Stale Cakes
A few days ago I told a friend of mine a story about a past relationship I had many years ago. I referenced the story to a conversation we were having about dating and relationships. After the phone conversation I thought about that relationship and how I got to a place where I accepted a stale cake.
Just like the devil turns what is good into deception, diversion and destruction so this cake was in my life. It set the tone of what type of woman I had become at that time and would become years later.
When I turned twenty-one years old I decided, against the Holy Spirit’s conviction, to fly to California to see my ex-boyfriend. I was a new Christian, I had no Christian friends and I was accustomed to doing what I pleased and I decided to visit California. The flight was horrible, it felt like the plan was going to drop out of the sky and I was fearful the entire way. Once I was in sunny California the conviction was so overwhelming and I stayed in spite of.
When I saw the man I loved, at that moment nothing else mattered… or so I thought. Even though I was a new believer I was not the same woman. Things, circumstances and sin actually bothered me, so I knew then it was the Lord and not me. Also, I was away from my twin sister for the first time on our birthday and I felt guilty. I left Philadelphia for a man I knew I was not going to have longevity with and I felt I betrayed the bond with my twin. So it was all strange and heartbreaking at the same time.
Life Lesson: Time management
Are you still growing spiritually?: Check your compass and let God lead you
Yet it was not. As I stood there I saw half dead flowers, opened a card with words that didn’t apply to my relationship with him, balloons that had no meaning and then the shocker. I opened a fancy cake box and inside, by the looks and smell and the cut of the cake, I knew it was stale. I stood there and cried. I didn’t cry because I was three thousand miles away or even from the conviction of the Lord. I cried because the presentation on the outside appeared beautiful but the inside told of what he really thought of me.
I thought about this after the conversation with my friend. Here, sixteen years later, I had to ask myself, “Do I still accept stale cake?” After that relationship, year after year with different men I did continue to accept stale cake. I thought I was not worthy of love or acceptance or even kindness. So I had to challenge myself and ask, “If the so-called perfect man came along would I listen to God’s Word and wait on Him and would I submit to the will of the Holy Spirit?”
I would say yes to both. I am older and more mature in the Word of God now so of course I would. But I say that sitting here today dateless and boyfriend less. If the seemingly perfect moment came, against all I have been taught, would stale cake be good enough again?
As I get older it sometimes seems there are less prospects. Even at church women out number men. Co-workers think my righteous singleness is the daily joke. They ask, “ How can I live a life pleasing to God and He leave me single and childless?” I ponder.
When everyone around me is getting married and my friends are on their second and third child, I ponder. When Christmas, Thanksgiving and every other holiday is just a day off with pay, I ponder. With every family get together the snide remarks and funny looks with them wondering at my age why am I still single, I ponder.
After that conversation driving home all alone I talked to the Lord about it all. I told Him that it seemed He is moving slowly in the love department and even slower with dates. I went over the list of things He has done in my life and how He has been faithful throughout and how my frustration with each passing year becomes more frustrating. The Lord is so loving, He listened to me basically talk like a crazed woman in my car. He listened to my complaints and heard my cries of hurt. He even listened to my famous lists that I seem to give Him weekly. He let me get it all out.
I realized then that the Lord is the perfect gentleman. He never interrupted, He didn’t yell back and He didn’t get angry with me because I questioned Him. What He did was give me rest and comfort. He told me that it was all right to be frustrated and that He loved me.
I know you’re wondering if He showed me my husband or told me when I would have a date. No, He didn’t. Yet what He did show me is that He gives me the best, never seconds and never something that I would question His love for me. Yes, it’s still frustrating at times and yes, I am no closer to a wedding aisle than yesterday. But I know the Lord has worked in my life through healing my emotions from scarred relationships. And at this point in my life I can maturely ask myself if I would accept stale cake actually shows my growth in Him.
At one time I wouldn’t have challenged myself on what I should not accept. So through that conversation with my friend and the Lord’s comfort to me, my question turned to a new one. “Why would I accept from someone anything that God Himself would never give me?”
That is when I finally knew that I am becoming the woman that God wanted!
Struggling with waiting for God’s best? Confide in a mentor who’s ready to walk the road with you.
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My brother, John Roulac, forwarded your article.
I’m curious, what part of the country you’re from?
We must be related.
Best,
Ann Roulac
Hi Nina, what a powerful story and words of wisdom and insight. Your story brought comfort to my heart, I was smiling all the way. I just got rid of my first and (by God’s grace) last “Stale Cake” and recently confided to my friend that I will not accept another “Stale Cake” and just days afterwords God reminded me of Psalm 37 v. 1 that says Do not fret of evil man or be envious of those do wrong, this verse brought so much comfort in my heart. It further goes on to say that trust in the Lord and do good, also says wait patiently for Him and He will give you your hearts desires, how wonderful! Keep on keeping on and holding on to the faith our Father is faithful.
God bless
Lizie
The Bible says if we ask we shall receive – the parable of the woman who asks a corrupt judge for justice & keeps asking until finally the judge says “unless I give this woman what she asks for, she’ll never leave me alone!” The moral of the story – ASK & KEEP ASKING UNTIL YOU RECEIVE! God also knows we were made to share out lives with someone. What’s more – he MADE us that way & when he saw Adam alone, he said “It’s NOT GOOD for man to be alone” I don’t understand why someone would pray, “Lord make me happy being singe & content, etc, etc” Yes, be joyful in all circumstances, but continually pray for what you desire in your heart, because it IS in line with the Will of God, it IS scriptural, and there is NOTHING wrong with “pesterring” God continually for the same request – in fact, I’m pretty sure that’s what God wants us to do.
The bible speaks so often throughout of faith. How hard it must be to live a life of faith throughout your struggles as a single woman. This article was inspiring, in spite of your singleness you have managed to not only maintain but grow in your faith. I am reminded of the verse in the bible that refers to ‘faith as small as a mustard seed’. Jesus loves you, he loves us and he knows the deepest desires of our hearts. How often I have taken the easier road, due to my impatience and limited faith only to feel more alone than before. As frustrating as it may be, we do not see the big picture. God has only good things in store for those who love him. If you have faith and you long for a husband, so one day, it will be. God is sovereign, we can not demand of him. But he does hear our whispers and can taste our tears. That’s why we turn to him isn’t it? Because he is not a distant God, he is right here with us.
Hello there Anonymous,
I feel you. I know it’s frustrating, I don’t know how long you’ve been waiting but over time you learn to let go and let God. I’ve been waiting for over 10 years (I think I have just dated myself), and I wish I could say that it has been easy. NO! It hasn’t. There are ups and downs and there are moments when you are at your friend’s wedding (who may not be a Christian and who did not necessarily pray for a husband) and you tell God, that should have been me all glowing and smiling and looking like the most pretty Bride this side of the universe. I sometimes joke with God that if I die before I get married, I will ask Him, “What happened?” (and that will be the joke of the year. Given the fact that 1000 years is a day unto our God, I will be laughing for a long time). But I digress. It is best now to count thy blessings and name them one by one. Yes, you will think about it every day that goes by, Birthdays, friends’ wedding anniversaries, Christmases, etc… But should you let what you don’t have for now hold you back from enjoying the moment? NO. Travel, see the world, go see a movie, learn a new skill, meet with friends, get involved in Church, care for the friends, sisters, brothers, parents you have. Be there for people. If someone is sick, take time off to visit them. Some needs to talk, don’t shut the door in their face, listen (you have the time). And above all else, pray. Tell God how you feel, but don’t make it sound like it is His fault that you don’t have a man. Ask Him to make you stronger as you go through different emotions. He cares. He loves you. And He wants the best for you. At some point in time you will look back and wonder why you even bothered to think He didn’t care, because you will finally see His master plan for you after you’ve been through what you’ve been through. Wait on Him. There is a cloud for you in the sky the size of a man’s hand. Believe in Him, He has the best for you. Lean on Him, He is our Rock of Salvation. God bless you.
Hi Nina,
I apologize for the overly zealous way I worded my comment. I did not intend to discourage you in your own walk. Yours was the second message I read on this topic ont he same site, and I do appreciate the encouragement to not allow ourselves to be treated less than respectfully than we should. I also agree that our desire shoudl be for God’s will in our lives, but don’t you also believe what the Bible says about God giving us the desires of our hearts? – as long as our desires are in line with Scripture & God’s will, etc. If my desire, more than anything, is to be a wife and a mother and to get married & be part of a family, why would God intend for me to be single? Wouldn’t that be cruel to create me with that desire, promise that He would grant the desires of my heart as long as it isn’t sinful or anti-Scriptural, and then will for me to be single?!? I cannot believe that is true. I think I’m single because A) there is something in my life that is lacking or needs to be dealt with, B) the man I’m intended to marry has something in his life that is lacking or needs to be dealt with, C) something outsde of me or my future husband (ie the world, the devil) is in the way of or working against this life that God has for us. Sometimes it takes more than the prayer of 1 to overcome these things. In the Bible, people were married so much younger than we are now. I can’t say I’m happy or content being single & why would God intend for me to be that way? The world is ever-conspiring to make normal things & situations that are NOT in line with God’s perfect plan & I think this whole “freedom” & “independant women” & “enjoy the single life” mentality that we have been buying into especially in the western world. Maybe this is not your personal case & I apologize again if I’m making this so much about myself. I in no way intend to cause others to stumble. I have rambled on enough, but I just think it is a newly wide-spread phenomenon to have single women who are “waiting on God” to get married & the ages keep getting older & older & that, to me, is NOT encouraging. I think more needs to be done instead of feeling guilty that we are not content, we should be praying more earnestly for that man to become evident to us & for us as women to become evident to the men we will one day marry. Instead most of us feel, I don’t know, foolish, guilty, petty for praying such things sometimes & we become passive & complacent under the guise of “waiting & being content”. Again, maybe this is only my personal scenario & others may have something differnt. Thank you so much for the encouragement, though, and I hope God continues to be your encouragement & you encourage others.
Hey Nina,
Sounds like me. I sometimes rant, rage, cry but scream about my singleness to God. However, He can not be moved. I trust that He has the perfect plan for me and when He has tried and tested me and found me worthy, He will bring the brother and we’ll form a more perfect union than no other. I have learnt that this time alone is for getting my act together. He is making me a better person from within so that the storms that life will bring my way will seem inconsequential to me because of what He has placed inside of me, and that is priceless. God bless and keep all the Christian Single ladies who have purposed to learn to depend on God.
I’m sorry, & maybe this shows how much I’m lacking in my Christian walk, but this was the least encouraging this I could possobly hear. “You’re not alone, there are plenty of us single girls out there” ?!? I don’t want to be single & “waiting on God” 10 years from now. I don’t want to console myself with cliche’s like “it’s God’s will for me” or “God’s timing is perfect” I know God’s timing is perfect, but I DO NOT accept that this can possibly be part of God’s perfect will for my life! There is something we’re doing that we should n’t be or not doing that we should be. In fact, long-term singleness has got to be the furthest thing from God’s will – why do so many people engage in premarital sex, end up married to non-Christians, end up lesbians? It’s because men won’t step up & commit & marry us. The church needs to make it a goal to pray for men in our generation – that’s the best solution I can come up with. Being happy single is not only a cop out of a solutions, but it’s also the most unfair thing anyone could ask of a Christian woman.
Wow! I can completely relate to your story. I am currently going through the healing process of abusive relationships. I recently ended my relationship with my ex-fiance about 4 months ago and let me tell you it hasn’t been easy. I literally felt like i was going through withdrawals for awhile. I was in a sense, letting go of chaos, abuse, control and other negative emotions. All I ever wanted was to be loved but God is now showing me that He loves me more than any person in this whole wide world. I have the most awesome conversations with my Heavenly Father and I do rest in His Comfort. My desire is to allow Him to fill me overflowing with His love. I am determined to get into another relationship until the Lord leads me to. I’ve also given myself permission to grieve and have shed many tears. It’s okay because they are healing tears and I know God is doing an internal cleansing like never before.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was an encouragment for me.
Blessings,
Reyna from AZ
Thanks so much for sharing. Your article brought me to tears because I experienced an almost identical story myself, not yet a year ago with my (now ex-) fiancé. Please feel free to email me with advice on how you “got over”…. I’d really appreciate that. :)
Thank you sharing your testimony with us. Thank you for your openness and honesty and serving as a reminder for the Woman of God to listen when God speaks to us in that still voice.
Nina, this is Sheila, Shari’s office mate. That was a beautiful and very articulate article. You are and will be such an example of a Woman after God’s own Heart should exemplify. I once heard that “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass over, but it is about learning to dance in the rain”. Look how far He has bought you and how you have exceeded your own expectations. Continue to stand still and pay attention so that you may deliver the message to seasoned and new babes in Christ about accepting “stale cakes”.
Why would we want to eat stale cake when our Word tells us ” Taste and see that the Lord is Good! Psalms 34:8.
God Bless you Nina! and Remember to DANCE!
This article shows that we all struggle with whether we as single Christian women exhibit faith and wait to receive God’s complete and full blessing, or whether we settle…move too fast…and just accept “stale cakes.” I loved this article, it was so encouraging :-)