There is LIFE after Rejection

Written by Deb Wolf

Anyone who has lived and loved has probably felt the heartache of a love that was not returned. The truth is, if we pour ourselves out in love we risk rejection.  So, how do we recover from the pain and how do we best help others who are hurting?

One thing I know for sure, the wound of rejection is not something you just ‘get over’.  I will never forget the first time I heard Beth Moore teach on this topic in her Bible study, Living Beyond Yourself.  Early in the lesson she looks out at the audience and said, “Who didn’t love you?”

Did a name immediately came to your mind? More than one?  Me too.  Each of us has suffered rejection at some point.  Rejection comes in many forms but its sting always cuts to the heart.  Rejection hurts and the closer the relationship the deeper the wound!

My story of rejection

My story of rejection concerns my daughter, my precious child. Twenty years ago, our family longed for a third child.  We had a daughter and a son, but we just didn’t feel our family was complete.  Circumstances led us to the joy of adoption.  We still say that our very best vacation was the overnight trip across the state to receive our precious baby girl.

She was a blessed gift from God and we loved beyond measure.  One of our favorite books was Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch.  Those words were precious; we knew that God had made us a forever family.

As a young teen my youngest daughter began testing us and eventually her behavior turned to defiance and rebellion.  It was painful to watch her make so many self destructive choices, but the blow of her complete rejection was devastating. The day before she ran away from home, she said, “I know that I am supposed to love you, but I just don’t think I do love you.”  To which I replied after some thought, “That’s okay, because I have enough love for both of us.”

Rejection leaves an emptiness

Her rejection was more painful than anything I had imagined.   It was made so much worse by the fact that the individuals who took her in and excused her behavior had been our dearest friends.

Suddenly had an empty nest even though she still had more than a year of high school to complete.  We also lost the two friends with whom we could share our grief.  Our dreams had turned into a nightmare.   It felt like our world had come to an end.   I had no reference for this feeling.   I entered into a deep depression and repeated over and over again, “I don’t know what to do.”

Rejection comes with a feeling of emptiness, a void that longs to be filled. It can be tempting to fill the space with anger or self pity.  Although grieving is very appropriate and even necessary, anger is supposed to be a stage of grief, not a terminal destination.  Sometimes it seems like the answer is to build walls of protection around our hearts.  We might think that walls would protect is and prevent ever getting hurt again.  But walls do not protect, they isolate.

Jesus understands rejection

How do we resist all of these temptations when we are hurt and feeling vulnerable, when Satan uses other people to offer us a plethora of ungodly possibilities? James 4:7 says “Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Resisting the schemes of the enemy is extremely hard when we are suffering pain, physical or emotional.

One thing I found comforting was knowing that Jesus not only knew about, but also experienced the pain of rejection.

• 1 Cor. 10:13 says:  No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
• In Luke 14:25 we know that Jesus was ‘rejected by the people of His day’ (GW)
• Isaiah 53:3 tells us that, “He was despised and rejected by men” (NIV)
• John writes in chapter 1:11 of his gospel, “He came to His own, and his own did not receive Him.” (NKJV)

Our precious Savior knows what it is like to be rejected in every way, by the masses, by individuals, and by His own.  Jesus understands the pain of rejection, and He alone has the answer for healing.

1 Peter 2:4 says, “You are coming to Christ, the living stone who was rejected by humans, but was chosen as precious by God.”  Verse 9 goes on to say, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”

There is comfort in those words which remind us that we are chosen by God, the King of kings and Lord of Lords.  He alone is almighty, and capable of not only healing our wounds but working them out for our good and His glory.

He alone is holy and worthy of praise.  1 Cor. 13:8 says that His “love never fails”.  The Greek word used here for fails literally means to fall off, like a petal falling off a flower.  So, this verse is saying that God’s love holds its place!

Our Heavenly Father loves us and His love will never fall to the ground.  He has proven that through the precious gift of salvation given in Jesus.  Our Father not only loves us, but He knows and smiles over the love we extend to others.  Our Savior holds our love in His nail scarred hands; in is His arms open wide.  He will never reject us.  He was rejected for us, so we, His children, His chosen ones might live in freedom from the fear of rejection.

We will always love our precious daughter, and pray daily to be able to receive her to our arms once again.  Today, my healing is well underway.  God has not rejected me and His love is true.  I continue to learn to rest in the arms of the Savior and surrender to His perfect will.  I know that my circumstances will work together for my good and His glory.

If you are on a journey from rejection, be encouraged that God does not ask you to do this alone. Invite Him into your circumstances and ask His Holy Spirit to guide and direct you.  You can pray a prayer like this one:

“Dear Father,

Thank you that my circumstances are not hidden from you.  Over and over again you tell me in your word that You love me.  I choose to believe that today.  What I am facing seems more than I can bear.  I need your strength to walk this path today.  Thank you for your promise that I will never walk alone.