Controlling Emotions at Work

Written by Kim Hackney

As the meeting came to an end, streams of tears ran down my cheeks. My spirit was broken. I could hardly speak. How dare my boss question my integrity? He could question decisions I made, but question my integrity? That was off limits and more than I could take.

I was tired of standing alone, fighting the good fight. At that moment all I could do was surrender myself to a flood of emotions. Within minutes I was sobbing uncontrollably, standing in a pool of tears.

Bringing our emotions under God’s authority

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Have you run to the ladies’ rest room for composure or excused yourself from a meeting in order not to break down in front of others? Well, I’ve been there, done that!

With the stresses and demands of our working environment, it’s a wonder we don’t break down in tears more often. Shedding tears over the challenges we face in the workplace is nothing to be ashamed of or point a finger at

Always late? Take our time management Life Lesson
Are you struggling in your work life?: Talk to a mentor

. As women, we tend to be more vulnerable to emotional releases because we tend to take things to heart. The fact that we are made with emotions is a great blessing from God.

Our emotions are the gateway to compassion. We need compassion to reach out to others as they experience some of these same joys and pains in life. However, as I’ve learned, if we don’t bring our emotions under God’s authority and Word, we will be swimming in a pool of tears … constantly!

Walking in faith

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all have Ruth’s emotional resolve? She resolved to walk in faith and not in emotions. At the beginning of the Book of Ruth, we are introduced to Orpah and Ruth, who are experiencing similar situations. Both women are grieving the loss of their husband, having to face the harsh realities of being a widow, and knowing their dreams for the future will probably never happen.

In spite of the fact that they have their own individual uniqueness, differences, and emotional backgrounds, these women are a source of comfort for one another. They can relate to what the other is experiencing. In their attempt to find comfort, security, and a new beginning, they both agree to follow Naomi to Bethlehem. However, upon further reading, we see that Orpah changes her mind. She decides to remain in her homeland, which is not necessarily wrong. But I believe her decision was based on emotions. In any case, I find it interesting to note that we don’t hear of Orpah again.

Ruth, on the other hand, resolved to trust God and becomes a direct ancestor of Jesus through King David. Does this have anything to do with her resolve and not letting her emotions control her? Well, I can’t be sure, but I do know that if she had changed her mind, we probably wouldn’t have a Book of Ruth.

Ruth is appealing to me because, unlike me, she is unwavering in her trust of God. Despite the temptation to rethink her situation or to second-guess the wisdom of following her mother-in-law, she stays the course. If you were in her situations, would you change your mind? Ruth stays the course and says, “May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me” (Ruth 1:17).

Wow, talk about emotional resolve! Ruth doesn’t get emotionally sidetracked with how she feels, the weather, or even if she’s having a bad hair day. Instead, she is faithful to her commitment. As we become involved in various situations in the workplace, we need this resolve to obey and do what God asks of us.

The “FACT” of the matter

The enemy wants to use our emotions to get us sidetracked from obeying God and walking in his will. The enemy uses our emotions to keep us second-guessing God’s plan for our life and his purpose for us in the workplace. As soon as we let our spiritual guard down, the enemy is right there using our emotions to foster doubt and question our purpose.

As we seek to control our emotions with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we need to stay rooted in God’s Word and concentrate on what I call the “FACT” of the matter: Focus, Act, Control, and Think!

Focus
First, we need to focus on being a vessel for the Lord. This means placing out Christian testimony above our personal gain, desire, or feelings. As we focus on being a vessel for the Lord, not only will he reqard us for our obedience, but others will be drawn to him by what they see. Focus on doing what is right in the sight of God, not on how we feel.
Act
Second, act instead of react. Oftentimes in the workplace we react like a loose cannon – firing out the first thing that comes to mind. We put little thought into what we say, because we react from raw emotions instead of acting in accordance with God’s Word or leading. Once a difficult situation arises, discipline yourself to gather your thoughts first, either by waiting a minute before responding or by giving yourself a couple of hours to evaluate your decision. If this is not possible, postpone your decision or response until the next day, after you’ve had time to sleep on it.
Control
Third, control your feelings by remaining neutral. This is slightly different from the above because it deals with preventing yourself from feeling personally attacked. When we don’t control our feelings, we surrender them to others, and this is what causes an emotional release. Don’t let the enemy or others in the workplace have that kind of power over you. Instead, opt to control the situation by controlling your emotions and seeing the situation form the other point of view. This is not to say that we have to bottle up our feelings, but as much as possible vent those feelings to a safe confidante or at a later time when you are removed from the situation. When expressing yourself in times of duress, stay away from “emotionally charges” words that incite personal reactions and state the facts as much as possible. Remember Detective Friday from Dragnet? “Just the factsd, ma’am, just the facts!”
Think
And lastly, think! Think about any extenuating circumstances. Think about the truth as everyone being affected in the situation sees it. Think about your role in the situation. Ask yourself, “Was there anything I could have done to prevent that situation from occurring?” “What is God trying to teach me through this situation?” “What character issue is God working on in my life? And finally, “Were exaggerations made to strengthen my point or heighten my feelings?”

In the most trying situations, we can always learn something. The primary reason for controlling your emotions is that you know God is on your side (Psalm 56:9). The enemy wants to use our emotions to destroy us, but Isaiah 41:13 reassures us: “For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Used by permission of Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, copyright © 2003. All rights to this material are reserved. Materials are not to be distributed to other web locations for retrieval, published in other media, or mirrored at other sites without written permission from Baker Publishing Group.