Comments on: My husband controls my life and I want to leave

By: Doris

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:51:17 +0000

Makayla I think you missed the point that Alexis was making…she was responding to the name of the article, that is ‘My husband is controlling’. Physical force isn’t right against either gender, male or female, but the reality that the author is addressing in this article is that there are many women out there who are in very controlling relationships and marriages and for a number of different reasons they stay in those relationships.

Khuno, you are right in thinking that your husband wants to control you. I love what the author says above, that ‘You can give your husband the choice of being controlling or of being frustrated. The reason we get frustrated in our lives is that things we want to happen don’t, and we get frustrated. You might stop letting him control you.’ It’s time for you to take responsibility for your life and not allow him to continue to control in every area.

By: khuno

khuno — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:18:42 +0000

i think my husband want to control me, he tells me he does not want the haistyle i want to do, he tells me how to drive n im not a good driver.

By: makayla

makayla — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:41:39 +0000

No one can ctrl u & honestly I wud divorce him if he was that much of a douchebag… and uhm alexis shut uhp its against the law to hit a woman? But its not to hit a guy? Well thts just stupid y do ppl hav 2 b so sexist girls r not weak I H8 it wen dudes say hahaa u got beat uhp by a girl

By: Doris

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:08:42 +0000

Dear Phyllis,
My heart goes out to you. Since he thinks that he loves you I would strongly suggest that you go to a marriage counselor and begin to talk through the issues of control.Obviously his idea of love is very different than yours and you need to be able to communicate that with him.

We also have online mentors who would love to walk alongside of you on your journey. Just fill out this page http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/ and a mentor will email you back.

By: Phyllis

Phyllis — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 09:37:06 +0000

We have been married 26 years & have no children. We are both retired. My husband controls the money-his money! My money is from my disability check. When we bought our property, he did not allow me to sign the deed with him. He will buy me anything I want within reason but I am not a “taker”. He does not give me money, but he does pay all the house bills including food. He used to be a manager in a large corporation so anything “he” says or does is the best. He never compliments me, nor is he demonstrative in the emotional feel. We sleep in different rooms on different floors. He can’t understand why I have my own email address & constantly thinks I am hiding something from him–I am not and I will not cheat either! He wants to learn the computer but when I try to teach him, he gets angry with me. When he finally learns something–he is the one who is better at it than me! When I make dinner, he compliments me and then tells me there is a better way to prepare that meal! We go out to lunch/dinner together & he never talks to me…he claims he can’t hear me. (he wears 2 hearing aids) He does not talk to me when we ride in the car & we do not share the same interests. He used to be a photographer when “film” was in & refused to learn a digital camera. However, now he tells me since he
“used”to be a photographer, he is the one who should take all the photos as “I” don’t know what I am doing! I told him I wanted a divorce & then he quietly pleaded “please don’t leave me, I love you”? What? One last thing, aside from sleeping apart, there is NO sex in this marriage. He watches kinky porn in private in the master bedroom which is “his” bedroom! He will not allow me to sleep in the guest bedroom which is next door to his bedroom for fear I might “hear” something through the walls! I sleep in a large room with my cats & do not sleep more than 4-5 hrs a night. However, he never hits me..but I feel that this is emotional blackmail. I’d love your comments! Thanks so much.

By: Claire Colvin

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 17:11:49 +0000

Hi Iris, You must have been very young when you got married to have been married for 19 years already. It’s hard to say for sure if this is abuse from just what you’ve said but it definitely sounds controlling and not very supportive. I agree with Candice’s comment, take a look at the site she linked you to. Are you trapped in the house? You said that he does not take you out, are you able to come and go on your own? I am not sure why you would not be allowed to use the phone. Do he restrict your access to your friends and family? I do not know if your husband is abusive, but one of the things that is very common in abusive situations is isolation. The partner who is more dominant or in control will isolate the other person from anyone who could support them. They do this so that when they start making demands that you are uncomfortable with they can convince you that you don’t have anywhere to go.

Have you talked to him about the phone rules? Has he given you any reason as to why you would not be allowed to use it? Even if you did marry very young, you might have been a child then but you are not a child now. You are an adult and should be treated as an adult, even if he is a lot older than you are. It sounds very lonely. Is there someone in your neighbourhood that you can talk to? A family member or a trusted friend? The mentors on this site that Candice mentioned can also be an excellent resource. I’d encourage you to contact one. You’re not alone in this.

By: cfast

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 15:27:49 +0000

Iris, The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a lot of information on abuse and what constitutes as abuse. I would check there to see if your treatment lines up to abuse. Another thing you can do is seek help from a marriage counselor, as it sounds like you and your husband are on different pages with expectations. If you would like someone to talk to with confidentiality, Power to Change has mentors who are ready to offer a listening and comforting ear. If you would like to talk to someone today, please click here.

By: Iris

Iris — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 05:44:04 +0000

Hey everyone im 33 yrs of age n been married for 19 yrs,hes alot older.and he wants me to get a job but when I do get one he asked me how am I getting there,he doesnt give me money,mind u I cook clean n take care of our three kids..is this abuse?,or is it me..he dont take me out,im in the house 24/7.no sex,cant be on my phone n I have to go to bed when he does.smh

By: Doris

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 17:43:59 +0000

Barb I am glad to see that you did realize that you didn’t have to stay in that very abusive relationship which wasn’t healthy for you or your children. Abusive husbands need help and if they aren’t willing to get that help than it is better for you to get out before you and/or your children get hurt or worse, killed.

By: Barb

Barb — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 00:26:21 +0000

GET OUT NOW!!! I just left my controlling husband and I’m not looking back. He was taking over my life–telling me what to wear, what to eat, etc. At first he tried to break down my self-esteem by saying that I had put on weight (I’m 5’10″ and weigh 145 pounds). Then he started to tell me how to dress and how to cut my hair. I was banned from cooking because, according to him, I made too much of a mess. He would demand that the house be cleaned–everyone had to wear socks or slippers so no footprints could mark up the floor. He would steal money from my purse and swear that my memory was failing due to menopause (I’m 41 years old and my doctor said that I’m not showing any signs of menopause). He has cursed at me as well as my children to the point that we’ve all been in tears. I thought things could get better but they only escalated…he started slapping me in the mouth and claimed he was just “playing” around. He has also left horrible bite marks on my stomach and thighs to try to keep me from going to the public pool. I even had to use my previous self-defense training to keep him from choking me out. It didn’t stop there–the yelling and verbal threats were horrifying. This nut even threatened to shoot the family dog between the eyes if he chewed up any more furniture. The stress on the children and me was unbearable.he evn had the audacity to ration out toilet paper-I could have 3 squares while my children could have 1 square apiece. I left him and don’t regret it one minute! Our marriage hasn’t lasted even a year, but I couldn’t bear the thought of exposing my children and myself to any more of his abuse. Find a church, a friend, a family member. You deserve better and remember there are services out there that will help you get through this. Don’t think that you have to put up with any abuse. Controlling husbands are insecure and paranoid. They feed off your fear. Get out while you still can.