Learning to Love My Body
I’m doing something I thought I’d never do again – working as a full-time model in New York, this time in the plus-size market. For six years, I worked full-time as a straight-size model. But I got out of the business after battling bulimia and coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t right for me to continue.
Bulimia had a hold on my life, and I constantly struggled to be thin enough. I felt so guilty. I found freedom and have and have been abstinent for eight years. But my struggle with bulimia is another story.
A plus-size model – who, me?
After I quit modeling, I remained in the industry doing hair and makeup. At a photo shoot one day, a stylist encouraged me to get into modeling again, but as a plus-size model. I laughed! I had said I would never model again unless I could work just the way I was.
I didn’t really consider plus sized modeling until I was in Florida and started thinking about making some extra money alongside my make-up career. Shortly after that I started working at a local church and stopped thinking much about modeling. But soon after I got representation in Miami with a plus-size agency.
While I am considered small for that end for the industry, there was plenty of work. My agent kept trying to get me to do it full time and really put some effort into it, but a full-time modeling career was not one of my desires at the time. A year and a half later I felt it was time for me go back to modeling. I can’t believe that I am 31 years old and back in New York!
Seeing the fashion industry through new eyes
As I get back into the business this time, it is so different. I am better prepared me to go into the battlefield. And it is a battlefield! Although many things in the plus-size industry differ from the straight-size market, one thing remains the same: these women need hope. The emptiness is there. I can see it in their eyes.
Today I called my agency to check in for the morning. In a somber, quiet voice, my booking agent said that of the models on our board, a beautiful 21-year-old who graced the cover of Mode magazine, had committed suicide over the weekend. Though she was on the rise to great success, she felt so alone, so sad, that she felt she could not live any longer. This grieves me deeply.
I then thought of the conversation I’d had recently on the plane ride back from Germany with one of the models I had worked with. She also is very successful and has done many covers and campaigns. But on the plane she told me of her alcohol problem and her need for help.
When I look at the new life that God has gifted me with in Jesus, I am overwhelmed and amazed. “Why me?” I ask over and over. I look around and see people who don’t know Jesus and all their hurt and emptiness burdens my heart. I want to let them know! I love to share my faith!
God can use you, too, to light a candle of hope where you live and work – no matter how dark it may seem.
You don’t have to be an “evangelist.” Knowing how to communicate the basics of the gospel and being with the Holy Spirit, you can share your faith, and God can use you to help change people’s lives.
The first step in preparing yourself is to make sure that Christ is really on the driver’s seat in your life and that you are allowing His Spirit to fill you and empower you.
Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
