Finding Healing After Betrayal

Interview of Will Ludy* (names have been changed), written by L. Wang

I was desperate, dissatisfied and in great despair that Saturday night I ran with Debra to the church for help. For 12 years, my wife and I had been hiding our broken and dishonest marriage beneath the veneer of the happy and “normal” couple. We had to break the cycle of deceit and conflict before it affected our daughter, so we finally went to the nearby church.

A cheating past

I was unfaithful to Debra, and after this was revealed to her, we had to face the possibility of divorce and a family breakup. As we began the painful and ugly process of ending our marriage, we tried to seek counselors and therapists for hope, but no matter where we turned, people told us there was no saving the marriage.

But something inside me told me there was hope. I wanted to mend this relationship so badly and I was willing to do anything, even go to a church where I didn’t know anybody. There, we met a man who later became a good friend of ours. He was the only person who told us there was indeed hope but we needed God’s help. That night, Debra and I realized and came to believe that Jesus is the son of God and that we needed him. He died on the cross for our sins—past, present and future—and I realized I was forgiven by God for my actions in the past.

Proving hopelessness wrong

In the weeks that followed, Debra and I spent time with the friend we met at the church and we began reading the Bible together. As we better understood God and his love for us, we began to see that our marriage may not be hopeless after all. It might seem impossible to fix our marriage from a human perspective, but with God and his love for us, anything is possible.

Shortly after, Debra told me that she had forgiven me, but she didn’t know how that could be possible. She repeatedly asked God in prayer how she could have forgiven me for hurting her. Even more confusing to her was the realization that she was feeling genuine love for me. We quickly came to recognize that this was the grace of God—a gift we do not deserve, especially me. God was giving us hope; his grace and forgiveness was healing our marriage and bringing restoration to our lives.

We decided to take time off work and focus on each other and our relationship. At that time, our backyard was a complete disaster because of a major renovation project. Like our lives, it looked like a bomb had hit it. Each day we would get up and work on the yard together. Shovel by shovel, stone by stone, tree by tree, our yard was transformed from a disaster to a thing of beauty. As the yard changed, we too were changed. Through this project, we began to know each other better and fall in love with each other again. There was hope after all.

God longs for all of us to come to repentance, to admit we have sinned and need God. For me repentance meant being sorry enough to ask God to help me stop and being convicted enough to turn from my sin. Christ didn’t want our marriage to end and he was with us to save it. Debra and I had to deal with the past wrongs together with God, and to this day, God has indeed saved our marriage and granted us healing.

A new marriage

We renewed our vows this past year and wrote out a new contract that we both signed. We know it will take time for the trust to be built again between us, but we are ready to do whatever we can. We’ve even taken practical steps—she comes with me on my business trips whenever she feels uncomfortable with me leaving and I’ve given her all the passwords to my computer. Each morning, we spend time reading the Bible and praying together. We are so grateful for the grace that God has given us. We’ve finally let go of our own lives and trusted them to him. I’ve realized that trying to run my own life doesn’t work. I’ve stopped taking control and He is in control now. His love is everlasting. Jesus has forgiven everything and can heal anything.

Are you going through more than you feel you can handle? Are you being crushed under the weight of your problems? It doesn’t have to be that way. There is hope for your marriage.  No matter what the circumstance, you can have an abundant life – peace, joy and contentment as God brings about His own character within you. The first step is making sure that Christ is really on the driver’s seat of your life and that you are allowing His Spirit to fill you and empower you.

Pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit.

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer, we would love to hear about it! We will e-mail you some information to help you grow, and respond personally to your questions.

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