Tackling the Teenage Crisis: Helping Parents Survive Adolescent Rebellion

Written by Dr. Dave Currie

An alarming story recently made headlines across Canada. Desirae Shannon, an intelligent, well-liked teenage girl – raised in a strong Christian family, on the verge of graduating high school with straight A’s – ran away with her boyfriend. Not just any guy, mind you, but a young man wanted on charges relating to prostitution and physical assault on a child. The girl went by her own choice, and the couple spent nearly two weeks fleeing her parents, her church and the police before finally turning themselves in.

It’s the kind of story that sends chills up the spine of every parent. What makes an innocent girl, seemingly so well-grounded, make such a dangerous decision? And, more importantly, could it happen with my kid?

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Having worked with teenagers and their parents for over 25 years, there is very little I haven’t seen in the way of teenage rebellion. Sex. Drugs. School expulsions. Runaways. Disrespect. Car accidents. Peer pressure. The list goes on.

On the topic of raising teenagers, Mark Twain advised, “When a boy turns 13, put him in a barrel and feed him through a knot hole. When he turns 16, plug up the hole.” Faced with the challenges that adolescence brings, this plan begins to look attractive! But is this really the only way to survive the teenage years?

Rebellion: Some facts about maturity into adulthood

Every parent wants to avoid teenage rebellion if at all possible, and for good reason. Who really wants to see their kids make bad choices and get themselves into trouble? And so I have parents asking me all the time, “How do I make sure my kid stays on the straight and narrow?”

You may be surprised by my answer. Here are a few things that will help us keep rebellion in its proper perspective:

1. Adolescent rebellion begins as a result of the desire for independence. It is a developmental norm. In fact, if you have the sneaking suspicion that teenage rebellion may be inevitable, you’re right! Pretty much every teenager will test the limits – and even cross the line – at one time or another. Of course, there are varying degrees of rebellion – one parent’s “rebellious child” may be another parent’s dream child! Nevertheless, even the best-behaved child will go the wrong way at some point.

The good news is that this does not have to be a crisis! In fact, believe it or not, rebellion can be a very healthy and integral part of your adolescent’s transition from childhood to adulthood.

2. Normal rebellion, though difficult to live with, is more praiseworthy than the desire for dependence. The opposite of rebellion would be the desire to stay at home, refusal to take responsibility for life, and fear of making decisions. Although this might make the teen years easier to handle for you as a parent, it is ultimately not what you want for your child.

3. Normal rebellion needs to be understood as the natural desire to grow, although being sought after in an awkward manner. Becoming an adult includes beginning to make decisions for oneself. Teens need to question the world around them and begin to own their personal beliefs and actions. Because the teen is inexperienced, this will inevitably lead to mistakes, but that’s okay. Failure plays a critical role in the learning process.

4. Because it does contribute to growing maturity, normal rebellion (increasing independence) should not only be expected by parents – it is actually desirable. Yes, you heard that right: a certain measure of rebellion is a good thing. Don’t force it by putting unrealistic expectations on your kids, but gradually and carefully transfer responsibility for life choices to the adolescent.

5. Much rebellion is fashioned after peer models. What other models do teenagers have of attaining independence? The need for having, doing or being like a peer is great. This can work negatively, but it can also work positively if you can help your kids choose friends wisely.

6. There are unhealthy causes to teenage rebellion, including:

parental discord
parental discipline methods
family confusion: alcoholic parent, abusive situations, financial pressures
peer influence
fear of failure
low self worth

If you suspect that any of these factors lie behind your teen’s rebellion, you need to deal with the root cause before the behaviour can be changed.

Healthy vs. unhealthy rebellion

One of the keys to helping your teen grow through their rebellion is being able to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy rebellion. How can you tell the difference? Here are some guidelines.

Characteristics of healthy rebellion:

Healthy rebellion helps teens shed their cocoons and use their own wings. It is born out of increased independence, responsibility and autonomy. As the youth is allowed to make age-appropriate decisions, there may be some missteps, but it is a natural part of their progression to adulthood.

Healthy rebellion involves open communication between the parents and the teen. The parent is really willing to listen, taking an active interest in the adolescent and trying to understand their world. They ask lots of questions, and provide reasonable guidelines and restrictions where necessary. Both sides have freedom to share their feelings.

Healthy rebellion is gradual, occasional and varied in expression. Rebellion is not a way of life for the teen, and they are not consistently disregarding clear family standards. There is an ever-increasing dynamic of growing maturity.

Healthy rebellion is creative in that it makes a man or woman out of the teen. They learn to stand up for their deeply held beliefs in positive, constructive ways, and even to stand against the tide at times.

Healthy rebellion forces adults to let go and develop themselves. It can be difficult for us as parents to accept that our children are growing up, but it is critical that we adjust and drop the “My little boy syndrome.” Failure to give our kids the room they need to grow can actually cause them to act out in more destructive ways.

Healthy rebellion gives teens confidence and assurance with adults. It teaches them how to relate to adults as peers, and not just as subordinates.

Characteristics of unhealthy rebellion:

Unhealthy rebellion takes place in the context of closed communication channels. There is a lack of constructive discussion, and the relationship becomes increasingly strained over time.

Unhealthy rebellion features sudden, extreme expressions of independence. Defiant outbursts are common, and explosive anger surfaces.

Unhealthy rebellion leads to a lack of mutual trust. The teen may be flagrantly dishonest and deceptive. They are caught in lies as they attempt to cover up or explain away their actions.

Unhealthy rebellion results in increasing resentment of restrictions, explanations and discipline. Instead of discovering the necessity and wisdom of the family standards that have been set up, the youth becomes more persistent in pushing against the limits.

Unhealthy rebellion is marked by bitterness. Barriers of anger and withdrawal continue to build up between the teen and the parents, and the rebellion snowballs.

Unhealthy rebellion manifests itself in a negative attitude toward all authority figures. The adolescent closes themselves off from encouragement or guidelines from any adult in their life.

Unhealthy rebellion may be rooted in adults who won’t let go and insist on high levels of control. These parents fail to understand that their job, ultimately, is to release the child to live independently as an adult.

Unhealthy rebellion is damaging to all parties involved. Instead of leading to positive growth, it actually delays maturity.

Coping with rebellion: Every teen’s quest for freedom and responsibility

Once we have understood the nature of our teen’s rebellion and accepted that it may be an important part of their growth process, we are ready to begin dealing with it. Approaches will vary based on the seriousness and type of behaviour that is occurring, but here are some basic principles to keep in mind:

1. Practice loving and consistent discipline early. Inconsistent discipline encourages kids to test the limits, to see what they can get away with; discipline apart from love breeds resentment and bitterness. Instead, discipline in a way that your kids know exactly what the rules are and what to expect when they break them – and above all, assure them of your unending love and support even when you are disappointed by their behaviour.

2. Continue to set limits, but gradually work toward reasonable responsibility and decision-making opportunities. Decide in advance which hills you are ready to die on, and which areas have more room for flexibility. Remember that your ultimate goal is to release your child to live their own life.

3. Work on being approachable, flexible and understanding. Allow exceptions when you can, be willing to change, and apologize for your mistakes. Create a safe environment for your teen to take risks to grow, and be a safe landing place when they fail.

4. Seek to provide adequate substitutes for banned activities or practices; don’t continuously prohibit without providing an alternative.

5. Take time for and spend time with your teen! Do fun things together, attend their activities and show your interest. They don’t need less of you during the teen years, but more.

6. Never, under any circumstance, withhold acceptance, forgiveness or encouragement. Try to think of one justifiable reason before God why you could withhold these! We are to model the character of God to our children, and above all He is a God of grace.

Helping your kids through the teen years should not be feared. It has been a good time with all four of our kids, and now that the last one is graduating, I would take those teen years again in a heartbeat. It is a great time of life!

Tags: better parenting, Dr. Dave Currie, Family, Glen Hoos, Men, parenting, teen issues, teens, Women

52 Responses to “Tackling the Teenage Crisis: Helping Parents Survive Adolescent Rebellion”

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Tony says:

February 19, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Greetings Monica,

So great to hear from you. Your comments and discernment is good.

Below is a past comment I made last October and several people have told me they found them very good and insightful, I made some slight improvements that should give parents wisdom to help them with their children.

Dear Parent,
There is nothing new under the sun God has told us. Girls and boys today face a large amount of information that is intentionally aimed at them to confuse them think that their home and parents are manufacturing hurtful restrictions that are keeping them from “having real fun” by discovering the real world and all the adventure that “the pursuit of happiness” which they are attempting to consume.
I heard the other day,,, “there are many puppets in the world, but only one ventriloquist” and his name is Satan.
Every child despises boundary’s, rules, & correction. I know I did. Every child is influenced by what “is allowed” into their life. Those influences are designed to “shape the mind”, whether verbal or visual, the influence’s then become aggressive temptations. Often the temptations are vague and obscure the facts that they will often lead to harm and destructive living.
Speaking as a “Christian” the most effective way to repair the damage is to allow Jesus to get into her brain. “A heavenly transplant!”
As parents our voices for a while might cause some children to avoid certain conduct. But it is often not permanent as they get older, because they are listening to other voices as they leave the nest and sometimes the voices can be happening inside a church too, with other church children.
Stopping someone from sinning never fixes the trouble. That is simply restraint and incarceration processes. The “real” trouble is in the mind, and “ONLY Jesus” can repair and “renew the mind”.
And ONLY Jesus can fix any child to stand on their feet with confidence and say no to sin and yes to the wisdom of the King of Kings, Jesus.
The Bible describes changing the mind as “repentance”. Repentance is not stopping your sins. Repentance means renew the mind, stop thinking the wrong way, and “renew the mind” to think the correct way, Gods wisdom from above.
The Bible says to all of us, “have the mind of Christ”. Well if you have the mind of Christ then your mind “thinks better”, your mind will observe better, and your mind will discern better because your mind is thinking clearer because it has heard the Master’s voice and His commandments.
Repentance and apologies are different things which people misunderstand.
An apology is a expression of good manners that recognizes a incorrect action or incident that harmed someone.
Repentance is great internal recognition that “I AM WRONG”, and I have harmed or wronged a “child of God”, a fellow saint, a joint heir in Christ!
Repentance SAYS I do not blame anyone or anything for my ACT, I recognize that I WILL acknowledge that I HURT or OFFENDED another.
Repentance DOES not say we were both wrong,, a repent mind sees it’s own sinful ways and conduct.
Repentance says, I am not here to blame you or anything, repentance says I am wrong and I sinned against you.
Repentance says, even if you do not forgive me I want you to know I sinned and was wrong.
Repentance conveys a deep Godly sorrow, evidenced with a living epistle that shows “meekness & lowliness” to the offended person.
Repentance seeks the “spirit of reconciliation” with whom I have harmed.
Repentance shows the world my Gospel as valid and that I demonstrate the truth of “love one to another” as Jesus taught.
Repentance shows the world that Jesus is valid, the Gospel is valid, and that the commandments of Jesus are valid to lead us.
Repentance is the required conduct to get saved and be born again!
Repentance is a important part in conduct not just for salvation but also for day to day living each day, especially to other Christians.
When Christian people, adults and children cannot understand what repentance is and what it requires us to apply then there will never be a genuine example for the world to see and then this causes and brings great criticism upon God, Jesus & Christianity, and church people.
When there are people who do not “repent”,,, and I do not mean apologize, because an apology can easily be a drama, or theatrics, or sophistry,, so then without genuine repentance, then people are alienated, they then do not trust those that claim to be their example or leader and become hostile and often seek to severe away from over time citing “hypocrisy”.
The bible tells us “let love be without hypocrisy”. How many people understand what that means.
Jesus called the “Jewish religious teachers & leaders “hypocrites” on several occasions when they spoke about their conduct.
Often this same term is told to us by observers, and especially our children. Why do our children see our love as hypocrisy?
What is “hypocritical love”?
Hypocritical love, is when recognized when people hear “other people”, especially Christians declare how Jesus & God wants people to live and the code of conduct they are suppose to live by, but when they look at how you live or how you act, or how you respond, them they easily see a different type of conduct that is inconsistent. This is especially true when it comes to behavior that attempts to impose restraints upon others or when ones actions cause harm (mental or physical) to others.
Hypocritical love is perceived when people see the standards change or when “leaders” or “role models” tolerate the transgressions and sins of some people while holding others to standards.
Hypocritical love is perceived when children see parents living one way or treating others one way while holding other children differently or allowing lower standards.
Parents fear rejection or alienation from children. So then when parents use a false form of love or tolerance to a child and sweep under the rug or ignore a child’s conduct then the child perceives that as hypocrisy.
Children recognize parents that “flip flop” with standards, or fear to discipline and hold them according to God. But children also closely examine parents that live “worldly and carnal”, yet these parents expect their children to live Godly, morally, and ethically and this causes great internal anger and hostility and passionate rejection of authority.
When “hypocritical love” is applied, children recognize it fast.
Hypocritical love accepts a “theatrical apology” without Godly repentance.
Hypocritical love sends the message to children that it is OK to sin against other people over and over and not comprehend what repentance is and how to apply it.
Hypocritical love avoids genuine sincere discipline.
Discipline is not a spanking, the word discipline is derived out of the word disciple. To discipline a child means to make them a disciple of truth.
Just as Jesus said “make disciples”, this is also required of parents to children. When you discipline (make a disciple) of a child or a adult then as you are supposed to teach them the commandments of Jesus.
Discipline, is the act of teaching & training a person to be disciplined by the commandments of Jesus so as to be called a disciple. Within the discipline process it must be taught what repentance is, & when or how to apply it.
Discipline at times requires parents to be tough, to be hard, to be stern, and make demands upon people.
The Bible declares, KJ Version, Hebrews 12:11, Now no chastening (discipline) for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Wow!, do we believe that?
But when there is Hypocritical Love, Incorrect Discipline, and neglect to make disciples, then in the Christian home there will be hostility, alienation, and defiance of authority.
Worldly methods, psychology, psychiatry, therapy, counseling, interventions, and medical drugs all used to reform behavior simply are temporal rehabs and the root issues are there and surface time to time.
Successfully helping children and adults is accomplished when people are taught exactly all the commandments of Jesus and hear His voice and become disciplined, and can now be called a disciple of Jesus.
A person could have read the Bible 100 times, they have heard 10,000 sermons, they have been in Bible Study groups and Sunday School for 50 years, they can quote all kinds of information in the Bible and about the Bible and still not accurately know the voice of Jesus and are not a genuine disciple.
And most of their Christian ideas and practices end up being from carnal thinking which then makes them appear as hypocrites, which in turn alienates people, and embarrasses the church and families and cause people to shun away or simply attend on Sunday out of habit and not the Good News.

Jesus always wanted children around him, Why?, because He knew children can learn what His message is and be converted to follow Him.
When you teach a child the commandments of Jesus, and explain the gospel, and structure ones own life according to Jesus and now you look like a real living epistle and your light so shines, well then that is the most successful method to ensure your children will follow God, because they see you living it and their minds are renewed so that they can spot sin or devils and correctly deal with it.
When children grow up, and they begin to experience and observe the behaviors and conduct of others in the world and the church, and then compare that against what they were taught and how there parents lived, well then this is where they begin to formulate what they really think about what they were taught.
This is test of what they really know about God surfaces and they can in their minds test what they know against what they see or what they are being told by others. They will either say “get behind me satan” or they will end up “co-habiting” with the devil as their friend and be blinded.
The blinding is not that you did not tell them about sin or bad conduct, it is often that they rejected what was told to them because of “hypocritical love” they saw in home or church and thus stubbornly reject almost all authority figures and also God and Jesus.
So then instantly as the door to the world is open and they see the real world, then if they are not genuine disciples, and have comprehended the Gospel and genuine salvation and can stand strongly and say that the home and church is “better” than the world, well then quickly they choose the world, because the flesh and all it’s appetites easily allures them to fulfill their own appetites. Soon your children will desert all prior teaching and disdain that lifestyle and will easily indulge with all those that look like they are having a good time and yes they sure are, because the world knows how to party and satan is their leader.
The world is always ready to have a Mardi Gras and each day is a new Carnival to a child, or adolescent, to teen or adult that is filled with contempt at the “Hypocritical Love” they endured through and will be blinded by the deceiver of this world and will follow him anywhere.

Hebrews 12:11 KJ Version declares: “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. ” Wow, do we believe that?
Discipline is a unending process for parents and for God, we are His children and God is working on us.
We hear it said: “hate the sin, but love the sinner”, yet that is not in the bible.
The Bible says Romans 12:9 KJ Version, Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. 10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.

Dissimulation means, do not have a fake, fictitious, feigned, or make believe appearance. Hypocrisy!
Abhor means to show great horror, to loathe or to detest.
Easily the rest can be understand I hope so.
When you make a disciple, teaching proper attitudes about sin and conduct is very important and explaining this to children so they can comprehend their relationship to God is essential.

As parents your “love” must be without hypocrisy, dissimulation, or fake to your children or else they will spot it and mark you and eventually leave your authority and home as soon as they can.
I know many times parents want to show a type of love to children that tries to keep them from hating their parents or alienating them, but this often ends up as unbiblical and hypocritical love.
Parents end up tolerating sinful habits, and sinful activities in their home and family which ends up undermining the entire home and poisons all the children.
Then parents themselves reject to be corrected and they then despise any critical correction and they end up in despair and then angry at God , Jesus and the church.
It all ends up in a mess, no one knows what went wrong, we were all a happy family and now we all look just like the world, our kids have gone wild, and American Idol, Desperate Housewives, and Bart Simpson are our favorite times of pleasure to renew our minds.

Here is a simple and a common example:
I had a family that had a male child that would constantly when around other children take the other children’s toys, or things, or colors, food off of plates, candy, or what ever, even though he had his own things.
This would cause much anger, arguments, fights, constantly.
The offended children would tell their parents about the child that took their stuff. Then the parents of that child taking things would scold the other siblings or other children that they needed to learn to “share” with “him” and stop being selfish.
I spoke to these parents who were all Christian and went to church and Sunday School etc, etc..
This child lived this way everyday from 1 year old still till today and happened everyday in their home.
I told my friends they were wrong in the parental message they were sending out to all the children.
Of course, they seemed shocked for they felt they were showing love to everyone and toleration for all.
I told them, your boy is a thief, he takes everyone’s stuff and you cover for him, his method to get stuff is like a terrorist, and he is a hostile bully.
As parents you are covering and tolerating his sins and blaming other children with false accusations.
You are avoiding making your son face consequences for his crimes.
Your son is not learning genuine self-discipline and self control and respect for other people.
You son is spoiled, he has no respect for other peoples property.
The other kids stuff is theirs, children will share, but they want the right to say yes or no and decide for themselves and interact with other children and negotiate terms just like adults do.
Instead you scolded the good kids, and never once reprimanded or corrected the bad one.
My friends ended up raising a thief, a bully, a monster, who became rebellious and stubborn and when he got older he did to the parents what he did to his siblings and eventually alienated everyone and left home.
The boy was a sinner, sin was bound up in him, the parents lacked to do genuine discipline, and their example and message to all the other children was a mom and dad that demonstrated “hypocritical love” and it fully alienated all the other children. When they all grew up, they despised mom and dad, and lived just like the world. Everyone stop going to church, the Bible was sold at a garage sale, mom and dad divorced and got new “unmarried partners”.
The devil sits in his Lazy Boy some where laughing at Americas modern Adam & Eve people.

Does this sound familiar where you live? Have you ever seen or heard of this form of living and parenting in your community or in your church.

What I have described is hypocritical love, or love full of hypocrisy, a ungodly form of love that did not hate what is evil and they punished the good people.
This family is not alone and it reflects many others.

When parents or church leaders misconstrue what the Bible teaches about love and then assume to avoid the proper attention to sinful children and “ignore” their conduct with “hypocritical love” then that absence of proper discipline will foster war in homes, and children that are rebellious and stubborn and these children will grow to despise all forms of authority.
Genuine understanding and application of what Jesus taught about concerning repentance, love, discipline, and making disciples is a fundamental that must be learned, lived and taught.

HOW to get rid of Hypocrisy in Love?
Get back to the Standard of truth, get to the Masters voice.
Christian dads must take charge to lead and teach them what Jesus taught.
If you are a single mom, it still works, the words of Jesus are for all.
Pastors are accountable to be sure their congregations know what a Christian needs to learn, and a Pastor should be surround by elders and leaders he is 100% sure know what Jesus said and can teach it and it is evident in their homes and families.
That is a criteria of good leaders. Have credentials that show you know how to run your home and kids.

To start I suggest reading Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the New Testament for the next 90 days over and over to hear the Masters Voice.
The master Jesus has said, my sheep hear my voice and follow me. That’s a good start.

When you install the words of the Master, His teachings & commandments into your children minds then you are making them extremely smarter than other children and this will enable children to avoid many problems, many sins, bad company, in the world and in the church too.
Jesus can give your children wisdom to see the schemes and devices of the devil.

IT WORKS! IT WORKS ALL THE TIME! or else Jesus was a liar.
The weapons of our warfare are not carnal.
We need the commandments of Jesus, plus we put on our helmet, our shield, our breastplate and a sword.
Our words are Gods words, we are not ashamed of the Gospel, it is Gods Power!

I have 1 daughter and 3 granddaughters, and they all face temptations, and schemes of Satan. But my daughter has the mind of Christ, not her dad’s mind, so my daughter and son-in-law have worked diligently to give their 3 girls the message of Jesus.

Gods business is renewing minds, repentance is to change the mind, the mind must stop believing wrong.
When you instill and install Jesus into your Childs mind, then the Holy Spirit has something to work with
and the ability to convict your child to turn and lead him or her to truth. But if the mind is full of obscure and nebulous bible and spiritual information then the process is very difficult.
If any one continues with the absence of repentance they will develop a reprobate mind and even at that point God has indicated they are impossible to reach.

So, it is always very important to get all of Jesus into your kids minds. It is the only hope for them.
Pastors, church leaders, elders, it is incumbent for all to be sure those under your care “know” what Jesus taught, and can give a accounting and explanation of the gospel and the hope that is within them.

Gods ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts and therefore, kids and parents need God thoughts and so God sent Jesus to train and teach us His New Commandments, yes the New Testament, is the source of all fundamental kindergarten training for a follower of Jesus and especially all Gentiles around the world. A person trained by the New Testament is not called a Christian, the apostles called followers of Jesus “disciples” and taught them to make more disciples.

God is not mocked, if you sow to carnal living and carnal wisdom of men you will end up with carnal worldly children.
But if you sow to the Gospel instructions from Jesus, follow His commandments, and let all your love be without Hypocrisy, then you will build Godly children who will build the next generation of Saints.

Do not run from the teachings of Jesus, Run to Jesus, make Him Savior and Lord.
Jesus can do exceedingly above and beyond what we ask or think.
But we all must start with the proper foundations and wisdom.

Christian Marching Orders from Jesus. Matt. 28.
1 Believe the Gospel and Repent.
2 Preach the Gospel to all nations.
3 Be baptized in the name of the father, son and Holy Spirit.
4 Learn & Obey His commandments, and teach them to others.

Apply these commandments to your home and family, said Jesus,,
“love one another as I have loved you” and
“come and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart”
“there you will find rest for your soul”,
“because my yoke is easy and my burden is light”,
I go to prepare a place for “you”!
That so where I am, “you” can also be with me in the future!

Yes,,, It’s that simple!
BELIEVE what Jesus taught.

Pray for the mental compass of your Childs mind to get pointed to the Master.

It is the Masters voice that stop sinful men and women to stop!
It is the Masters voice that will cause repentance and Godly living.
THIS STUFF WORKS!
Don’t Just Try Jesus,,,,
APPLY Jesus !
The results are significantly fabulous!

Now for the difficult things to keep in mind.
Jesus said in Matthew 10 K J Version:

28  Fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

35  For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36  And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

37  He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

38  And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

39  He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

Wherre is the BATTLE?
Ephesians 6
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Vain Worship of Jesus.
Matthew 15
8  This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.
9  But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

Many wise blessings to all parents.
Monica says:

February 19, 2013 at 6:36 am

Tony, that is so awesome how you raised your daughter. I have 4 children, 26yr old son who is happily married for almost a year. A 20 year old son going to a local college. They love to hang out with my husband and I. I have been honeschooling our 2 youngest daughters the last 4 years. We are a blended family. My husband and I both come from a drug lifestyle and we are now pastors of a church, do jail ministry & recovery. We try to plan fun things for the girls on a regular basis. My oldest girl is 16 and was being bullied horribly in school. She has had some counseling. We do a lot of Word therapy. Studying the gospels together and pray for our needs together. Everything was going along good. My daughters consider me their best friend. We are part of a homeschool group. Their dad does not have the same values and does not moniter their Internet use. Danielle (my oldest) had been talked into disrobing on the computer and on the phone with people on the Internet. Sexting. Barbi my 13 yr old told me and Danielle admitted that yes she had been doing that. So I got her more involved with the honeschool group – cheering for their basketball games. She made a good friends with the girls and with a guy. At first it looked really great he helped her quit all those Internet friends while at her dad’s ( he wouldn’t do anything to help) then this boy started becoming controlling. She had to talk to him whenever he wanted, no excuse. Had to see her or he would yell at her. I had already told him and his mom that we didn’t want Danielle dating til she was 18 and they said they agreed so they have never been alone except on the phone. Anyway the controlling and the bullying got worse, but in person he was charming and she was falling for him. It got to the point that Danielle didn’t want to go to her dads because she would get in trouble with this boy abs she started talking about living with them when she turned 17. This November, some weed was found by the coach in his bag. He was grounded for a week. The boy began to bully me on the phone whenever it was time to put the phone away! My husband texted him back to key him know that was not acceptable abd his dad would be told, so he quit bullying me and seemed to be mire respectful. Then I learned that he and his mom were enticing Danielle to live with them when she turned 17. I asked the mom who I thought was a reliable Christian and she said that would be fine! Then she started talking about moving, and how they have stayed in one area long enough (4 yrs). Barbi told me that his mom said when I was out of airshot that they shouldn’t have told me. My daughters have always been close to me and I knew this was not of God. We have tried hard to work with thus family only because Danielle really liked this boy but we realize he is not a good influence. We disconnected the girls phones ( blocking didn’t work because he would call from another n#). I blocked him and his mom from my phone so they can’t bully me, we are now hanging out with another homeschool family on our regular fun days as an alternative to this one for now as we can no longer allow this young man to be around our daughters. Barbi was mad but now she seems relieved ( he had been trying to control Danielle thru Barbi also) and is lovey dovey with me. But Danielle is angry with me. She knows deep down that he isn’t good for her but now she is angry and I’m being loving but I am not going to back down. I’m believing God’s promises as I do what I know to do. The word says bad company ruins good morals. (this young man wouldn’t even let Danielle hang out with her girlfriends) please agree with me that Danielle would be completely free and healed and they both fall in love with God and his word – His good plans in Jesus name. Now I’m sorry I ever got them phones. Im glad my husband and sons are in agreement and we are being patient. I talked to their dad abd he is in agreement too – although I don’t know if that means he will moniter their Internet. I refuse to worry. Thank you for listening