10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband

Written by Cyndie Hamley

Try the Series: How to Have a Great Marriage (with Dr. Gary Thomas)

With downcast eyes, Kathryn confided, “I have a hard time respecting my husband. I want to be obedient to God’s command, but I don’t want to be dishonest to my feelings.”

God doesn’t command a wife to feel respectful toward her husband. She is to be respectful. Her responsibility is to obey God; not her feelings.

A wise woman once told me, “If you want a truly fine husband, respect him at the level at which you want him to reach. A man will usually not rise above the level at which his wife respects him.” This is a general principle, not a hard and fast rule because God does not put accountability or responsibility for a man’s character on his wife. Nevertheless, strong evidence indicates a woman holds great power to make or break a man. In his book His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley amends the saying “Behind every great man is a great woman” to “Behind every great man is an admiring wife.”

Something in a man needs the respect of his wife. He thrives and grows toward godliness when his need is fulfilled. This explains why God emphatically says, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 NASB).

10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband

  1. Pray for him dailyand trust God to answer your requests.
    • Pray for his well-being, wisdom, protection, blessings, guidance, knowledge, spiritual maturity, success, purity, strength in temptation, etc.
    • Look for God’s answers to your prayers.
    • Thank God for working in your family.
    • Thank God for your husband.
    • Pray for your attitude.
  2. Remember that God has put your husband in a position of leadership, and He will lead you through your husband.
  3. Make a list of your husband’s qualities that you appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly.
  4. Tell your husband what you appreciate about him. Tell others what you appreciate about him.
  5. Don’t criticize your husband to others – especially your children.
  6. Look for the positive side of things that you may find irritating. If you find it boring when he spends time telling you about his bad day, remember that at least he is talking to you, spending time with you, sharing his concerns with you, bringing you into his confidence, and giving you the chance to be an encourager and helper.
  7. Respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm.
  8. If you are concernedabout a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:
    • “I’m confused about _________. Can you explain it to me?”
    • “Can we talk about _____? I feel uncomfortable about ______.”
    • Don’t ask: “WHY in the world would you do it that way?” or ask “Why?” in any way that implies you think he is foolish.
  9. Respect his likes and dislikes. If he likes a particular food, make a point of serving that regularly. If he hates the color purple, don’t wear purple in his presence. If he likes you to wear perfume, do it.
  10. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about your husband, stop and choose to think of something else – especially things from your positive quality list.

Remember, God is working on you and your husband. You can both learn from your failures as well as your successes. Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure. In the same way, give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Try the Series: How to Have a Great Marriage (with Dr. Gary Thomas)

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422 Responses to “10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband”

  • Jacqueline Manville says:

    Dear Mesh, if we believe and your husband believes the bible is the word of God, he will not reject what he is telling him in 1timothy 5:8 that any man who willfully does not provide for his own household has disowned his faith and is worse than a non believer. I belong to a Very strict religious organization and divorce is only allowed for adultery. However we are granted a seperation if this man is abusive or refuses to support his own family and the man cannot be reasoned with by the elders. I will pray for you.

  • B says:

    But if you show him too much respect in the bad place he is in and he isn’t doing what he is supposed to isn’t that like a confirmation for him to get comfortable in that place and not improve himself? I am not going against Gods Word. I am only asking and by what I’ve seen, I’ve seen the woman be respectful and the man still not grow. He ended up being punished by God but the woman suffered many years of not being happy with that man until he passed on.

  • Kate Kate says:

    The prayers of a faithful community can go a long way to bringing us comfort, wisdom and good timing for whatever we face.

  • Susan says:

    Thank you.

  • Persevering says:

    Hi Mesh, your situation is unfortunately very common. What the Lord’s been teaching me is that I am commanded to show my husband respect. That means regardless of what he’s doing wrong or not doing, I need to learn how to address matters with respect and love. That means I have to get myself under the control of the Holy Spirit. Support groups like Celebrate Recovery have helped me to grieve and work through the anger while God continues to teach me to show respect the way a man sees respect. God bless you and know that you are not alone.

  • Chris Chris says:

    mesh…i pray for your husband, you and your family so that you can be reunited in the spirit of Gods grace, love and mercy. that jesus would have mercy on your husband in particularly so he can see any hypocrisy he is living and to know that 1 Timothy 5.8 is something that applies to him also. father bring your special peace to mesh heart and children as they look to you for the answers they need in jesus name amen

  • Mesh says:

    Good morning,
    I an in a situation where my husband has stated at his church he has been called by God and has had a trial sermon and did not invite his family. I am beginning to see that only prayer can change this. He does not pay our mortgage, he will not share his finances, he doesn’t want to discuss anything of significance. I am very disgusted and angry. i sometimes have moments and I try to reach his heart but I can’t only God can. I am so worried about my children!!! 22, 11,8. This is not how a Mann of God should act and I don’t understand it at all. He is always so angry. I realize when I speak to him I am bringing up what he is not doing, but I cannot see talking about anything else. Please pray for me.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Sonya,

    Thanks for your comment. There is a time for everything. God;s ways are not ours. Sometimes, He want some man or woman to lead a single life whereas for others. He blesses with the right partner. But once you are married, we have to obey what the Bible says….we have to submit to our husband. This itself is a blessing.

  • Sonya says:

    I grew up in church and grew up in a very toxic home where my mother called the shots. My father had pretty much no say and I thought the respect level was just not there even as a child. According to the bible in the book of Genesis; When God created MAN he had a specific purpose in mind. The purpose was to procreate for his glory not OUR glory. Once Adam fulfilled God’s purpose he was rewarded so God created Eve. A man was crested first therefore a man should be governed by God before he seeks out a wife. In this independent woman era ladies we forget; We are still under submission and if you want to be married its the basic rule to be submissive to your husband. If that’s the case then stay single, lonely and without guidance. #In Love

  • Chris Chris says:

    emma….your question is a good one. there is much a Christian woman can do. she can evangelize every creture under heaven. mark 16.15 and foll. she can teach other women and children. titus 2. she can be a helper in the church. romans 16. she can pray and prophesy in the church and exercise other gifts. 1 cor 11 to 14. she can occupy the office of prophet too. judges 5. if your husband is being too picky with you, understand its because he isnt totally filled with christs love. as babes in christ, we need to grow up into him. it is a process. efes 4.13 to 16. some grow slower than others. even if they have the title, leader, that doesnt mean they are mature believers. dont take your husbands pickiness personally. he is also being picky with christ. we suffer in christs stead in this world. col 1.24. have a blessed day in jesus!!

  • Emma says:

    I don’t understand why the husband is in the position of leadership? Why can’t it be the wife? Or neither/both?

    And to use the example in the article: if he hates purple, but I like it – why can’t I wear purple in his presence? They’re my clothes and it’s a question of two people having different preferences on color – that’s all.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Chay,

    God bless you Chay!

  • chay says:

    His Susan
    thank you so much for these prayers
    God bless you and happy new to you and your family
    CHAY

  • Susan Susan says:

    Lerato,

    How are you Lerato? How is your husband now? Know that you are in my prayers.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Vale,

    Let me know if you have any prayer requests.

  • Susan Susan says:

    God’s girl,

    Yes, God is the foundation of everything. If you build on this foundation, we will never regret.

    God bless you!

  • Susan Susan says:

    WOW! Great news and congratulations!!!

    Let me pray for you.

    Dear Father God,

    Thank You for this time. Lord, I commit Your child Chay, her husband and their church in Your hand. Lord, I pray that, You bless this church, let many many members come to this church. Lord, especially as Your child is going to the lead. Lord, You appointed her in this position and I pray that You fill her with Your wisdom and precious Holy Spirit, You guide her each step/s. Lord, when she open her mouth to proclaim Your word, You fill her with the right word and meet the needs of the members of that church. Bless her husband and protect them from evil. Lord, thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Chay says:

    Merry Christmas my sisters in the Lord
    Thank you for your prayers in marriage.
    can You Also pleade pray That God will be done in our church and me and my husband life. As I take the lead as pastor for 2015.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Poonam,

    I am sorry to hear your situation. But, I request you to not to fight with him because fight will bring more problem in your marriage. Like Chris said, Jesus is there for us, He is there to help us if we put our trust in Him. Next time when he says anything about your people, just ignore him and just bless him. Pray for him. It is not he is doing but the devil is trying to bring disunity in the house so we don’t give chance to devil.

    Let’s pray.

    Father God, I pray for Poonam and her husband. Lord, protect this marriage. Lord, I pray for her husband. Change him, Lord, let him stop abuse Poonam’s family. Help him to realize what he is doing. Lord, glorify Your name in this house. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Vale,

    I am here to help you. May I know what you are going through?

  • Susan Susan says:

    Lerato,

    I am so sorry to hear your situation. I know it is not easy. My precious friend, let us ask Jesus to help you. He is our guide and strength. I encourage you to focus on Jesus, trust Him.

    Father God,

    I pray for Your child,Lerato. Lord, she needs Your help. Lord, if her husband behave this way, where will Lerato go at her this stage. Lord, change her husband, help him realize what he is doing, help him to love Lerato and let him take care of her. Protect this marriage, bless Lerato. Lord, fill Lerato with Your peace and joy. Lord, meet all her needs; especially physically let Lerato be healthy. Protect her and thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Susan Susan says:

    Thank you Sunita.

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