Dealing with an Angry Son

Written by Lynette Hoy NCC, LCPC

ihaveangrysonMy son is fifteen years old turning sixteen. He has always been an easy-going, easily adaptable, pleasant child. The last two weeks I noticed, especially on weekends, that he seems a little agitated. When I questioned him, he said that he is feeling frustrated and just feels like breaking something or just putting his fist through something. He said that he is feeling angry, but does not know why. I regularly clean his room, and have not found anything unusual amongst his things that could indicate drugs or cults. It concerns me that he is so agitated. He says he has difficulty in sleeping. Have you got some advice?

Advice: There are many reasons why your son could be angry. Boys and men tend to turn their feelings of hurt, sadness, frustration and fear into anger. I would encourage you to get him to counseling if this continues since he has a serious problem with anger.

You haven’t found any drugs but you should still be concerned about substance abuse. Whenever someone’s attitude and behavior has such a radical change, drugs and alcohol may be the culprit.

I would urge you consider purchasing the book: What’s Good About Anger? When you go to the site, have your son take the inventory. Also, there are some frequently asked questions about anger. Many times when people are angry, they are dealing with depression as well.

So, consider going to counseling and encouraging your son to work through his anger by reading a book and learning new skills to cope with anger. If there have been any recent changes or losses in your son’s life, that may also be the reason for his anger. Changes are frustrating and cause irritability. Loss brings up many emotions that need to be worked through.

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5 Responses to “Dealing with an Angry Son”

  • Kate Kate says:

    Dear Sharon and Janet,

    My heart goes out to you. I am not a parent myself, but I can only imagine the sorrow that would come from seeing your child go through all of that and behave in such upsetting ways. I wonder if there is any parent support group in your area? Perhaps a group of mothers who meet? We don’t have all the answers for sure, but feeling connected, feeling understood, feeling supported can make the world of difference for our well-being. I am sure that with your experience and patience over the years, you would also be really helpful to other mothers. God can use you, He can even use the mess and heartache to do good.

    Of course you can always connect with one of our mentors: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

    I want to pray for you now:

    Heavenly Father, You know exactly what we go through. You see the situations, the fear, the distress, the anger, the sadness and the helplessness. Help us to remember that in some way, we all have gone astray. In some way, we all have been the prodigal son. Help us to learn from You and from others so that we may cope and grow. Bless these faithful mothers as they seek You in prayer for their sons. In Jesus’ name, amen.

    Blessings,
    Kate

  • janet says:

    my son is angry at the world he doesn’t want to work he has an excuse for everything he meet this girl now and everything she says he jumps. he gets mad at me and my husband when we try to talk to him she threatened to stabb him one night when they got into a fight and i threw her out now he wants me to apologize to the girl. He always think the worst of people he has road rage evey body is wrong except him. how can we help

  • Sharon says:

    My son is 32..angry at the world, verbally abusive, irrational when angry, disrespectful and rude. As a boy he had tics, handsome and strong but mean…yet as a child he was the oldest of 3 sons and would be the one to run to me with wildflowers in his hand to give me. Was diagnosed with ADD age 7, father refused to believe anything was wrong with any of his sons..so the treatment I had started to get for him was ridiculed and dismissed.
    As an adult he showed promise in construction – loves to build, very intelligent, can solve problems on the spot regarding carpentry…socially inept, 3 girlfriends in his life, last one just dropped him 2 years ago: he got involved in a group online called :freeman.ca: and thinks now that everyone who pays taxes and mortgages are ******, constantly badgers people to the point where he has lost all his friends, and because he lives with me, I get all the verbal nonsense, and I have asked him to accept that we need to agree to disagree. Now he has become untidy, agressive (hall vent made a small ticking noise so he smashed it to make it stop). I want to help him, he had two intestinal operations last year for fissures….broke a collarbone the year before, and says nothing will ever be the same…is in pain most the time and smokes pot to relieve his tensions and aggrivations. He drove me to the store for groceries last week and because a car pulled in front of him too slowly, he reared backwards to a sidestreet, almost hit another car, sped forwards and pulled a complete u turn in traffic to get to a side route to the store….I was too frightened to speak and he was so out of control I suggested afterwards we talk….he told me to shut up and mind my own business.

    He lives rent free with me and I have to sell the house to move back home when my contract with this job ends. Real estate came, yet he refuses to pack any of this things, the garage is full of wood everywhere (he builds doghouses but never sells them-gives them away)…used to say he will make millions on this and will pay back the3 $20,000 I have given him over the last couple years – but now says he will let me know when he needs more $$, and I don’t know what to do. I have to get the house prepared to sell, and am 61 years old…not strong enough to do everything, though I will try. Have offered him $$ of my bonus at contract end, and no doubt he will take the money, but I need help in return.
    I am at my wits end, losing sleep from the hurtful mean comments and am afraid to kick him out because last year he wanted to commit suicide and I had to get counselling.
    I feel lost and helpless. He won’t let me help.

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    I, Alfred, am a mentor for this web site.
    That boy is hurting badly! The best I can do is to agree with the advice given, and make prayer & counseling a priority. It may be withdrawal from cigarette smoking, or the general lack of a goal that would give his life meaning, hope, and a purpose.
    Dear Heavenly Father, You know the soul, mind, emotions and heart of this growing lad. YOU have a plan for his life! Does he need to see failure before he can contrast that with the joy of success in finding Jesus, and of discovering a purpose for his life? I pray that he will find a passion that he can live for! Give his parents and counselors wisdom, love and patience in dealing with him. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

  • ukmark says:

    Hi, sounds like me when I gave up smoking cigarette. Just a thought but could it be that he smokes with his mate during school days and on weekends when around the family he doesn’t and suffers the withdrawals.

    like I say Just a thought he may not be smoking anything!

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