Superwoman or Super God?
‘I AM SUPERWOMAN!’
Or at least I was, or thought I was until more and more of the ‘soup’ started sloshing over the rim of the bowl.
I had good training to be superwoman. My grandparents were immigrants from Europe and both grandmothers worked hard and constantly in the mining areas of Pennsylvania.
My mother worked in a factory until shortly before I was born and then became Super Homemaker in the country…planted, cultivated and harvested vegetables from a one-acre garden, did all the annual painting in the house, scrubbed – on hands and knees! – the concrete basement floor once each year, sewed all my clothes and most of her own…
She followed a routine familiar to most women of that day and time: laundry on Monday
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I thought this was normal and so adopted that pattern after marriage. But about ten years into marriage, life changed and added a career to my routine as a stay-at-home mom. I tried to keep that “homemaker” pattern even with the new challenges and did quite well most of the time. However, everything came to a screeching halt when a doctor diagnosed me with a physical condition that sapped all energy, making me almost totally inactive. It was obviously time to re-evaluate my life.
What does the modern and mythical version of Superwoman look like?
She’s up at dawn, prepares a hot breakfast for her husband and children, packs nutritious lunches for her school-age offspring, washes, dries and fold three loads of laundry before leaving for work while remaining positively bubbling with cheer. She drops off the toddler at day care, heading for a full day at the office. She attends meetings, runs errands at lunch time, is seen at the grocery store on the way home. Before starting supper, she and the children – with the little one in a stroller – jog for a mile and by 8:30 p.m., with the older children quietly doing their homework, she and her husband relax in the living room.
Sound like a myth?
That’s exactly what it is. But if it is a myth, why do so many women seek to emulate her and why do we feel guilty when we don’t succeed? In an internet article entitled “Women Struggle with Choice in Mental ‘Third Shift“, the author writes:
“There appears to be no peace for today’s hard-working women, whether they are career women or stay-at-home moms. They never feel completely settled about where they are and what they’ve done. If they are at work, they feel guilty about time away from their children. If they are at home with the kids, they worry about work. The division is exhausting.”
Author/researcher Michele Bolton says,
“Women work three shifts. They work one shift at their workplace, a second shift at home taking care of their families, and a third shift in their minds, conducting a continuous inner dialogue of second-guessing whatever actions and decisions have filled their days…Women are expected to fulfill significant responsibilities and leadership roles at work – prove themselves – and also retain a nurturing, other-oriented role in the family and broader community.”
In other words, too often women are expected to be super women. I suspect, however, that it isn’t always others’ expectations of that cause us this stress.
We frequently place this superwoman burden on ourselves. We read about the Proverbs 31 women and expect that to be the prototype for all of us:
“A good woman is hard to find…her husband trusts her…she is never spiteful…she shops around for the best yarns and cottons and enjoys knitting and sewing…she’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day…she looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden…first thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started…she is in no hurry to call it quits for the day…she’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking, quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor…doesn’t worry about her family when it snows (because) their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear…she makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks…she designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops…her clothes are well0made and elegant and she always faces tomorrow with a smile…she keep an eye on everyone in her household and keeps them all busy and productive…”*
While discussing these words, one female theologian commented:
“Most male preachers forget to mention that this women had a raft of servants at her beck and call, and this description is what a woman can accomplish over an entire lifetime!”
While we can’t be, and should not strive to be superwomen, there are practical ways to cope with the many demands in our lives.
- Organization: Always be learning new and easier ways to handle tasks at home and work; enlist family members as often as possible and delegate on the job.
- Stress: Discover what causes you the most stress and seek to lessen it in practical ways, i.e., take a quiet walk at lunch instead of running errands.
- (Your own) Expectations: Lower them! Examine what is absolutely necessary and what can be deleted or delayed.
- (Others’) Expectations: Decide what you can and cannot do; discuss with your employer, husband, children. Working full time and even part time means family change with accompanying compromises.
- Guilt: Decide if the guilt is valid. Deserved guilt requires a choice and calls for action. If you feel guilty for spending every evening working on tasks you’ve brought home from the office instead of communicating with your husband and children, do something about it. If you determine the guilt is not valid, live in freedom!
In Women and Fatigue, Dr. Marion Hilliard writes,
“From the time a woman is born until she dies she is not only a woman but also a person. All persons have basic human needs. The basic need for every woman is to have a central core inside herself, a center and a strength that is entirely her own. Without this she’s going to be whatever turns up – whatever the economy asks, or what the men think beautiful, or what the children want to make them happy.”
In other words, we will continue striving to be something we’re not and – in the case of the Superwomen syndrome – continue striving to live up to that Superwoman myth.
We need to know what Someone other than society, colleagues, or authors thinks of us. And the only one whose knowledge and understanding of us ultimately matters is God. Knowing and believing what God thinks of us, how God views us, helps explode the Superwoman myth because it is in Him that we find completeness and worth.
And what does He think of us?
Listen to these descriptions of God’s ____: view of us. (Insert your name in the blanks):
“This is how much God loves : He gave His Son, his one and only Son….by believing in him, can have a whole and lasting life.”
“God rescued ____ from the dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He’s set her up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much…”
“I know what I’m doing in (your) life. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.”
“Look at the great love the Father has lavished on you, that you should be called a child of God! And that is what you are!”*
What liberating joy it is to discover and believe what God thinks of us! By meditating daily on God’s view of us and learning what is truly important to be accomplished each day, we will be well on our way to living in the fresh air of freedom.
“Father, thank you for your great love and help me remember daily your love and acceptance. Help me correctly evaluate my priorities, work hard at the necessities and leave the results in your hands.”
Have you been trying to live the life of a superwoman? Talk to a mentor or share your prayer requests.
