My Transformed Marriage
Story told by Joy Carroll, written by Muriel Larson
“Me – submit to my husband, Lord?” I exclaimed. “How can I submit to a man I no longer love or respect? Our marriage is nothing like what I had dreamed of. It’s a nightmare!”
For years I had imagined what it would be like when the Lord gave me the husband I prayed for. Perhaps I would work only part-time and spend more time at home with my young son. My “Prince Charming” would take care of us and everything would be beautiful. It did not work out that way. Prince Charming turned out to be a widower with three spoiled teenagers.
Bankrupt after his wife died from cancer, Matt moved into my apartment with his three demanding children once we were married. Then six months later he quit his job. As he went from job to job, the burden of supporting this enlarged family fell more and more on my shoulders.
Undermined by anger and hostility
Resentful, bitter, and depressed, I often reproached Matt. But he was 1 Corinthians 13 in person – kind, sympathetic, loving and long-suffering. He was a wonderful father to Shawn. But it still didn’t pay the bills! For years I had lived by faith, trusting the Lord for everything. But the failure of my dreams, and the discord and problems with Matt’s children were too much for me to handle. “How can I submit to this man as the Bible says, Lord?” I asked. “I really think my judgment is superior to his.”
Exhausted, I finally quit my demanding job. Matt and I took over the management of the apartment house complex in which we lived. During the year that followed, I cleaned and painted filthy apartments, did maintenance work, and had to deal with rude and hostile people. Matt’s children never helped, not even in the home. And I started hating my husband.
Overcoming wrong thinking
One day I shared my woes with a Christian friend. “I think I’m going to lose my mind,” I confessed. “I don’t know what to do!”
“Well, Joy,” she answered, “sometimes you have to go minute by minute, hour by hour with the Lord, praying, in order to get your mind under control.”
I started to follow that advice. As I cleaned and painted, I listened to Christian tapes and talked with the Lord. I’d praise Him for the privilege of making the apartments sparkling for new tenants, and I’d pray for them. It helped. Nevertheless, I ended up in the hospital physically and emotionally exhausted, and had to have major surgery. Still troubled about my seemingly hopeless marital situation, I called the minister who had married Matt and me.
“You must start thanking and praising God that He gives victory over depression,” he advised. “Praise Him that according to Ephesians 1:4, both you and Matt are beautiful in Jesus’ sight.”
So I began fighting depression with praise, thanksgiving, and God’s Word. “The Lord says He will give me peace if I keep my mind on Him,” I reminded myself. Thus I began to have more peace. But things still weren’t right between Matt and me. I thought about leaving him.
Flash of insight
One day my sister told me, “Joy, God can’t ever work out your relationship with your husband as long as you have the slightest idea of leaving him.”
At first I resented her for saying that; but God used it to convict me. So I prayed the Lord would help me get rid of that thought of escape, and He did. After that I began to see how I had not only been destroying my marriage, but also Matt’s chances of ever succeeding as a breadwinner. No wonder he had failed so often, when I had constantly reminded him what a failure he was!
Submission to God and one another
God had been dealing with Matt, too, in a number of ways. He led Matt into a position where he had to be submissive to a very demanding man; it was similar to the job he had quit six months after we got married. But this time Matt stayed with it and submitted to his employer. Through such scriptures as Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, and 1 Peter 3:1, the Holy Spirit convicted me about not being a submissive wife. One afternoon I fell on my knees before the Lord. God sent my husband home from work early that afternoon, and he found me there weeping.
I looked up at him. “Honey, I’m finally willing to submit to you as a wife,” I cried. Sitting at his feet, I put my head in his lap. “I will fit into your plans and your ways of thinking and doing things. I will be sensitive to your thoughts, and I will learn to be the woman God wants me to be, with His help.” Matt wept, too. “I want to be the man you need,” he said.
Things began to change. Before, I had dreaded my husband’s arrival home from work. Now I prayed, “Lord, give me joy in my heart about Matt coming home. Help me to greet him happily. I started acting as if I really was glad to see him. When Matt arrived, I ran to the door to greet him. I hugged and kissed him and exclaimed, “Glad to have you home, honey!” Then I’d fix him a cup of coffee and talk with him.
One day as I went to greet Matt, I felt a little excitement stirring in my heart. Each day my enthusiasm became more real. Finally I realized I was falling in love again with my husband! Matt became more sure of himself. He met two men who put great confidence in his ideas, and the three of them went into business together. The business thrived.
How thankful I am that I finally obeyed God’s Word – He rewarded my submission with love, peace, and joy! I delighted myself in Him, and He gave me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4).
