”
In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.
One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.
Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.
When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.
God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.
The freedom to love
Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.
The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.
Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.
God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.
Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.
I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.
During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together.
Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.
The choice to love
God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social life hinges on the choices you make.
Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.
God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.
Questions:
Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:
- Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
- Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
- Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
- Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
- Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?
If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below. (The form is under the last comment.)
1,220 Responses to “Does God Promise You a Spouse?”
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First I can totally relate to what you wrote JB. I am only 22 but really busy with school and following God’s mission for my life I have not had a lot of time to think about this. I know a friend of mine who was basically in your exact same place JB she was 27 and it seemed like she would never get married. She really wanted to have a family but most of all just prayed Lord whatever your will is I just want to please you. Through many divine appointments the Lord found the perfect guy who is a very strong Christian and had never had a compromising relationship with a girl.
I know if we are faithful to simply devote ourselves to faithfully serving God he will blesses us and orchestrate a perfect plan for our lives beyond anything we could even imagine! If we just focus on the mission God has called us to in this life, he will certainly look after every need in our lives! Many of us live backwards and worry about details that we cannot solve, when we should be focusing on the mission God has called us to fulfill. Keep trusting God JB & Graeme. God wants you to know he has a perfect plan for your life and he is very pleased with your faithfulness.
Amanda has really wise advice, don’t settle for anything lest than God’s absolute best! The Father has a perfect plan for your life, but sometimes when nothing seems to be happening, we are tempted to take matters into our own hands and try to fulfill God’s plan in our own strength.
Trying to fulfill God’s plan in your own strength is impossible and will leave you completely miserable and unfulfilled. When Abraham tried to fulfill God’s plan in his own strength he just created chaos by producing Ishmael.
Do you realize God could have made Sarah conceive right after he promised Abraham a son? So why did God wait so many years to perform this miracle? He was waiting until Abraham had exhausted every other option and was ready to fully surrender to God. Our heavenly Father longs to fulfill his perfect plan in our lives but he will not supersede our freewill. I pray God would continue to show each one of us when we try to bring to pass God’s promises in our own strength, we are only inhibiting him from working on our behalf. One of the greatest revelations of my life was coming to the realization “I cannot possibly fulfill God’s divine promises for my life in my own strength”. This realization has forever changed me because I know if I try to “force things to happen” I will be preventing God from fulfilling his much great, more excellent plan for my life.
I now have a “hands off” approach to my life because I know my heavenly Father can do a far better job managing my life than I can. I know the the Father has far better plans than I could possibly come up with on my own. I know for my life to be most meaningful and fulfilling when my heavenly Father is “at the wheel” and in complete control of my life. Any areas I hold back or try to take the wheel is only inhibiting my personal fulfillment and is preventing me from having the greatest eternal impact on others.
I pray God would personally make this real to each one of us, so we would fully surrender and allow him to fulfill his perfect plan for our lives.
Always remember, the Father desires the absolute best for you. As intense as your cravings are for intimacy, meaning and fulfillment, your Heavenly Father yearns with a much greater intensity for his children to experience joy and complete fulfillment in life.
TO GRAEME KYLE:
I agree the devil is using your “dating around” to confound and disappoint you, draw you away from God, and draw you away from faith that God has someone specific for you, etc.
The solution is clear: stop dating around, be chaste and obedient to the Word that sex is for inside marriage only, then God will be able to work on your behalf in bringing “her” to you. As long as we do things “our way,” God’s hands are tied in that He has already decided and stated that He will not honor the sinful approach of sleeping around as a means to find the right mate for you. You have seen that you can find someone operating your way, but it isn’t anyone you are actually compatible with.
Decide, in advance, that even if you meet a girl you will not sleep with her until marriage (there will be plenty of time for that later). As long as your internal mindset is that you are going to operate your same old way whenever you meet anyone new, “she” will not appear. Besides, sex without guilt within the parameters of a spiritual covenent before God is the best anyway.
When your approach lines up with the Word, your results will too.
Morning all fellow Brothers and Sisters
Its amazing to wake up knowing that I am not aone anywhere in this world. As God has put caring people there.
In earnest I love all the comments and replies. I will continue praying for clarity asking the most high God. And saviour to guide me wether it means a girlfriend or wife or not. I was told the reason why I don’t meet anyone good for me and why I have had string after string of bad experiences with girls. Is because the devil. Lower case;)He means nothing LOL.Basically the devil is attacking me through what I been through with girls. That he is going after my weaknesses. And uses them against me. My desire to meet a trully great Girlfriend. And meeting bad news women. And feeling done in and angry at why I can’t meet someone ‘cool’. He enjoys getting me frustrated and worked up. This keeps me away from God and angry at him. I have to have Faith that if there is someone like me in this life. If God has shaped me as such. I draw for instance. Not even my mom or dad does that or did. So that is God given. Anyway. I have to believe with all my uniqueness and interests. There must be someone just for me. There can’t be one person who only likes what I like. Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1John 4 V 4. I believe who I am is due to God putting such a driven passionate spirit in me.
This is incredible. As if I was led here strictly to see this post to remind me that God is enough. I am 27, almost finished with anesthesia school, and single. I believe the Lord blessed my appearance and gave me a desire to find a good man to settle down with. It seems I have spent so much time on school that I have missed opportunities to date, and now I’m wondering if it’s too late for me. Even at church there are scarcely any men who aren’t married or close to it, so I guess I’m not sure where to even meet a potential mate. I know God has a plan, but a little clarity on: ‘Am I Meant to Marry or Not?’ would be great. Until then, I’m just trusting Him and studying hard.
Dear Graeme and anyone else reading this,
First I have must confess as a 22 year old I struggle sometimes struggle with the same thoughts. Secondly, I have a question for you, Do you believe God has a plan for your life?
Honestly, I worry about many details of my life including finding a spouse, finances and many other details about my future. But recently, God has begun to address this issue. I feel God has been convicting my heart with this thought, “anything you are worrying about in life means that you are not fully convinced I have a good plan for your life”. Furthermore, God also showed me that when I worry about something, I am in essence telling him that I think I can do a better job managing my life than he can!
I think sometimes the best thing we can do when we are concerned about any area of life is to ask ourselves, can I do a better job managing my life than God? I have to ask myself this question often and as I do am realizing how much better God’s plans are than my own plans. In Isaiah God says that his thoughts are far greater than our thoughts. His plans for our life are also far greater than anything we could possibly do on our own. In Corinthians God reminds that our minds cannot even begin to fathom the incredible plans he has for all who love him. In Jeremiah 29:11 your heavenly Father promises, I know what I’m doing. I have your life all planned out. I will always take care of you and never abandon you. I have an incredible future planned for you, if you will only trust and hope in me.
God wants you to know he has an incredible future planned for every area of your life, if you will only trust God and surrender to his daily purposes for your life. God has an incredible plan for your life but we need to surrender our lives and allow God to lead us into his perfect plan for our lives. Only God can lead us into his perfect plan for our lives! As long as we are leading, we will never find the joy, happiness and peace God has planned for our lives. We need to surrender our fears, doubts, anxieties and even desires to his plan. I used to think Jesus words in Matthew 16:24 were kind of harsh, you must deny all your own desires if you want to follow me. Isn’t that a bit extreme? But now I am realizing Jesus spoke these words with intense love for us because he knew until we totally let go of our own desires and plans we would not be able to fully and embrace God’s perfect plan for our lives. Leaning on our own wisdom and guided by our own desire it is impossible to fully trust the Lord and follow his plan for our lives.
Fully embracing and living in God’s plan for our lives requires us to lay our every desire and ambition at the foot of the cross. Though God has created human beings with a desire for human relationship and marriage, this desire must be laid at the foot of the cross. When we lay our lives at the foot of the cross, God raises us up to new life. When we lay our desires at the foot of the cross, only then can God bring the true fulfillment of our desires.
Your heavenly Father longs for you to surrender this area of your life to him, so he can fulfill his perfect plan for your life. I can’t promise God will give you a wife but I can promise God’s plan for your life is far better than any life you can dream up for yourself. Worst case scenario totally surrender your life to God and for some reason his plan is for you to remain single. You will still be far more fulfilled serving God single then writing your own script for your life and getting married. Though to every single person, marriage seems very appealing, outside of God’s plan marriage very quickly becomes a huge burden and miserable. Personally, I know fully surrendering to God’s will and allowing him to lead me is the only hope I have of finding a godly wife who will enrich my life. Considering the small population of females in the world who are sincerely following God with all of their hearts, I know without God’s intervention the chances of meeting a girl who is passionate and fully committed to the Lord is dismal. God wants you to know the only way to have a godly and vibrant marriage is to fully surrendering your life to God and trust in his perfect plan.
I pray your Heavenly Father would continue to encourage you and reveal the reality of his incredible plan for your life. God has written hundreds of scriptures to continually remind you of this truth. I would highly recommend going to an online bible and searching out every scripture on God’s plan for your life. God wants to build your faith and prove to you he has a perfect plan for your life.
God declares in Psalm 139:16 NLT
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
God wrote and recorded a perfect script for your life in “his book”
before you were even born. What amazes me about this verse is God does
not just say he wrote a general script, but he says he has perfectly
scripted “every day of my life”! For most of us the future seems
uncertain but if you are a child of God you need to know with
confidence your life is like a perfect movie script that has already
been written. Though you do not know the future chapters of the book
of your life, you must know with full confidence your heavenly Author
has written an incredible story for your life beyond your wildest
dreams.
@ Graeme – I refuse to believe that God demands LOVE and ATTENTION. Love demanded and commanded is not love. God Himself said that it is not good for man to be alone. While there is no scripture that says God promises us a partner, we have that choice for one. I also don’t believe that God will keep something from a person if it is bad for them. He may give the knowledge and counsel that it is not good, but He will give us the choice of choosing it. An unsaved man told me that God is an egotist. The Holy Spirit answered and said to me, “Tell that man that I AM Life and as the trees raise their leaves to the Sun, so must we raise our Hands to Life in His Son”. I do not believe that He is a religious egotist as some religious people imply He is; that will deny a person a basic human need just because “He wants to be the only one loved”. Religious people can pull His character out of context. No, those are not just feelings. I was born to love and be loved. Religious people will tell you, “ooooooh you have to be unmarried to please God”. Its a satanic lie. Why? He shall provide ALL YOUR NEEDS according thi His riches in Glory in Christ Jesus”, no????? You see religious people take one verse and build sermons, dogma and doctrine from it. Jesus takes the most serious matters and explains it perfectly with one parable. While many have opinions here, The Holy Spirit has the truth. Protect your heart and don’t allow the opinions of others (even although they may seem as profoundly wise people) and make it concrete. Always allow the Spirit to pull into your heart what you keep in mind. I am honestly very tired of thinking for the reasons of why God would not allow a partner in a person’s life because He is a “God who needs ALL your attention”. Its that sort of thinking that forces people into apostacy because of frustration. I think the devil wants us to believe it. God is always MUCH BETTER than what we will ever understand in all eternity. Even the angels that fly around Him and say “Holy, Holy, Holyis the Lord”, find something new about Him every time they pass Him. So don’t let “profound religious punks” set your heart in concrete. God gave you a need for a partner. He is glorified in our marriages because they prophesy His Marriage. So, eat the fish, spit out the bones. I personally would rather have two people seeking Him and allowing the Spirit to speak His Truth to TWO people, than having just one and mistaking it. Really, doesn’t mean God doesn’t directly promise us a partner that we will not get one.
Hey everyone.
I am also struggling to deal with the loneliness of being single. I started spending quiet time with God and going to a homebased Christian gathering last night. I saw a lot of datable girls. And I wondered God why can’t I have a decent Girlfriend. It started to depress me again. I try dismiss love and I have hardened my heart. But I wish with all my heart I had someone. I read the vast majority of these posts. And I guess it is wrong to want to replace God’s love with worldly love. But try tell my feelings that! So I need prayer. What do I do? Even in church more guys know me then girls. I kinda feel invisible to them. I feel weak whinining about this. Part of the armour I build up to deaden the emotional pain.
@ Jamie. I really enjoyed your response and I will take a look at the websites/ links provided.
You asked, “I understand that you are certain in the vision that God gave to you about this woman, but are you willing to trust that God’s plan may be different from the way that you originally interpreted it? If you had to choose between just God and the vision of what your life would be like with this woman, would God be enough for you?”
I am too scared to “trust that God has a different plan” because the plan was pretty much vivid to me. Let me put this in context.
Early 2000 – Asked God to show her to me. Got a vision of a ‘wave’ and was told to go to Israel (previous Kiibutz I went to) and that I would understand the vision when there. I also had a vision of meeting a women in a specific spot.
June 2000 – Went to Israel. Met a woman on the Kibbutz and heard the Spirit saying ‘She is your wife’. Days later after praying much about her I asked her what her name meant. She said ‘wave’. I was then told to go to a certain area in Israel and during that time I was deep in tought about what I experienced and thought, “I can only trust my thoughts when the Holy Spirit is near”. At that exact moment, the Holy Spirit opened my spirit eyes and I was facing the Spirit of Jesus, as in I was facing the face of the Spirit of Christ. Even although it lasted for a fraction of a split second, he said to me, “I love you and I AM with you”. I saw His face on the Cross and the way it is now and Truth was tangible. I could feel it beat against me like waters of a waterfall. However, He was burning me! His Holiness was burning me, but I understood at that point is that His Love is Holiness and it burns! So I came face to face with Jesus and then I was led back to my country. Years passed while I waited. I retrned 5 years later and met her twice. The second time I met her she introduced me to her boyfriend and she was pink puppy faced around him. It hurt me so much. I left. I returned again in the 7th year; and again in 2007 without any breakthrough except that I came under extreme spiritual attack in 2007. When I say extreme attack I am talking about attack of witchcraft against my mind that almost left me insane. No lies. The enemy was walking that line between sanity and insanity. Most christians do not recognise attack against the mind. I had a vision of one side of my mind with a massive hole in it. This was the result of an attack from a spirit of condemntation, or an attack that managed to get my helmet off (helmet of salvation). An attack that compromised certain truths of Salvation in my mind that opened me up. It was terrible. I remember being led back to my country and I had to go through a process of being cleaned of familiar spirits that was sent my way and this was confirmed in dreams that I was given.
In 2010, I was led back to Israel and I was told to return to the same Kibbitz. By this time, and for a while, she had been staying in Tel-Aviv. I went straight to Eilat to snorkel the coral reef and then I was urged by the Spirit to return to the Kibbutz. As I did, 2 or 3 weeks into my trip, I received a vision of a wave with a log in it. I was given the interpretation of a ‘spirit of heaviness’ that was attacking her. Something heavy was inside of her. I was then led to the graveyard and I heard the Spirit shout loud in my head; “OPEN YOUR EYES!”. I looked around and I always found myself infront of one specific grave which was new and had a temporary sign of who the person was but I could not properly read Hebrew. I was led off the Kibbutz and on my way back to a hitch-hiking point, a person pulled over and volunteered to take me to the bus stop where I could get a bus back to Tel-Aviv. This person started a conversation about meetng the right partner in life. I opened up about my history on the Kibbutz but was brief and rather selective in what I had to say. He asked who she was and after promising me not to tell her family I visited the Kibbutz, he told me that her father died two weeks prior. It was his grave! This was the reason why she was heavy! I was not impulsive. I moved into prayer for almost three months while in Israel (wasn’t cheap) and finally I got a word for her. I was forced to give the word via a friend of hers (which took guts) because she did not want to see me. I returned and received more visions/dreams concerning her. In one I saw that I would be involved in her deliverance. In another dream we were swimming in a pool in a house while others were watching and I was protecting her nakedness. The house of water obviously represents OUR HOUSE, or ONE BODY filled with the Spirit. She looked different but her eyes the same. The other dream I entered a house filled with snake tanks and I grabbed this young girl with white hair and as we went through the house, some snakes bit me and eventually I got her out and we embraced and kissed like lovers. This could only be prophetic of how God would use me in her deliverance, from a house filled with evil spirits. It is now 2012, almost 12 years from when I met her. I heard the Lord the other tell me, “Choose the rejection of God, or the rejection of man, You will have her!”. I also saw a vision of a lantern affixed to the front wall of a house on the side of the front door. The lantern fell to the ground and shattered. At that point I saw the feet and legs of a young women stepping out of the front door and she was wearing her sleeping clothes. This was obviously telling that at the point of absolute despair, she will wake up. I remember when I met her, the same night she told me that her name means wave, that she fell asleep in my arms under a tree where we remained for almost the whole night. I could not wake her up. I tried everything. During that time I received visions of my future and I also got the knowledge that my wife was in my arms. This was a deep KNOWING that only the Spirit can provide. I eventually spoke in English and told her it’s morning. She immediately woke up. After that we walked to the spot I saw in a vision of where I would meet her. I followed her decision to go to that specific spot. It has turned out to be prophetic. I have returned four times after meeting her and there was always a call to wake up. She has not woken up. I returned late 2011 and she did not want to see me at all. There are so many things I do not understand. Its been 12 years. So long. Even to apoint where I seem to be losing heart and interest. No, I do not think God has a different plan. By the way, in 2010 I saw a vision of her pregnant and then I was reminded of another child I saw in visions years ago. I saw her with another child that wasn’t mine. When I prayed and cried about it, the Lord told me, “I told you”.I was then shown a dream where I saw God’s fingers run over a child’s eyes and He said, “Your child would have had real beaautiful eyes, but no!”. I was given the understanding that she wanted HEBREW children. I received another vision where I saw myself and the Lord on either side of her and we were both bowing down to her, and at that point the Spirit and myself said in unison, “AS IF!” and I was given the understanding that my life and his purpose for our lives WAS ON HOLD BECAUSE SHE WAS NOOT SEEKING HER GOD AND GODLY HUSBAND. I believe from this experience that God is disabled from giving His intended partners to people because those intended partners are not seeking Him and He can only ordain that marriage if both willingly want Him and each other. He has also helped me to understand that many people make gods out of their partners and He can not intervene because He gives FREE WILL to people. I do believe that God has perfect partners in people, however I came across scripture that proves that there is a spiritual law in place that if a person is in rebellion, the rebellion can not only push the destined partner away, but it can also cause the destined partner to sin in which case God will forgive that destined partner. I know I just said a lot, and it is a lot to take in, and I am hoping there are MATURE SPIRITUAL PEOPLE that can read this and maybe comment. I really don’t need to responses of people who think they know something from the books and vomit it all out in their religious opinionated deliberation; i.e. the Legalists of Christianity.
This article, in many ways, reflects my current situation (except for the gender, age, never dated anyone, and have not left the church). I had the best chance to find a mate during my college years; yet the few times I wanted and tried to ask someone out, I got turned down. I had to focus on my studies (but at the expense of finding a mate and getting married, like many of my friends did.); in fact, if I had been dating, I might not have made it through pharmacy school. Now that I’ve been a pharmacist for several years, I have what seems to be the best circumstances for being able to support a marriage. Yet, I live in a state (and in a rural area of said state, to boot) in which it is common to marry young (i.e. early to mid-20s, and likely contributes to our high divorce rate). Because of this, the pool of suitable prospects is hopelessly small to nonexistent. I’ve tried the online dating route several times over the last decade, but it hasn’t worked for me. I seem to be the type that likes to meet a single woman personally, but because of these past rejections, I am painfully shy to take the initiative, as the man should. Also, the rare times my friends have tried to set me up with someone, the chemistry just wasn’t there. On top of that, most of my friends don’t know of any single women that they would think would make a good match for me, and sometimes I wonder if they even really care, because I am the only single person in their circle of friends.
All of this is making me frustrated with the single life, as it is all I’ve ever known. I don’t know what it is like to be in a romantic relationship or marriage. When the topic of issues with marriage or children come up, I am unable to relate, as those are still very much in the future for me. Conversely, many of my friends cannot relate to being a long-term single for the reasons that I explained previously. Some of them tell me platitudes like, “When you’re not looking, that’s when you’ll meet her, [which I don't totally understand; how do not look and then know]” and “There are worse things than being single.” This also has affected my relationship with God, as I am finding it harder to depend on Him for this as I sometimes wonder if He knows or understands my situation and bring someone into my path. I feel at times like taking matters into my own hands and just grabbing the first one that comes. I also have wondered, “What use am I to my church if I feel like I am being slighted because of my singleness?” and “If I am a single man surrounded by married couples and families but despairing over said status, what is the use of still being around?” I envy my married friends with children, as I want to be a husband and father, but still young enough to fully enjoy those blessings (in other words, I’m not fond of the idea of being a late-bloomer). Because of this, I seriously feel cursed and lacking in maturity (i.e. not feeling like I’m fully a grown-up adult).
Please, please, please pray for me that God would wrap me in His arms and reveal Himself to me. Also pray for patience until that appointed time that I meet that special godly woman, or for God to fully remove my desire for marriage out of me. Thank you.
Hi Tyrone, I am not sure that Rob monitors the comments on this site. You may be able to chat with him directly from his home page http://www.datingwithpurepassion.com/pages/page.asp?page_id=2715.
If I can just comment on your story, it kind of reminded me of a time when I heard Phil Vischer talk about what happens when God takes your dream away. Phil is a co-creator of the Veggie Tales videos. You may have heard that after some exciting success but some poor business decisions Phil and Mike Nawrocki lost a lawsuit with the distribution company and eventually their Big Idea Entertainment company went bankrupt (you can read Phil’s account of this at http://www.philvischer.com/phil-news/what-happened-to-big-idea-part-1) When I heard Phil talk he described how the dream that he knew came from God about where this company would go and how it would promote Christian values for kids, gradually became more important to him than his own relationship with God. He went through a real tough time as Big Idea began to fail because he was certain that God had given him this vision. He had to ask himself, “Is God enough for me?”
I understand that you are certain in the vision that God gave to you about this woman, but are you willing to trust that God’s plan may be different from the way that you originally interpreted it? If you had to choose between just God and the vision of what your life would be like with this woman, would God be enough for you?
Remember Abraham. God had given him some pretty grand promises but the longer that time went on the harder it was to believe that God’s promises would come to fruition. By the time of Abraham’s death he only owned a small cemetery in the land that God had promised him. He only had two sons of the promised descendants that God would give to him. It wouldn’t be until his grandson Jacob that there would be a large number of children and it wasn’t until a 400 year lay-over in Egypt that his descendants would occupy the Land of Promise. And it wasn’t until the birth of Jesus that the promise that all nations would be blessed was finally fulfilled. Just because God makes a promise it does not mean that it will work out in the timeline that we think makes the most sense or in the way that we deem the best. When we are left waiting we are forced to ask ourselves, “Is God enough?”
@ Claire Colvin. You have such a beautiful answer. Well Done. Melvin, you obviously are religious and all your decisions is based on fear and the law and not grace and because of that I worry if you are actually saved or not. People can only accept the FREE GIFT (Note; FREE GIFT) of Salvation through Grace, and Sanctification and Redemption. If you did you will know that God is not a satanic monster as you imply he is. [comment edited to remove derogatory accusations. Our policy is to let this site be a place for safe conversation. Feel free to disagree with one another but refrain from hurtful accusations]
TO CLAIRE: It seems like Melvin threw many religions in a blender, then took what came out and ran over it with his car. I wonder if he is being satirical and silly, or is just very confused. I don’t believe any one person could seriously have taught him these things under one coherent heading. He is either joking, is mental, or didn’t listen to a word he was told by others accurately.
Melvin, I am genuinely concerned about what kind of Bible you have been reading that has lead you to believe that God only accepts virgins. How could that possibly make sense? At the very beginning of the Bible Adam and Eve are instructed to be fruitful and multiply – to have sex and make babies. That command was given BEFORE sin entered the world. What kind of monster God would specifically command his children to do the very thing that would bar them from Heaven?
God absolutely DOES talk about women (right from the very beginning actually) and women absolutely CAN go to Heaven. You said that we should pay attention to the Catholics, I would suggest that you need to pay closer attention to them yourself. The Catholic faith does not believe that purgatory necessarily leads to Hell. Rather, purgatory is said to be a place of waiting and refining so that a person avoids Hell and gains access to Heaven. For myself, I do not believe in the existence (or need for) purgatory.
Eve is not the serpent, Eve was tempted by a serpent, but I suspect that trying to sort out the details is not really what you are interested in. If you choose, as you mentioned in your previous comment, not to have a spouse, that is certainly your choice. But your claim that I am full of envy over it is simply untrue. I’m not sure if you are genuinely interested in Heaven and Hell or simply looking to stir up trouble. If your search for God is genuine, I urge you to find a spiritual leader – a pastor or a priest or a rabbi – to discuss your ideas with. You seem to have sampled from many faiths and yet distorted them all. I cannot imagine believing in the vengeful God you describe here. That would be terrifying.
God does not accept straights and gays. Sorry. God accepts only virgins in heaven who are only 144,000. Did God talked about women. Do women can go heaven. Bible, go to Revelation 14, verse 4. Stop your ignorance. Hear the Catholics. They are right. Everyone of you will go to the purgatory to go hell so that you are purified and cleansed that you may go heaven. First go to hell and then enter heaven cleansed of the original sin of Eve, the serpent.
I do not want a wife. I do not want a man. I want only Jesus Christ. You are full of envy because I am like a Virgin Mary.
Hi Rob
I am not sure when you posted this and I do hope that you could respond. I am going to be to the point. Your article is amazing as it addresses specific areas in my life. In 2000 I asked God to show me my partner. I was introduced to her by means of visions and then meeting her personally. I was then separated from her by the Spirit. Over almost 12 years there has been no communication even although I have returned to her country 4 times to see her. My life is ripped apart and I have backslidden somewhat severely. I am somewhat bitter and angry in life, out of fellowship, and sinful. Well it has been a continues degression over the years with moments of realistion. I do understand that we are to seek His Love and be reliant on Him but my motivation for marriage was to have a Partner before Him and for the purpose of Him. It says that it is not good that man is alone and we are social and loving beings that need affection. I do not disagree with you in any way and have come to realise many of the truths you state. Love is selfless and needs to find a place to share itself. Surely the need to be loved by the Christ through each other is not contrary to the Word. In fact, the Word says that He who says he loves his brother and loves God is a liar. I specifically stand before Him expectant of a wife because I need a second person dedicated to our journey as we can not do this alone. Its simple. I however can not get over this bitterness within me because I can not fully understand all the reasons why God would allow it. I mean, I do believe I was led to ask to be introduced to her and I was answered. I believe I was answered. The spiritual events, visions and divine appointments that happened were all too real for me to let go up till now. What is your take on this?
Hi Chris, I have looked for your missing posts and can only find your original post in December. You said that you posted a response by email and that may be the problem. If you have subscribed to this page you will receive email notifications of new posts. There are links in that email which will bring you back here and then you can post a response from here. If you reply to that email or send something to that address it will not get posted here because that is exclusively an outgoing email account.
I appreciate you participation in this conversation and look forward to seeing more of your comments on this page. If you have any further concerns you can contact us through our online mentors. If you fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/experience/talk-to-a-mentor and express your concern it will get filtered to the appropriate person who will contact with an email. I hope this helps!
I posted a response to A via e-mail, but like most of my posts, it seems to have gone missing.
I was watching a sermon by Jesse Duplantis on TV the other night and he said something that, as someone who’s also eagerly awaiting a lifemate, spoke to my heart and may help you guys out too. He said that when we dwell on something that we want and do not have (yet), we open the doors of our hearts to Satan to constantly remind us of what we don’t have, and that in turn makes us bitter and depressed. We should instead ask God to remove that obssession from our minds, and that in turn will make room for more of His blessings, which Jesse said would be given to us faster as a result. One of those blessings could very well be our lifemate.
Also, the high school classmate who was the one most responsible for turning me to Christ years ago did something that may be of great value. He would write down specific passages from the Word that dealt with whatever troubles he was facing at the time and would read them repeatedly throughout the day. I imagine it was a way of “chiseling” away at his problems, and there’s no better tool than God’s word.
Just some suggestions. I love and pray for all of you!
Nice. I’d have to disagree though. There are atheists that get ‘boyfriends’ or ‘girlfriends’. Can you tell me two 5th graders are ready to love? There has to be more to it than that. And it would be ‘evil’ to guess Jesus as a sexual spouse. We have bodies. How can one procreate without another person’s body. Very nice though. Maybe God’s will is for us not to have one. Maybe it’s a sacrifice to give to Him. I mean, we might be called to be nuns. Who knows. Either way, nice post.
Dear Mary,
So glad to have you here to share your heart! One thing is that when God gives a word, He confirms it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you discern what the Lord is doing now in your life, and what He is asking you to do. We must be obedient, for then His will will be done. We must especially learn to very carefully discern the voice of the Lord.
For example, you mentioned that you remembered you had this man’s email password and you checked his email. I do not think this was an honest thing to do. I am sure our Lord would not encourage you to do something sinful; Satan on the other hand would. When a thought like that comes to mind, you must bring it before the Lord and ask Him, what shall I do with this thought? If I had a thought to spy on someone I pray that I would have the strength by the Holy Spirit to confess, “Lord I want to spy, but I know it is not right. Forgive me. If there is information You want me to know, I trust You will make it known to me. Help me not to do anything by deceit or manipulation. My faith is in You, not in what I can get with my own sinful ways.”
The more you confess your need before God, and learn to tune into His voice and His thoughts by studying your Bible, the more you will feel your faith grow…and when your faith grows, by His grace, you will find yourself more in love with Him, so that whatever the circumstance, whatever the storm, whatever the trial, you need not feel dismay. God has a plan, and He DOES keep His promises, though all else should fail His word will not, but we can’t see the plan or know it in advance, which is why we must pray for FAITH and GRACE to trust Him more!
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Mary! Thank You that You have made her beautiful and that she is Your beloved. Thank You that You do not relent in dealing with us, that You are always the Potter and we are always the clay, best when being moulded by Your hands, made into all You have made us to be! We look forward to the way You will answer Mary’s prayers and cause her heart to pound with the love of Christ. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray!