Am I having an emotional affair?
I am a happily married woman, with a very loving and supporting husband. We have been married for five years now. Of late I have befriended a man who is five years younger than me. He started calling me regularly and saying all the beautiful things a woman wants to hear. He has become my obsession. I don’t know if I love him or not, but I keep thinking of him day and night.
Advice: An affair is an affair. You are in an emotional affair and if you want your marriage to work then you will have to work harder at it. If you are working full-time, taking care of your home and maintaining your relationship with your husband, how do you have time for this other man? Do you get obsessive-compulsive about other things? In the end, you will be the one who ends up being hurt with this flirtatious game that you are attempting to play. Some people can play and not get hurt, but my mailbag is full of broken hearted people who tried to play two relationships at a time. You can learn how to use thought-stopping to get this guy out of your head.
Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
Do you want to start over?: Facing the future after a major loss
Dr. Ginger
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My husband let me know recently that several years before, he had sexual intercouse on multiple occassions with some one he didn’t love or really know. It was a terrible time in our lives that is unlikely to occur. At the time, my husband told me he wanted a divorace and then asked me to stay with him months later. I agreed to stay with him but knew nothing of the intercourse he had had with the other person. When I asked if he had been with some one, he always denied it. Now 3 years later, he shared it with me. We were in the middle of accomplishing some thing really great that I always wanted to do – in the middle of a project that could mean wonderful things for us.
Just before I found out, I found myself drawn to some one who was helping us with the project. A hug from him made me feel butterflies and all the things that falling in love makes you feel. I felt guilty that I had these feelings I could not stop until I found out about the affair.
Again, I decided to forgive my spouse and try to move past – for the sake of our 20+ years of marriage and some one I care deeply about. The problems continue. After finding out, I feel like I love my husband but am not in love with him. I long to be with this other man who is much older than I and communicate with him about the project even now that it is complete. I want to stop thinking about this person and stop wanting to communicate with him but I can’t seem to do so. My husband says I seem sad and keeps asking for reassurance I will stay with him. I say yes because that it what I want to do. My husband hasn’t come to bed with me most nights until 3-5 AM in the morning because of pain and sleep issues. I feel lonely a lot. What can I do to over come my passion for this other man and get my marriage together. I don’t want to have an emotional affair. I don’t even know if this other man I have feelings for feels the same about me.