Long Distance Grandparenting

Written by Anne Feenstra

Years ago, correspondence by mail was the primary way grandparents kept in touch with grandchildren who lived far away. This was followed by a time where the telephone became more commonly used.

Today, however, children (and some grandparents) are much more comfortable communicating by e-mail, fax and even videophone (an invention we only dreamed about!). The result of all this technical innovation is that keeping in touch with your grandchildren is easier than ever (if you’re not a technophobe, that is).

If you find all of this new technology daunting, don’t worry. There’s still nothing stopping you from dropping a letter in the mail. However, perhaps it’s time you tried out some new ways of keeping in touch.

The following is a list of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ as well as some creative ideas for how you can make the most of your long-distance relationship with your grandchildren.

1. Mail

Do’s and don’ts

• As with phone calls, be prepared to take initiative and don’t be surprised or hurt if your grandchildren don’t write back as often as you like.

• Keep your letters short and simple for smaller children.

• They don’t have patience to listen to a long letter.

Creative ideas

• Make a nonsense picture with your grandchild. Draw a few lines, mail the drawing, and ask your grandchildren what they see in your drawing. Then have them add some lines and send it back to you. Now you tell them what you see. Continue back and forth until the picture is “complete.”

• Send short stories about your children when they were little or tell stories about things you did with your own children. You can illustrate the letter with photos or other mementos of the event. If you had a childhood pet that you particularly loved, write an ongoing story about the pet and send the installments to your grandchildren each month or on special occasions.

• When on vacation, send postcards, pictures or brochures of where you’ve been.

• Send care packages or goodies in the mail. Perhaps you can connect the treat with some family history if it comes from a family recipe.

• Send pressed, dried leaves or flowers from your area to the grandchildren.

• Send a disposable camera to your grandchildren and ask them to take some crazy pictures of themselves for you.

• Send completed scrapbook pages of photos, sketches, and clippings of things you are involved in to your grandchildren.  Provide a binder in which they can insert the pages.

• Stick small items, such as a stick of gum or a fridge magnet, along with your letters.

• Send self-addressed, stamped envelopes and blank papers so it’s easy for your grandchildren to send you a note.

2. Phone

Do’s and don’ts

• Take the initiative.

• Don’t wait around for your grandchildren to call you.

• They’re busy people, you know!

• Be sensitive to the family’s routine so that your grandchildren are more likely to be available when you call.

Creative ideas

• Don’t be surprised if your younger grandchildren do not seem to respond to you while on the telephone. They’re probably smiling and nodding their heads as they enjoy listening to your voice.

• Call each grandchild separately, if possible. This will make them feel special. Connect with their parents some other time.

• Call at night and sing a lullaby to your younger grandchildren.

• Let your grandchildren tell you what they’ve been doing. Even if you know something more exciting has happened to them, allow them to fill you in on the more mundane parts before you ask about it. Remember: what’s exciting for you may not be exciting for them. Keep abreast of things your grandchildren are participating in so you can call shortly before or after the event to share their excitement. Keep mental notes about what your grandchildren are interested in. Remember to get an update on where you left off in regard to these topics during your last conversation.

• Make sure your grandchildren know they can call you anytime (within reason).

3. Fax & e-mail

Do’s and don’ts

• Send your grandchildren a short e-mail message each week or each day before leaving the office or going to bed. Tell them what you did that day.

• Schedule a time when you’ll both be online and then chat back and forth. (Get their parents’ permission first.)

Creative ideas

• Play an ongoing game, like chess, on-line. Ask your grandchildren how to set this up.

• Create your own symbols to help illustrate your e-mail messages, e.g. hug = {}, etc.

• Ask your children to fax you something the grandchildren have done at school. This way the children can keep the originals, which are probably important to them.

• Send pictures back and forth online. You can either scan them into your computer or take them with a digital camera.

• Send the same holiday or birthday card back and forth each year. Write a little something different on it each time. See how many years you can keep it going. These make great time capsules.

4. Tapes/cassettes or CD’s

Creative ideas

• Record yourself reading a book to your grandchildren. Make comments along the way if you like, even telling the child to turn the page. Send the tape along with a copy of the book to your grandchildren. Picture books work well for younger children. For older children, perhaps you could do a series of books, such as The Chronicles of Narnia.
• Instead of writing a letter, record a letter. Then have your grandchildren do the same thing.  Send the tape back and forth with a new recording each time.

5. Video or DVD’s

One of the best things you may be able to do as a grandparent is to buy your children a video camera so they can send you video clips of the grandchildren.

Creative ideas

• Tape A Day in the Life of Grandma and Grandpa and send it to your grandchildren.

• Record a “walking tour” of your neighborhood or community. Perhaps you can use it as a preview of places you will take the grandchildren when they come to visit.

• Visit and record a place that’s important to your family’s history. Provide some commentary, including stories and memories as you tour the place.

• If you move to a new home, do a video tour of the place, including the house and yard. Be sure to show them the room they’ll sleep in when they come to visit.