Mentoring in the Workplace
How much sweeter could life be if we all had someone to walk side by side with us in this journey called life? As Christian women we can make a huge impact in the workplace because we can provide both spiritual and professional mentoring to other women, saved and unsaved.
Kathleen Shaw, the first woman to mentor me professionally, will always hold a special place in my life. She extended herself totally, displaying authentic love, concern, and interest in me when my confidence wavered as a new college graduate. She coached me in basic administrative and business etiquette skills, preparing me for future endeavors. Our relationship flourished despite racial, spiritual, and professional differences.
Over the years God has blessed me with other spiritual and professional mentors who have impacted my life enormously. Because of their commitment to nurture, love, and often challenge me, I’m a better wife, mom, professional, and, most importantly, Christian woman today.
Because all women are different, mentoring does not have one set of rules to follow. Nonetheless, I believe these three elements are important in any mentoring relationship: listening, boundaries, and resources.
Listening
As Danny Lehmann wrote, “Sometimes we need to earn the right to speak to a person by giving them a hearing ear.” I’ll be the first to admit that this is an area God is still refining in my life. Unlike my friend Laryssa, who’s gifted at listening and phenomenal at recalling, I can hardly remember what my husband and I talked about at breakfast.
One day as we were talking, Laryssa reminded me of a statement I made over a year ago. How did she remember the details of our conversation? After she finished with the “I said, you said,” I asked how she could remember so much, and she simply replied, “I just listen.”
I had thought of myself as a good listener, but as I considered her words I realized that she listens with her heart, hanging on every word with a desire to understand. I, on the other hand, was hanging on every word just waiting to interject a new thought.
James 1:19 says, “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak” (italics mine). When a statement begins like that, we need to stand at attention, ready to take action.
For instance, as I sat on my porch talking with Sue, a wonderful mentor, about being a better Christian, she “stood at attention,” listening intently to my heart. Not until I was finished pouring out my heart did she offer me great advice about my many concerns. With great gentleness she said, “Sit still and listen to God. Just spend time with him. Say nothing, just listen!” Sit still? Just listen? This was a new concept for me, so I continued to probe her heart for exactly what she meant. My struggle was obvious, yet she kept pointing me back to listening with my heart.
Since our time on the porch I’m still learning to be still and listen with my heart to the voice of God. I’m a little wiser in that I lean in a little closer to the heart of the one sharing but not wise enough to practice this art of selflessness faithfully. I continue to ask the Lord to help me take the time to lean in as I listen to him and to others.
Boundaries
Just imagine a child with no boundaries and how reckless, self-centered, and out of control that little person would grow up to become. That’s what a mentoring relationship without boundaries is like – chaotic! We all need boundaries in our relationships; otherwise we begin to feel taken advantage of, unappreciated, and completely spent, as though we can give no more!
When formally establishing a mentoring relationship, it’s important that both women agree to things such as what’s appropriate at work, what’s open for discussion, expectations of the relationship, time involvement, or a number of other considerations.
When I first started mentoring a young woman at my job, it was very informal; nonetheless I made some mental notes for our relationship but especially for my behavior. I was her supervisor and felt it necessary to take extra measures to ensure that I was not being manipulative, overly demanding, or intrusive with her personal life.
I desired to encourage Karen both professionally and spiritually. Of utmost importance was conveying my availability to her and that I was in her corner. We made it clear that we respected one another’s time, space, privacy, and confidentiality, which gave us greater room to be open and honest. The boundaries were not bogging us down but providing safety and freedom in our relationship.
What is appropriate for one mentoring relationship to succeed may be the very thing impeding another. Just because I like to talk about everything doesn’t mean she does or has to. I may think getting together every couple of weeks for lunch is great; she may feel that once a month is enough and lunch is not necessary. When considering the many variables, we need to consider each woman’s personality, desire, and interest in forming this special relationship.
Boundaries based on personal preferences provide freedom. Boundaries based on other things, such as control, fear, or selfishness, become bondage. Just as God has established boundaries for coming to him (through his Son), we need boundaries that enhance our relationships and draw us together. Pray that your mentoring relationships are freed, not bound, by boundaries.
Resources
I’ve never known a spiritually or professionally dedicated woman who didn’t welcome new information. Titus 3:13-14 tells us we are to help others learn to do good and lead a productive life. Sharing information is one way we can accomplish this.
If we remain on the cutting edge professionally, we need to share work-related information. Early in my career I was encouraged to become familiar with all aspects of human resources, which involved joining professional and management organizations, attending workshops, getting acquainted with others in the field, and subscribing to a slew of published resources. These resources benefited me in subsequent career opportunities, especially as I acquired new responsibilities.
Just as these basics hold true professionally, so it is in spiritual mentoring. Many women are struggling with workplace issues and need to be directed to other resources to encourage them throughout the day. The best starting place is passages of the Bible specific to the situation. However, we can’t stop there. God has given us a great number of other spiritual resources including books by Christian authors, tapes, conferences, church programs, and other Christian people.
Resources are good tools and become invaluable when shared at the right time with the right person. Who knows? Information you provide may be the key that opens the door to a new career opportunity or spiritual truth. Pray for ways to learn from the Lord what the best resource available is and for ways to share what you have already learned on your journey with others.
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