How can I get over a heart ache?
How do you get over a heart ache? I know they say time heals all wounds but who needs time when you’re heart broken? How do you get over an ex- boyfriend when you have to face him practically everyday? It just hurts to see a love that was once there but is not there now. We used to be so close and now we’re practically like strangers.
Advice: How long were you and this guy going together? It is important to know that you are in a grieving process. Some people make closer attachments than others and these are harder to break off. It is also true that the more physically familiar you are to another, the harder it is to break off. I’m pretty sure that is the main reason why the Bible says not to have intercourse or heavy petting until you are married. I don’t know how close the two of you got, but it sounds as though you are now going through a difficult time.
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How to Start Over: Face the future after major loss
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I’ve been dating this guy for 4mos. In that 4mos we got really close. We were making futur plans, he tols me he loved me. My kids loved him. Then he laft me today for his x. 2 weeks before christmas. I run a daycare out of my home. So I’m always home. Everything reminds me of him. What can I do to help stop being so sad and to stop crying. I love him with all my heart. I know he’s the one and his x is wrong for him. She use to make him sleep on the air mattress because she couldn’t sleep next to him. She had him on so many mediciantion because she thought something was wrong with him. He use to tell me how happy I have made him and how unhappy he was with her. I don’t understand why he would leave me to go back to that. I can’t stop crying. I don’t want to live with out him. Can somebody please help?
Misty, it is not easy but we needdto face facts, maybe he was not so unhappy with his x. Would he go back if she was so bad? maybe you were too good for him and maybe with you things were to easy becase you gave your all. You need to take your pride, dust it off and go on! he is not worth your troubled heart and tears. he maybe just used you to get over her, because the firts oportunity he got to go back to her he took. be proud to be a woman, wipe your tears and go on wothout him. Rather be alone than being with somone who think of his x whilst being with you. Better now than later after a few years, then it would have been. What will rally help is when you become cross with him for taking the first oportunity to go back after all you have done for him and for making your children use to him. He is not woth it girl, you’ll see later you will realise that it was a blessing in disguise.Pray to God to help you get through this, He will help you…
I feel like I am all alone. I was with my now ex-fiance for two years. We were very, very close. We were best friends as well as lovers. We had our fights, yes, but everything seemed so perfect when he suddenly broke it off. I had moved four hundred miles away from him for college, and I really thought we could make it, I really believed we were both mature enough to -I am now left alone, living alone, without a job, and almost starting college. I don’t know what to do. We were perfect, I just don’t understand why we’re not together now. It’d be so much easier I think if we didn’t work, or if we were having serious problems, but we just wern’t. I keep having this glimmer of hope that we will be together in the long run, but I don’t know if this hope is a sign, or a foolish heart broken thought. I’m a devastated woman, and I feel like nothing can get better.
Jena,
I know it is hard right now. I am going through my own heartbreak, but I am here to say that it does get better as time fades that person into the fabric of your life. I am in my late 30s and have had lots of heartbreak, but my heart is still ticking. Trust me right now – I know where you’re at that nothing will console you but fantasy thoughts of him contacting you. In my case I am waiting for a reply, but realistically I know it probably won’t come. Eventually I will be okay with that. All I want to say is hang in there. You also have to tell yourself that maybe this person be it fiance, friend, lover, etc. is not part of God’s plan for you. Plus, if they really cared about you, they would email or find some way to communicate or check on you. But, often times it’s easier to not address the issue & leave you in the dark which does suck. Just keep moving forward & you’ll learn how to distinguish true relationships/friendships. Plus, in your case, you still have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on your studies & meditate. We are both seeking peace & we both should spend time in prayer to comfort our hearts.
this is curious and ilariously speaking the fact and as a person of msense of humanity and segacity i most be frank and sincere many outthere are not to make u fro real except few out of million. i v been a victm of such circumstances but gid si kind at me i pass over ir and now i felt somehow lonly but i think its better to live than to die why on earth……….u just need time to look over it and find someone u loved for real and make him realise u do love him and be ready to give your true love and sincerity………….well i need a good one to also relieve me of my own headach.
charles
charles_2th@yahoo.com
I dated my ex for 3 years and he just right came out and decided he didn’t want this anymore. I know it isn’t the best thing but we were still sleeping together once we broke thing off for about 8 months and on what would of been our 4th year aniversary we slept together and I decided this was enough, I needed to take charge and end this, which was about a week ago. Now I just have this huge knot in my stomach, more like a big pain in my stomach. I don’t know how to move on with my life, he has already moved on and doesn’t seem to care at all. Why can’t I do this? I feel like I’m just really stuck with this man. He was my other half, I pictured myself marrying him, having a family and a life with him forever. And now I feel like whats the point, I put so much hard work and effort in my relationship for 3 years for nothing. And to add to this heart break, I am SUPER close to this family, I still have “dates” with his sister and his parents still invite me over for supper and such. He has a nephew that will be turning 1 soon and well he’s “my” little guy too, I want to be his aunt and I want to be there for his for the rest of his life. But how? I love his family so much, even his cousins and his memere.. they’re my family. I just don’t know how to let go and move on. I don’t want to be with him anymore, I just wish we could be friends and I could move on from the hurt I have in my heart. But no matter what I do and no matter how much time went by, this man is still stuck to my heart.
i have relationship with my “X” for almost 3 years.. and we’re even planning to get married after my contract here abroad… all are planned.. 5 months before i go back home (5 months to end the contract) he told me something happened with him and a girl… and that girl got pregnant. all of our/my plans disappeared now. i don’t know what to do. he keeps on telling me he love me and he’s so stupid to do that mistake. until now he’s been calling me on phone and sending sms with the word “i love you”.
i want to move on but i cant.. i don’t know what to do now..
It is a very hard thing to leave someone but sometimes you have to and deep down you know it. It is totally possible to get someone out of your heart, to leave him behind and to stop the madness. You must decide that you have to do this. It is not really all the different from being addicted to a drug. Then you can train yourself to not think about him, not go down memory lane and to go forward only. No love stories in books, movie or T.V. No radio music, just talk radio. When you find yourself thinking about him tell yourself, out loud if you have to, stop! Even using a rubber band to snap your wrist does work.Exercise is great too. Do not indulge in long sessions with every friend but chose one to talk to him about and keep it to no more than 15 minutes a day. Tell your friends about your goal so that they can help you by not bringing him up. We can manage our behavior if we try and not indulge ourselves in what could have been, what I should have said, what did this or that mean. And absolutely no contact! No facebook, email, google. Nothing. There is something about that pain that, as much as it hurts, makes us feel alive but you cannot indulge yourself now. At first it will be hard but it will become easier. There will come a time when you can look back and, here is the gift, you will see things for how they really were and learn from it all. When you are strong and away from him then you can go back and you will see all the truths, the good and the bad,. Last but most important of all is prayer and if you don’t know the Lord I urge you to open your mind at this point of your life. Our Father will listen to anything you have to say. He will fill you with comfort at 3am on a Tuesday morning when you feel like breaking. He will fill every hole in your heart. Many blessings.
God help me lf u can… im a 44 year old man and was Living with a 30 year old woman for 1 year and we broke up 2 months ago, and she started seeing a guy 2 weeks ago, and we talked yesterday. She told me that after 2 night She would give me a answer tomorrow on lf we could get back 2 gether….i wont make it through the night….PLS help me!!!!
I have been grieving over my relationship for almost four months. I know thw worst thing to do would be to contact him. And I still wait for his emails and his calls but I know they won’t come. I try to remember everything which was bad about the relationship and why I felt the need to leave. But I didn’t expect him to be happy about it. Not only that, he’s with someone else. I’ve been reading everything I could on how to get over it. And I’ve been exercising alot, reading and long walks with my dog. I’m trying to tell myself it’s all for the best and that once I get over it that I will be happy again. But inbetween all of that, I still have my moment of tears.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1CMnZDllDU
Im in need of a lot of help. I had dated this guy for 3years, he went for his masters but we were ever so close. I finally got a visa to go and visit him after 2 visa rejections and an appeal which lasted for about a year. I went to visit him and i got pregnant. He promised to come back as soon as he finished his studies(which was two months after)to marry me (because the culture which we come from, its a stigma and a ‘sin’ to hae children outside wedlock). His family were very uncooperative and so he decided after my family had already started making plans for the wedding , that he didnt want to marry me again. i was angry, hurt , betrayed and so when my dad kept asking me to abort the pregnancy, i told the guy but because he sees me as too scared to do it, he told me he would come for the delivery of the baby but he wouldnt marry me, that i should do what is right and that there is nothing wrong with being a single mother. after 3weeks of my dads constant talk about the abortion, i yielded. i realize i should not have committed the abortion but i was at my wits end and i was so weak at deciding not to do the abortion. i had been in and out of hospital several times because of the pregnancy and i was still sick when he told me he didnt love me enough to marry me. he hates me for aborting the child even though he didnt say but i wanted us to come back together because i love him so much and he is the first and only man that has ever slept with me. I am always thinkning about him and my baby. i really want him to come back to me. i know where i have gone wrong but even till today, he believes the only wrong he committed was having pre marital sx. he doesnt believe he has wronged me. i have apologised but he doesnt want me. it is so so hard. i tried to commit suicide on sunday because the pain is just too much. I have prayed for Gods help and everyone says all will be well, that it will pass. but i dream bout him, think bout him everyday and keep wishing he can give us a chanc to do everything right. I am trying to move on , but i dont know how.
Dear Omo,
I know that you say that you love this man, so he must have some good points – but he sounds selfish, irresponsible and cowardly to me! You are worrying about being good enough for him, and getting him to come back to you, but maybe it’s him who isn’t good enough for YOU?
Any man who treats the mother of his child in such a way isn’t much of a man at all.
You can rise above this. Very best wishes to you.
I’m 41 years old and don’t know how to handle this (like most). I had a girlfriend that was 26. I have a disabled daughter (7), she has 2 girls (3 & 6). We got together in December of ’08. She moved in with me in January of ’09. Her girls immediately started calling me “Daddy” as I was the only good male that had been in their life (even my ex always had bad boyfriends). We were in love, at least I was. She wrote about it on myspace. During our relationship I was the only positive influence in her life. She didn’t work, I let her stay home with the kids while I struggled to do everything I could to keep us financially ok. I was barely holding on. She was an addict to different things. As time progressed, and with my love and support, she stopped using needles, and eventually became “clean”. I thought things were going so well. (Fast forward to the last 2 months). Back in mid-June she was redecorating the trailer for the girls, painting their room pink, putting up shelves and such. On Father’s day she wrote me a letter describing how wonderful its been to have me. I change diapers, etc… She wrote she loves me, and that would never change. The next week she started going at midnite to “friends”, returning sometime in the morning. The weekend after Father’s day, on Sunday, June 28th,at 1130pm, she sent me a txt stating she would see me later that night. That’s the last I’ve heard from her. Thru a mutual friend I’ve learned that she’s been living with a drug dealer. I am so in love with her still. She won’t call me, txt me, and whenever my name is brought up, she won’t respond to them. She’s only known this guy for 4 wks, he’s keeping her high, our mutual friend (female) watches her kids every night so they’re safe. It’s important to mention that in 2 yrs we were dating, we only had intimate relations 3 times. She claimed she just didn’t like doing it. Our mutual friend picks up the kids from her every day, she’s usually passed out naked with this guy every time, with drugs just lying on the table, chairs, bed, floor… It hurts. She introduces herself as HIS girlfriend to people she meets. She hasn’t even had the decency to pick up any of her stuff from my trlr, nor has she called or txtd to even let me know that we were “over”. I found out a week after she left, when a friend tipped me off that she simply was in love now and had no desire to see me, talk to me, or have anything to do with me. I have no closure, and in my line of work, all I have is time to think about what she’s done to me. I’m devastated. When I fall in love, I put everything into it. How can she treat me like that after everything I’ve done – bought her everything she needed, supplied her with a roof, food, car, cigarettes. We used to laugh and smile and had so much in common (except age). I’ve thought suicide in front of her door, calling the police to turn them in for the drugs, getting Child Protective Services to take her children… I want her to feel the loss that I feel. I want her stripped of everything that mattered to her suddenly, and with absolutely no explanation. But, I am still so in love with her, I want her back, even though I know she’s the worst thing for me. I want vengeance, revenge, but most of all, I want her to love me (I was told she was only with me because I took care of everything). I cry every ten minutes, I shake because I can’t do anything else with my emotions, I’ve lost 17 lbs in the last 2 weeks because I have no drive to eat. I’m on the verge of losing my job(s). Oh, they told the mutual friend that they’re planning to buy a house together if they can get they’re bad credit okay’d. What the “H” did I do wrong? How could this be happening to me? Even that Sunday afternoon she was telling me that she loved me and would kiss me before she left. I don’t know how to handle this… Please, any words of wisdom would help. I’m sure my friends (whom are supportive) are tired of me talking about nothing but her. I love her and I hate her for destroying me. It hurts. In advance, thank you so much, anyone.
Thanks victoria, but the thing is that it wasnt like i didnt have any faults though cos i must have pushed him hard cos i was afraid. He is a good man but maybe he was also terrified. I regret everything that has happened including even going to the uk to visit him. i so so much wish he would call me today and say that we have both gone wrong and that we know mistakes we should never make again, that we would help each other through this pain and we will make it with God’s help. I am trying to come to terms with everything. i have never known so much trouble in my life. i cant sleep, eat or even smile. i feel like my heart is going to burst. tears hasnt stopped flowing. i have lost so much weight, everyone is so alarmed. my dad has been asking for forgiveness for asking me to do the abortion and that he should have just left it to God but the loss is so much. i feel dead. when i call the guy (once in a while), i try to sound cheerful so he wont know what im going through cos the last thing i want to hear is that i did it with my eyes wide open. i have registered for the Post Abortion Syndrome Information Resources Help and Healing but havent gotten anything from them yet. i am praying and reading my bible,reading books gone for couselling and all but i feel worse everyday. i am always so tempted to end the misery. it looks like i will never smile again but i want to. im actually looking for people who have gone through this kind of hurt before and how they overcame and how long it took. i have never felt so helpless in my whole life. i just want to get better
Me and my boyfriend of 2 years had been fighting a lot the last six months of our relationship. We got into a big fight three weeks ago and i broke up with him but apologized right away. I decided we should have a weekend apart and we did. That monday he texted me and told me it was really over and that we should see other people..i cried and begged and got no reply! a week later i asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said no but he needed time to see if being apart was the best for both of us..its been two weeks and i have gotten no reply. There are days when i cant help it and i text him a lot! and email him. im really afraid that he will find someone else:( I am trying really hard to get over him but I know we are meant to be…He wont speak to me at all. what do I do?
I have been “there” a few times myself…so incredibly hurt that all I could do was think about “him” day and night…no sleep, no interests, no wanting food….it really hurts to be “lovesick”…I think certain people like my self desperately try to please a selfish lover….we seek out the good things and ignore ALL the rotten things…and we are just so devastated when our lover leaves…we tried SO hard…but I believe it is a symptom of a love we must create with ourselves…VERY hard to do…we’d rather give it away…I am just recently going thru another breakup…in my head I know this guy doesn’t deserve to even speak to me…He’s an alcoholic, unemployed, anger addict, dabbles with other drugs, been in and out of prison…and more…and I am this NICE, attractive, funny, talented…rather sick in the head person…but, you see I keep trying to prove that I am worthy of love and look for the WORST person to save…I hope this is the last THE LAST lesson I have to learn….I know there are sweet, hardworking, nice sober guys out there…I need to open my eyes to them….and it will be a happy day for BOTH of us, when we meet and realise that we both deserve RESPECT, KINDNESS, LAUGHTER and LOVE…good luck and the kindest of prayers to all of you…there is a way out…just takes time and constantly reminding yourself that you are AWESOME!!!!!!!
Please pray for me as i just found out the love of my life cheated on me. and now he is mad at me like i did something wrong. My daughter loved him, we made plans for the future now my heart has been ripped out my chest and stomped. I cry all the time it is uncontrollable.
In may 2009, I have a new colleague. It was love at first sight for me. We got on very well (same tastes, loads of commun points). After a few months, i, I told him I was in love, I sent him an email. he explained me he had 2 girlfriends and each time, it ended very bad and he was not ready for any story. he finally said he was not in love with me but really liked me.
We remained very close except during the month of november because.. well, I was ‘playing’ with him, attackink him for fun with my scarf and he hit me with a phone and it was not for fake. So I told him what I thought about his attitude.
After that, we remained close and had a lot of fun together at work and in the evening, talking through Facebook or by emails about little things, music, joking…
This year, in march, I had surgery. Nothing serious but I had to stay at home for a month. He sent me emails almost everydays, trying to reasons to write like ‘such colleague was wondering if you were ok so I write to ask…’
I came back to work in may and he was different, we were closer, he was very protective because I had to be careful, i was still a bit weak. And I began to think he was really in love with me.
One of my friend sent him a private message from facebook because one day, he worried a bit not to have news from me. My colleague and him had a little chat and my friend told him he was sure he was in love with me and should tell me because I was pretty sad since e few days (not easy to work with a colleague you’re in love with when you know he doesn’t feel the same). So on the 17th of june, my colleague sent me an email explaining me he was still in the same mood (he didn’t wanna have any kind of love stories because each time he tried with a girl, he ended very very bad) but he also said ‘I know what’s between us, you love me, I love you’.
We went out for a drink the day after to talk about it. He told me he felt in love with me at first sight.
It was very hard because he was in love but too afraid. then, on facebook he wrote something that gave me hope. Two days after, I was thinking so much about him, I sent him an email to know how he could cope with that, being in love but unable to live this love and he replied ‘I try to focus on something else. Now, you talk about it and I feel a headache coming’.
for a month and a half, we were between ‘I don’t talk to you anymore’ and having lot of fun at work, being very close again. He finally told me what happend 4 years ago (he never went with another girl after and I’m the 1st he felt in love with since). He’s very jealous and possessive and one day, he slapped her in the face twice. He had a nervous breakdown after that and this is where he’s now, closed, afraid, with no friends; He’s a real geek fan of games and RPG and spends his time in front of his computer.
two weeks ago, I went on a foruml where he’s quite often and he knew I was reading what he wrote on this forum. But I registered because it was about a game I know and I created a character for the game and everybody loved what I wrote on the forum. I spent two days and when, because I was posting from work, the administrator saw I had the same Ip than my colleague and told him.
I didn’t to that to harasse him and I wanted to tell him about the forum but I didn’t have time in two days as it’s not easy to talk to him and he changed his email address and erase his facebook account (to forget me because it was too dangerous for him o_O). Anyway, after that, he sent me a private message for the forum after I expleined him and he insulted me in a violent way. Since that day, he doesn’t talk to me anymore. We work in t same office but he doesn’t even say hello or goodbye to me and this in front of everybody. It’s childish and it really hurts.
I have to see him everyday and his silence is a nightmare. I know nothing is possible, he’s not good for me but… I love him so much I cry all the time at home, I can’t think of anything else. when he told me he loved me but couldn’t be with me because he was not a good man, it hurt me so much I needed to see my octor who gave me pills because I was in a very bad state. i’m very sensitive and not confident and I didn’t have a lot of love stories before. i’m 32, he’s 28. I hope he’s gonna fiid a new job quickly because he always wanted to leave this job but he’s like… well, I know him, to forget me, he’s focus on his games and spend his time writing stories so he doesn’t take the time to look for another job. I won’t see him in september because of his holidays and mine but I feel so bad like I lost something precious. We were so close because and now, I lost everything, even the friend I had. I don’t know what to do… It’s like the last 14 months of my life are full of memories only with him, everything reminds me of him and I cry, I suffer. I love him so much and I know he loves me but I know the game is over and it kills me.
Sorry for the mistakes, english is not my mothertongue.
It’s almost 4 months since my fiancee called quits after being together for 9.5 years. I’m lost every moment. The past 2 months I did everything I can to apologize and ask forgiveness but she wouldn’t accept it. If you’re wondering why she called quits was due to massive arguments we’ve been having in the past year. I clearly told her to hang in with me this year because it’s been rough. She promised, and things got worst. I left her alone for 2 months no phone or physical contact. I did a journal of 300+ pages, Love Dare book, and sent her gifts to remind her of me thinking about her. Still nothing. Recently she called and it was another argument. I didn’t even get to say “hi…” and she fired at me with anger. I listened to her for a good 30 minutes. Finally, I was able to put in my 2 minutes. I got jealous when I “thought” she was talking to someone else. I thought I was human and for me to get jealous was natural (it’s the first time ever I got jealous, and on top of this it’s the first time we broke up in 9.5 years). Every day still I think about her, I pray, I started attending to church, and my hope for us to get back is no longer there. I just hope for the best, and that God allow us to breakthrough one more time. I will make it right. I learn the hard way, and since this breakup I have grown so much. Relationship is a constant battle and a never-ending learning. No matter how long or old you get with your spouse it is a continuous battle. The problem with people is that they intend to give-up so easily. A real true relationship should never surrender how much they struggle together. It’s another stepping stone to grow as a person. I can’t believe I let her in my life and believed in her. She was my flesh and blood… it’s all gone now. How do we start over?…..
hello, i have been with my ex girlfriend for almost 2 years now and since lately i found out she is seeing someone else. i loved her wih all my heart. She has only known this guy for less than 3 months and she says she has feelings for him. she said she wants to talk to both of us but i am better than that so i told her am moving on with my life. she knows what she did was wrong and she apoplogises for it. i cant sleep, eat or do anything without thinking about her. please give me some advice.
Sirbob, since you’ve specifically asked for advice, I’ve forwarded your request to our mentor team. Someone who is familiar with relationship issues will respond to you via email. If you do not want to continue, simply do not respond. But please do respond if you feel talking it over with someone confidentially would be helpful. (Relationship issues can be very difficult to discuss in public forums like this.)
For anyone else who is going through similar struggles, you can contact a relationship mentor here.
I read all these posts over a month ago, I was hurting very much over a break up….I needed to hear that others “survived”…I knew I would survive…but, ouch it hurts!!!!!
I’m feeling pretty good these days…I prayed a LOT…Every morning, every night outloud….If I started to think about him…I would pray for help to stop….I also, made new friends…even tho my heart ached…and it was hard…I also flirted shamelessly!!! lol…even tho at first my heart wasn’t in it…now…I’ve met a few nice guys…I am not serious…just having fun…and rebuilding my confidence….I KNOW there are good and kind people out there…and someone here said it’s like a drug and it is, when u go thru a break up…it’s like a “withdrawl”…I’m here to say….it DOES get better and infact quite happy….you have a fresh start…and you can look at and correct any of your own issues….lots of opportunity!
Good Luck….
@bluuubird
I know time will heal, but it hurt soooo much. It’s like no other pain. I rather get stab 100 times than carrying this pain that will always be there. It will end up as a scar, which can open again and again. Yes it “feels” like the end of the world, and I know it isn’t. I’m pretty sure those who are heart broken like myself here feels the same way. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t focus, can’t do anything…. The question is how long. Yes, keep busy, but you can’t keep busy forever. There will be many moments when you’re not busy, then what? Enjoy life? How when you want to be with that person so badly. All I’m saying is that relation is a non-stop battle regardless of how long you been with your spouse. For those that quit so easily are foolish. You fight, you argue, you make mistakes… it’s a learning step understanding each other. Everything is fixable, love is never too late and love conquers all. There’s faith, hope, and love, but love conquers them all. When I heard this from my fiancee saying it’s too late it ripped my heart apart. I told her it’s only too late when someone dies, that’s when it’s really too late to say and show what you really want. We are still alive, and all these arguing and fighting should be the beginning of our relationship, not the end. I don’t know any more, and at times honestly I break down and cry like a baby for no reason. This pain I can feel it’s eating me inside slowly and working it’s way to the surface. I’ll hang in, and I am talking to God every moment I get. I never once blame Him. I understand what He’s doing, and I’m just asking Him to remove this pain it’s killing me and many others that are going through this. I hope the best for everyone, and talk to God… He is listening.
Both from my own experience, & from the poor precious souls on here who have been ripped apart, I can confirm that Heart Ache is the cruelest thing imaginable.
I Worshiped a girl who asked me out at school, & we spent almost 10 years in Love. We were extrememly close. She told me that she would love me for ever. She wrote it down in every card she gave me.
I Loved her So much. And the memory haunts me to this day. She had religious views that stopped us from Living together or having Sex before marrige. But we would go away often & just hold each other for hours. Both Clothed & naked. It Was hard not to have sex yes. But we did everyting else.
Our relationship wasn’t standard. We would simply be happy to just silently hold each other for hours on end, in a local field. We would lay Semi-Naked in bed together smiling into each others eyes. It all seemed so perfect. The Potent Love.
But after 8 & a half years, I still hadn’t managed to find a contract job that would allow me to get on the property market. Temping was what I’d manage to get all my life. Her Parents were Strict Catholic & her mum was very nasty to her. Things got a bit bad. But I thought we were still in Love.
But then when we went abroad, Instead of me pulling the Ring out to her, she told me she had been seeing another man for some time. It hurt me so much. The Pain, I can tell you is beyong anything Imaginable. Really. It’s so bad that death DOES seem like an option. We Broke up & she moved away with this man.
I Cried & Cried & Cried. At Home, on the way to work. As soon as I got up (If I had Slept) I Cried. I had Nightmares. I hit the bottle & stopped eating. I became very ill. After 2 Years of Stomach cramps, Vomiting & inflamation (that I was told was IBS) I eventually collapsed. I Thought of her non-Stop & wished I was still with her.
My situation became worse. I stopped eating altogether. For I would only be sick afterwards.
I Pined for her. I Begged God. I felt death creeping up on me even though I had felt death a thousand times emotionally. I couldn’t sleep due to the constant pain.
Eventually I did fall asleep, but I woke up in Hospital with pipes comming out of me & all that. I saw a 17cm wound stapled up on my stomach. Tests were done & It Appears I had an Auto Immune disease.
I have been in & out of Hospital ever since with Surgeries & I have been through an Awful lot of pain. So much Pain that I’m on Opiate pain meds.
But I can safely say that nothing compares to the pain I still have of Heartache. I am still crying, Years later. I Still Miss her. I Still have nightmares & Cry myself to sleep. I have been trying to recover for over 3 years now. I heard that She got married to this Bloke, just after my 5th Surgery. I Hope she is happy. I Love her very much.
Where as me? I Have No Job, No House, No Wife, No Children, No Money, No Car, No Hope & I am truly Heart Broken. And Time has done nothing but made me realise that even after 6 Years of Torment, the Pain just keeps comming.
So for those of you who are sitting there crying an Ocean of Tears that never seems to ebb… Those of you so Lonely.. So Very VERY Lonely.. I am here with you…
“I hate and I love. Why I do this, perhaps you ask?
I do not know, but? I sense that it is happening and I am tortured.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hFlsR_y2t4
To My Dearest… I Miss you so very Much.
Dear Bert,
I know it has been hard for you. I can understand. iv been there or rather im trying to get out of there. it looks like being hard broken is a phase that most people have to go through. i also tried to commit suicide. i couldnt eat or think or do anything else. i had no peace within me. i had nightmares. i just wanted to die so that the horrors will end. when i tried to kill myself and my dad found me, he cried so much and begged me no to leave a wound that will never heal in my family. i understood what he was saying and i determined in my heart that i will try and get better. it hasnt been easy. it looks like i am trapped and there is no way foward. i felt like my life had ended and that the pain will never go away but someone told me that everything that happens to you will come to pass. you have not allowed it to come to pass. you have dwelt on it so much that you believe it is safer to stay there and hope things will get better or she will come back to you. she is married now. you have to try and pick up the pieces of your life and move on. you know what i do? i pray. im not sure your a christian but you can be. Our heavenly Father is always ready to receive us no matter the wrongs we have done. i invested my money in books on restoration, i joined groups on the internet that helped you get over a heart break and abortion. they helped but i know its God that has been seeing me through each day. i promise you that its not easy but at the same time, its not impossible. Dont allow any human being control your life. you have to move on. it might seem like no one can be as good as she is but i tell you, that is always how you will feel till you meet someone else. stop considering suicide. its not the solution. it looks like it is but i assure you, you have a whole life ahead of you. Try and start your life all over again. Take each step at a time and trust God to see you through. It is working for me. Even though i havent totally gotten out of it, my determination to and God’s help will see me through and will also see you through. Please look for a bible believing church and start attending and open your heart to God to pour out the balm of Gilead to soothe your pain and restore your joy. I look foward to hearing from you soon and id love to hear some good news. Make sure you stop following up on ur ex. it will really help you
@Bert
The first month of my break up I too attempted to suicide, but I failed. I did woke up in the middle of the night vomiting and no one was around (she too wasn’t around). I felt ashamed and foolish. Afterward,I started drinking and not showing up to work for 3 weeks. Then suddenly one more morning I woke up and saw myself in the mirror. Then a light hit my face and told me “hey, you’re NOT this person remember?! So stop acting foolish and start living.” Right there and then I told myself this isn’t the real me. As much as it hurts so much I picked myself up and started changing my life style completely. I no longer sit around after work playing games, watching TV, and being lazy overall. Now I’m very active going out, working a lot, changed my physical looks by hitting the gym and buying all these new clothes. At the same time I started buying books such as “The Power of Thinking Positive,” “Bait of Satan,” and a few other books that helped me to change my attitude. I originally had anger issue, and now I am so mellow than ever. I know how to handle my anger the best way, it takes so much now to get me mad and upset compare to 5 months ago. I love this new person of me, but every moment I’m improving my life style I wish and pray she’s right next to me. I even pretend she’s next to me at times smiling and saying positive things to me. But yes, I do still feel so much pain inside and I do wish this pain goes away. Most of all I do think about disappearing for good all the time, but I will not let her win. When she and I meet again, I will make sure she see’s my changes and improvement. Possibly it’ll change her mind. If you begin to act the way you are dieing and crying every moment, in her mind she’ll say “thank goodness I left him otherwise things would of gone worst….” Just remember that, and start to live your life for someone else. Your family and friends that cares. Through this rough time of my own, I an so grateful that God sent my family, friends, and people I barely know have assisted me through this. I even wrote her 300 pages of confessing my guilt and love plus went through the 40 days Love Dare book. I felt I have done above and beyond as a man to show, prove, and surrender my heart to her. The fact is NO ONE else in this life time of her’s will love her as much as I do. I continue to think she’s a runner for promising and swearing to me that she’ll hang in regardless of the struggle we been through. No one ever said relationship was easy, and no relationship is “cloud 9″ every day all day…. I learn this on my own, and now I know how to treat a girlfriend, fiancee, and wife properly. I wish it will be her when I do get marry in the future. As long as she hasn’t move on, then there will be a chance. In your situation Bert, she’s moved on, you have to let it go. That should give you more than enough reasons that she have stopped loving you period. I know it is hard, but listening to your story made me realized that mine was not even close to yours. Thanks for sharing and it has helped me. I just wish you understand that your ex is no longer worth dieing over for. Hope it helps, and start talking to God. He’s there and He’s real.
i have a proplem that i couldnt solve so can you help me that
wats the problem?
Hey all….My husand after 8 years up and left w/ no explaination in Feb 2010….we had a great relationship..we never argued and got along great..everyone thought we were perfect for each other…I was so heartbroken..I still am some days…Its been six months and I still have my bad days…during this seperation we have remained friends…we work together so we see each other every day still…we talk and get along…we never made an attempt to work it out…i believe its stubborness on his end…i dated a little since and no luck…I did recently catch back up w/ my first love that i was w/ for 4 years before my husband…i tried not to allow myself to fall for him but i failed at that and I did and he isn’t interested in a relationship w/ any woman at this time…so im hurt b/c i was dum in letting myself fall for him again…no i feel really hurt like there is something wrong w/me and why i can’t seem to keep these guys happy…i would love to know when the heart ache ends…i hate this feeling and i hate feeling alone all the time…im not used to being alone…any advise
http://the100daysbreakup.blogspot.com/
I started this blog to chronicle the first 100 days of my breakup. I have no idea what to expect and how it will go. But I am sure there will be ups, downs, regrets, doubts and moments where I am down right mad. I have broken up, gone back, been disappointed and know there are millions of people who have done the same. Follow me through this process, add your thoughts, experiences and advice! One thing I do know is that it is time to move on for the 100th time ONCE AND FOR ALL
My guy and I have been seeing each other for 5 months, well would have been 5 months on the 21st of this month (yesterday)…I was taking these birth control pills and they made me feel crazy and I found out that I wasn’t the only woman who had taken this pill that had felt the same way. Anyways, we got into a fight cause I thought I was about to have a panic attack and I know it was the pills and I even told him the night before that something was wrong and I think its the birth control. Anyways, I started thinking erratically and during are disagreement he told me we would talk about it later and he needed a break from the convo. But I don’t know what came over me and I panicked and started asking him over and over if he wanted a break from us and at first he said no, then after the last time he yeah he needed a break. But I know I pushed him. So now he won’t talk to me at all. Mind you the pills made my blood pressure drop and I ended up in the hospital. I haven’t taken the pills in three days and starting to kind of feel like myself.
But I’m still VERY worried about our relationship. I tried emailing him info on the drug and showing him that I wasn’t the only one who has experienced these side effects. I don’t know what to do.
And I don’t know what he means by “taking a break from us”….
It may be really naive to say this but my..your first love must be Jesus Christ and he will lead you through any situation. If you pray about a relationship he will lead you and if its is not right he will take you out of it.That’s the Lord’s discipline.It is for our good.Then you will know the peace. I sympathise with all of you who have been wounded. sincerely .
@ Bert.
nothing that i will tell you would make you feel better.. that girl does not deserve your pain, in fact she doesn’t deserve any feeling from you.. i just promise you that i will pray for you because i know the suffering of a heartbreak..
God is good and He is waiting for you to call on to Him…
I hear you all…and i do understand…im going through my own hell..my heart is full of heartache….i never recovered…it started when i was a kid..my mother made me into this true romantic…told me to always tell the truth and never lie and never cheat on your girlfriend…I never did if i had a girlfriend…i really only had 3 girlfriends..sometimes it feels like none..im 31..been single my whole life mostly….most days and nights are so hard so slow..so filled with grief and pain and why and this should of happened and why did that happen..ive driven myself crazy..i fight to gain control of my head because i feel so deprived and lost..i feel like i was never appreciated it…im mixed black white native american and carribean..i also lost some of my hearing when i was 4 like 30 percent both ears..so growing up..girls would diss me and not even give me a chance…i went to an all black high school no black girls wanted me…..none…i had one girlfriend during my high school years..her mother was my God mother..i was her first..made sure she didnt get pregnant…she screwed around even tellin me she loved me..never sleeping with me again…got pregnant by another guy..saying she loved me..i forgave her like a dummy…she went away to college..u know the story…found somebody else down their again…she threw me away and i stood by her when she got pregnant..i didnt get nothing…guess what now she moved back up here…and lives near me now…boy i got no time growing up with her..and i did all the work in the relationship…..all of it…see how bitter i am…so after the last betrayal of her…i threatened to kill myself and ended up in the hospital..everybodys girlfriend their came to see them…nobody came to see me…i feel so cheated sometimes….so..after that since my ex got pregnant and i never was in a relationship..i didnt want a woman that has kids…i met my next ex online and she was asian….things were great finally..and i told her i didnt want a girl that has kids..she slept with me for weeks..and then woke up and said..Adrian i have a kid and i got raped when i was 14…even brought the kid over my house..we broke up..i couldnt trust her..then i saw her online 3 years later she said she had no kid..and that kid she brought over my house wasnt hers..and that she was testing me..deceiving me…man i was spinning in my head….crazy..then the last girl…she was also asian…she came over my house and didnt appreciate anything i did..we were supposed to be best friends too..she took over my parents refrigerator with her food..i took her everywhere…im from dc..i took her to nyc..did everything she asked then up nyc she started acting funny..sayin stuff like next time im comin back with my sisters…like she didnt even think of me or appreciate me…..now every girl i get…its like…i get the ones i dont like..and the ones that i like never like me..and its crazy because i do the same thing and treat them the same way..their not special yet you know..you gotta earn it…but they just throw me away and around….im so sick of this..i try to meet somebody knew…and i never do and then i dwell on the past of my last 3 ex’s..thats how bad this is..and im not bad looking i look like a skinny ll cool j…im going to school for radiology..its beens a long road..i just still feel so tired….its not even about sex..ive done what i wanted sexually..i just wanted a wife….no im like 31 and you been thru so much..its like not like in your 20′s where you feel so fresh and waiting…I feel like my prayers are not answered..ive prayed for ever….i go out..i dont wear my heart on my sleeve..i try to date other women, nothing is working out…im tired of doing my best and always recieving the worst..all i wanted was a chance…and i stood by girls who didnt even give me a real one..just lied….and i think is this it..what am i living for..im a guy thats never dogged anybody and everybody doggs me out…and i feel like shooting myself…i never will but it hurts that bad…..it hurts…i just want to feel appreciated, desires….like somebody really cares and loves me for me….but nope i get judgemental lousy, deceptive and crazy women, then theirs the friends who you stood by..male and female…through their wars…nobody stood by me through mine…..it just hurts..then i go out and everybodys into me..all the women look at me…ii dont even know who to talk 2…its just so hard…..God bless you all..and i hope God carrys each and every one of you through your valleys of Pain..i know that Trials and tribulations are created to help us and allows to appreicate the greatest moments yet to come…..
Good evening to all…I can’t even begin to describe how heart wrenching it is to sit and read through all the blogs…I guess the old saying “when u think u have it bad look around” really weighs true.I applaud each and everyone of you for keeping ur heads up and pushing through no matter what!love hurts…no,I take that back!love is NOT suppose to hurt!when 2 people join together they should be as one and complete the other,they should never make us cry,doubt ourselves,contemplate suicide,make us angry enough to hate,etc.I could go on for days!I love this blog spot,and I want to challenge everyone to keep pushing,please keep pushing!we’re all worthy and someone does care!
@laticia
Thanks for the encouragement. I ts good to know someone believes that all will end well. With the pain and all, it looks like it doesnt make sense but i know if everyone takes a step at a time and looks to the cross, we will all make it. Thats if we continue pushing.
@adrian
Do not give up. Your mom taught you to love unconditionally. Its a good think and it is very rare. Dont be resentful about it. I can assureyou that someone somewhere will one day thank God and adore your mom for teaching you to love. She will be overwhelmed with your love and she will give it back in the same measure. Dont give up. Its hard now but if you do not give up or rather if you determine in your heart not to give up, youl be glad one day that you made that decision. The right woman will come your way in Gods own time. you need to depend on Him and learn about Him and His love for you. It will give you an unfathomable picture of love. Dont give up. Trust in God and He will see you through
Thanks Omo…God bless you too..your right its all in Gods hands…for some reason i seem to always think in the back of my head something else is going on..something else right..its in Gods hands..cuz i know it will be alright…thank you
We all must be patient and wait on the lord!its all about Gods timing,not ours!I know when one is down and out and they feel as if they can’t go any further,just know that weeping is only for a night,joy comes in the morning!I hope and pray everyone of the bloggers has someone they can confide in and talk too,and yet blogging is still a good form of therapy as it allows u to express urself in a arena where everyone understands your pain!I just want everyone to be happy,altho I know that’s not possible sometimes in life!I too have my days,days where I struggle with the “unknowns”,the “uncertainties”,the “doubts”….its all life!these experiences are just setbacks that are setting us up for great comebacks!all of us have a breakthrough that’s awaiting us,we just have to have faith,and believe!at the end of the day,all some of us need is a “HUG”-i know there’s many days I could use one!!:)yal have a peaceful rest tonight,as peaceful as it can be!<3