If Only I Had … Or Hadn’t
As I darted around the kitchen getting dinner on the table, my husband and kids started passing the bowls of food to each other. One asked me to bring the ketchup while I was up, and another wanted me to turn down the volume on the stereo.
Without warning, a voice I hardly recognized as my own barked out, “Why can’t you do it yourself? I want to sit down and eat!” Heads shot up. Every eye locked on me. “Well,” I huffed defensively, “you could get up yourselves, instead of asking me to do everything.”
When I crawled into bed later that night, I heard that familiar refrain, If only… if only I hadn’t acted like that.
Do any of us, single or married, get through life without blowing it to one degree or another? Probably not.
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After a bitter divorce, Pam lamented, “If only I had understood how to make a relationship work. Maybe my family would still be together.
Guilt gripped Nancy when she thought of her grandmother. “If only I hadn’t neglected her when she was old and lonely,” she whispered.
Most of us have regrets because none of us is perfect, but how have they affected us? And what do we do now if we still feel guilty and ashamed?
Regrets have power
Filled with regrets over some poor choices she had made, Cora constantly called herself names, felt she was a failure and was convinced that the world would be better off without her. Her guilt led to severe depression and even attempted suicide before she received the help she needed.
Left unresolved, regrets produce powerfully negative emotions. They cause you to:
- Sentence yourself to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and self-hatred.
- Feel ashamed and unworthy of being loved by people or by God.
- Fear being exposed, believing others would reject you if they knew what you had done.
God can set you free
The apostle Paul had many reasons to be shackled with regrets: he attacked Christians, imprisoned them, and even approved of their being killed. Who wouldn’t feel guilty with that in their past? Yet Paul did what you and I need to do with our regrets: forget what is behind, look forward, and press on (Philippians 3:12-14).
After meeting the risen Christ, Paul acknowledged his sin, rejoiced in God’s forgiveness, and threw himself into passionate service. He didn’t waste his time or his emotional and spiritual energies by looking back and dwelling on his past. God calls us to do the same.
If regrets haunt you, think about these statements God makes:
- If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John l:9).
If this is true, how does it apply to the regrets that trouble you?
- Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow… (Isaiah 1:18).
No matter how awful our sin, God says the stain on our souls that stabs us with regrets can be completely removed forever. What a glorious promise!
- Since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus… let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience… (Hebrews 10:19-22).
Rather than fixating on your failures, why not take God at His word? Draw near and let Him wipe away your sorrow and guilt.
Making things right
When we know we have offended someone, Jesus says to go and make things right with them (Matthew 5:23-24). This isn’t easy, but if the Holy Spirit brings an incident to mind that you regret, will you do what Jesus said? Even though it is hard to apologize or make amends, God always helps us do what pleases Him.
If the person involved is no longer living, pour your heart out to God and let Him assure you of His love and forgiveness. He wants you free from whatever shackles you to the past and robs you of joy today.
Reject Satan’s trap
Regrets are powerful and Satan tries to use them to keep us emotionally and spiritually miserable. Because God knows it’s unlikely we can go through life without regretting something we’ve done, He’s provided what we need and told us what to do.
Instead of being discouraged by thoughts of “If only I had…. If only I hadn’t,” refuse to let Satan have a victory in your life. Confess your failures and then forget them. Celebrate your freedom in Christ, and move forward with a cleansed conscience.
This article is adapted from “I’m Too Young to Be This Old” by Poppy Smith.
