I am over 40 and hate the way I look
I’m a 41 year old female. I’m not bad looking in the face, but could use some help in the area of weight–also, I’m in need of breast implants and a tummy tuck. I hate the way I look and can’t afford plastic surgery. My boyfriend, who is 44, says I look beautiful, but every so often I notice him looking at other women. He’ll do this when he thinks I’m not looking at him–he doesn’t do this to hurt me. What can I do for myself? I hate feeling like this. I want to be the only woman he wants to look at.
Advice: A lot of women out there have similar complaints. An article by Joyce Brothers tells a woman that when her husband looks at another woman, to look around and point out an even more beautiful woman, saying, “Oh don’t miss her, isn’t she pretty.” Join him in the adventure, and if there is any game playing in it you will take the fun out of it for him (like if he is trying to manipulate you into giving him more attention, etc.).
Some men who have a problem lusting after “perfect bodies” often developed this problem around the age of 8, when someone introduced them to porn. This can be a difficult problem for men, and it either grows out of a pornographic problem or leads to it. It is a huge problem in our culture and almost guarantees that there will be a lack of intimacy in the relationship. It at least distracts men from the better things in life.
Keep talking to God and ask God if there is anything about this relationship that you need to work on, or insight that would help you to become a better person. What is it about you, that you want to be the only woman he looks at? A guess is that this has been a problem in other relationships before. We have nothing against implants or tummy tucks (rare is the women over 40 who can look in the mirror and not see something that could be changed), but that change rarely changes the relationship.
