Dealing with an Angry Son

Written by Lynette Hoy NCC, LCPC

ihaveangrysonMy son is fifteen years old turning sixteen. He has always been an easy-going, easily adaptable, pleasant child. The last two weeks I noticed, especially on weekends, that he seems a little agitated. When I questioned him, he said that he is feeling frustrated and just feels like breaking something or just putting his fist through something. He said that he is feeling angry, but does not know why. I regularly clean his room, and have not found anything unusual amongst his things that could indicate drugs or cults. It concerns me that he is so agitated. He says he has difficulty in sleeping. Have you got some advice?

Advice: There are many reasons why your son could be angry. Boys and men tend to turn their feelings of hurt, sadness, frustration and fear into anger. I would encourage you to get him to counseling if this continues since he has a serious problem with anger.

You haven’t found any drugs but you should still be concerned about substance abuse. Whenever someone’s attitude and behavior has such a radical change, drugs and alcohol may be the culprit.

I would urge you consider purchasing the book: What’s Good About Anger? When you go to the site, have your son take the inventory. Also, there are some frequently asked questions about anger. Many times when people are angry, they are dealing with depression as well.

So, consider going to counseling and encouraging your son to work through his anger by reading a book and learning new skills to cope with anger. If there have been any recent changes or losses in your son’s life, that may also be the reason for his anger. Changes are frustrating and cause irritability. Loss brings up many emotions that need to be worked through.

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9 Responses to “Dealing with an Angry Son”

  • Mike says:

    Natalie,
    Your situation sounds very identical to mine. Our 21 year old son lives at home -always angry and ready to rant and rage about everything. Anything he talks about is full of bitterness and negativity, and he’s been arrested, sent for psych evaluation a few times each, but still things its all not his fault. He’s alway right and better than everyone else. His brother and sister stay at friends and relatives because of his unpredictable outbursts. No point in talking to him as he’ll cut you off after 5 seconds and quickly become a heated unreal argument. He has no respect for anyone and has hated about every employer he’s worked for, which has been many over the past 2 years. We keep trying to guide him but with disappointing results. Told him he must move out as soon as he finds a job, until then its a very stressed home to live in. I wish you luck and hope your prayers are answered for some peace.

  • Natalie says:

    My son is 20 has been in and out of jail since he was 16. He was diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar, con duct disorder. For the most part he can be loving and nice until he gets angry and it usually don’t take him much. Me my husband,my daughter and grandson walk on egg shells. He uses pot and other drugs along with alcohol to self medicate because he says the chemicals in the medicine to help with his condition and anger issues can make u worse including suicide. He is open about it with me. Tell him he needs counseling and he tells me no he doesn’t because he knows more than everyone else. He is verbally and physically abusive towards his sister at times so she avoids confutation and if I intervene he is physically abusive to me, shoves, pushes or grabs my face or throat and tells me to learn my lesson n stay out of his afairs and he is very absusive to his girlfriend who is no longer comes around. He goes around wanting and say how he is going to beat people up he dont like or done him wrong. He says if people wouldn’t make him made he wouldn’t have to hurt anyone, that he don’t like to hurt people but people leave him no choice. He has no more friends or girl friends. He doesnt work but use to and He wants to work but we live in the country n he has no way to work n then places he could work at he failed the drug test so wasn’t hired. He is angry at the world, and is antigovernment and talks crazy. He was raised in a Christian home, one sided, though, my husband not so much when my children were kids. I still taught them and took them to church. Yet my son is so back and forth with whether believes there is a god. I pray constantly all day everyday, which does seem to help for a short time. I even bind evil spirits from him and my home. I have been doing a lot of researh on the Bible verses on casting and binding evil demonic spirits. Some time the way our kids action is due to demonic spirits controlling them to do the bad things they do. My daughter 23 keeps going back to her ex abusive drug and alcoholic 30 year old boyfriend after I got her away from him n his abuse behaviour and she moved back home. I fight with her constantly about going back to him, but she thinks he has changed, but he has not. I worry about my 4 year old grandson being around that drug adict and his abuse. It is a long time battle I have been Facing with both kids for the past 5 years and I’m exhausted! Me n my husband are not getting along and he wants both kids to move out for good but neither have any where to go. I ask for prayer from my family, parents friends and churches for my children’s salvation and coming back to.Christ and stop the madness! Doesn’t seem like the lord is listening but I know he is. I just have to wait on him and his time and his plan and will for my children and their life, but I am weary and tired and at my wits end and want to run away and hide from the world take my grandson with me, until the Lord decides to do something and change my son and daughter. For all I know I may have to wait another 5 years or longer before anything changes and I just can’t wait anymore. I’m so desperate and am stressed out all the time,my stomache is in knots all the time, i cant eat half the time, i cant sleep and when my husband isn’t gone away on fishing trips and doing stuff with his friends or his dad who is disable, I’m always worried more. I’m worried him and my son will get into a fight like they have when my son was younger because he was so rebellion him and my husband bumped heads and fist fought. now my husband just complains to me about my sons room being a discussing mess but he won’t clean it or let’s me do it or there holes in the wall of my sons room where my son punches holes or throw stuff and it hits the walls and he dont care about the destruction he causes when he is angry. I live a nightmare everyday. Its taking a toll on my whole being, health and emotional state! I find myself always irritable, irritated, and moody because of all that’s going on. I’m 43 years old and all I want is just peace and tranquility in my life and I can’t even get that. all I can do is keep praying and waiting. I get so upset there’s times I lash out and get mad with God for not stepping in and doing anything n allowing not only my suffering but my children’s suffering n my husband. I just hear that voice be still. Its so hard n I feel like a prisoner in my life because it is not the life I would choose but I’m stuck living the horror of my reality of the abuse, anger, hatred, and mental health, of all the evil that Satan bestows on me n my children as I wait on God. Although I pray for every person, every mother and father that is going thru issue and life changing events with their childrens. Thanks for listening.

  • Chris says:

    K….sorry to hear of your struggles….sadly its true, that a husband and father without the love of God, can actually be their familys worst enemy. thankfully though we still have our heavenly father who wants to help and assist us in our family troubles. by logging onto knowingjesuspersonally.com, you can find out how to have a close and personal relationship with God who created you and your son. jesus peace will come to you and you can learn to live your life by the words of the bible, Gods life-map for us on earth. as you do, you can begin praying for your husband so that he too can come to the knowledge of jesus and his personal peace. blessings to you today!

  • K says:

    Husband abused physically abused 14 years my son 8 weeks ago. Since that time, my son can’t leave home and stay his room. He get really angry and negative thoughts more.
    We have police restrain order for his dad. I can’t bring to counselor, and he gets angry with me fast if I ask twice for what he want to eat.
    How can I help.
    I am in Atlanta Area.
    Is any parents support group in the area?

  • Kate says:

    Dear Sharon and Janet,

    My heart goes out to you. I am not a parent myself, but I can only imagine the sorrow that would come from seeing your child go through all of that and behave in such upsetting ways. I wonder if there is any parent support group in your area? Perhaps a group of mothers who meet? We don’t have all the answers for sure, but feeling connected, feeling understood, feeling supported can make the world of difference for our well-being. I am sure that with your experience and patience over the years, you would also be really helpful to other mothers. God can use you, He can even use the mess and heartache to do good.

    Of course you can always connect with one of our mentors: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

    I want to pray for you now:

    Heavenly Father, You know exactly what we go through. You see the situations, the fear, the distress, the anger, the sadness and the helplessness. Help us to remember that in some way, we all have gone astray. In some way, we all have been the prodigal son. Help us to learn from You and from others so that we may cope and grow. Bless these faithful mothers as they seek You in prayer for their sons. In Jesus’ name, amen.

    Blessings,
    Kate

  • janet says:

    my son is angry at the world he doesn’t want to work he has an excuse for everything he meet this girl now and everything she says he jumps. he gets mad at me and my husband when we try to talk to him she threatened to stabb him one night when they got into a fight and i threw her out now he wants me to apologize to the girl. He always think the worst of people he has road rage evey body is wrong except him. how can we help

  • Sharon says:

    My son is 32..angry at the world, verbally abusive, irrational when angry, disrespectful and rude. As a boy he had tics, handsome and strong but mean…yet as a child he was the oldest of 3 sons and would be the one to run to me with wildflowers in his hand to give me. Was diagnosed with ADD age 7, father refused to believe anything was wrong with any of his sons..so the treatment I had started to get for him was ridiculed and dismissed.
    As an adult he showed promise in construction – loves to build, very intelligent, can solve problems on the spot regarding carpentry…socially inept, 3 girlfriends in his life, last one just dropped him 2 years ago: he got involved in a group online called :freeman.ca: and thinks now that everyone who pays taxes and mortgages are ******, constantly badgers people to the point where he has lost all his friends, and because he lives with me, I get all the verbal nonsense, and I have asked him to accept that we need to agree to disagree. Now he has become untidy, agressive (hall vent made a small ticking noise so he smashed it to make it stop). I want to help him, he had two intestinal operations last year for fissures….broke a collarbone the year before, and says nothing will ever be the same…is in pain most the time and smokes pot to relieve his tensions and aggrivations. He drove me to the store for groceries last week and because a car pulled in front of him too slowly, he reared backwards to a sidestreet, almost hit another car, sped forwards and pulled a complete u turn in traffic to get to a side route to the store….I was too frightened to speak and he was so out of control I suggested afterwards we talk….he told me to shut up and mind my own business.

    He lives rent free with me and I have to sell the house to move back home when my contract with this job ends. Real estate came, yet he refuses to pack any of this things, the garage is full of wood everywhere (he builds doghouses but never sells them-gives them away)…used to say he will make millions on this and will pay back the3 $20,000 I have given him over the last couple years – but now says he will let me know when he needs more $$, and I don’t know what to do. I have to get the house prepared to sell, and am 61 years old…not strong enough to do everything, though I will try. Have offered him $$ of my bonus at contract end, and no doubt he will take the money, but I need help in return.
    I am at my wits end, losing sleep from the hurtful mean comments and am afraid to kick him out because last year he wanted to commit suicide and I had to get counselling.
    I feel lost and helpless. He won’t let me help.

  • Alfred says:

    I, Alfred, am a mentor for this web site.
    That boy is hurting badly! The best I can do is to agree with the advice given, and make prayer & counseling a priority. It may be withdrawal from cigarette smoking, or the general lack of a goal that would give his life meaning, hope, and a purpose.
    Dear Heavenly Father, You know the soul, mind, emotions and heart of this growing lad. YOU have a plan for his life! Does he need to see failure before he can contrast that with the joy of success in finding Jesus, and of discovering a purpose for his life? I pray that he will find a passion that he can live for! Give his parents and counselors wisdom, love and patience in dealing with him. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

  • ukmark says:

    Hi, sounds like me when I gave up smoking cigarette. Just a thought but could it be that he smokes with his mate during school days and on weekends when around the family he doesn’t and suffers the withdrawals.

    like I say Just a thought he may not be smoking anything!

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