I can’t be happy no matter what I do
I can’t be happy whatever I do. I try everything, but all the things that were making me happy aren’t making me happy anymore. I get angry too much and sometimes I don’t want to see anybody. Also, when I look at the mirror, I can’t like myself. I’ve been feeling like this for 3 months.
Advice: Usually at the onset of depression there is an identifiable event that either triggered the unhappiness, or caused it. Can you think of what that event was three months ago? If this onslaught was at a certain point in time and you can’t pinpoint it, then you need to make an appointment with your doctor. Something is causing the seratonin level in your brain to drop. Let us know what you come up with.
good article i am like this sometikmes nothings can make me happy i am on meds for antidepression espcially in the winter months and i am 50 something then watching tv or reading stuff in facebook makes me laugh and i find happiness also in God is the ultimate happiness
Hello my name,is irene and im not happy with my life, I tried to make everybody believe am happy but truly im not at all. I have two daughter and thas what keep, me strong my story happiness end when I was 11 to me im 26 know and I f we el hurt I olways cry alone when nobody is around me everything stared when I was small 11 my life when down my parents st A rt taking drug cheating to each other putting me to watch the foor for they dont get cut, and even my father insulting me and acusing me th or everything, I had my parent talking to other about me when I was not doing nothing bad telling guys I was easy having old men calling me at the house and doing sf ifferent king of ofers for sex , but I never did it. I also had a men who touch me and when I told my mom she said she would tell the police if he dont give her money when she want . Any ways at 12 I got with somebody to get out from there and move to pennsylvania did not love him at all I just felt greatfull for everything he game me at my 20 had a daighter at my 21 I had another one. My father daughter is 15 years older then me at 22 I left him becaise he was a drong like my father but yes my family around a couple years apologise to me , plus I was raped at 11. I am happy with my daughter but with my self unhappy I dont show it but I am, I always cry and im with as omebody for two years but we always fighting and arquing not of front of the kids but sometime he sf o but I ignore him , im a noring perdon dont go out , dont have friend, dont trust nobody and I dont talk about my life to nobory this is my first time o really want to be happy but I dont know how please help me.
Hi Makes Life Hard, I think there are a number of things that a person can do to develop a sense of contentment. A lot of it hinges on changing the way you think about things. Choosing to be thankful for things can make a big change in our overall outlook on life. So many people get trapped into focusing on the negative parts of life and because their thoughts center on that they get dragged down into depression. There are other people who make a conscious choice to look for things to be thankful for. Because they are actively looking for positives in life they are more likely to find them. Practicing an attitude of thankfulness can then lead to a much more positive outlook on life. I think that is one of the reasons why I liked the movie “Life Is Beautiful” (it is an 1998 Italian film called “La Vita E Bella” that was translated to English) It is the story of a Jewish man who chose to create a Beautiful Life for his son even though they were captive in a Nazi death camp. He did it by reinterpreting everything for his son in different way. By changing the way they looked at life, they created joy in the middle of something awful. Have you ever seen the movie?
Just think about what gives you some enjoyment and persue it. My release is going out on my motorbike and to the gym. The gym is a good way to forget everything else as your usually too focused on lifting weights and sweating! Also helps you keep fit, releases endorphins (happy chemicals in your brain) and generally makes you feel good about yourself for actually doing something. Same with the bike – you’re too focused on the road in front of you for your mind to wander thinking those crappy thoughts. Just do something to engage your mind…I think that’s the way forward. At the very least it helps you get through the day and onto the next. Keep yourself surrounded by your friends and those who care for you…that’s something I have problems with though. Born in one country and now live in another with no-one here besides my kids. I don’t think this is a healthy way to be living but my hands are tied, which I believe adds to my mental state.
Thanks struggling. Do you or any one else have tips on how to just accept life? And how to feel content? Which are not religious related?
What is normal?? You mentioned about walking around with a mask on, but I think there are a lot more people walking around masking how they really feel than I care to mention. That’s probably why mental illness is still a bit of a taboo subject. I know people, after simply speaking to them, who are a little depressed that might not even realise it themselves! There is no defined line between being ‘normal’ and having a mental illness…the line is invisible as you are possibly depressed right now. You should visit your GP just to assess your situation and see where you go from there. If he feels you need pills…just take them for a while to see how they help. You may feel 100% different like I did, or they may have no effect at all. Everyone is different so you just need to find what works for you. I will say though, you should probably visit a qualified counsellor too as they may be able to provide you with the ‘tools’ to dig yourself out of the hole you find yourself in. Trust me when I tell you though…whatever you are feeling right now, I have been there and beyond. I don’t think it’s normal to feel this way, but your not alone in what you feel…there’s too many people all over the world. Let me know how you get on…
Hi Makes Life Hard, I still see two other posts from you and as far as I know we have not deleted anything. Was there a third comment? If there was a link in your comment that would automatically filter it. Also certain words can trip the filter that will remove the comment.
Hmm… My last post has gone, wondering if this is because I say I not religious??? Well I just wish you all the best struggling, Atleast I’m not the only one who feels in limbo, do you take meds?
@struggling, nor am I religious. My ”depression’ is causing problems in my relationship, I just wanted to know if Its a common thing and if I will feel normal like everyone else. All the best for the future I did realise to this is religious but your comments stuck out to me
@Makes life hard…Hi – I don’t really post, just that I commented on how things are for me. I was hoping to be in touch with people in the same predicament as myself, but this seems to be a religious site – which is fine if that’s what you’re into. I just don’t live my life that way and this site isn’t what I thought it was. Anyway, happy to talk/listen regardless!!
Struggling you still posting? Yes I’m only in my 20s but I feel the same, I have all I ever wanted and people that love me but I just can’t feel happy. I live wearing a mask around people, I have to be doing something I can’t relax like a normal person, I should see my GP but I’m not ready to officially have a mental health issue. I think I get how you feel in ways :(
Struggling,
Hi my name is Jer and I have dealt with depression at different times in my life, I’ve tried anti-depressants at one time in my life also. My depression stemmed from emotional trauma from childhood so mine was not a chemical imbalance or physical cause.
I’d like to pray for you:
Dear heavenly Father, I pray that you show Struggling she isn’t alone. That you have already done all that needs to be done to heal him (But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5) and (your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34) Amen!
I have a friend who is going through the same thing right now. She has a great life and has not struggled at all in her life and she is saying the same thing what is wrong with me! I am a man of faith and I believe in our Lord Jesus Christ by believing this I also believe there is another side the enemy who wants to keep us in bondage to our situations and to not serve our God given purpose in this life (Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.) Our enemy wants to confuse us because he knows what we will accomplish when we’re freed from our captivity. The greatest trick satan ever pulled on us was convincing the world he doesn’t exist.
I know you have been going through this your whole life, but its not what defines you, you’re a strong conquering man made in the image of the most high God! This is only for a season, in Christ all things are made new. The old you will die with Jesus on the cross and the new you is reborn with Christ.
I didn’t used to believe in these things, I was in a similar place after my wife left me last year. I didn’t have an interest in anything until I started reading the bible and finding there is something greater than me out there and a greater purpose for my life than I ever imagined
I became a new man, so much that I don’t even recognize who I used to be before I found God. You can be and are freed from this torment! I believe and know with all my heart you will be victorious over this.
Please keep us posted brother! God Bless!
Jer
That’s what I’m saying Donovan…It was a specific event that triggered your problems. That’s not the case with me. No specific event, not beaten as a kid, not living in a cardboard box on the street…just a chemical imbalance. I am fully aware that sh@# is going to happen, and I actually deal with adversity better than the average person – that simply isn’t a catalyst. Imagine feeling how you feel/felt but without any single event happening to initiate the depression. You are left saying to yourself “what the hell is wrong with me?” There is no plausable explanation as to why all these things are roaming around your head. In some ways, I think it would be helpful to have experienced a moment when all this started. I just don’t have that – I’ve felt like this since I was a kid.
@struggling no my formal depression was not everyday life occurances. It was from traumatic experiences. All I’m saying is pills are no way to cure depression. Sure they will help you as long as u take em. But as soon as your off you are a raging phyco of emotional feelings. Depression is a demon that needs to be punched in the face. Overcome it and accept the fact that s*** is going to happen what ever bad stuff haspppend in the past has happened and you can’t change it. Tell your selfs the truth accept it and move forward.
No Claire, they don’t taste awful?? I hate that I need to take them to function…
Hi struggling, I’m genuinely curious, why do you hate taking your pills? Do they taste awful?
@Donovan…It sounds to me as though your depression/sadness stems from the problems encountered in your every day life…which is why you think pills are a waste of time. Pills aren’t going to help if you’ve lost your job for example, that’s something you must fix yourself. I have a good life, so my depression is a chemical imbalance. For me, the pills are helping with that. I hate taking them, but they really do help.
In my opinion depression is cause by many problems. I have been surrounded have been and deal with depression all day everyday depression may not be cause by yourself but it lingers because of your self. In all reality there is no cure for it cause it will be there somewhere in you. Pills are short time and a waste of time. I have had a screwed up life and was depressed for a long time. Not anymore though. I’ve. Changed depression into happiness and its awsome. I no longer fear depression.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with using medication to help get you stable. And it sounds like you have dealt with depression for many years which could indicate an imbalance in your system that requires some outside help. I think it is probably wise to make use of the medication but explore other things that can work together with the medication so that, with consultation with your doctor, you can start reducing your dosage in a controlled way. It sounds like exercise is one of those things that helps you. I know that other people have found diet changes and vitamin regimens to make difference as well.
I have had a few times in my life when I experienced depression but never for an extended time like you have dealt with. So my advice is not expert but just gleanings from what I have heard from other people.
I know Claire asked you about spirituality and I don’t want to push something that you are not comfortable with but I do know that in my life Jesus Christ has been my primary source of joy. Even in really hard times when things have been very uncertain I have found great strength and comfort from my friendship with Him. That strength doesn’t necessarily come because He makes the problems go away but it comes because I know that no matter how bad things get, He is with me, He helps me make the best decisions and He has a purpose for every part of my life. It is pretty cool! Is that something you have ever experienced?
Tried to stay off the drugs but couldn’t manage it in the end, so back on them now. I wonder now how I managed without them, which worries me a bit to be honest. Shouldn’t have to rely on these pills to keep you on track but unfortunately, I can see no other way for me at the moment. Are you having some issues yourself?
That is good to hear that things are going well right now. Did you get back to your doctor and figure out some medical options or are you still trying to deal with depression drug-free?
Hi Jamie. The depression is always there in some capacity, but keeping active with the gym and other bits and pieces helps quite a bit. My kids keep me on the right track too, but could wake up tomorrow feeling crap so I don’t look too far ahead. All good at the moment though! Thanks for asking!
So how are you doing Struggling? Are you still getting beat down by depression?
apologies…Jon was meant to be DON !!
@Jon I don’t know if your response was meant for me, but I’ll reply anyway! It’s nice that you took the time to write something, but the problems people suffering with depression encounter can’t be overcome by ‘finding someone worse off’…it doesn’t work like that. To be honest, unless you have experienced the thoughts and feelings I’m sure most on here have, you couldn’t possibly know how difficult and hopeless things can get. Just saying…
find some one that is in worse shape then you and you will get out of your self
Hi Struggling, I’m glad you didn’t hit delete. You have hope that an answer might exist, even though it seems really unlikely. We can work with that. You mentioned that a lot of what had been written was written by 19-26 year olds, so full disclosure, I’m turning 36 next month. (I swear my 30th birthday was just last year….) When I read your comment the first thing I wondered was whether or not you believe that a better/different/more fulfilling/happier? life is possible. It reminded me of a piece I read on Seth Godin’s blog the other day. He writes:
Wrestling with a puzzle, a project or a problem, the likeliest reason to give up is the belief that it can’t be done. What’s the point of persevering if it’s actually impossible to succeed?
“It can’t be done,” we say, throwing up our hands. Not “I can’t do it,” or “It’s not worth my time,” but “It can’t be done.”
So that’s my question to you, do you believe it’s possible. Is it hard to find a woman to settle down with because you can’t imagine what she’d actually be like? Is it that you have a hard time picturing a person you’d trust with your kids? Do you believe something about yourself that makes you think that the type of woman you want won’t want you back? You said that, “the thought of settling with them just isn’t even an option”. Can you hear what you’ve written there? You have decided before you’ve even met this women that it cannot work. So I’m curious as to why. What is it about your situation that makes it impossible? Is this thing something that can be worked on or is it an immoveable obstacle?
You spoke a lot about your state of mind, which makes sense. Our thoughts direct our actions, feelings, responses and the way we interpret the responses of people around us. Thoughts are incredibly important. So I’d challenge you to take a closer look at your thoughts. Feelings of depression are often very complex. Are you able to identify your feelings more accurately? Are you feeling worried? Sad? Disappointed? Betrayed? Guilty? Let down? Hopeless? Like a failure? Unfulfilled? Unsuccessful? Unloved? Unlovable? Unappreciated? Incompetent? Insufficient? Invisible? Do you feel unwanted or not needed? I know that’s an awful list but you can identify specifically what you’re feeling then it gives you something practical to work from. Rather than trying to address an overarching “this feels bad” you can start to form a plan to address specifically which kind of bad.
If you’ve been depressed for 30 years and are not currently under a doctor’s care I would suggest that you reconsider that. If one specific drug or one specific therapist has not worked, another one might. If pharmacology hasn’t worked for you, consider a naturopath. If you don’t like talking, try running – see if endorphins can help you out. Whatever you choose you’ll probably find that some kind of support helps. You need to find what works for you. You hinted at some possible thoughts of suicide but that your kids gave you a reason to stay. I’m glad you have a reason. If you ever find that reason slipping away, don’t hesitate to call a suicide hotline (1 800 SUICIDE in the US).
I do not believe that your current life is “all there is” or “as good as it gets”. A certain amount of healthy discontent precedes any change. When that discontent goes unchecked, as I suspect it has for you, then it becomes harder to see that there is life out there. Think back to when your kids where newborns. There were probably a few weeks when you were so tired and sleep deprived that the world beyond a crying infant ceased to exist. You could hardly remember what sleeping in felt like, couldn’t imagine going out for dinner & drinks with friends from work. The world didn’t get smaller, but it felt like it did because your exhaustion made it impossible to see. Depression is often like that. It makes the world feel very small and dark. But the world is vast and full of colour and I believe that you can find your way back to it.
I’m also going to ask you exactly the same thing I asked the last person who commented here: where are you spiritually? Do you have a faith? I know that in my own life my faith in God has made an unbelievable difference. I believe that he created me on purpose and has a plan for my life and I believe that the same is true for you. If you’ve felt like you’re looking for something and you can’t find it, you might be craving a connection to God. There’s a great video you can watch called Crave that talks about how all people crave three basic things – intimacy, destiny and meaning. We want to be loved. We want to do something great and for our lives to count. If those cravings resonate with where you are today, you might find the film interesting.
I don’t know if you believe in God. I do. I believe that he sees each one of us and the his plan of redemption includes us both. You can read more about what it knows to mean God and if you have questions about faith in particular you can talk to a mentor, free of charge, anytime.
This comment has gotten really long, but you asked a great question and I wanted to answer it as thoroughly as I can. I don’t think a hobby is going to fix this. You need hope. Hope comes from God. Hope comes from believing that we are not lonely souls wandering this planet alone and unobserved. So these are my thoughts from the outside. What do you think? Write back and let me know how you’re doing.
I’m struggling!! Everything I read has been written by 19 – 26 year olds, which is fine…but I’m 41 and struggling. The worst part about it all, is I can’t even tell you why I’m struggling. I’ve got a decent job, car, motorbikes and all the other ‘material’ items you could hope for. I’ve also got 2 fantastic small children who I love more than life itself, yet I still find it difficult to find any enjoyment in anything. I was taking zoloft for about 6 years, but have recently got myself off them, basically because they didn’t seem to be doing the trick anymore. I was taking 100mg a day which is quite a lot and I’m wondering weather to go back on them again, because this feeling I have worries me sometimes. I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t have my kids around…them I wouldn’t be – if you know what I mean. My kids mother and I have been split for 6 years, which brings me to my next problem. I just can’t find anyone I want to be with?? I am able to find ‘girlfriends’, but the thought of settling with them just isn’t even an option. I convince myself the right one is out there somewhere, but I am seriously doubting that very much..especially when I’m in this state of mind. I’m just not giving myself a chance, and I don’t feel there’s anything I can do to change that. I’m sure some of the responses will be…’get yourself a hobby’, or something equally obvious, but I’ve tried and nothing is keeping my interest. I think I have kind of resigned myself to the idea that this is how my life is going to be and to just get on with it, but I tell you what…it’s very hard to keep it going. I’ve probably been depressed for 30 years now, so for me to reach 41 is no mean feat. So here I am, not really knowing why I’m writing this as I don’t think anything anyone can say or suggest will make any difference. The fact is, I don’t really have anyone to talk to, or no one I would want to go into depth with, regarding my ‘problem’, and yes, I’ve seen counsellors which works for a few weeks but then I find myself back where I started?? I start out with good intentions that ‘this time it’s going to work’, but it never does!
Anyway, contemplating deleting this…but no, I’m going to hit the submit button just to look at my thoughts from the ‘outside’. Might help :-)
Jon,
I do not know the details of your story, but I can promise you this: the best part of your life is not behind you. There are countless stories of people whose success happened later in life. You are not “later in life” yet, you’re only 26. There is a lot of hope for you. But what do you do today? There are a couple of things I would suggest. First of all, I wanted to ask you where you are spiritually. Do you have a faith? I know that in my own life my faith in God has made an unbelievable difference. I believe that he created me on purpose and has a plan for my life and I believe that the same is true for you. If you’ve felt like you’re looking for something and you can’t find it, you might be craving a connection to God. There’s a great video you can watch called Crave that talks about how all people crave three basic things – intimacy, destiny and meaning. We want to be loved. We want to do something great and for our lives to count. If those cravings resonate with where you are today, you might find the film interesting.
Secondly, why do you hate the idea of depression medication? Do you see depression as a weakness? Do you know someone who has had a bad experience with depression meds? Do you just dislike taking pills in general? I am not a doctor, but from the way you’ve described your situation it certainly sounds to me like you might be dealing with a form of depression. Have you considered going to see your doctor or going for counselling? Depression is not a failure, it’s a illness. If your arm was broken you would have it put in a cast, you wouldn’t just tell yourself to suck it up and heal. It’s the same thing with depression, there’s real, tangible medical and therapeutic intervention that can help. It’s not necessarily forever, but it can really give you the support you need to get better.
Third, is your current experience situational? Ie are you feeling this way because a relationship ended, you lost a job or a dream died? Those can be incredibly hard things to go through. If that’s what has happened then some solid counselling could really help you to work through the pain and loss and start to figure out what your next step is. Where do we go from here? It’s a tough question, but one that can be answered.
You said that you don’t know how to fix yourself anymore. What if you didn’t have to? What if being ok wasn’t up to you? God tells me that I am forgiven. There’s a verse in the Bible that says that when a person brings God into their life the old is gone and they become a new creation. God is all about redemption, he’s really good at picking up the broken pieces and making us whole again. You can read more about what it means to know God here. If you’d like to talk to someone we have mentors available here on the site. If you’d like us to pray for you, just let us know.
I know that it can seem like you’re up against a brick wall and there’s nowhere to turn, but this is not where your story ends. There are good days ahead of you.
Ive been sinking deeper and deeper into this terrible void in my head. Ive tried all my old solutions to fix myself whenever I had the blues but its not working. All my hobbies have decayed and if im not at work then im lying in bed for hours trying to motivate myself to do something. Im 26 years old and feel like ive passed the best years of my life. I hate the idea of using depression medication, i dont know how to fix myself anymore.
Don – Being laid off is brutal and looking for a new job IS hard work whether the people in your life recognize that or not. If you are actively looking for work every day then you’re doing everything you can and no one can ask more of you. I think it’s similar to when a person is trying to lose weight or quit smoking or paying down debt – any process that takes a while – it’s not just the end goal that counts as success. Rather, every day that you don’t give up, every day that you keep working at it is a success. It can be hard for people who have not gone through it to understand how difficult it can be to get through one more day. Are you able to talk to your wife about this? It could be that if you explain to her all the things you are doing she might better understand that this isn’t easy. She might have some other ideas for you to try or she might simply see that you really are exploring every option.
It sounds like there’s a lot of backstory behind your statement that “my wife don’t allow me to do anything but chores” – everyone deserves a break. Yes you are at home now which means that you have more time to help out with chores than you did when you were working, however everyone deserves a break form time to time. Stay at home Moms get a babysitter and an evening off every now and then. I know money is tight but there are ways to get out of the house and enjoy yourself without ruining the budget. Maybe you and your wife could go for a long walk and get an ice cream together, or grab a coffee and talk? I’m sure it’s stressful for her too, for both of you. Anything you can do to pull closer together when you’re both feeling the pressure will be to your benefit.
You can’t just “snap out of it”. If that was that simple who would choose to stay depressed? Do you have medical insurance? Would you be able to see your doctor? If you’d like to talk to one of our mentors privately (a free service) you can use this form to request a mentor and you’ll hear back from one, usually in a couple of days.
Your current situation is not forever, but I know it probably feels like forever. I hope we can help.
I feel this way daily almost everyday. Mine was triggered after being laid off and unable to find work. A month after being laid off, my father had a stroke and passed a week later. This has taken a huge toll on my mental health. My spouse is supportive at times, but also expects me to snap out of it. I lost interest in all social activities (Partly because being unemployed, my wife don’t allow me to do anything but chores). I find myself feeling useless and sitting with the thousand yard stare at the wall. Feeling sorry for yourself sucks, but being positive and deflated by failure is a hard too! Being positive with baby step goals help and make you feel a since of accomplishment! Just keep things simple in your daily tasks. Setting goals no matter how small will help.
I have the same issue. Nothing seems to work and my family won’t understand
just try to cry, you may release this bad feelings