Comments on: A One-sided Relationship

By: Shelley Anderson

Shelley Anderson — Sat, 21 May 2011 22:56:45 +0000

Let me pray for you my sister.
Lord I lift up my sister as she is going through a rough time in her relationship. I agree with doris that she needs assistance in this issue. help her direct to a good person that can help her.
In Jesus MightyName Amen

By: Doris

Fri, 20 May 2011 00:17:16 +0000

Just Me, I saw your comment on another article on this site and just want to reiterate what I said there, that I would highly recommend that you click on this link and ask for an online mentor to walk alongside of you on this journey. Your decision isn't an easy one because your commitment needs to be to your husband first, before to your children, but it sounds like there are other issues at work here too that you will need to work and talk through.

By: Arlette

Arlette — Tue, 17 May 2011 02:03:37 +0000

Dear “Just me”,
My opinion is that you should not move away from your children if it can be helped. Mothers are irreplaceable and always needed at any age.And it sounds like you need them too.
Intimacy is important to some and not very important to others. Only you know if it is something that you need in your marriage to be happy.
And remember our Lord said that adultery is a valid reason to separate. So if that has happened then perhaps it is worth doing so study and prayer about what the bible says about it. There are answers there for you.
Please know that there are so many people who can relate. And that you are so deeply loved and precious in every way to our Father.
-A

By: Just me...

Just me... — Mon, 16 May 2011 17:17:45 +0000

My husband of only three years has increasingly become distant. When I try and talk with him about the lack of intimacy his reply is “Sex isn’t everything”. However, I know that he has not been faithful. He hasn’t touched me since 09/09 and we had just married 05/08 (I would estimate we have been together 7 times in three years). In March 09, we were leaving for a week long cruise and that morning I saw him sign onto an email account that I didn’t know about. Since then I have seen this several times… His name is Rick. His ex-girl friend has never been completely out of the picture and there has been lies shared by them both.

I must confess that I am not perfect, because I one day I tried to sign onto his emails and was able to determine the passwords. What I saw there was very disappointing. I called “Focus on the Family” and spoke with someone there and they said I shouldn’t do that again. I have confronted him about these issues and he blows me off or promises never to do it again. But the fact he has no “desire” for me says it all.

I keep thinking of how I could improve, drop some weight, let my hair grow, be nicer, a better cook…eta. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s not me. I wanted a healthy marriage relationship but I found myself again (better than the first) in a relationship that looks great on the outside – but sadly missing something internally. I thought we were equally yoked… This is the second marriage for us both. Now he has taken a job and we will be moving away from my kids and deep inside I hate it. I want to be a grandmother one day. Do I choose my kids over a unhealthy relationship with him… in prayer that GOD will touch our lives/his heart and change things?

We went to counseling and she said she needed to see him only. Well he went a few times and stopped. He said she just wanted to talk business, economy and stocks… Ephs says I am to respect my husband and I do. It’s the strangest thing to me… not to want a good relationship with someone your close too. We are the best of friends and (it seems) nothing more.

I have stopped looking at his emails because it just haunts me. Depresses me and I can’t focus on the bigger picture of my salvation. My relationship with GOD… I don’t want to do anything that will separate me from my Lord. Can anyone related?

By: winona

winona — Thu, 05 May 2011 20:52:05 +0000

i totally understand having your husband not listen or makes your issue sound silly or not important. when i found out about myt husband cheating on me i had a million questions which he either laughed at or got mad. needless to say i felt unheard. on one of the many nights that i couldn’t sleep i picked up the computer and emailed him. it may sound funny as he was downstairs but i wrote everything i could think of and alot of it was not nice! what i found was that even if he didn’t read it (he read most) i felt so much better just writting it and “sending” it away. i guess i felt when you press “send” it was no longer an issue.i’ve been under the “care” of a minister, a family friend, i told my husband however it fell on deaf ears. the point i’m trying to make is see someone from the church. you don’t have to tell your husband because this is about you. through all my years of councelling ect. the point that they all made was you can only fix yourself, work on yourself and the rest will follow.it’s funny i just read what i wrote and realized that i haven’t been focasing on myself enough, always sneeking my husband ahead of myself….hm…guess i need to get back to me! it’s always good to get an oppinion from “outside” your situation a fresh new perspective can make the world of differance to help you see things more clearly. if you can find some quiet time use it to connect with God. listen / watch what he sends you when you ask. sometimes i laugh at how simple some of the answers are! turn all your issues over to God and you will feel much lighter and able to sort out your life.
it’s not always easy and i find i can’t look beyond today but at least i’m not alone. i’m not sure if this will help…..

By: suz

suz — Thu, 05 May 2011 13:11:09 +0000

I can relate to many of these stories. I have been made for 20 years, and we have been though A LOT. We got married very young (18) had a baby with medical issues. I feel I may have resentment built up over the years for all the stuff we went though. Now I am having a hard time, forgiving him even for stuff that happened 15 years ago. I don’t feel I get the communication from him to help me with the closure. I am sure I need counseling but we are also financially struggling, we cant afford even our living expenses. We both work full time but was recently laid off and lost over 70% of our income that we were used too. Adjusting to that is very hard. I have no where else to cut back. But my point was, I cant afford to see anyone who can help. I just cant find the co pay anywhere. I’m afraid my marriage is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. I have talked to my husband and he almost acts like I am crazy. He doesn’t know why I feel this way. Says I blast him all the time so he has turned me out. I just want closure on things but cant get him to talk. He says he has and I just wont listen to him. But his idea of closure is just saying I’m sorry for everything. What exactly are you sorry for ? How do I know its safe to trust you again. There are also things he continues to do that drives me insane. As soon as I hear or see these behaviors I shut down. I no longer want to talk or be around him. He knows how I feel about it but apparently doesn’t feel I am being fair and that he should be able to do what he wants within reason. I have asked about getting someone from our church to help but he doesn’t want everyone knowing our business that we are so close too. Any suggestions would be an enormous help.

By: Winona

Winona — Thu, 05 May 2011 03:45:06 +0000

thanks alfred for the response…it’s amazing the support one can find if you just look in the right place or shall i say, listen to god and he will help you find the support. i prayrd last night for strength to get back into my exersize program and would you believe that my heighbour called and wanted to go for a walk. my neighbour always works during the day but she took today off…..interesting how god works. alfred do you have any more bible verses that helped you thru your trials in your marriage? any words of wisdom?

By: Alfred Neufeldt

Alfred Neufeldt — Wed, 04 May 2011 20:58:12 +0000

When I was in difficulty 2 people on the same week-end gave me Joshua 1:5-9. That was God telling me to be brave and very couragous, for HE will never leave me. The same is for you. It also says to stay in the Word, and to live by it.
God will never fail youi! So, look to Him for healing, for advice, for strength, and then even for joy. I know HE healed our marriage, and made it better than before. Praying for you, Alfred.

By: winona

winona — Tue, 03 May 2011 06:35:52 +0000

wow these stories are all so familiar. i have just found that i needed to connect with god as he will never leave. joshua 1 verse 5. tells us that. that was one of the lessons i was to learn from my husband having an affair. i have huge abandonment issues and this was gods way of telling me that i never have to worry, just trust in him. when i got the lesson i noticed how i calmed down a few notches as i was beyond being stressed. i wonder what god wants me to learn next. on i go navigating through this mess!

By: lonely sc girl

lonely sc girl — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 07:07:45 +0000

i guess i just need someone to talk to i have no one.my husband left me and our two kids back in march of 2010. at the time our youngest was 5 months old. i was unemployed and scared. all he said was that he was tired of being married he took both cars because they were in his name and would have taken the house if he could have but luckily it was in my and my moms name. even though it has been 10 months i feel so alone. he was my first kiss. i have never touched another man ever. we had been together for 12 years. now i feel so alone so unloved. he left me a single parent of two beautiful kids and if it weren’t for them i probably wouldn’be here today.i am working now but am looking for a second job to make ends meet. someone felt sorry for me and gave me an old car that runs most of the time which was a blessing.but now i found out that during my last pregnancy he had someone else. for 7 months i was in and out of the hospital going through hell trying to keep myself and our unborn child alive and he was with someone else. i trusted him with all that i could and he did that to me and our kids.i just feel so unwanted and unloved i wish i had someone to hold me and tell me its ok but i dont. if i had known he would have been like this i would have saved myself for someone who would have appreciated me. he is not the man i know not only has he left me but he has turned away from God too what the heck am i suposed to do!!!!