How can I get over a heart ache?
How do you get over a heart ache? I know they say time heals all wounds but who needs time when you’re heart broken? How do you get over an ex- boyfriend when you have to face him practically everyday? It just hurts to see a love that was once there but is not there now. We used to be so close and now we’re practically like strangers.
Advice: How long were you and this guy going together? It is important to know that you are in a grieving process. Some people make closer attachments than others and these are harder to break off. It is also true that the more physically familiar you are to another, the harder it is to break off. I’m pretty sure that is the main reason why the Bible says not to have intercourse or heavy petting until you are married. I don’t know how close the two of you got, but it sounds as though you are now going through a difficult time.
Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
Do you want to start over?: Facing the future after a major loss
Dr. Ginger
Do you struggle with the deep darkness of depression and find yourself without hope? Talk to us.
I am going through these emotions even though my boyfriend and I are still together. He was married before and it was not happy, it ended terribly. Now he feels almost trapped with us living together. He has not been in a serious relationship for four years. He’s not sure that he can do this even though he says he loves me so much. I have not been married and still want that and kids. He has mentioned marriage. But I feel like we are going to end. He said he can try for a month and see what happens. I have not loved anybody like I do him. Please tell me there is hope for if or when it ends. My heart is already shattered.
To everyone on this post, i know what you are going through and it is the worst kind of pain there is. My ex-girlfriend and i dated for about 7 months. She goes to college about 2 hours away from mine. When she came home on breaks and when i go up to her school and visit her, we had the best time. We argued a lot for the past month, though. the 1st time we started dating, i was a complete douchebag. She dumped me.I swore to myself i would never be that way again. Eventually, after a long time of pleading, she took me back. Ever since then, i tried to be the best bf i could to her, and it made me feel good. I was so happy to get a 2nd chance; they don’t come often. It recently came to my attention, that she never really forgave me for the 1st time we dated, and said i would always make her angry because i could never take things seriously. This came as a total shock to me. Just 2 months ago, she said she never enjoyed being in a relationship so much, and wrote me the sweetest poem about how i was in her heart to stay. She also told me i made her feel the way nobody else has before. For the past month, we had been arguing nonstop. I just don’t get it because we were so good together. Especially in person, but we also loved talking to one another on the phone. I bought her expensive things not just to do it, but because it felt good to see her smile. I tried so hard, but she broke up with me because she said we were just too different. That i didn’t take what she took seriously, and that i just tried to make a joke of everything. I was in no way a jerk bf; i showed her whenever could how much she means to me. I just did not get it because we couldn’t stop smiling around each other, and always had intimate moments together, and she told me she loved talking to me on the phone. I know this girl, and i know she would never cheat on me, and shes different from all of my ex gfs; she means what she says. What should i do? i love her with all my heart and soul. I don’t want to let the love of my life just walk away. I have continuously fought for her, pouring my soul in the form of messages, texts, and phone calls, but all her responses are “I can’t be in a relationship with you.” She told me she “still has feelings for me, but not in the way that she should.” and that “she likes the idea of me.” What the heck does that mean? What do you do when you go to sleep with everything and wake up with nothing? She comes home for christmas break next week on friday. I was planning to ask her if i can see her. I have never felt this way about any girl before, nor have i made myself look like a creeper/obsessive person. What do i do!?!? Please help. Anyone.
@tweedy, Thanks for listening. At the end of your post you questioned that some couples do get back together to what ends? A committment that two people agreed and swore on each other that they will always be together till die do us part. I wonder if that even matters any more when people get marry in church. Why even bother saying “till die do us part?…” When clearly no one take those words seriously any more. You’re right, happiness is an emotion and being “in love” is also just an emotion. For me, true happiness is something as a person you stay committed to what you will accomplish in life, and damn it sure feels good sharing it with someone who is also committed as you. I really appreciate you for listening and reading the posts on here.
I too, is going through the hardest heartache I have had in my life. I just want to share what has worked to calm me for even a few hours and to make some sort of peace with myself — is thinking that that love is dead and I need to burry it. It’s helping me cope because the more I think of him, the more I analyzed the situation (the what “if”s, the regrets). I just want what I believe was the most amazing time in my life to be alive by burrying it with the scar that has left my heart. I hope that this can help someone. If anyone else has advice, I would gladly take it. Our mind is the most powerful thing. We must trick it to heal – to build new neurons/connections of positive thoughts in hopes of moving on.
TMT301 above said:
“I will pray for you, and hope the best for you. Do NOT try to do anything to hurt yourself. It WILL NOT bring him back. People change, and many people don’t change for the good. Love was supposed to be created as a committment. Today’s era people no longer believe in that. No one likes to struggle… Relationship is a continous battle. It’s not how you let go, it’s how you hold on. And no one said life was easy, but they promised it’ll be worthwhile as long as you hang on and “GROW” from it.”
I thought all of that was very good, but particularly the bit about love being committment. I think the saddest thing of all is how uncommitted people are to their relationships. Rather, they’d chase mythical ‘happiness’. Its not an easy topic to get your head around, but happiness to me is a rather elusive emotion, best achieved by surrendering to life. I think all major religions point this out in their own way.
However, it’s not easy to get your partner to not fall for all mod cons and believing there’s maybe something better out there. The hurt and misery such an approach involves is endless, and frequently couples get back together after months or even years apart. To what end?
@Confussed, reading your situation make me deeply sad for you. It broke my heart. I am a guy, and I understand part of his feelings for you. He has done extreme things to hurt you such as being with another woman while he’s with you. He clearly doesn’t understand what the word “love” is. He’s not seeing what you’re seeing in commitment. The truth is that most people will change when it is time for them to do so. No human-being can change another human. People will change on their own will. And yes, most of the time it takes a slap in the face and everything is falling apart for people to change. Changing isn’t the only factor to make relationship work. It’s “growing” up and making the changes necessary for things to work. From my undersanding, he’s going through counseling and putting in all the efforts in the past 6 months correct? It takes a lot for a person to accept his guilt and make the effort to improve. I’ve done it, and I’m happy I have. You don’t believe a person can change over night? The truth is people can, it just takes a lot in them to do so. You’re feeling the way you are is because you probably truly love him. You are committed, and possibly you do not want to give it up, but the pain you are experiencing is too much. Speak to God, and give it a little more time to see the commitment he have. It’ll probably be much more clear to you, and maybe you can make your decision by then. I wish my lady give me one last chance. All I asked was for one last chance, and if it didn’t work I would of walked out without any regrets nor blaming it on anyone but myself. And I know this last chance I would make it work 100%, but unfortunately her emotions took over. The pain I caused her was too much that she was unable to accept. I’ve been away from my girl for nearly 7 months. My case was different than yours. I don’t believe in cheating nor any extreme abuse. Never done it, and never will. I hope the best for you and do not lose faith!
i am going thru a separtaion after being married 16 yrs, we have 2 children together!in our marriage we have experience a still born and 3 miscarriages so when i got preg with my son it was high risk and hard. 3 yrs after he was born i got preg with my daughter and he turn to a girl he meet on the internet. he left me 3mths preg. and was mean to me told me he didnt love me. i prayed everyday that lord would bring him back to me so we could be a family, my friend told me be careful what you pray for it may not be actually what you want. well i now know what she meant. when my daughter was 8mths old he called on a sunday morning and wanted to come back. well i let him and we never discussed how he hurt me, abandoned me and the kids for another woman. well within 2mths of him coming back he started doing something he had never did before calling me names,he would say i was fat and when we argued he would call me cuss words that beat me down. well i have lived like this for the last 9years until may when the finally argument he told me he was done (and i was the b word) and he wanted a divorce. well i felt like a weight was lifted off me and i held him to it! well within a month of him moving out he decided he wanted me and the marriage and started doing everything i had ask him to do the last 9yrs like wearing his wedding band, going to consueling, going to church and even went to the therapist and was diagnosed with anger issues. the doctor put him on 1500 mg of depokate a day and he says it is helping. however, because i know how he is people dont change over night. i felt like he was doing all this just to get me to take him back. for the last 4mths he has done nothing but try to convince me to take him back and how he is doing things to make it better now. its like he forgets what he put me thur, he took who i was away from me and i let him. he took my self esteem and made me feel like i was never good enough. i also harbored the fact i never forgave him for what he did 9yrs ago leaving me preg. with a 3 yr old at home for woman he meet on the internet. so iam guilty of not forgiving him like i should have. well i began to date a guy that makes me smile, makes me feel good and help lift me up, however, his lifestyle is differnt that mine and we would not survive in each others world. i have strong feelings for him, however, in the last month anytime i would live my ex’s house from dropping off the kids and he is so nice to me, i cry all the way home. when i talk about our marriage or even think about it i cry. i have ended it with the guy i was seeing and i broke his heart and mine is hurting as well. i have told my ex all i had to give him right now is a friendship and i would go with him to consueling as a friend and a parent! i have been running from my emotions for the last 6mths and now im crashing. i dont know if the reason i cry when im talking or thinking about my hubby is because i still love him and want my marriage or if it is all the hurt he gave me. now he is being nice and doing everything perfect is almost like a smack in the face cause he didnt try when it mattered. he didnt try when he was beating me down! i have prayed and prayed for god to give me peace, for god to show me his will! so far all i have is confussing, i feel like my head is spinning. the guy i started seeing completed me except his life style he liked to drink alot and i will not accepted that and i will not ask him to change. my hubby is now wanting to give me the world he wants to make up for everything he has done. but i told him he cant make it up just be a better person. can someone tell me what all the emotions im feeling is? we have been separted 6mths shouldnt i know what i want? please help.
hey i feel so heart broken of all the pain i have experienced
this is the worst it hurts like no other
I went out with a boy who,s gf cheated on him n broke up with hm he was single for 7 months but was trying 2 get her back n was still in contact with her then he met me we had a connection we started gong out we became physical n i lost my viginity to him ,2 months later he broke off with me n got back with his ex…now i see them together n my heart aches i feel so used n i just cant get over it i dont know what to do
After 3 years are relationship begin to take a turn for the worse. I know now more than anything that he just was not meant for me and that it is best that it is best this way, but it just hurts knowing this. It is just eating me inside. How do I let go of the pain? How do I move on knowing that my time will come one day? It is hard but I know its better off this way.
Its a strange thought, that there are so many of you feeling what I am feeling at the exact same time. I believed (foolishly?) that this relationship was it for me. It couldnt be improved on, I was so deeply, deeply in love with him I threw myself into the relationship without a thought of it ending. It’s so painful to know that the life we made together and our incredible friendship will soon fade into a ‘phase’ in my life. The break up was beyond both of our control, and trust me we tried.
I can’t believe how physical the pain is. I feel like a hollow, sick and inverted version of my former self, no pride, no dignity and no hope for whats to come.
I’m scared that nobody will ever understand or love me like he did.
@Purple, “It’s just really painful when someone leaves you suddenly and just moves on with his life as if nothing happened… “I know exactly how that is. It’s more than just your heart ripped out of your chest and being tossed against the wall. Your first paragraph is exactly how I still feel, and I cannot erase it no matter how much I try. It hurt so much knowing the fact you put in 100% trust into another human-being, taking many years to accomplish happiness with this person, and for what? For it to be taken away in one night. That’s the ache I’m going through. I still cannot understand how it happened, what happened, and why did it happened? “Why me?” Is the same mental note that goes through my head every single day I wake up? You are a strong person to allow yourself to go through multiple heartaches. I am sure I will NEVER allow this to happen to me again. One time is more than enough for any human to endure such cruel pain. It’s way too much, and I wish this pain just end (I know it’ll always going to be there no matter where I go in life it’ll be a part of me for the rest of my living life).
@Pattie, “I am tired of “being strong” and just want to get over this soon. I am clinging to my faith and know the Lord in rocking me in His embrace. This is what is helping me get through it all. Just the “knowing” that I know He will not let me down and won’t give me more than I can bear.” I am too clinging to my faith, and at times I’m losing it. Still I hang in and will not let go because I know God is watching over me. A friend of mine told me that God will forgive a person as many time as it takes for him or her to understand His way. No matter how many times you mess up, He’s there watching us and He is the only one that can understand us fully. He’ll give us what we want when it’s time. “It’s how you hold on, not how you let go. No one ever said relationship was going to be easy, but they promised it’ll be worthwhile.” Only if the people that break our hearts understand this. It sucks, and I can’t feel any emotions anymore I’m so out of it that I don’t see my future anymore. I live my life now day by day. Whatever happens I’ll deal with it as it come. No more possibility thinking. Everything is a huge blur, and if God decide for me to go at this very moment, I’ll smile and say thank you. No more fighting to live (enough is enough, this pain already drained my living soul). I’m pretty sure you “feel” this way at times. What I’m saying is I don’t just feel it, but I’m living with it every day. It’s no longer an emotion, but it is what it is. I agreed what you said about the fact that relationships need God to involve. Without Him there is no hope and faith. I too did not try that, and now I’m doing it alone. I reached out for Him, and it has changed me completely. It’s a huge plus; everyone who’s having difficulty with their relationship should try it.
@Tracey, I’m sorry to hear your man have done such a stupid thing. I cannot believe you allowed yourself 4 times heartaches. And now you have a child to care. I’m not sure if you believe in this or not, but he’ll repeat that disgusting route of his. Not just to you, but he’s going to continue to do this to other women out there until karma catches up to him. I know it’s wrong to think badly of people, but it is what it is. It’s all fun and game until it back fires on him, and who is he going to blame?
@Aileen, My mom is going through this with my older sister who’s 30 years old. My mother talks to me a lot about why my sister do the things she does to her. It breaks her heart, and she literally cries to me all the time. I cannot explain the pain, but I’m her son sitting there watching my mother cry, and the worst part is I cannot do anything about it. I remembered a few years ago I blamed my mother for the things my sister has caused her. Now, I understand why my mother do the things she has done for her children. When I had my heart broken 6-7 months ago (still in so much pain), I started to see reality and understand why my mother do the things she has done for my sister. She has given my sister everything, but still my sister just hurt her continuously. I tried talking to my sister separately, but nothing was going to change her. Even giving birth to her new born baby did not change her one bit. It’s devastating, and it’s true that no human can change another person. People have to change on their own will.
I will be praying for everyone here who’s hurting. I know how it is, and I know my love meant commitment. It wasn’t lust and definitely it wasn’t a temporary emotion. What I meant when I said I love her was “forever…” Now my promises don’t mean nothing and the end is disgusting because I can still hear her saying “I don’t love you any more…….”
I have been through heartaches before. It is just recently that the pain is so much hard to ignore. And I started really looking deeper into myself.. I wish I could rewind the pain that I felt previously so I can convince myself that the pain I am feeling now is just small compared to the ones I’ve had before. It’s just really painful when someone leaves you suddenly and just moves on with his life as if nothing happened. When you are here, all alone, blaming yourself..feeling so low and regretting all the things that happened. Your mind always remembers the situations and you keep asking yourself, was it because of that..maybe if I have been like this and like that things will be different now.. and he is still here.. You cannot stop thinking what could have been.. And it really kills you inside..I told him once.. “Hold my hand, I will jump in with you.. I have a tremendous fear of heights”.. He said.. “Be secure, I am here”.. And that was all I needed…. So I jumped!…. But then he let go of my hand.. As I was falling, he said ” I’m sorry I realised I’m not ready to jump in yet and you are not worth the fall! But thank you anyway!” What could be more painful than that?
Love is so much more than good feelings.. We cannot really protect ourselves from heartaches.. The reality is life happens.. we can’t always make sense of everything.. just being able to experience love is a miracle and it shouldn’t give us fear of loosing ourselves.. it should give us strength to hope, dream and act.. because no matter how many times we loose ourselves from love.. we can always get back to our knees, stand up, hold our head high as we know we are one lifetime smarter and stronger than before..
DEAR TRACEY:
I just wanted you to know that I too feel the same way; with no family support or someone to say it’s OK. I keep telling myself this too shall pass…and I KNOW it will.
I am tired of “being strong” and just want to get over this soon. I am clinging to my faith and know the Lord in rocking me in His embrace. This is what is helping me get through it all. Just the “knowing” that I know He will not let me down and won’t give me more than I can bear.
You are in my prayers and please know that you are not alone. Believe and hold your baby boy who needs you more and find comfort in his love back for you…he is more important…keep telling yourself that and have faith, always!
That would be great Leah..Is it true what my son said.??.about being stabbed by a pencil over and over..It shouldn’t bother me ..it does..still..even after all these yrs. Makes me think something is really wrong with me.So frustrating.
I’ve had my heart broken 4 times, each time the pain gets harder. Just now though I’m awake at 2 am in the morning and the pain in so intense! I was married for 20 years but that ended almost 3 years ago. I recently met a guy who I fell for. To be honest i was fond of him but not in love with him. Only on Sunday I found out he had been cheating on me and although that was bad enough he has cut me off. It hurts to know that he just walked out of my life and is sleeping with somebody else I feel so much pain and I’m so weak.
I can’t see a future. I have my lovely boy yo take care of and I’m on my own with no family support. No one to say it’s ok
I’m devestated.
Tracey x
It’s been one month since me first love and I stopped talking. He simply lost interest. I have never been so devastated in my life and every thought or memory of him seems to slam me in the chest…seeing a car like his, hearing a song he would have liked, just thinking of him rips me apart because he made me feel happier than id ever felt before. I love him with all of my heart and he talked of marriage, kids, said i was more than what he’d ever imagined. But he fell off…and i need my heart to mend…
Hi Aileen
I can’t beginning to understand what you are feeling but my heart hurts for you. My suggestion is that you talk to someone, we have free, confidential mentoring and if you want a mentor please let me know and I will connect you.
Leah
tin-tin, I feel for you in this situation. If he didn’t choose to be with you even though you had his child, you need to let him go. He also seems to have a pattern where he doesn’t stay true to anyone. See this as a red flag and make a decision to no longer cling to him. I hope you can free your heart sooner than later. Power to Change has a huge network of people who will pray for you. If you are interested, you can submit a prayer here.
Tell me this…How do you get over and pass heartache when it is brought to you by a child?My daughter is 33 and bullies me to no end..Her behavior has destroyed my relationship with my oldest grand-daughter who is now 14 and since a few months ago is allowed to talk to me like her mother does? I have nothing to do with her,my daughter or 14yr old grand-daughter and if I do open up..she is quick to hurl ugly comments and remarks , if I do something she doesn’t like..like not having my 4 yr.old grand-daughter stay the night when she’s running a fever..I caught h___ for that.Her dad and I divorced when she was eight..It was to say the least, a hard next 10/13 yrs..Single with 3 young children to raise,no help..Ive had her in counseling twice as she grew up…I’ve help her with everything I could do when she’s lost her job with food and clothes for girls to getting her a bank loan when the youngest baby’s daddy left the and baby was not even 1yrs old, to help her get on her feet.She now doesnt make the payments anymore..only the first few months, that was in 07.and I lost my job in May…My daughter Ive been told doesn’t like me..yet she took and took and took..and now her oldest is following her in the verbal abuse she throws.I have 2 grown sons who are so burnt out by her and her behavior..they say it won’t change anything if they check her..Been there..done that.Yet they have a decent relationship even tho my daughter has hurled terrible comment to the one sons wife.They get over it and move on..My other son isn’t really envoled with her that much outside of holidays..So now I need to find away to not let her daggers of hate pierce me..It has been going on for so long and I don’t even want to go to Holidays anymore…just because she’s there and now my oldest grand-daughter.I’m so tired..I need to get counseling on this issue cuz it disrupts my whole day with her words..I’m so frustrated I want to scream….She’s nothing but an abusive bully who delights in messing with me..today her new husband of 3 months asked me by text,haven’t heard from him in 6 weeks,if I wanted a bbq I gave her yrs ago after winning it at my work..I had no where to put it..I said yes as its a $300.00 bbq. He had gotten a new one for his b-day that everyone but me was invited to.He said he would clean it up and bring it over..My daughter started texting me telling me I had to pick it up or she would be getting rid of it, knowing I had no way to get it..I told her if she couldn’t be nice..don’t text me..She than said..I’m not giving you than nothing at all! I’m at my wits end….Don’t want to see any one in that family but my 2 youngest grand-daughters..The 12 yr old was talking smack also and came to me sincerly sorry for her behavior and told me she wanted a relationship with me.. .My son doesn’t understand why it bothers me so much after all this time..getting stabbed with a pencil over and over he said..you shouldn’t feel it anymore…I need help…Avoidance is all I got and letting my heart turn hard.
Im looking forward to what you say. may you’re right the guy i love wasnt mine, he is married but even i know hes situation i continue to love him and have child with him. In six years i continue to fight what i felt for him but lately i discovered that he has another girl again. its hurt me so much and i still love him. I know what to do the right way but i feel that i cant.. Please pray with me to have strength to face my situation… i really need help.
Wes: We were together 3 years and he was something like you too. I know he loves me and I still love him very much, but his problems got in the way and hurt me very much. I did everything I could to help him and be there for him, and did everything a woman is supposed to do for the man she loves; but, he continued and then there were the lies and denial and it did NOT get any better. I cannot not tell you the many times that we fought and separated and I forgave him and attempted to start over anew. I know it killed him when I left him, but I could not take it any more, and faced the reality that there was no future or happiness with him this way. This was NOT what I wanted to do, but I needed some peace of mind and feel I deserve better. Not a day passes that I don’t think of him and still want to be with him. The pain is unbearable at times, but somehow I make through each day. I thought with time and prayer I would get better, but it hasn’t. I now believe, we didn’t try God and I believe this is the reason why we are the way we are. We didn’t give God the chance to enter our lives and help us get through this. Why is it that we forget God when we need him the most? We need Him ALWAYS in our lives. Thank you for sharing. Writing this has made me feel much better. Please pray for me, as I will pray for you also.
Fariishta, Power to Change is a family site and therefore want our content to reflect family values. We do not allow profanity or inappropriate wording. You will see that we had to remove some parts of your post based on our regulations. Please remember this when commenting in the future.
@jetaime do you want to be my friend. i want someone to walk by me too. r u male or female
Heart ache? I’ve that before and I’ve never had a kiss, date or sex from a female. One could have a heart ache just for having a crush on someone and not getting anything back in return. When you’re having a heart ache, how does it feel? Do you only felt it in your heart only? or the pains also goes around in your arm or sometimes in both arms, or in your legs, sometimes it’s runs around in different places in less then a few seconds time. How about that even sharper pain in your glans, like half pinching at the tip top of your glans, the pain could be moderate or rather painful at the glans … lol! I tried my best to make it happen to my enitre body all at once; in my four limbs, heart and glans all the same time, but it’s hard to make them most hurtful all at once at the same time! Gloomy Sunday wasn’t even that gloomy? :)
Here’s what I told a girl who asked how to get over losing her virginity on a lolita sewing forum:
Hey, I’m 14 too but I’m still a virgin. I think that you should kind of realize that the whole thing was a ball of drama. It sounds like it was a big deal, so it was a big, gigantic storm of drama. It was a lot of emotions and you having sex for the first in, hopefully and most probably, many good and bad times. Of course I hope it’s mostly good haha ;) … so I would indulge in my guilty pleasures a little, I love to watch shows I know are idiotic, and read “worst date” and “worst craigslist ads” kinds of things online and gossip a little and, of course, eat chocolate I buy for myself XD I’d text my other friends because when something like that happens, it feels like someone important in your life isn’t really supporting you anymore and it can even make you appreciate the funny and sweet things your best friends say. You’re not a virgin because someone put something in your [comment redacted] and so what, you’re not a [beep] virgin, but you don’t have to be afraid of your first time anymore. If he wasn’t good, you’ll have plenty of chances to get better sex later and you know you will. Play your favorite music loud [even if it's just in headphones] and think about all the good things in yourself. Wear whatever you want. Allow yourself to be surrounded by things you might normally deny yourself. So what, you’re not a virgin – trust me, there’s something unbelievably amazing about you. If you don’t know what it is, act like there is anyway. This has made you feel sad, but you’ll have to get over it and, yes, it is worth getting over.
Oh how my heart bleeds for you all. I too, am hurting. After almost 4 years together…she left last Novemeber 2 days before a planned trip to my parents home for Thanksgiving. I was, and still am devastated. To make matters worse for me, just married on October 16, 2010. 11 days ago. I had never given up hope she would return. She was my reason for living. I have realized now that she is married…it is a sin for me to covet her, another man’s wife. I am so guilt ridden over my feelings for her. She was good to me and I let her down. Being a firefighter I hurt my back, and became addicted to pain meds. It was a nightmare for us both. I’m off them now, but it was just too much for her. She truly loved me. I was never abusive to her, and she knows how much I loved her. I don’t blame her, and I’m trying to be happy for her and her new ‘husband’.Emotional attatchment is strong, and when it is gone it is truly painful. Turn to God, try not to blame yourself too much, and do better next time. Its not easy, but it can be done. I know the pain…not a second has passed in the last 11 months I don’t think of her. Prayer and Fasting, is what is getting me through. Stay strong people, God loves us, and abstain from sex till after marriage…the relationship is more likely to last. Peace to all broken hearts tonight…your not alone…:)
@Marnie, It hurts huh?… For me it’s 9.5 years being together, and we never broke up once till 6 months ago. All I can say is hang in because everyone here who posted are hanging in. Just remember you’re not alone. Yes, stay strong, lift your head high, and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. I hate emotions, I hate love, and I hate myself. I know you’re “feeling” the way you are now. You’re forced to do something you do not want to. It’s VERY DAMN painful!…. sigh… It’s best to let the emotions go, and believe in actuality/reality. I know we’re human, and we have emotions. I’m practicing every day to NOT allow emotions take the best of me. Eventually, you can control it. You’re right about people have no value for others feelings, they are selfish, and not a lot of people don’t understand this pain. It was interesting how you brought up about fighting demons within us. You are correct! We all have a demon in us. It can be anything, but to overcome it, it sure does take a lot of effort and massive pain. It hurts. It’s not a movie or a fairy tale. When you defeat that demon you feel relief, but in the process of doing so it hurts so much doesn’t it? Mine was my short temper, anger, and being offended over the stupidest things. I seeked help, and I’m so glad I have. I hope the best for you, and that your man see’s the light. That something is so important is standing in front of him.
When reading these comments, ive been brought to tears. I was in a relationship with him for almost 2 years, we were best friends, spent everyday together, ive never been so close to a person in my life, and never been so loved, felt so fulfilled. Then one day, last fall, he left me out of the blue, said the most painful things, and didn’t acknowledge me for a month after. I have never been in such pain for so long, in the beginning i almost went crazy, i wanted to commit suicide everyday, every time i awoke after nightmares of him, and the feelings that follow me throughout the day flood back into me. It was so much more than hell. I have few friends, so i didnt have many people to talk to, it was just me alone. Its been a year and im the same, its easier to get through the day, but my thoughts are just as, if not darker, my heart still aches so deep for him, the pain changed me entirely. I never understood what a broken heart meant until it consumed me and ruled my life. I never knew how horrible romantic rejection could be, why must it be so unending?
3 weeks ago after being with my man for nearly 7years, he just left me.We had a row on the sunday , he went to stay over at his friends, then the following day when i came home i thought he would be home aswell. But to great me on the doormat was his key, he had been and taken all his belongings when i was at work.My life blood drained out me, i was stunned, i thought he was happy , seems not.He now says he’s fine, but me my every waking moment is filled with him in my head, i feel like a zombie, it is the most cruel of pains to put another human being through. The worst thing is he has done it to me last year, and i had him back. He understood how much he had broken me, yet he still has done it again.I know i will be much better off without him ,but getting to the point when i believe is the hardest pain anyone can bear.My heart yearns for a man who has put me through a living nightmare. WHY ! God alone knows.Some people have no value for others feelings, they are selfish , and have no understanding of pain.I feel sorry for him really, because i know in time i will mend , he has a life time to feel guilty, my only consolation is that any man has to deal with his own conscionse.He may think he’s happy but he’s not.We all have to face our demons.So to all of you who are ploughing through heartbreak , stay strong, there will be light at the end of the tunnel for you all.Good luck
I know that God is here with me, and loved me.. I know what He really wanted for all of us is to have a Good life and to learn the lessons of life. I know, that this is just my life trials as a person, that will make me a better person and be strong to all life trials, frustration and everything that comes along my way in the near future.. I’m just hoping that there is someone to walk here beside me and be my friend to walk with me and help me get thru out of this pain..
I’m glad that someone here is understanding my true feelings, and there is someone I could really share what I really feel inside, the pain that is killing me everyday.. I just need someone to accompany me on my everyday struggles, someone that can understand the same way too.. Thanks
thanks for the advice.. in know that there are five stages of hurt in the healing process: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance.maybe i was just stuck in the fourth stage that’s why i can’t move on w/ my ex..i think this time will be the good time for me to move on to the next and last stage..i’ll just need to accept the fact that we can’t get all the things we want in life and both of us will be happy in the arms of other person.
@pretty25, This is only my perspective and opinion so I hope you don’t get offended. I read how you stated you love your ex, but not “in love” with your current boyfriend. Do you know what’s the difference of “in love” and “love” are? This is my experience through all the years I have with ONE person. Yes, I don’t need to date 100 people to see who I fit (if you are dating that many people, you might as well be a whore this goes for both men and women). “In love” is a moment when you see this person you get the butterfly and cloud 9. That’s an EMOTION, which come and go. As for “love” it’s a long term commitment. If you are only “in love” then you are cheating yourself and your spouse. “Love” is what a true relationship looks for. You fight and struggle through battles to hang on. “In love” you only feel it when that person do something nice for you. So if you are happy today you love him, if you are unhappy tomorrow you hate him, and when you are not satisfy you leave/abandon him? To me that is an emotion… I choose “love” over “in love.” Because when you truly love someone all the butterfly, roses, and cloud 9 feelings will come and go in between, but you can ALWAYS depend on your spouse when you need him/her most. Still standing here for near 6 months now I still love my ex as much as yesterday. Like I have mentioned to many people. When I love her I love her deeply, and when I gave her my heart I gave it to her completely. I’m just saying… make sure that when you love someone use your heart, not your emotions. Good luck and I really hope the best for you.
@Jetaime, I totally understand your feelings. Your case is much worst than mine. But the grieving is the same. It hurts, it eats you up, and leave you empty. I trusted my lady 110%. Everything I had build up till now has completely wiped up in one night. Still standing here empty and not sure what the hell happened. From what I have learn, it wasn’t her that left me that caused so much pain, but it was the lies and betrayal. The principle of them stating they will always be with us forever. Then years down the line (one year gone bad out of 10) s/he just had a change of heart? I thought love was a commitment (I had that tattoo in my head and heart). I am so sorry that you are going through this. To me (I’m a guy), cheating is the WORST of them all! I don’t tolerate cheating.
If you need my opinion from a guy perspective, I hope I can give you more feed back, but if it helps you can email me at tmt301@gmail.com. From the surface I do not look like I’m in pain and I do pretend it quite a bit. Trust me, it hurts and it still does. I don’t even have the will to date another person nor trust another person. I truly don’t have the will to live either, but I’m done attempting suicides. If death come naturally, I will accept it with a smile. Call me selfish, call me names, but it is a fact. And yes people dislike facts.
I was actually looking for something that will ease the pain in my heart.. I was actually in hell, and living with it everyday, my husband cheated on me for almost 1 yr. we have 2 kids and I know that he loved his kids.. The hardest part of what he done, is he got the other girl pregnant. We didn’t see each other everyday, since he work far from our home, and he just @ home every weekends. I gave my 100% trust to him when he was not around, I love him so much, but he ended up, doing this things to me.. I take care of everything, food, take care of the kids and work at home. I felt it was over when I found out, but still I forgave him.. But everyday, my memories, pictures of him with the other girl, is killing me.. its killing me so much.. i’m actually & really in hell..
When I’ve seen this site and the posts, I feel that I am not alone, grieving, in pain, and someone also understand my feelings..
@TmT301 – when I read your post, I almost cried, since, I really feel the same way too.. I almost wanted to kill myself, just to be FREE from this pain.. but I know, that it was wrong.. and I have kids that needs me..
It was really hard for me, and I’m struggling everyday, I just need to live everyday, for the kids, they were only my inspiration.. Living on earth was really hard, and those kind of people doing bad things to the person they love was really bad.. They didn’t know what they are giving to the person that they hurt. they didn’t know that the cause of it might be a big impact to that person, or even to the people surrounding them..
@TmT301, you are right for telling that “Relationship is a continous battle. It’s not how you let go, it’s how you hold on. And no one said life was easy, but they promised it’ll be worthwhile as long as you hang on and “GROW” from it.
I’m just hoping that the same person, that you almost invested your life, will act, think, be matured enough to hold on and to live in this life with love for the person that really matters, and giving his/her life in a sense of having a better future and having an endless love forever.. I just realize that fairy tales and happy ending was already out of this world by now.. I hope and I failed…
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how can i moved on to my ex when i still know the fact that i’m still in love with him even if i have a boyfriend and he have a girlfriend..we kept telling one another that maybe we’re just not meant to be but he still keep on telling me that he wants to date me and be comfortable w/him..we broke up 1 year ago, but time to time we had communication..last Saturday we met up and go to his friends house party, and there he told me that he will settle to his new girlfriend and maybe get married someday but his gesture and actions shows that he still likes me..we end up to the conversation of our break up and thinking that maybe we are still together if we don’t do this thing etc etc..at the end of the day we hug and kissed as if it was the last but honestly i wished that time would stop right at that moment..but i can’t set aside that my boyfriend now is to good to be true that he loves me so much but i can’t lie to my self that i still love my ex..i love my boyfriend but i’m not in love w/him…
how can i moved on to my ex when i still know the fact that i’m still in love with him even if i have a boyfriend and he have a girlfriend..we kept telling one another that maybe we’re just not meant to be but he still keep on telling me that he wants to date me and be comfortable w/him..he told me that he will settle to his new girlfriend but still his gesture and actions shows that he still likes me..but i can’t set aside that my boyfriend now is to good to be true that he loves me so much but i can’t lie to my self that i still love my ex..please help me..=(
I have been seeing this guy for only 2 months and we just broke up yesterday. I really liked him and even gave him a key to my house come to find out he stood me up one night to go over another girl’s house. My heart sank when i found out because i got really attached in the short time we been dating.And to top it off i saw him talking to another girl right infront of my house. I feel so low and worthless i have to take sleeping pills to sleep at night.I’ve fallin and i feel like i will never get up i don’t know where to go from here.
Dear Max and Lulu,
I am so sorry you guys are going through this. We often don’t know why we have to go through heartache but I think what Lulu said was wise, pray for peace. God is the only one who knows what you are going through, his heart bleeds with yours, he cries with you as you cry and he wants to be your comfort. I recommend a mentor who will help you walk through this journey, it is free and confidential and I know that it will be a relief to talk to someone. Please let me know if you would like a mentor and I will get you connected.
Life is tough. I have my share of emotional rollercoasters. But through it all, I pray for PEACE. Every time, I wake up in a panic, or I feel pain and hurt. I cry out to God to please replace it with PEACE. It works, although it takes a while, his PEACE, covers me in that moment. God is truly our Father and wants what is best for us. Ask for this PEACE and for his way in your life. I am speaking to you from a place of pain, but I know what works, a relationship with God and his will in my life. I hope this helps you.
I am in a very similar situation, and right now the only things that are making me feel better are the comments on this site. I’ve never been more in love or felt closer to anyone, and I have no idea how to deal with the profound pain of knowing that she doesn’t want to be with me. My heart hurts all the time. I’m anxious and constantly on the edge of panic. Similar to other comments on this post, I’m in a situation where I have to see her every day. I have to bear witness to the fact that she is happy and vibrant without me, and I feel so insulted, so worthless, so heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I already feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and to see her so happy seems especially cruel. All I wanted was to be with her and to share my life with her, and the pain of that loss is so raw, so hurtful. I hardly know how to breathe.
I am goin thru the same thing as well. Our relationship lasted 4 yrs. We had so much in common, we shared everything. He left me 5 1/2 months ago and its still difficult not to think of him. There was a time that I couldnt sleep or eat and even thought of suicide just to make the pain go away. Then one day I watched something on TV. “To give and to show compassion to others”…it helped me realize that some ppl or way worse off then me. I have my life, I have my health and I have friends and family who love me. It took time to sink in, it still hurts to think about him an how it ended but everything happens for a reason.
It will get better, it just takes time…
i have been tryin to find a website or chat room that i can bookmark to my fone so i can talk with ppl with the same problem. It takes forever to get here on my fone cuz i have to keep reloadin. If anyone has any suggestions plz email me at georgie_girl921@yahoo.com. I dont have anyone to talk to n i kno that cryin about an ex can be very depressing to someone who doesnt understand. Anyway just plz email me if anyone has any suggestions. And ty to the one who said they wud pray for me. I did get to read what u wrote and it helpd but also makes me sad knowin that u still hurt too…its only been 2 weeks for me n its UNBEARABLE. U r so strong n i hope it goes well for me too. I will continue praying n i will keep u in my prayers too. Thanks
@haley
I understand your pain. I’ve gone without my lady for over 5 months already and still I haven’t gotten any better. (I’ve been with this girl for 9.5 years we were engaged too) People say time will heal, but I honestly think that’s just a metaphor. It hasn’t heal me one bit, BUT instead of locking myself in the room and thinking of killing myself. I went to the gym, and hasn’t stop since then. I have been going for 4 months straight. About 5 to 6 times a week. It releases a lot of stress and clears your mindset.
It is the HARDEST thing to get through. I agree with a lot of people on here that heartache is the cruelist pain of all. At times I feel like giving up, and at times I just wish I disappear. I did attempt to kill myself the first month, but I failed. Since then I realized I was wrong and stupid. To be honest, you know what’s right and wrong, but the mind and pain takes over at times. I still feel it today. I haven’t gotten any better, but I am hanging in and doing all I can to stay alive. Just continue thriving yourself. I’m pushing the pain back inside, and as time continue to pass you WILL GROW! You will grow and change your perspective of life and people in general. You’ll get there, and yes you will continue to ask “why is this happening to me?.. what have I done wrong?..” The answer is there, but still you will not accept it. I still haven’t either.
I started going to church, read books about problems I was dealing with, and I have grown up in these pass few months more than I have in 10 years. You will be surprise. Just make sure NOT to sit around because it will kill you. It will reach the surface and eat you alive. You will get sleepless nights. I haven’t slept much. Getting use to it, but it’s not the end of the world. Don’t let anyone tell you to go out and have fun when you’re not ready. ONLY DO IT WHEN YOU ARE READY! I have attempted to go out to the bar, birthday party, and other events, but it just kills me inside. If you’re the type that can careless, then be my guess to do whatever works. Just letting you know if you love this guy as you stated. Committed as you are… Hang in, and believe in God. If you have done your part, then it’s time to let him go and allow God to do His part. Put your matters into God’s hands and DO NOT lose faith and hope. It may sound weird right now, but it’ll make sense down the road.
I will pray for you, and hope the best for you. Do NOT try to do anything to hurt yourself. It WILL NOT bring him back. People change, and many people don’t change for the good. Love was supposed to be created as a committment. Today’s era people no longer believe in that. No one likes to struggle… Relationship is a continous battle. It’s not how you let go, it’s how you hold on. And no one said life was easy, but they promised it’ll be worthwhile as long as you hang on and “GROW” from it.
i am goin thru the same thing rite now. I was n a relationship for 6 yrs. N he just left me 2 weeks ago. I cant eat i cant sleep i force myself to go to work. I cry constantly. I miss him so much n feel like i cannot live without him. This is the worse pain ever n can see y ppl commit suicide just to make the pain go away. I cud never do that but i am so tired of hurtin. I kno im better off without him n knowin he is goin on with his life n happy is hurtin me worse. N i hate that i cant do that. I dont want to leave my house. I want to stay n the bed til im over him. I have no friends to hang out with so if anyone has any advice plz help.
there’s no easy way to say this, but i’m going through hell. my girlfriend just left me for her ex-boyfriend, and she was with me at the same time while being with him, and she smiled and lied to me all along. i developed a huge attachement towards this girl. now i feel like a worthless piece of trash; like i’ve been taken for granted and used. i had my ups and downs while being with her (getting depressed) because i knew that something was going on, but refused to believe it. from what i hear, she does that to people. she considers herslef a liberal-left-winged-bohemian hippie,but she’s just coming across as fake. she’s a street juggler, and now thinks she’s the greatest because she’s doing private parties as a clown. yeah, i know, it sounds silly, but i can’t get over her no matter how much i try. i even took the decision to off myself, because i felt like proposing to her and then she left me. i never got around to that part. i don’t know what to do. i feel like some activity might help, but i can’t get around to that either. the emotions are overwhelming. i wish it could change, but now it’s just work and sleep. and waking up is the worst. unbearable anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of dread is what i feel when i wake up from any nap or sleep. after she separated from me, she blocked all connections, including all “social networking” sites. i did nothing to her but be nice. when she told me about breaking up, i cried in front of her. does that make me less of man? sometimes i wonder.. i wish i was cool headed because logically this girl is not worth it. it’s the cheating and the lying that has me diturbed, more than anything else. if anybody has any advice regarding this situation, it would be very welcome. also, when she broke up i got it on with another girl out of desperation, or fear of being alone, but she could feel what i was going through and the “vibes” being sent by me were of just that.. desperation. i’m friends with this girl, and we did have a thing after the break up with the juggler, but i don’t want ot hurt her or freak her out with my being desperate. i feel like i’m in a very cold and desolate place – or a desert with nothing around. and it’s dark. very.
any words of advice from anybody would help. it might sound funny, but please don’t laugh..
greetings from costa rica, whoever read this. btw, that seems to be a trait with most costa rican ladies. it seems as if most have been brought up to lie. i grew up here, so i believe that i know this from expereince. they can’t be direct and two-facedness is a moral stndard here.i have nothing against the people though, it just really seems like that’s the way they are. i wish i could get away sometimes. never mind the beaches or the nature or whatever, just want to be in a different place.
how to get over this girl without emotions and fears getting in the way of my life, i don’t know..
thank you Leah. I will visit the website.
That’s a really hard question to answer but you got to go with what your instincts are telling you. For me if I was in that situation, I would question why he keeps disappearing for months. I would question if he is really being truthful with me. I would try to live my life and if he really wants to be a part of it he would make the effort to be honest and forthright. Relationships are hard to figure out especially at the beginning but we have a great Life Lesson called Behind The Mask http://lessons.powertochange.com/study/behindmasks.html?section=behindmask This Life Lesson can help you stay true to you so you don’t get hurt again.
well, the days are passing and my pain seems to be going away. i’ve come to accept that it just wasnt meant to be. I know i was the best woman i coud’ve been and there was nothing of my part. cant’ force someone to feel what they dont. what started to help me get over him was the fact that i was getting new attention from someone whom i had been attracted to before him. he started calling me, and texting me everyday, although im not looking to rush anything, but it felt nice. i was looking forward to hearing from this guy everyday and got excited each romantic text he’d send me. but just like before, he would send me little messages and then he’d just stop. completely for like 3 or 4 mos. then come back again, messages, emails, etc.. now we started talking for 4 weeks straight, and then it seems it stopped again. i mentioned it that i moved on and that he keeps disappearing, and we never even met in person yet. but i really like him, dream of him, i have good vibes about him. if only he’d meet me and get to know me. i think then he would like me and stop running from me. so for 3, 4 weeks i had fun, dreamt a little and now Nothing…. i know he’s gona start texting me again and he’s always askin me to be strong, and that he is “into” me… but i’m not seeing it.. and i dont wanna say it to him.. i’m being patient.. or should i just keep on Moving on…
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I can’t stop thnkn about this guy he cals me whn he wants but I still love him
Awesome Sera, the first step in healing is asking for help. I have sent your request into a mentor and you should be getting an email in the next couple of days. The email will say “Reply from Truthmedia Mentor”