How can I get over a heart ache?
How do you get over a heart ache? I know they say time heals all wounds but who needs time when you’re heart broken? How do you get over an ex- boyfriend when you have to face him practically everyday? It just hurts to see a love that was once there but is not there now. We used to be so close and now we’re practically like strangers.
Advice: How long were you and this guy going together? It is important to know that you are in a grieving process. Some people make closer attachments than others and these are harder to break off. It is also true that the more physically familiar you are to another, the harder it is to break off. I’m pretty sure that is the main reason why the Bible says not to have intercourse or heavy petting until you are married. I don’t know how close the two of you got, but it sounds as though you are now going through a difficult time.
Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
Do you want to start over?: Facing the future after a major loss
Dr. Ginger
Do you struggle with the deep darkness of depression and find yourself without hope? Talk to us.
Dear Ben,
Thank you for your comment. You’re right that heartache is no trifling matter and you are also absolutely right that the help we need comes from God, and His words of comfort, reassurance, wisdom and encouragement are available to us in the Bible. May the Lord bless your faith as you seek Him! Some verses I have been mulling over and soothing my heart with are in Ezekiel 37. This is amazing passage where Ezekiel encounters a whole valley of dry bones – what could be more hopeless than a valley of people so long dead that only their dry bones remain? Then along comes God and working in cooperation with Ezekiel, life, flesh and breath are spoken into those bones! This is what God can and does do for broken, lifeless hearts – He speaks to them and transforms them, putting His Spirit into us so that there can be abundant, supernatural life and love (for God is love)! I also find it really encouraging to read Exodus 17. Here we find God is able to bring water from a rock. This passage has always spoken to me about people whose hearts are hard as stone, and it seems they will never be able to love us in return, but God can give them a new heart and from it He can bring love!
In fact, there are so many passages about the outrageous compassion of God, how He consistently goes totally above and beyond to care for the needs of His people and to show them how willing He is to help, to deliver, to heal, rescue and save, that it is actually difficult to find a passage that is not encouraging! Pray that the Holy Spirit will fill you and give you eyes to see what is sometimes hidden in these passages, like treasures or jewels needing to be polished and the Lord will show you wonders I pray.
God bless you!
Seriously? Im looking for verses and the advice is go kayaking? WHO IS JANE AUSTIN???
If the Bible doesnt say anything for heart ache from relationships then just admit it.
Liz,
I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you’re feeling. I too have lost many dogs and I know it can be a very difficult time. Your dog was part of your family. It’s hard to let her go. You said she was suffering and very sick. I know it may not seem like it right now but you’ve made the right choice. If the option was to let her suffer or to put her to sleep and end her suffering you did the humane thing. Pet owners have a tendency of prolonging their animals’ suffering because they don’t want to be in the situation you’re in right now. It’s always hard to think about putting your pet to sleep. It’s a decision you must have come to after a lot of sadness. If you’re having trouble forgiving yourself, think of what your dog struggled with before she died. It was probably very hard for you to watch her go through that. Whether she was young or old, your veterinarian wouldn’t have put your dog to sleep without being of the medical opinion that it was the best thing for the dog. I hope that helps you to know you don’t have to be so hard on yourself. You stopped your dog’s suffering. I’m sure you did all you could for her. I would encourage you to reflect on the wonderful dog you had. I don’t know if she was a part of your life for many years but I hope you’re able to find comfort as you grieve. I’m not sure if you come from a faith background at all but I’d like to pray for you.
Lord God, I pray for Liz as she struggles with the loss of her dog. You know how hard was for her to put her dog to sleep. I pray that you would be a comfort to Liz as she grieves. Lord, you see every tear that falls no matter what we’re upset about and I pray that you would help Liz to get through this tough time. Thank you that you gave Liz her dog for a time and that she cared for her pet so much. I pray that you would give Liz strength and that she would look to you through this sad time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
how can i get over loosing my little dog she was unwell and we had her put to sleep rather than see her suffer now i cannot forgive myself please help me liz
I agree that healing is a process, and that painful experiences are definitely a teacher. However, I believe it is vital to surrender our pain into the hands of the Lord and let Him guide this process, for I believe He is the Healer, and not us. I cannot heal myself, only Jesus can. Without Him, I am lost and back to a life of striving instead of knowing there is peace in the midst of life’s storms.
Jamie, i wasn’t talking about compliments and happy moments. Of course, there are plenty of them, from the moment you wake up in morning, to the end of the day. We should focus on them, you’re right. But there comes a moment in everyone’s life when… you can disappointed. Heart ache. Breakup. Losing someone dear. Life is a sum of all this, and how we handle them is part of our character. Our courage, our strength to get over somebody, to forget another love … :)
Rise and shine, there is hope, peace and happiness in this world. Just open your eyes and you’ll see it. Healing yourself is a process.
Georgia Ravenna – CEO of Exclusive Guidance
I don’t know that I agree with you Geogry. It is true that lessons and growth come from pain but there is also things to be learned from great memories and positive expereinces. When a young girl is complimented for looking pretty she smiles and radiates appreciation. She will continue to do those things that worked so she can again receive that kind of affirmation.
Once you’ve loved deeply, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Pain is a part of the natural healing process. It means that you’re fully aware of the past feelings and the barrier of time that exists between you and your ex.
I’ve introduced a new concept in the healing process: suffer less and live more. This concept has two parts, just as you have guessed.
1. SUFFER LESS
Don’t focus on what is screaming inside you, leave that part in the past.
2. LIVE MORE
Understand that pain is still a line between you and him. Only indifference and independence drops a line that can’t be crossed, emotionally separating you two.
Almost as powerful as love, pain can bring you tears, thoughts but also, it can bring you joy and fulfillment. What’s more important is that pain can bring you power. Internal power, strength.
You’re becoming stronger not thanks to nice and good things, but thanks to difficult and painful obstacles. It’s true. Pain nourishes your strength. Otherwise, how could you grow personally?
Let me tell you something: strength does not come from winning or from great memories. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you’re pushed toward a limit, when you’re facing a real obstacle, that’s developing your strength. And pain is the key to the front door. Period.
Feeling so much pain is a kick-start, you’re not even aware of the fact that your brain, your body feels everything. Whatever you believe, your cells believe it too.
[…] Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. (Morrison)
So stop consuming yourself in this situation and start working things out until you gain the strength you need. And once you’re there, everything will be more clear.
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Kyle, I know what it is like to feel awkward around girls. There are a couple of things that I would suggest for you. First, relax and don’t build up the tension of the moment. This is just a conversation. It is not determining the trajectory of your life but it is just an opportunity to share about yourself and learn something about someone else. Making this a bigger deal than it actually is will raise your anxiety level and get you flustered.
Second, be yourself. The point of conversation is to share information but if you are trying to be someone other than who you are it will come off insincere and will cause more anxiety as you try and keep up the facade.
Third, talk about things that are important to you and ask questions that will give the girl a chance to share about the things that are important to her. Your purpose is to learn about who she is. So pay attention to what she says. Ask questions that help her to talk about herself.
Small talk is so often about things outside of yourselves and so misses the point of learning about each other. The key to good small talk is turning it towards the way it impacts us. You talk about the weather and share whether it makes you happy, sad. You ask about class to find out what she enjoys or how she feels about the subject, teacher, classmates, etc. Almost every statement a person makes can lead to another follow-up question to discover more.
Kyle, I am betting you are a good student. Use that skill you have for learning to become a student of other people. Learn and remember who they are and what they like/dislike. It will show that you value them which will go a long way in making you an important part of their life as well.
You can do this. It is just a matter of practice, and building confidence.
Simple May,
I actually understand where you are coming from. I used to experience a lot of anguish and lingering feelings over old (long-term) boyfriends. I was in a solid and loving relationship that I had committed to but still had feelings for people I had been in a relationship with prior in my life. Then it hit me – I was the one who was keeping those old flames alive. It wasn’t fair to my existing relationship and commitment. The longer I spent mentally thinking about old flames, the more I remembered them and the relationship we had. I was the one keeping that alive. And, you may have heard it before, but we tend to remember much good from the past and tend to forget the bad. I personally had to remember that I CHOSE to end those relationships and I had to trust that I made good decisions in the past. It sounds like you and John were very much in love and therefore you made a decision to be committed to him. And you are committed to him now in your marriage. Keep focusing on that relationship and understand that you have to loose the hold you still have on Steve. One thing I used to do, was when I was having issues with my relationship, I’d think back on old relationships and that got me into a lot of mental trouble because I wasn’t focusing on bettering my relationship but daydreaming about a past thing. Let it go and you will find freedom. Stop those thoughts when they enter your mind. Forgive yourself and trust yourself. Ask God to help you loose those thoughts. He helped me tremendously.