Too Independent? Video provided by: FamilyLife
A unity candle is lit at some weddings as a visual reminder that that two people are now in making a life together. It is said “that two shall be come one”.
For some couples this co-mingling of lives seems to happen fairly easily. This is especially true for couples that come from very similar backgrounds. For other couples the need for individuality is strong. A desire not to “lose oneself” can become so strong that it causes issues in the relationship. How can you build a life toegether without leaving yourself in the dust?
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That is a wise insight Audrey. Pride is such a destructive force in our lives. The way you have differentiated it from Independence is very helpful.
I think it’s important not to confuse independence and pride. I’m divorced with one 7-year old girl. My ex is not her biological father. I got so used to being a single mom that I forgot how to share. I forgot to share the burdens, the workload and the good parts of a family relationship. I realized my pride would get in the way. Not only could I do it but I could do it better (whatever it was at the time). Additionally, my ex’s traditional gender role ideologies got in the way of our relationship and triggered his pride. He was intimidated by my career and independence because it made him feel unneeded. That was the fact of the matter. I didn’t need him, but I chose him. I wanted him to be in my life. That’s the way a relationship should be–togetherness because there’s a desire, not a need or out of convenience. This is all my opinion of course.
This is a hard one as I am single. I will do my best to share my thoughts on this matter. I was once married and am now divorced becasue of medical reasons and not this one.
Marriage is a live long commitment on both parties. I know that we ladies like to hang out with the girls as well as the emn like to have a night out with the boys. I beleive that this is okay with me as we need to be with others. We are unite as one in marriage and that is 100% a should be respnose, but we should allow time for the couple to be with others too. Just as long as we do not neglect our responsiblility to our mate and family.
I’m definitely the independent one and my hubby is feeling a bit neglected at this point. So how do I “build a life toegether without leaving yourself in the dust?” I would love to hear some comments or advice here.