A few days ago I told a friend of mine a story about a past relationship I had many years ago. I referenced the story to a conversation we were having about dating and relationships. After the phone conversation I thought about that relationship and how I got to a place where I accepted a stale cake.
Just like the devil turns what is good into deception, diversion and destruction so this cake was in my life. It set the tone of what type of woman I had become at that time and would become years later.
When I turned twenty-one years old I decided, against the Holy Spirit’s conviction, to fly to California to see my ex-boyfriend. I was a new Christian, I had no Christian friends and I was accustomed to doing what I pleased and I decided to visit California. The flight was horrible, it felt like the plan was going to drop out of the sky and I was fearful the entire way. Once I was in sunny California the conviction was so overwhelming and I stayed in spite of.
When I saw the man I loved, at that moment nothing else mattered… or so I thought. Even though I was a new believer I was not the same woman. Things, circumstances and sin actually bothered me, so I knew then it was the Lord and not me. Also, I was away from my twin sister for the first time on our birthday and I felt guilty. I left Philadelphia for a man I knew I was not going to have longevity with and I felt I betrayed the bond with my twin. So it was all strange and heartbreaking at the same time.
The next day it was my birthday and I thought, “ I’m twenty one, officially grown and away from home what else could I ask for?” Since I was so accustomed to my mother making a big deal over my birthday I thought this day would be no different. I woke up extra early with excitement and was disappointed. My boyfriend murmured “Happy Birthday” and told me my gifts were on the kitchen counter. Well surely, I thought, this is all leading up to the grand finale.Yet it was not. As I stood there I saw half dead flowers, opened a card with words that didn’t apply to my relationship with him, balloons that had no meaning and then the shocker. I opened a fancy cake box and inside, by the looks and smell and the cut of the cake, I knew it was stale. I stood there and cried. I didn’t cry because I was three thousand miles away or even from the conviction of the Lord. I cried because the presentation on the outside appeared beautiful but the inside told of what he really thought of me.
I thought about this after the conversation with my friend. Here, sixteen years later, I had to ask myself, “Do I still accept stale cake?” After that relationship, year after year with different men I did continue to accept stale cake. I thought I was not worthy of love or acceptance or even kindness. So I had to challenge myself and ask, “If the so-called perfect man came along would I listen to God’s Word and wait on Him and would I submit to the will of the Holy Spirit?”
I would say yes to both. I am older and more mature in the Word of God now so of course I would. But I say that sitting here today dateless and boyfriend less. If the seemingly perfect moment came, against all I have been taught, would stale cake be good enough again?
As I get older it sometimes seems there are less prospects. Even at church women out number men. Co-workers think my righteous singleness is the daily joke. They ask, “ How can I live a life pleasing to God and He leave me single and childless?” I ponder.
When everyone around me is getting married and my friends are on their second and third child, I ponder. When Christmas, Thanksgiving and every other holiday is just a day off with pay, I ponder. With every family get together the snide remarks and funny looks with them wondering at my age why am I still single, I ponder.
After that conversation driving home all alone I talked to the Lord about it all. I told Him that it seemed He is moving slowly in the love department and even slower with dates. I went over the list of things He has done in my life and how He has been faithful throughout and how my frustration with each passing year becomes more frustrating. The Lord is so loving, He listened to me basically talk like a crazed woman in my car. He listened to my complaints and heard my cries of hurt. He even listened to my famous lists that I seem to give Him weekly. He let me get it all out.
I realized then that the Lord is the perfect gentleman. He never interrupted, He didn’t yell back and He didn’t get angry with me because I questioned Him. What He did was give me rest and comfort. He told me that it was all right to be frustrated and that He loved me.
I know you’re wondering if He showed me my husband or told me when I would have a date. No, He didn’t. Yet what He did show me is that He gives me the best, never seconds and never something that I would question His love for me. Yes, it’s still frustrating at times and yes, I am no closer to a wedding aisle than yesterday. But I know the Lord has worked in my life through healing my emotions from scarred relationships. And at this point in my life I can maturely ask myself if I would accept stale cake actually shows my growth in Him.
At one time I wouldn’t have challenged myself on what I should not accept. So through that conversation with my friend and the Lord’s comfort to me, my question turned to a new one. “Why would I accept from someone anything that God Himself would never give me?”
That is when I finally knew that I am becoming the woman that God wanted!
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This article shows that we all struggle with whether we as single Christian women exhibit faith and wait to receive God’s complete and full blessing, or whether we settle…move too fast…and just accept “stale cakes.” I loved this article, it was so encouraging :-)
Nina, this is Sheila, Shari’s office mate. That was a beautiful and very articulate article. You are and will be such an example of a Woman after God’s own Heart should exemplify. I once heard that “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass over, but it is about learning to dance in the rain”. Look how far He has bought you and how you have exceeded your own expectations. Continue to stand still and pay attention so that you may deliver the message to seasoned and new babes in Christ about accepting “stale cakes”.
Why would we want to eat stale cake when our Word tells us ” Taste and see that the Lord is Good! Psalms 34:8.
God Bless you Nina! and Remember to DANCE!
Thank you sharing your testimony with us. Thank you for your openness and honesty and serving as a reminder for the Woman of God to listen when God speaks to us in that still voice.