My Husband has Lost his Sex Drive Video provided by: FamilyLife

It’s a problem that can be difficult to discuss with even best friends or family members, because it’s not one women expect to happen: “My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me.” What’s going on? What are common causes for this, and how can you talk to your husband about his lack of interest in sex without getting into (another) argument about it?

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9 Responses to “My Husband has Lost his Sex Drive”

  • melissa says:

    Amy,
    Your story hurts my feelings. I am so sorry and you are a extremely strong women.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    So what are some of the things that you learned from the book Paula? How has it helped your marriage?

  • Paula says:

    I was married for 12 years and from the beginning sex was very limited. During the bad part of our marriage we would have sex maybe 5 times in a year. My husband always said he was tired from the stress from work, however, he always had time to play paintball and give his all in so many areas such as endless television, sports and friends. After reading Back from the Looking Glass by Kim Cooper, I realized that my husband was a product of “Covert Incestuous Relationship” or Little Prince Syndrome. I feel sorry for him because he will spend his life in constant pursuit to “masturbation addition” and trying to impress everyone. Its a great book. It relates to how to heal yourself from a narcisist.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    That’s interesting Luby, what leads you to make the connection with asbergers?

  • Luby says:

    Wow Amy, you are a strong woman but do feel that you could have (and still could have) a little bit of physical happiness? I don’t think anyone has the right to marry and then tell you that the physical side of things must cease.
    That would be grounds for divorce in anyone’s language. That is simply a control strategy. Highly suspect that a lot of these men that don’t want a close relationship probably suffer from aspbergers. Not stupid, quite the opposite, very intelligent but sex is almost right off the radar…
    Good luck and hope you find close love elsewhere.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Nothing to be sorry about Amy.

    You said that you have no trust in men at all, which I can totally understand. How has that impacted your relationship with God? Does your husband attend church as well?

  • Amy says:

    Jamie
    I’m a little late answering you, I’m sorry about that!
    You had asked if my husband was fulfilled with his life, honestly I have no idea, I assume he has no interest in his life around him. He has no method of communication. No TV, computer, radio, he hates reading so no magazines or newspapers. He builds stuff down in his shop, all the furniture he has he built, hes always been talented in that respect, nothing around the house ever goes unfixed. I leave notes that something doesn’t work and it gets fixed. I thank him all the time and in hopes I get an answer, but it never happens. As for myself I have learned to be independent, I have a part time job! It doesn’t pay well but its fun and gets me away from the house. I go on a lot of cruises and vacations with some of my lady friends and gals from my church.Most of these friends don’t even know I’m married. He doesn’t even know I go on vacations, I just go. I try not to associate with any men, because I don’t trust them and I kind a hate all men. I won’t even go to a male doctor etc. even the minister in my church is female. I just get along being me, and now that I’m in my 60s I can’t say I have any interest in intimacy let alone sex.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    That is a tragic story Amy. I can’t imagine what has occurred in your husband’s life to elicit such a negative feeling about sex and intimacy. You are right, that is not how marriage is supposed to be. God intends that a husband and wife share deeply with each other and connect on all levels. 45 years is a long-time and I have no doubt that you gave up long ago ever feeling like things could change. Do you think your husband is fulfilled in the life he has created for himself? How have you coped in this life? Where do you find your fulfillment?

  • Amy says:

    Well !! We have been married 45 years and my husband only had sex with me once the first and last all in about 20 minutes time. We were never intimate before we were married, he only kissed me and held my hand. Probably this should have been the time that bells and whistles should have went off. But no I was young and niave! So when the ‘I Do’s’ were over we had sex and he told me that was the last time he wanted sex. He thought it was totally disgusting, unpleasent and something he would never do again. Also he volenteered to work midnight whitch he did for over 40 years, and that he decided to move his things and himself to the basement. I said this is not how a marriage should be, it should have togetherness, love, family, kids ! All he said was it was not going to happen on his watch and it hasn’t. I tryed to go back home to my parents but was told no, they said you two figure it out. I never did figure out what happened in fact I just gave up on the idea. He won’t talk just primative grunts, groans and moans. Nothing civalized in over a year. Hes retired now and I want for nothing and have good benefits and a roof over my head. I wouldn’t have this if I was out on my own. I’ve buired my life in other things and stay away from home as much as possible. I’m very sad in how things turned out no kids no nothing, but I try to be cheerful and upbeat.

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