How can I get over a heart ache?
How do you get over a heart ache? I know they say time heals all wounds but who needs time when you’re heart broken? How do you get over an ex- boyfriend when you have to face him practically everyday? It just hurts to see a love that was once there but is not there now. We used to be so close and now we’re practically like strangers.
Advice: How long were you and this guy going together? It is important to know that you are in a grieving process. Some people make closer attachments than others and these are harder to break off. It is also true that the more physically familiar you are to another, the harder it is to break off. I’m pretty sure that is the main reason why the Bible says not to have intercourse or heavy petting until you are married. I don’t know how close the two of you got, but it sounds as though you are now going through a difficult time.
Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
Do you want to start over?: Facing the future after a major loss
Dr. Ginger
Do you struggle with the deep darkness of depression and find yourself without hope? Talk to us.
Hi there,
I was searching for some encouragement words and I get here with this site. I really don’t what i feel, I am confused. I was committed to (Steve) for over 7 years in a relationship , we were college sweethearts and in our 5th year I met someone ( John) whom makes my feelings from my boyfriend started to fade away. I and John become so closed because we work in the same place and we do have some common friends that we used to hang-out with,until I fell in love him. We started to see each other and engaged to something very romantic. Every time my boyfriend wants to see me or fetched me in the office i felt so uneasy because I knew that john will get hurt. It took 3 years for me to tell Steve that I don’t love him anymore and decided to marry JOHn. We are already married for 2 years now , but I am so confused because the night of our marriage i dream about Steve crying and when I woke up i felt that my eyes have tears , it seems so real but i just ignore it until now I keep on dreaming about him without thinking about him. Then i stared to get confused about my feelings because when I dream about Steve it’s like a crystal clear, I have heard from a friend that he is also married and have a kid. But why i felt this way/ I am confused.
Jamie, First off, Thankyou for responding ^_^, and yes i am awkward around girls that i’ve never met, its hard for me to start a conversation or even keep one going :/
As bad as this may sound. I hate it too, but it’s all TIME.. It will heal you, but you will be left with a scar. When you come to realized that the person you love no longer care or love you back you can move on. As time progresses, you will be hurt but the pain become numb. You will be heartless for a period of time. Take this time to enjoy your life being single for a moment. Do the things you always wanted to do. Then one day unexpected.. a better person will come along naturally. It took me over a year to come to a conclusion to stop wasting every minute of my time on someone who doesn’t want it or care for it. Think of it this way… There are over 6 billion people in this world. I’m pretty sure there is someone special for everyone. It’s just a matter of time. Live your life your way. Don’t depend on anyone for happiness. It’s part of life. We all go through it. Unfortunately, some people at a later age. Consider yourself lucky if you are still young and going through your first heartache. Stay strong and it’s not worth dying for someone who wouldn’t care if you took a bullet for him/her.
Hi Kyle,
Let me first commend you for being so honest here. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help like this and you have been very open and honest about the struggles you are having. Let me also say that with your open honest heart and willingness to be vulnerable, you will one day find a girl who will fall deeply in love with you and you guys will have a great life together. I know you feel like this last year at high school will be your best chance to develop a relationship with a girl but let me assure you, there are going to be many better opportunities that will come up in your life. Right now there is still so much that you are discovering about yourself and that girls your age are learning about themselves. As you mature and add more life experience you will be in a much better position to find the girl that will bring joy to your life. There are some people who fall in love in high school and live happily ever after but most of us meet and fall in love later in life. So don’t be in a rush to find ‘the’ girl. You have lots of time.
As far as the two girls you have mentioned in your post, I would again counsel you to take your time and get to know each of them better as friends. There is so much that you can learn about a person through the natural process of friendship building that will help you to assess how well you might relate in a more serious relationship. By jumping ahead into a more serious relationship you run the risk of a broken heart and also you undermine the strength that a relationship can have when it is built on friendship. Barbara Wilson has some good things to say about developing intimacies in relationships. You may find some useful information by reading her article http://powertochange.com/familylife/articles/the-five-levels-of-intimacy.
I kind of get the impression, Kyle, that you feel a little bit awkward with women. Is that true or am I misinterpreting your post?
As I mentioned that it is not easy to do so. I believe that you need to let God take full control of the situation. He will deliever it from you as you seek His guidance.
One last thing, if you don’t understand a part of my previous post, PLEASE ask, because if the person who is giving me advice doesn’t fully understand it the advice may be not as accurate.
First off id like to note a few things: I was 17 when we met, I have never met Eviline in person, I have Never Been in a relation ship before, We live a crossed the world from each other, and there is a major 7 hour time shift between our countries.
So, i met this girl over youtube. Her name is Eviline, at first i was hesitant to get to know her, at the time i didn’t even know if this person was a girl, but eventually i fell in love with her. We started talking over a game called Runescape, i found it odd that she would only idle in the lobby and not “in game” to talk to me. Eventually she asked for my E-Mail, i trusted her because we had been talking for about 2weeks everyday, Then one day out of no where, she was acting very sexual, and confessed her love to me. I was very shocked and I was a in public place so I ended the conversation quickly. I didn’t exactly know what to think of it. So we kept talking like we normally would and we found out more about each other, and then I fell in love with her. One day we were talking and she asked me if i dated over the internet, i told her I’ve never tried it, but i would, and she quit talking for a moment (1-2minutes), so i asked her if she, dated over the internet, she said yea, after that a asked her if she would date me, and she said yes. After she said yes i told her i loved her and she accepted my love. After that conversation she went to bed and i sent a relationship request over Facebook (by then we had each other on Facebook). The next morning i immediately noticed she hadn’t responded to the request, so i didn’t ask her or anything, i just waited, we talked like we were in a relation ship for a week, and she STILL had not responded to the request on Facebook. And it had been about 7 days and we were talking like normal (she had told me she loved me in this conversation), and she started showing me pictures of her with some friends, then the pictures started to be more focused on some boy. and i ignored the pictures of the boy and told her she was beautiful in the pictures. But she kept saying she wasn’t, that she wasn’t beautiful and she was ugly, etc…. But i kept telling her she was, and then we quit talking for about an hour…. After an hour i told her i was sorry for arguing with her, and she just told me she didn’t think we would work out as a couple. I was very shocked, and asked her why, and to please just be honest with me… She Told me she had a crush on her ex…………. I told her that he was a lucky guy and that as long as she was happy i didn’t mind. But i was truly in love with her and only wanted he to be happy, so i let he go. At the time i thought this was the best decision because at least this other boy could make her happy.
The NEXT morning her relationship status changed, and she started dating her ex.
I fell into DEEP depression, and only told a friend over runescape about what happened, my friend told me to sleep and time would men the wound. but i doubted time could heal the wound. It took me 4 months talking to her to fall in love with her and i didn’t think, time would heal this one.
About a month later she broke up with this boy she had a “Crush” on, and we remained at friend status, and to this day i still talk to her, I Still Love her, and i still truly want her to just be happy. And Its Been about 4-5 Months since.
Now that i’m in my final year of high school (grade. 13), at the start of the year I was still depressed, I dyed my hair black. And I was in school, in gym class like every other day, and this girl, went out of her way to get my attention, she told me her name (I didn’t hear her because my hearing sucks, and i didn’t really care to ask her to repeat her self), i told her mine, and she cheered me up a little more, pulled me out of my depression a little day by day, and i’m starting to become friends with her, and even flirt with her quite a bit. And one day last week she didn’t go to class, which made me want to skip the class(just a bit). And because its gym class we get out of class 10 minutes early to get changed, so i changed quick (like normal), and went to the school library(like normal), and this new girl in my gym class was there. After a minute she walked over to me and asked why i wasn’t in gym class, i told her i just got out of it, and she said ohh, ok, and walk back to her friends. After i got home from school that day i figured out, she might think i like her, and i realized i stared at her often in gym class (not at her body but her face). So now i think that me may think i like her (which i kinda do)
And the other day i went to a play at Stratford called “twelfth night”. and noticed her (girl from my gym class) standing in line, at the theater…. and like normal in gym class just kind of casually glanced at her every 10-15 seconds. And I looked and saw where she sat at the play, and casually glanced in her direction every so often.
NOW…. i don’t know what to do >:|, Im in my last year of high school, i may never get the opportunity to be around girls like i do now ever again. I DON’T KNOW…… Should i confront Evii (the girl i was deeply in love with) and ask her if she has any feeling for me?, OR should i take my one and only chance to try and get more involved in this girls life that i met in my gym class??? I Feel like i may never get the opportunity to get into a relationship again because i never talk to girls that are not my friends. I KNOW I CANNOT handle another heart break at this moment in my life from Evii again.
SO…. I am really giving this allot of thought. On one hand there’s Evii, Which i have stronger feelings for, but on the other is this girl that i like a fair bit and i have Psychically talked to her and interacted with her in sports and such.
Please give me advice, i wont act straight away but i feel if i don’t soon, i may miss the opportunity of a life time.
Sincerely,
Kyle.
Someoneone, You ask some really good questions. Will you love again? Will you trust again? Will you ever be happy again? Yes, you will but it’s going to take time. I know that you are in a lot of pain right now. That will get better. This part at the very beginning is the worst part. I know that there are times when you feel like you can’t breathe, keep breathing and it will get better. This sharp, all encompassing pain is temporary. I cannot tell you how quickly it will pass, that is different for every situation but I can promise you that it will not always hurt the way that it hurts now.
In time you’ll be able to see that as hard as this is, he did the best he could for you. He was honest and he did not want to hurt you by lying to you. This is a good thing. I think it means that you chose well, even though it probably does not feel like that right now. If you need a few days to just be quiet and alone, take them, but make sure it is only a few days. For most people the pain passes faster if you spend time with other people. You said that you are living with a good friend, that’s excellent. Try not to make any major decisions right now. Your brain is not thinking the way that it usually does. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time.
Hi,
I talk about this all the time, I talk about this with everyone. I’m worried everyone is going to get sick of listening to me say this again and again and again.
Day before yesterday, my boyfriend called me and told me that he just didn’t feel the same way anymore. He said that he didn’t want to continue fooling me and staying in this relationship. He said we’re too different and its better we break up now than later.
We had been having some problems for the last 20 days. He hadn’t been giving me enough time and I was acting like a little bit of a psychopath. But things had started to get better, we hadn’t fought for the past 2 days. I thought we were on the mend.
I thought it was a rough patch, I thought we would stick together and figure it out. We were so happy 20 days ago. We were talking about marriage, kids, our future together. I feel so cheated. I feel so abandoned. I feel so alone, even though I’m not alone in reality.
I live with my best friend, she is there for me as much as someone can be there for someone. But I just have a hole in my heart. I feel like I’ll never be happy.
I know I will survive, I know there will be a time when I won’t miss him. But will i ever love again? will I ever trust again?
He made commitments to me, he did and now he is gone? How will i ever trust anyone again? How will i believe in people? How will I fall in love again?
I want it to go away, I want it to stop.
Hi Gamine,
I understand where you are coming from. I struggled for years trying to find that perfect someone and that perfect love (even the perfect friendship). The thing that I eventually learned was that it will come to you. The time when you aren’t necessarily searching for it, it will come to you. I am not sure how old you are but sometimes, you may not find love for a few years. There are people who get married right out of high school, like my sister, and then are people who don’t find their true love until they are nearing 40, like my friend. Love can be such an exhausting game and it is so full of ups and downs.
A suggestion to you would be to do an inner check. Something I struggled with for quite some time was a deep root of rejection. This came from messed up friendships and relationships. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what the feeling was and I was constantly either running from or running to someone trying to fill that, whether it was a boy or a friend. Over time, so many people had hurt me because I had been looking to them to make me full and happy. That meant, every time I got hurt, the rejection got worse. I eventually came to fear that every relationship wouldn’t work out. I don’t know if you feel the same way that I did but if you do, check out this page on our site: Has love ever left you gutted? and Is there a connection between love and God?. I hope that you will find peace and true love!
Roy, While I agree that focussing on other can be a helpful step, I don’t think it’s accurate to say that any part of getting over a heart ache is simple. How do you try to help someone else when you’re in so much pain it’s hard to breathe? When you can’t eat and are barely sleeping it’s hard enough just to try to survive. It does get better, and as you start to get a little strength back then I agree that finding a place where you can help other people can be very rewarding and excellent therapy. But it’s important not to downplay the pain that people experience when a relationship ends, especially if it is the one you thought would last forever. It’s a grieving process and much like grieving a death you can’t just snap out of it. Wallowing isn’t healthy either, but it’s important to be aware of where you are in the process and to have reasonable expectations about what you have to give.
Looking over what I said last night I can see it doesn’t really actually express what I meant to say. It hurts, loving people who don’t love you back. And somehow it always happens to me.
Well I guess it’s not surprising that “Seal” didn’t love me back … I fell in love with him half my life ago now, and I’m not very old. I kept it to myself because we were way too young (I wasn’t even in my teens yet) and sort of turned it inward and bottle it up in a weird way. Though most people who saw us together on a regular basis could tell. Practically the only person who didn’t know was Seal himself, though I didn’t know that until later. I thought I was very secretive. Seal … wouldn’t have known if I’d told him. And here I was afraid to shatter his development by him finding out and having to deal with the way I felt. Waiting for him to grow up. I thought vaguely maybe I’d tell him after we went away to college. But I underestimated him. He grew up faster than I expected and fell in love with someone else, a friend of ours. I still remember when I was going to a new school he told me about this girl he knew there that I would like to be friends with. In the back of my mind I felt like he was anxious for this to happen, for us to get along, like he was introducing his sister to his intended bride, only I wasn’t sure which was which. But I think a lot of random things in the back of my head. It worked out okay. Seal had figured out years ago that he would never be able to understand me. I had an inflated opinion of his intelligence merely because he was faster than me at calculating things and thought of things that I would never think of. In fact that’s because he thinks more normally while my thought patterns are quite out of the common way, but I thought he was a genius simply because he could think in straight lines. I had been starting to accept this when he and our friend started officially going out, and naturally that put me back a bit. I’m fine about it now, and if it still gives me a pang now and then to see them together it’s because they’re so darn sweet and I want what they have. Seal would have been entirely wrong for me, and I for him. Technically, I mispoke at the beginning. Seal does love me, very much. Just not romantically.
Then there was the time I fell half in love with Simon. That was more agonizing when it was happening than afterward when the issue was resolved. It was a campus busybody who brought it up. But once I knew that Simon loved me a whole lot as a big brother and was planning to be in my life permanently in that capacity, I stopped being confused and said to myself, “Little sister. Now I know what I am. I can do that.” And just like that, I was fine. Other than not having anybody to daydream about.
And then there is Eyes. I told about that last night. He’s a really great guy and I think he’d be really good for me, but I don’t know whether I’d be good for him, and he doesn’t see anything happening between us. He’s too decent a guy to let me cling to false hope, so he told me so.
But never has a guy who actually knew me really seemed interested. In highschool there were a couple guys who did but I didn’t know what to do with the attention so they moved on. And then there were the younger guys who didn’t really know me except that I was smart and not bad looking and tried (ridiculously) to convince me that they loved me and needed me (to help with their homework). Sort of funny the young ones chasing me when really I picture myself with someone a little older or else not much more than a year younger than me and mature for his age.
I’ve never had a mutual romantic love relationship. Now this is going to sound silly, but the most frustrating thing about that is that I can’t find my song. All these songs about lost love of yester year, I can’t sing them. No one ever actually loved me that way. So I couldn’t lose their love. My story isn’t told. No one knows my story. It’s as if it never happened to anyone but me. I feel so lonely. I want a person to be my special person. One that I don’t have to feel guilty about having feelings for. I’m tired of having nothing to lose.
I read through a bunch of the older posts. Compared to them, my little tale seems pitiful, really. My story is that I have no real love story. At least, none with two sides. I’m 21 but I look young for my age. In some ways I forgot to grow up. I’m not sure if that is my problem or if it is just that I’m so unusual and disconcerting a person. Conversely, I also grew up too fast through falling in love for the first time in my twelfth year. Trust me, it counts; I was still in love with the same boy up until around the time I left for college. That strange, secret love twisted my development in all sorts of interesting ways, but I brought it on myself. More recently, just last year, there was a guy I liked. Let’s call him Eyes. We’d been friends for some time. I sort of dropped a few hints, then more or less said straight out what I felt, (although I didn’t mention that I had actually been thinking about it from a more detached perspective before I accidentally being came emotionally engaged and had concluded that there might be possibilities there). Confessing at least had the novelty of being different than the secrecy that ate me up from inside out the last time. At the time he sort of made a joke to lighten the situation, and I wasn’t sure I had been as clear as I had intended to be (though he later told me I had been quite clear). Eyes is a thoughtful sort of a person and needed time to process this. Finally, he decided that he needed to do something, so he met with me for a chat and sat me down and explained to me that he didn’t see a romantic relationship between us going anywhere. He said he hoped that we could continue to be the good friends that we are. He was incredibly decent about the whole thing, and let me ask any questions I wanted (I really only asked one and it was whether it was because I’m not from the country his people come from because they are a small nation very proud of their heritage and he’s pureblooded but he said no, he had had to make that decision at one point about whether he wanted to marry within his culture, but that the only girl he ever dated was no more from there than I was). He made arrangements to give me some space for as long as I felt like I needed it so that I wouldn’t have to be around him much right away. We are good friends just like always. But I’m lonely and I want someone. And something my mom said let a maggot into my brain about it. See, I was saying how I’m pretty sure I haven’t met the guy who will marry me yet. And she said, “Or maybe he just doesn’t know it yet.” But I want to respect my friend’s wishes and believe him that no means no. But Eyes is still a perfectly decent, wonderful guy and we have a lot in common. I thought I’d gotten over it, but then it came to me in a dream one night that I hadn’t, and I was talking to my friend who I will call Simon about it, and Simon said, “Gamine, no one asked you to be over Eyes yet.” I guess I was the only one who expected me to be. But most of the time, we all act as if I already am. At least, me and Eyes do. And being in love with him is at least less scary because I know him, and I know he will do what he can to protect me from getting myself hurt again. But there’s this other guy who transferred from Europe and he’s an interesting guy and fun to talk to. I want to make friends with him; it’s fun to have friends from lots of places. But the problem is he’s cute and very handsome, and also sweet and funny. Which makes it hard not to have my mind wander in other directions…. I’m only 21. I’ve never even been kissed. Yet I’ve broken my heart approximately 2.5 times, and if I don’t watch it with Mr. Europe, I may end up sad again. And all because I can’t seem to just sit around and wait for a guy to fall in love with me first. Thoughts?
Simple, stop focusing on yourself and your own hurts. This is not to belittle your pain or to be insensative. Focus on the needs of others and if able fulfill those needs. As you do this there will be a shift in your thinking. You will discover something very beautiful happen. It takes a little time. But God promises that those who do His will shall be rewarded. Trust me it works I am speaking from experience. God Bless.
Jen, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. It sounds like your boyfriend is very angry and when we’re angry we don’t think straight and we sometimes say things we don’t mean. I do not know you and I cannot tell you what you should do, but as an outsider looking in on your story it sounds like you have taken all the blame on yourself when you are not the one who did this. You didn’t start this. He stole your car and came back high. Yes, you punched him, which you now regret, but you did not initiate this crisis, he did. He chose, he took the car, he took drugs. That’s not to say that you are not responsible for your actions but it sound a bit like you have lost sight of the fact that he is also responsible for his.
I can only imagine the pain you must be in right now and if there was something I could do to magically fix it, I would. If you can, try to answer a couple of questions. #1 Has he used drugs before? #2 Has he lied to you or stolen from you before? #3 If he has, is that behaviour that you can live with? I know that when you love someone, when you’ve built a life with them the idea of that ending is absolutely terrifying and it hurts, it hurts SO much. I do not know if your relationship can be repaired or not, but if it can it is going to take apologies from BOTH of you, not just you.
Think back to any other arguments that you may have had. Who does the apologizing? Is it always you? Stealing a car and getting high is a pretty big mistake. It’s not like he left the seat up or forgot to run the dishwasher. This is big and I would guess that is not the first time he has done something like this. Do you find that you make allowances for him? Do you excuse things he does that you wouldn’t let slide if it was someone else? If you’re able to, imagine your best friend dating a man exactly like your boyfriend. Would you tell her to stay? Would you understand why she was happy with him?
When someone is grieving a death counsellors tell them not to make any major decisions. Don’t quit your job or sell your house. They understand that when we’re under incredible emotional trauma we don’t think clearly. I think that when a long term relationship ends, or when it is threatened that it can feel a lot like a death and we go into mourning. If this is where you are right now, then take that same advice: no sudden moves.
You have a place to stay, I know it’s not ideal to be back in with your Mom, but it’s a place to start. You are not destitute, you are not out on the street. This is a very good thing. I know that you want me to tell you how to get him back but the truth we can’t get around is this: you can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I do not know what your boyfriend is thinking so I cannot tell you what is going to happen. I would encourage not to rush back in. If he does not take responsibility for what he did, if does not apologize for what he did at the very least then you cannot go back to him. Well you could, but I can guarantee it would end in tears.
I wish I could tell you how he really feels. My best guess is that he doesn’t hate you, he is very angry. He might be embarrassed about what he did. He might want this break to be permanent. You were together for a year – no matter what happens from here on out that meant something. It means something. I know it feels hopeless, but there is reason to hope. It won’t always be like this. If you can, try not to not call him for a couple of days. Give him some time to cool off. Try to figure out if your things are safe with him and if they are not get someone to go with you to your old place to pack things up.
If he brought your car back and he was high, that probably means that he was driving high. That is really dangerous behaviour. It’s criminal behaviour. I know that you love him, or you did love him, but if you were my sister I would beg you not to go back to him until he is completely clean and sober. I wouldn’t want you with him until he was getting help. Involvement with drugs is dangerous and it puts you in a lot of dangerous situations. You need to protect yourself even if it means protecting yourself from the man you love. You are not alone in this and you can do this. If you would like to talk to someone about this further we have email mentors who are available. Simply use this form to request a mentor and you’ll get an email back, usually within a couple of day. Mentoring is free of charge and you can write back to your mentor as often as you like.
I don’t know if you believe in God, but I do so I prayed for you tonight because I believe that prayer helps. I asked God to be close to you, to comfort you and give you the strength you need to choose wisely and peace as you walk through these hard days. I asked specifically that he would help you to sleep so you can be rested. This kind of stress is exhausting. I know it’s hard and I know it hurts, but it does get easier. It really does.
My bf just dumped me and its tearing me inside. We lived with each other for a year and he stole my car and came back high. I was so upset I punched him and broke his tv. I regret what I did. It was like everything fell apart he kicked me out of the apt. and now Iam living with my mom, Iam so depressed. I loved him so much. He doesnt even want to talk to me and its been 5 days. He said over the phone that he hates me. How could he not miss me after all the days we spent.
Dolphin, I am sorry that things have fallen apart in your marriage like this. There is no easy solution to the problems that you and your husband are facing. I would say you probably stopped talking a long time ago. That’s why seeing a professional marriage counsellor can be so helpful. They help facilitate the conversation between the two of you and help give you tools to build back the trust and break down the walls.
Dolphin, I don’t know what your experience with Jesus has been but I know that He can help bring healing to your marriage. I just watched a video of a couple who found health out of brokenness and divorce as they each turned their lives over to Jesus http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2011/07/29/the-scruggs. I would strongly encourage you to listen to their story and then follow the links to find out more about Jesus making a difference in your own life.
good article and also good comments from people- thanks
This is my first time posting in a forum. I just need to express myself to someone, even if to total strangers. My husband and I are probably going to separate. We have had a bit of a volatile relationship, but nothing that time and getting to know each other more couldn’t solve, or so I thought. Things had gotten alot better when compared to when we married almost four years ago. I think alot of it is my low self-esteem and the fact that we are an interracial couple. I have put on a lot of weight and so I don’t feel he is attracted to me. This is compounded by the fact that when we see attractive girls, he only ever checks out the ones that are his own race – even though he used to tell me that he wasn’t attracted to his race. Things came to head yesterday when I found an email between him and a friend of his (sent accidently to an account we both share) where he writes about a girl in his tennis team “I know who I would like to…(trust)”. This sexual innuendo really hurt me as I didn’t think that we would act with such disregard. Ok, so all men have urges but I thought he had integrity.
I became estranged from my family to be with him (I don’t want to get into details but there was a very good reason my family didn’t want us to be together – it wasn’t really to do with his character but more that he was in a relationship with a close family member of mine). Now that things are on the verge of a collapse I feel lost. I feel I can’t go back home because people will judge me (ie. being with my husband even though he used to be in a relationship with a family member)and I don’t have many friends so I feel I have nothing.
We have stopped talking to each other since yesterday, I moved into the spare room last night and he has changed the passwords on his bank accounts and is asking that I pay an even contribution to all bills. So basically, we have a business arrangment. I don’t want to do next? Do I ignore him until I can leave (which is in another 8 weeks as I complete my degree by then) or should I try to sort it out? He is very stubborn and I don’t know if my heart can handle his rejection if I try to reconcile. Maybe walking away is best?
DNTS You need to be very careful of getting into a relationship too quickly after the breakdown of your marriage. There is a lot of damage done in that relationship and you are vulnerable to other hurtful relationships. Your employee does not seem to be showing good decisions and you don’t need that kind of instability in your life right now. I think you were wise to decide to go spend some time with your family to get some perspective on your life and have the freedom to deal with the hurt from your abusive husband.
You don’t have to face this pain on your own. Jesus promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) His love for you has always been there and He wants to help heal the hurt in your life. If you want to find out more what it means to be a follower of His go to this website.
Lord I pray for DNTS. Bring comfort from the pain that she has felt for so long. Show Yourself to her and help her to see in You a love that is always true and sustaining. Amen.
Dare Not To Say (DNTS) i can understand how you feeling. Everyone here reading and commenting on this issue has been through heartaches and / or is going through one. The key here is to stay strong, keep our heads up, and ask ourselves – how long or rather how many more times are we willing to put ourselves through the pain? I am not saying Love is bad or you should not fall in love again. Of course you should love and fall in love again; but the point is that – if you feel you not gonna be happy then just step out of it, else you would again be hurt. And if that happens, then there are chances that you would stop loving yourself. After two heartaches, I stopped loving myself, because I was constantly surrounded by this sad, gloomy and depressing environment that I had created around myself definitely owing to these heartaches. So take it as a suggestion or an advice – if you do not see yourself happy then step out of it.
Best Regards,
XYZ
dear dare not to say– awwwwww this can’t be easy on you i am praying for you. God i pray for dare not to say for her, give her a peace that passes all understanding i pray all of this in JESUS name amen
I am in a heartache mess myself. My husband abuses me, so I decided that I am going to divorce him. I was going to go back home to be with my family, but an employee came to see me with tears in his eyes and said”I just don’t think that I could handle it if you left.” He has a lot of things to work on as I, so we decided to back up and wait. However I just found out that he’s talking to the girl he was with before he got his DUI. They were together 7 years, never married he claims he went back to drinking after 3 years because of her. I had said one day that I was really concerned about his drinking, so he said let me try this on myt own and then we’ll go from there. I believe in my heart that he is going to go back to her. I am trying not to say much, but I am very hurt already. I had fallen hard for him and thought when he came and told me to stay that he had too. I am confused and so hurt. Yet I have to see him everyday as well, because he is my employee. People had been saying before he had even told me that he always looks at me with admiration or something. I did not pick up on it. Do I wait or just go back home and say forget it, because I know I will be even worse if he goes back to her.
Deeps, there are many ways that people lose love, each one with unique issues that make it hard to move on. God has made us to love and be loved and it is a part of the fibre of who we are to hang on to love. Erwin McManus identifies love as one of three universal soul cravings of humanity. These universal soul cravings have been placed there by God so that we will seek out relationship with Him. Erwin does a great job describing the soul craving “Intimacy” in this video and the follow-up, part2.
Yours is a unique situation because your love is inaccessible due to the commitment he has made. I am sure there is great temptation to try to get that love back even if it means tearing him away from his commitment. Yet, I know that you don’t want to be the one who would ruin his marriage; so here you sit trying to deal with a love that is out of reach.
Let me assure you, there is hope. You don’t have to be immobilized by the sense of loss and hurt. Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are weary and carrying a great weight; I will give you rest… learn from me for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your soul.” (Matthew 11:28,29) The weight of this lost love will be lifted as you come to know Jesus. Jesus is a love that will never leave; He never becomes selfish or insecure. He will always treat you with compassion and with your best interest in mind. When He becomes your primary love, the other uncertain loves that are in your life find their rightful places and no longer have such control over you. That is the way that God made us and the way we find true fulfillment and happiness.
If you have never heard about Jesus and His love for you have a look at this site. If you are already a follower of Jesus but still struggle with allowing Him to be the primary love in your life have a look at this site. Don’t let this lost love hold you captive anymore. Make Jesus the most important love of your life and be set free from the weight that you are carrying.
i had a 7 years long distance relationship and he went back to his ex and married and i still cant seem to get over him…he says he still loves-me…i do not know what to do….i still love him and cant seem to do anything…..
for me when my associate pastor and his wife left the church we are attending now about two to three years ago, i leaned on my church members it was tough but i got through it and also on God i learned to when i have a heart ache i try to lean on God that the best time and learn to lean on God through times like that
It has been said a few times that God is a key part of love and relationships. I agree. One of Jesus disciples wrote that our love for each other comes from the love that God has for us, “We love because He [God] first loved us.” (1John 4:19) The Bible teaches that when we our relationship with God is healthy our relationships with other people are also transformed. If we try to fix our relationships with others when our relationship with God is still broken we are going to end up with a lot of heartache.
XYZ, you said, “I havent seen God, and hence I do not know whether, he is Allah, Jesus, Ram, Shiva, etc etc. I really dont know.” I would like to encourage you to seek Him out. Get to know who He really is. I am certain that He is not hiding from you. In fact, He is flooding you with revelations about Himself. Another place in the Bible it says, “what may be known about God is plain…, because God has made it plain… For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities– his eternal power and divine nature– have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made” (Romans 1:19-20) So don’t lose hope that you can’t find God. He is showing Himself and will continue to show you all you need to know about Him.
You may find it helpful to talk with someone about who God is. We can certainly have a conversation here or if you would like some privacy you can connect with one of our online mentors.
I guarantee, if you find the source of love you will be much better equipped to love others.
I think losing love is like losing someone you love. Everyone handles it different. Some run out and bone constantly. for love to fill a void where the partner was. or in death in fear of dying soon and not spreading ur seed. some step back and take a look at life. where they are at where they wanna go. what they wanna do now that they are free or before its to late. some seek shelter and hide forever.some for a long time thinking about what was. then have a odd realization that life is a journey. not every experience is meant to be in life is meant to be. but joy would not be the same without hurt. i say even painful experiences are part of life and should be embraced. that may be the ex fighter in me. some resort to drugs and alcohol or odd bad addictions. i say when they end focus on yourself
find the things that make you happy find yoruself.
if u try to rush back into things u only hurt yourself causes you to take good people for granted and hold a cruel resentment. Anyways hope this helps sorry i’m a sloppy writer.
keep your head up and remember hurt is a beautiful thing also. enjoy the journey of life:)
Well thank you Friend, Claire and Hopeful for sharing your experiences here and for your words of support & hope.. I truly appreciate it.
Hopeful, i think you made a very valid point – hold on to God as he will see you through such tough times. I believe it to be very true. You know guys, this statement just shows us how ignorant we are of God and are tricked by other to go through depression & sad phases in life.
I think God plays a key role. The mistake we do is that we make the person we love as the center of our life – which I am sure all of us over here had done. Our life starts revolving around that center, like how the planets in the solar system revolve around the sun. The sun keeps the planets intact in their respective orbits due to a gravitational force.
Such is the force that person we love has over us, when we make that person the center of our life. And what happens when the person moves out of the relationship? Well he / she is no longer the center of life, the force that drives us is suddenly disappeared, we feel a presence of VACUUM as the person in the center is no longer there, we dont like anything about the world, about ourselves (so much so that we stop loving ourselves and in some cases hating ourselves – see suicides), etc. etc…..
So I completely agree with you Hopeful. I am not religious but I do believe in God and his presence. I havent seen God, and hence I do not know whether, he is Allah, Jesus, Ram, Shiva, etc etc. I really dont know. Its a feeling its an energy that makes me believe that God’s there. I strongly believe his presence.
Had we all kept him at the center, and given lesser priorities to other people in life, then probably we might have not gone through what we are going through right now. Because you may leave God, but no matter what God will never leave, he will be right there at the center, driving you along through your life.
Therefore, I have started believing in this concept, and I also believe that this would be a piece of advice that would help others.
You said it right Hopeful, God’s incomparable.
Well, thanks again Friend, Claire and Hopeful.
Has been great knowing you guys, and sharing my experiences with.
Regards,
XYZ
Dear XYZ,
Sorry for the delay in responding. I would be careful not to assume that your ex-girlfriend hates you. You said, “That she does not want to ask for my health despite knowing that I have been admitted in the hospital and was critical simply proves that she is insensitive towards me.” I agree with you – it is insensitive, but it does not mean that she HATES you. She has moved on with her life. You mentioned that she is in love with someone else – may it would make this new man uncomfortable if she contacted you? Yes, she could have inquired through friends and she chose not to. I do not think that that is the same has hating you.
You mentioned being a good person – that is an admirable thing, but as you have learned it does not protect you from heartbreak. You asked if it’s worth it to be a good person YES it is. Because the things is this: heartbreak happens to everyone. So you can be a good person and get your heart broken or you can be a horrible person and get your heart broken. Either way you have to be able to live with yourself. Which “you” would you rather live with?
The way that we act has a huge impact on the life we live but it does not guarantee us an easy ride. In the Bible in the book of Matthew it says, “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Being a good person is a wonderful thing but it is not a safety vest. Is heartache the price you pay for loving someone selflessly? Not always. When you find someone you will love you back in the same selfless way it is wonderful. Love is always a risk. It is usually worth it.
@ xyz,
We will have to learn to cope with or
Fight the challenges we face in life.
Its so unfortunate that we have to go through
These things but I have faith in God that
‘This too shall pass’. Have that faith too
And I believe God will see you through too.
There is something I saw some time ago that
Said something like build something beautiful
From the stones thrown at you. That’s what I’m trying
To do. Slowly but surely.
@hopeful, all will be well. Keep speaking healing
To your soul. Its important we do not let
Someone else make you think lower of urself or
Loose ur self worth.being rejected can easily
Do that. We all have to start rebuilding it
And know that its not cos of what we did or dint
Do or we weren’t good enough. God will help us
And also help us see ourselves as He sees us. God
Bless you and keep you both. Amen
To XYZ & Friend,
I am so sorry XYZ and Friend for what you have experienced, I can understand your pain because of my own heartaches, on different occasions I have gone through similar experiences that you both have expressed.
I understand you completely XYZ, the one thing that I can tell you is that it is better that she didn’t want to try and reconcile your relationship…cause what would have been worst is for you to get your hopes up and then she still winds up rejecting you.
This is the 3rd time that I have been dumped by my ex, 3 times my ex said he was going to try to make the relationship work, and each time with all the reasonable explanations of why he dumped me and the great expectations I had because of the thing he said, one of which he was going to take me out for my birthday, which was two weeks after we got back together, (I was so happy and thought he wanted to be with me and spend time with me) but 2 days before my birthday he dumped me. All I got was his unrequited love…everything he said, he didn’t really mean, he didn’t have the same compassion, understanding, empathy or…love that I had for him.
I know exactly what you meant when you said that you loved this person and could feel their pain and you saw their needs. And I think you are right that we can’t go to that extent again, that kind of love can’t be entrusted to men/women, we are too fickle, as with Jesus, they cried “Hosanna, Hosanna”, and in the next breath “crucify him”. But even still we can’t let these people change who we are, I think God gave us a special sensitivity to people/things and we just have to learn to be careful with it.
I think,that kind of love I am convinced (cause this is not the first time this has happened to me) needs to be reserved for God. Through all this pain my hope is that with healing and patience and our trust in God we all will be able to give and receive the kind of love we seek from another person.
Hi Friend,
Thanks for reading through. I am sorry to know about your side of the story. I am not being judgmental about your ex, but just a thought – He probably doesn’t know how to respect a woman. If he had, then he would not have left you alone with a pregnancy. Sorry!! I do not want to go further with your story as it may be too personal and private to you. I step out of it. But yes, I am indeed sorry to hear about you.
You were right about whatever you said in your comment. I am following them as well.
And yes, I wont stop being how I am or was. I am definitely not saying that I won’t love any other woman again. Of course, if shes the right one, then I will and I shall love her.
I am just a bit disturbed to see the insensitive, the ruthless, the mean side of people. I am not saying that my story is the gravest of all. Well NO! Mine is just a heart break which will heal over within a matter of days, months or probably a year. But there are people in this world whose situation is worse than mine – children in African underdeveloped nations starving of death. No matter what they do, they dont seem to be getting over it even over a period of couple of years. So, YES, I am not alone in this world who is in pain, there are lot and my situation is nothing as compared to theirs.
All I try to do now, is divert my mind. Trying to look at the brighter side of the break up (even though i cant see any), trying to look at the brighter side of life, getting back to the things I used to do that made others and me happy.
Friend, thanks for sharing your story with me and of course all of us. Hope to indulge in more such conversations, that would add meaning to life, that would touch people as the pass on through the online medium. Goodbye Friend and TC.
Regards,
XYZ
dear XYZ,
i read your long piece with rapt attention and i will tel you that you are not alone. i have been through something very similar and i made as many sacrifices as you did but in my own case, i was abandoned with a pregnancy that i was later asked to abort by my family. that breakup has affected my life so much and it is only by the grace of God that i am alive today.
Dear XYZ, yu will get through this pain. i havent gotten totally over it but life isnt so painful again and i do not wake up with fear and a heavy heart again, i do not have to cry myself to sleep each night and many other things. i am glad you are coming to terms with the situation. it took me over a year to get to that stage. im glad you mentiioned God. hold on to Him as He will not let you fall. he will see you through these rough patches and you will be glad that you held on. its unfortunate that memoreies do not go away. you can run away from a town but nt from thoughts and memories that cling to you but you have to make a conscious effort to want to move on. when i tried to give someone else who loved me so much a chance, i realized i was still hurting and needed to deal with my past.i thought it wont affect my next relatinship but it did, immensely as i kept compring him. when a human being doesnt cherish you and all your sacrifices, its not worth holding on to. i almost killed myself because i felt so torn apart. my dad had warned me long before the breakup that i shouldnt love the guy more than i love myself. i pray with all sincerity that you will be able to truly love that deeply again. you did what was right. you loved unconditionally, the way love should be but it wasnt reciprocated. i assure you you did no wrong. if you find another woman you love. love her without reservation but make sure you dont put hr above God and commit everything about the relationship into His hands. He will surely see you through.i got on with my life, started new stuff and went back to school for my masters but im growing stronger everyday, slowly but surely
Thanks Claire, I appreciate, you read through the long story of mine.
Firstly, I would like to tell you that I do not want to be friends with her after the break up; and secondly, neither am I missing her nor do I want her back. It is over between me and her. For the second reason, I guess I have developed this feeling because of the angst,the pain, the hurt, the agony. But yes, that is the truth – I never wanted her back for the only reason that she cheated on me for four long months when she was with me and that she started liking someone else; and during those four months she kept on telling me that she loved me and cant even think of leaving me. Hence, I do not want to be with someone who is a liar and a cheat.
So the thing is clear that I do not want to be friends with her and that I do not want her back or miss her.
Claire, I have been a very compassionate human being throughout my life. Leave alone the word compassionate. What is more important that I have been human throughout my life. I have never had friends who left me. I have helped the needy – with money or physically. I have never had an argument with friends, with my bosses, colleagues, and people in general. I am the most loved in my family and amongst my friends and colleagues. The point I am trying to make here is (and definitely not boasting about myself) that since I have been this way since i dont know when, I cannot see hatred and hurt around me.And when my ex treated me this way post-breakup, I could not digest it. just couldn’t.
I can understand she lost the love for me, cos she probably loves someone else, but I definitely cannot understand how can someone be so insensitive towards a person who he/she has loved for 3 years that the insensitivity has turned in to hatred? That she does not want to ask for my health despite knowing that I have been admitted in the hospital and was critical simply proves that she is insensitive towards me.
Even though she loves someone else now, I do not hate her. I just cant digest the lie and cheating. I hope you understand.
I also understand the point you made in the response. I am definitely not sulking, neither have I isolated myself. I do go out and hang out with my friends and try not to remember anything from the past. But I come across the same places where I used to take her; the same songs that I sung for her; so on and so forth, and everything comes in front of my eyes like a FILM FLASHBACK. I try not to get burdened down by that, and again start enjoying with my friends.
But Claire, every once in a while, I ponder and question myself -
1. Is this the price you have to pay if you love someone selflessly?
2. Is it only me who is sensitive towards people and the surroundings?
3. Is it bad to have a good heart? – cos if i had been just like her, I would have been in a better situation.
But I do not want to change myself. I love the way I am – the caring ME, the loving ME, the human ME. I do not want to be a lesser human. The only reason I shared my stuff here, is that I had these things bottled up within me and I had to let it.
But Claire, I am glad that you heard and you commented. It feels like i am having a counselling session and a EAR that would not only listen to me but also respond and probably one of the responses could teach me something new in my life.
Regards,
XYZ
XYZ, I can see that you are still working through your feelings, which makes sense. Break-ups are hard and not easily resolved. You mentioned several times how hurt you were that your ex-girlfriend did not contact you while you were sick. It sounds like you were expecting her to still be your friend and some people can’t do that after a break-up. I don’t know if you’ll be able to be friends in the future once things have settled down, but at least in the short term she has made it fairly clear that she does not want to be in your life. I know that it’s hard, but you can save yourself additional pain if you are able to stop having any expectations of her.
It’s a bumpy road going back to being friends after you have been so much more. Not everyone can do it. Not everyone wants to. I hope that you are able to take comfort in your other friends and you are able to begin the work of building a new life, a life that does not have her in it. If you would like someone to talk to, we have mentors available. Just use this form to request a mentor and you’ll get a response by email, usually within a couple of days. Mending a broken heart takes time but it’s easier if you can look forward instead of looking back. I hope that you feel better soon.
well..wat can i say ? i know dat heartbreak is d worst feeling in this world. i have been through it. all of the readers and respondents to the post who have been through this – I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’VE FELT OR ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW. A 2.5 yrs of relationship goes kaput all of a sudden. My girlfriend calls me up, and in the last two months it was the first time she told me upfront that “she would want to meet me” which was kinda surprise for me. I was damn happy and I drove like an ass all so excited to meet her. When I met her, she was all so quite, I was seeking that same excitement within her but it was indeed absent. I started conversations and she just responded with verbal nods. Then I parked my car where we normally used to park and pop comes the question from her “Are you happy with me?” and i was quick to respond “of course yes”. Then came a shock of my life. she replied “sorry, but i cant see this working, lets call it off”. I was all shocked. Trying to hold the ground under my feet. I was gasping for breath, tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to comprehend the entire situation but failing to do so.
I started crying like a kid in front of her, begging her to give me another chance. She said NO IT CANT HAPPEN COS I HAVE LOST THE LOVE FOR U. It was very difficult & painful to hear it from her. It was a saturday night that she left me, and the thursday night prior to that saturday, she herself said that – “I LOVE U and CANT THINK OF LEAVING U”.
I continued begging, unable to see that she no longer wants to continue. She was adamant on not giving the relationship another chance. She said she lost the love for me. She admitted that I loved her a lot, and she was indeed very happy with me, and that my love was overwhelming.
Guys, I played my role, did my bit by loving her selflessly. I have no regrets about that. But I started loving her to the extent that I started feeling her pain – which could be harmful. There is a difference between understanding the pain & feeling the pain of the person. When u understand the pain, you tend to be empathetic towards the person, but when you start feeling the pain, u tend to be sympathetic and start acting on it, cause the other person’s pain is actually hurting you. No doubt, if the relationship lasts and is successful u would not repent for loving the person this way, but the moment he / she leaves u with a crap reason, you would feel sorry about what u did.
I felt her pain, n I did hell lot of things for her. We used to work in the same organization, and she used to take a local bus for her daily commute. I never wanted her to be stressed of travelling in that crowded bus which would take more than an hour. I started adjusting my timings according to her so that I could pick her up from her place and drop her by the evening.
I used 2 b happy even when I used to get just 5 mins of her time when i could see her. Even a HI over the phone call used to make me smile. I used to stay back late in the office and do her part of work after finishing mine, so that she does not have to wait back in the office late and feel stressed. I knew her pain, she was overloaded with work, and i always disliked it.
A few months later, I moved on to a new organization, our love grew stronger. I started earning more, whereas she was at the same pay scale. She was putting on weight and used 2 b very depressed. She said, that none of her current clothes are fitting her, n she cant buy new ones, cos they won’t look good on her. She used to be very sad and depressed. And as I said, I could not see her that way, I paid for her gym – a huge sum. Please guys, it is not about the money here – no, please dont misunderstand me. It is in fact about my concern for her. Just could not see her sad. She was very happy when she started gymming. And so was I.
After getting decent enough corporate exposure, we decided that we should do our MBA. She was very weak in arithmetics. I used to take the pains to teach her. I knew how badly she wanted to get into a B School. I could have studied all alone and cleared my exam. But I decided not to do so, cos she needed help and she did not have the money to join a coaching class. I used to teach her, take out time for her and ensure that she gets to know the tricks of solving problems in the least possible time. A few days later, the results were out, I secured a seat n she could not cos of the score.
I cried cos I knew how badly she wanted to do it. Was it all a waste? – I dont know.
I got an admission in a Business School for my MBA, which was located in a different city. the day to leave the city was soon nearing. And my last three days in the city, I ensured that I spent time with her as much as i could. each night in front of her, I used to cry like a baby, loud, not bothered what passersby would think. I cried cos I did not wanted to leave her, cos I was going away from her for two years.She convinced me that it would be fine and that I should go.
After moving to the new city, I used to call her at every possible opportunity. could not stay away from her. I was the one who always said ” dear, i wanna see u… dear, I m missing u”. It was never her. I thought dat it was probably her nature.I did not stop loving her. I used to spend good amount of money n travel back to the city at every given opportunity. Why? What was the need to do so? Only because I loved her, and I missed her, should i spend so much on my travels, take the pain of the journey and come down only to see her, even if it was a matter of a 2day visit? I did that guys, cos I loved her, and actually missed her.
When I used to be in the other city, busy with my academic projects and assignments, I still used to do her office work. She never asked me to do so, but i used to force her to give me the work only because I never wanted her to live a stressful life. I never wanted her to be overworked and over-stressed.
Each time i visited my home town, I used to spend some great moments with her, used to keep her happy – dinners, movies, short trips, etc. So that the “Distance” factor does not come in to picture. This year, I got an opportunity to be in town – thanks to my internship project which was in town. I was so happy. I told her that I am gonna be in town for the project for two long months and we would make the most of it. She appeared to be very happy. I had even decided to extend my stay in town. I remember, back there in university, i was put up in a shared accommodation hostel. I had already put in my savings for funding education… of all the money that was left with me was spent on food, partying and daily needs. I started partying less frequently, skipping a days meal at times, so that i could save some money and buy her gifts – clothes, makeup materials, accessories, perfumes, etc. What was the need for me to skip meals, what was the need for me to quit partying and cut-down my share of fun with my friends? only so that, she should be happy and that she should spend as less as possible.
The 1st month, I used to make all the efforts to spend time with her, but she started looking disinterested. She used to stay back in the office late. I despite of having lots of work, I used to wrap it up soon, and stay back in the office. Only cos, I could help her in her work. So that she does not have to stay back in the office. I did that guys. So that we could come back by the same train, catch the same cab, drop her home, and then head for home. was there a need for me to stay back in the office and do her work?
this way the first month passed by. the second month started with a few tiffs here and there. She never made me feel WANTED. she started picking up unneccessary fights, which started bothering me. And one day while I was enjoying with my friends, she called up and asked me to meet.
As mentioned above, I drove like a crazy ass all excited but for what? just to hear that she does not want to be with me. She said she had lost love for me. I begged and cried in front of her to give our relationship another chance, but she was not willing to. She was being very adamant. A girl who said that she – loved me, cant leave me ever, wanted to start a family with me – started go away from me in this brutal rude way. She had no tears in her eyes, as if all this time, all this while, it meant nothing to her. Even the breakup meant nothing to her. There was no remorse on her face, whereas i was all soaked and drenched in tears.
After lot of persuasion, she said she would need some time to think, and that she would not want me to call her during this period. So i decided I would give her the space. I did not call her, I did not sms her, i did not get in touch with any of our common friends,and I was off-facebook.I gave her the required space.
During that 1 weeks time, i fell ill. She did not even have the humanity or courtesy, to call up and ask how was I doing. I mean had I known that some person is going through mental distress cos of me, I would b very guilty about it and at least as a courtesy would surely enquire about him/her. But she didnt. As if she wasnt guilty at all. As if she did not have any heart.
After a week’s time, I called her up, and we decided to meet. Since I was mum the whole week, I requested her to let me speak up all that i wanted to speak to her during the week. She agreed. I went on speaking for 45 mins. During the week, whatever came to mind each day, I used to pen it down on a piece of paper in the form of a poetry. I handed over those 7 poems to her. And she read them all. She started weeping.
But after I stopped speaking she opened up. She gave me many reasons -
1. I do not feel the love for you anymore.
2. you do not seem to fit the bill of my life partner anymore.
3. I have been considering other men, and I have had crushes when we were in a relationship; and that this has been happening since last four months.
4. I like someone else.
What do u think, what could have been my situation back then? It was heartbreaking….disheartening. I cant explain. I decided then, that it was no use pursuing her for a few reasons –
1. why should i be with someone who does not love me or does not want to be with me? No i would not. Cos I would not be able to stay happy.
2. why should i be with someone who does not value my tears, my feelings, my love? No i should not, cos it is all worthless for her.
3.why should i be with someone who has been (behind my back) thinking of other guys, and like someone else? No i should not. Cos she has been lying to me since the last four months, and I am feeling cheated, despite me being damn loyal and faithful to her.
hence, i decided to move over. My ill-health continued. She did not bother to ask me for my health, as she never felt like contacting me. My performance in the internship project dipped. the next week I was admitted in the hospital in the ICU section for multiple reasons – 1. Typhoid +Leptospirosis + Malaria. 2. Persistent chest pain.
For the first two days i was unconscious in the ICU.
She was just two buildings away from the hospital, and she was very much aware of my physical condition through common friends. She did not even bother to pay a visit to me in the hospital or at least call me.
Now it is time to go back to my education. My internship project is completed. I fared decently well. Its time to leave my home town n head towards the place I missed her the most. It has been more than a month that she broke up with me, and she hasnt even bothered to call me.
I do not love her anymore, for the reasons given above. I do not want her back in my life anymore. But what hurts me is the thought that, how rude, how in-compassionate, how ungrateful, how heartless, how mean, how non-guilty a person could be?
After doing all this, after loving her so much, after being loyal as a DOG to her, i get this in the end. I m not sad that she cant come back – NO, I DONT WANT HER. But wasnt the 2.5 yrs of our relationship, when she used to openly say that she loved me matters to her? Doesnt she feel that for all the good times she has spent with me she should at least ask me for my health?
The break up was OK for me, I could handle it, but the post-breakup treatment is something that is hurting me, bothering me, and is making me empty.
Just a piece of advice – Love someone only to the limit that you can “understand the pain” of the other person, the moment you start “feeling the pain” you should shake yourself up and get back to reality. But do not stop loving that person. Keep loving.
And i empathize with all those, who have had a broken heart – may GOD soon heal your wounds. And I pray to GOD, that those who r in a relationship be happy and see their relationship grow stronger and wonderful from here on, and remain that way for ages to come.
Thanks for listening for this long story of mine.
Best Regards,
XYZ.
to maryanne i feel for you awwww, talk to people who know you and if you can pray to God to comfort you and to heal your hurts. GOD i pray over maryanne i pray a healing of her hurts and comfort her at this time i pray all of this in JESUS name amen, i will continue to pray for you.
My boyfriend broke with about a month still hurts
Hi Cynthia,
We would love to uphold you in prayer. Please fill out this form with your prayer request and you will be contacted by a prayer mentor.
We get over our heartaches when we’re able to find healing in the God who fills whatever void our previous lover has left in our hearts.
You’ll never get over it. You can just cry a lot about it so it gets better – but only for a while. If you want to prove otherwise. Tell me how… Just tell me why.. I felt used..
I would like to be contacted by a prayer mentor
.ty .blessings!
Heartache is hard to get rid of. I guess we all go through it at some point in time, butas my sister as answered there is help coming. My goal here as a mentor is to pray for people who are in this situation.
So! Dear Heavenly Father. you know heartache as You also saw your Son being hang uppon a rotten tree, but it had to be done as You also looked away from the SIN that he was taking upon Himself for US. My heartache is small compared to You oh Lord God. I pray that my sister will receive her help not only from this ministry, but that you will lead the way for recovery. In Jesus Mightyname amen
Im going through heartache, it was on on off relationship but i was really attached, it went on for 4 years, we had split in oct 2010 for 4 mnths, we got back in touch in feb 2011 and on valentines day he called to mine to be with me….the next day a girl was txting me from his phone, we had ahuge bust up because of it, he lost it screaming at me down the phone. Ive been feeling awful ever since, i feel gutted, normally we make up but now i feel like ive lost him 4ever, he could take me up for stalking(ive always been like that with him), as im always drunk txting….but i feel i sulted him in some txts….so he has just cut me off. Its so painful i just wonder how he feels….weve always got back together so i know there were deep feelings. Im thinkin of writing him one last email and stop sending him drunk messages on a sat night. nothing hurts more than this…..i hope this makkes sense, pls any advice appreciated….
i’m in that situation too.
i’ve only had one boyfriend yet.
we broke up 6 monthes ago and i was in so much pain because i saw him with another girl the next day. i didn’t know what to do but just cry, i didn’t eat nor talk. i didn’t care to do my work. I prayed every night for God to heal my broken heart. My mother said that time heals. but honestly it dosn’t, you just learn to live on without that person you love. YOu just basically get used to it.During our breakup, he would still text me to see how i’m doing. and 3 monthes later i sent a chain letter to all my Contacts “2010 is almost over in 2 days, tell me what you always wanted to tell me before the year is over” and he sent me a text saying he’s still in love with me. I FREAKED OUT! i swear! we started talking again and he finally asked me out. idk whats going on now because he’s acting like he dosn’t care. I guess its KARMA! cuz i was acting like i didn’t care. I really don’t know why GUYS act like they don’t care. HOW can they NOT care? or atleast ACT like they don’t care…… MY ONLY ADVICE for a BREAKUP is to
1) Pray to God
2) Find someone that cares enough to listen to how you feel or who is going through the same thing( it makes me fell alot better)
3)seek Counseling
4)try talking to other guys
II am needing help with coping after 36 years of marriage it’s all going wrong .
@tweedy, Thanks for replying and explaining what you meant by “to what end?” It made a lot of sense. You are right.
@JadeSA, I understand how your boyfriend is feeling. I will try to explain it from what I think from time to time. The truth is he’s scared of having his heart ripped apart again. To him he probably feels that all women are the same and he’s protecting himself. Basically, he have a wall around his heart and probably he won’t allow anyone break it regardless whoever he ends up with. It’s hard on both of you. If you love him, you’ll have to understand his feelings and what he had experienced, but that goes the same for him. I’m not too sure what happened with his previous marriage, but it most likely triggered him from being committed “again.” I would probably do the same, and as hard as it can be I know that everyone is different, but not from what he has experienced it tells him something different. I hope that make sense, and it is a very difficult situation for him. I too would be afraid of commitment now due to what I have experienced. Was he abandoned by his ex?
@tmT301
What I meant when I said “to what end?” if couples end up back together, wasn’t “to what end” are they back together, but “to what end” did they break up, cause each other heartache and misery etc etc.
Hope this makes my words clear :-)
Dear JadeSA
It sounds like you are getting ahead of your self. I hear a lot of “if and when’s” in your comments. We can’t predict the future and it wastes a lot of energy worrying on things that might not happen. When I am in these type of situations (and trust me, it is human to worry about the future,) I try work on coming to a place that I will be content with whatever God decides to do. The journey is the work and for me the first step is prayer. Would you like to be connected with a prayer mentor? Its free and confidential. Please let me know by commenting on the site and I will connect you.
Sincerely,
Leah