10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband

Written by Cyndie Hamley

Try the Series: How to Have a Great Marriage (with Dr. Gary Thomas)

With downcast eyes, Kathryn confided, “I have a hard time respecting my husband. I want to be obedient to God’s command, but I don’t want to be dishonest to my feelings.”

God doesn’t command a wife to feel respectful toward her husband. She is to be respectful. Her responsibility is to obey God; not her feelings.

A wise woman once told me, “If you want a truly fine husband, respect him at the level at which you want him to reach. A man will usually not rise above the level at which his wife respects him.” This is a general principle, not a hard and fast rule because God does not put accountability or responsibility for a man’s character on his wife. Nevertheless, strong evidence indicates a woman holds great power to make or break a man. In his book His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley amends the saying “Behind every great man is a great woman” to “Behind every great man is an admiring wife.”

Something in a man needs the respect of his wife. He thrives and grows toward godliness when his need is fulfilled. This explains why God emphatically says, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 NASB).

10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband

  1. Pray for him dailyand trust God to answer your requests.
    • Pray for his well-being, wisdom, protection, blessings, guidance, knowledge, spiritual maturity, success, purity, strength in temptation, etc.
    • Look for God’s answers to your prayers.
    • Thank God for working in your family.
    • Thank God for your husband.
    • Pray for your attitude.
  2. Remember that God has put your husband in a position of leadership, and He will lead you through your husband.
  3. Make a list of your husband’s qualities that you appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly.
  4. Tell your husband what you appreciate about him. Tell others what you appreciate about him.
  5. Don’t criticize your husband to others – especially your children.
  6. Look for the positive side of things that you may find irritating. If you find it boring when he spends time telling you about his bad day, remember that at least he is talking to you, spending time with you, sharing his concerns with you, bringing you into his confidence, and giving you the chance to be an encourager and helper.
  7. Respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm.
  8. If you are concernedabout a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:
    • “I’m confused about _________. Can you explain it to me?”
    • “Can we talk about _____? I feel uncomfortable about ______.”
    • Don’t ask: “WHY in the world would you do it that way?” or ask “Why?” in any way that implies you think he is foolish.
  9. Respect his likes and dislikes. If he likes a particular food, make a point of serving that regularly. If he hates the color purple, don’t wear purple in his presence. If he likes you to wear perfume, do it.
  10. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about your husband, stop and choose to think of something else – especially things from your positive quality list.

Remember, God is working on you and your husband. You can both learn from your failures as well as your successes. Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure. In the same way, give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Try the Series: How to Have a Great Marriage (with Dr. Gary Thomas)

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473 Responses to “10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband”

  • lookingup says:

    Charity had mentioned that her husband gave her a biblical guide on how she should treat her husband. I was curious what it was exactly that he gave her and to see if it lined up with scripture. The Bible does give reference to the wife how she should treat her husband but there is actually quite a bit more said about how the husband is to treat his wife. I was hoping to find that out as what was said so to try and help Charity, but so far no response from her.

  • Susan says:

    Lookingup,

    Which guide you are talking about?

  • lookingup says:

    Charity, would you mind sharing what that biblical guide says?

  • Chris says:

    charity…if i can help, i will be glad to try to! 5lovelanguages.com

  • Charity says:

    I need someone’s help please. My husband and I had a talk recently and obviously he took things all wrong. He’s given me a biblical guide on how to treat him and my knowledge of the bible is not as great as his to give him a response. Can someone please answer some questions that I have regarding marriage and the bible?

  • Kate says:

    We need to walk with the Lord daily to grow in wisdom, patience, perseverance, goodness, kindness, gentleness, hope, love, self-control, humility and so on.

  • Susan says:

    Catherine,

    Can you explain what exactly you are going through?

  • Susan says:

    Yes, we are the children of the most High god!

  • Susan says:

    Persevering

    A totally agree with you. You are absolutely correct. Thank you my friend. We are the children of the most Hing and we are the blessed people on this earth. Hallelujah!

  • Sharon says:

    to Catherine– prayer–father God I do pray for Catherine for this man of hers open his eyes to see on what he is doing to her I pray that he will start respecting her so she can start respecting him back I pray for this man for your salvation for him I pray all of this in JESUS name amen I am praying for you both. are you married now? I feel for you no fun when a man who you are with is lazily keeping you until marriage. God be with you at this time. from Sharon

  • Catherine Chinyere says:

    please i need help! i cant respect my man because he lazily kept me for seven long and hard years before making any move for marriage.

  • Persevering says:

    Both Christian spouses are called to die to self and carry their crosses. The more we learn to abide in Christ the faster the marriage will be all that God designed it to be. Takes time cuz we all have baggage. Got to forgive and give grace over and over with Christ’s help.

  • Persevering says:

    Showing love and respect when it’s not due also helps bring the other person to repent of their bad behavior over time. You do have to experience pain to do this but Gid helps. Christianity ain’t for sissies. There is no inferiority in a wife submitting to her husband (of course don’t submit if he wants you to sin). Consider Jesus submitting to His Father and the Holy Spirit submitting to the Father and the Son. The Hy Spirit is our Helper. Wives are called to helpers to their husbands.
    Those who don’t believe the bible will find this nonsense and God knows that. He doesn’t hold the world to the same standards He holds His children to. If they come to believe in Him He then works with them gently but also brings stern discipline to His children if we are disobedient. In His great wisdom He knows if we’re being stubborn and rebellious or are just ignorant so His discipline is just.
    Like any good father lives and disciplines his children so does our Heavenly Father…for our own good.

  • Sharon says:

    to Ren and persevering– good comments it is suppose to be true for Christians as well. God made women out of a mans rib to be his help mate we are to love and respect each other man is a head of the home but still we are to love and respect each other no one is to be a door mat if there is the love and respect there.

  • Persevering says:

    Ren, what you wrote is true of those who are not committed to the Lord Jesus Christ. We show love and respect to our spouses out of obedience to our God and He gives us the strength to do so if our feelings die for one another. The purpose of Christian marriage is to show the world God’s faithfulness to us even when we’re unfaithful to Him. He will never leave nor forsake those who have turned to Him.
    In cases of physical and sexual abuse God has established authority in the earth to deal with such offenses and we are to call on them if this kind of abuse/crime is happening in our marriages.
    Christians come to know God better and better over time and as a result get their value and identity in Him so they don’t feel like doormats if their spouse is disrespectful or abusive.
    That’s the difference between serving Jesus and codependency.

  • Ren says:

    There is so much godawful advice on this blog, I can’t even…

    The man is NOT owed any respect just because of the reproductive organs he was born with. He is not your leader, or slave driver, or master and you’re not his puppy or follower or maid. Simply put, christians need to stop telling women to settle for being second class citizens in their own relationship.

    Love and respect is a two way street. The husband needs to earn it. And both parties can lose respect for each other depending on what happens throughout the course of the relationship. Once one of you loses respect for the other, there is little chance of going back. It probably means you made a mistake and you need to move on from that. ESPECIALLY if the husband is verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive. Women are not second to men, and they are not doormats.

    *mic drop*

  • Susan says:

    Chay,

    Thank you Chay.

  • Raj kumar singh says:

    good

  • Chay says:

    Susan
    thank you
    I considered that a compliment
    Because you all response to everyone post with wise and heartfelt responses

  • Susan says:

    Chay,

    I agree this with you.

  • Chay says:

    Hi bewell
    I believe that you did a good thing telling your husband how you feel and also having closure
    Don’t beat yourself up for falling in love and giving him your all
    But may I say take this and allow God to be Lord of your life and order your footsteps
    We serve a just God and he HF
    Has not forgotten about You his Child
    Let God be God in your life and lead you to joy, peace and prosperity
    You are in my prayers

  • Chay says:

    Hi
    I am unable to view messages
    Is anyone else having problem

  • Viera says:

    Chris.. That’s how its starting when you are writing words like you wrote to bwells: “i care for you..” Then women start to think that you want to be a friend to them but you can’t and don’t want and you will hurt them. You may think more what you are writing to women!

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