My husband orders me around
On my husband’s day off – which may fall on the same day as mine – he will try to tell me what he wants done for the day, not giving any consideration to the fact that I have worked all week too. He is an excellent provider and a caring dad to our two children. When I try to tell him that I have plans, he gets disappointed that I won’t stay home and polish the wood floor or clean all the carpets. I don’t like it when a man tells me what to do. I was sexually abused by men in my family and by my teenage boyfriend; where and why do all these control issues have to ruin my life?
Advice: I have several questions. With both of you working, can you afford for a woman to come in four hours a week to do the scrubbing, etc.? Discuss with your husband that you would like to spend some relaxing time with him, to remember who he is and why you guys got married.
Once a month you could tell him that on that day you would love to get organized and scrub carpets with him, etc.
There is no perfect marriage. Good marriages are where people work hard at them. Most women can’t even picture their husband helping around the house. Have your kids learned to help around the house? They can do their own laundry, fix one meal a week and clean up, etc. There are some great resources on getting kids to do chores.
Have you dealt with the sex abuse issues? It usually take several years of therapy and group work to process and get past having been sexually abused. This would be your issue to work on–working on those triggers so current stuff doesn’t trigger old wounds. The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender is a good book to read to begin getting help concerning the abuse issue. A good therapist can also help. Let us know how it goes.
“With both of you working, can you afford for a woman to come in four hours a week to do the scrubbing, etc.?”
Why does it have to be a woman who cleans the house? Why can’t her husband clean, or even hire a man for that matter? Oh, wait, that’s right, women are baby making, cooking, cleaning machines who exist solely to care for men. Men are far too important to deal with menial “women’s work”.
I agree with Evo. With as far as our society has come, why is it that women are considered “lucky” if a man gets off his fat lazy ass and lifts a finger around the house every once in a blue moon? Women work just as much as men do and then still are expected to do most, if not all, of the housework, child care, and take care of the man’s needs. Why the hell do men think they are so damn superior to women and that women are there to serve their needs and to hell with what the woman thinks or wants. Really, why were women even given intelligence and individual personalities at all if we are just here to serve?