My husband says I’m too fat

husbandsaysfatMy husband has been bothering me for the past year about my weight. I have gained thirty pounds since I met him. I have asked him to stop bothering me about it but two days ago he told me that I was not sexually attractive to him because I was so fat. He said that because of my obesity he has not wanted to be with me. I still have a good shape and plenty of men like the way I look. I wear a size 14 for my height of 5’3. I am so angry at him that I have not spoken to him. I don’t want to see, touch, hear, or be near him because of what he said. I am seriously thinking of getting out of this marriage because I have my whole life ahead of me. Maybe if he got counseling I would reconsider trying to work things out but right now I do not want to. We have had large arguments before, but he said that if I keep gaining weight he will leave me.

Advice: Does your weight interfere with your health? Do you have trouble doing the things that make life fun for you? Are you not able to function as well on the job or in your recreation? The longer it takes you to get that 30 pounds off, the more it will affect your gall bladder, knees, etc. Focus on your goals and let him see that you are enjoying life, even if he has a narrow focus. Pick up the book, Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. Write us back after you read the book and we will suggest how to get him into counseling and how to make communication the issue.

Read Karen’s Story: The Perfect Anorexic.


259 Responses to “My husband says I’m too fat”

  • Cgen says:

    AmyE hit it on the head.

  • Susan says:


    It has been awhile, I wanted to see how you are doing?

  • JennaD says:

    Dear Aldo and Susan,
    Thank you so much for the prayers for me. You have no idea how much that means to me. Please excuse the delayed response, I just happened to come back to the site and noticed you had replied To my comments. God bless you both and your families. As well as everyone else on the blog going through hard times.

  • Mustang Sally says:

    Tell him thats okay you arent in the mood for sex anyway bc ur too tired from working, doing all the chores and childcare. Tell him u will work on ur weight but you were also meaning to discuss his need to help around the house and childcare since he’s not working right now, and this is a great time to take care of honey do’s too. He will still have time for the gym, but if he’s not working then ALL household concerns should automatically shift to the othet person, whether its the male or female, but you are only asking for about 1/3rd of that effort from him until he returns to work. Then tell him u need some personal fitness time without the toddler whether thats a gym, a dance class or a massage session — thats up to you.

    If he is less into your relationship than u are and he assumes you know that but are still willing to be taken advantage if in this way bc of finances or wondering if you can handle being s single parent, so he is abusing his power and on top of that critiques your weight which you probably gained having a child, then you may be trying to keep a zombie marriage look alive. I wonder if he is talking to or staring at girls at the gym? Your marriage may be over but he has reduced you to a live-in slave — thank goodness he doesnt also demand that you be his sex provider while he shuns your weight (which isnt even that much…) AND entertains his mind w other women.

  • AmyE says:

    Dude, a husband deserves a thin wife? Ok so does a wife deserve a rich husband? Should she leave him if he fails to do so?

  • Idk.wife. says:

    Im in the same boat. A coyole days ago my husbamd told me we dont have sex anynore because of my weight. Im 200lbs and 5’7. I wear size 14-16. Im so mad because he lireral goes to the gym and collects unemployment. I get uo at 5am and do school work, clean and work. I also do all tgw ahopoing and cooking. I just dont jnow where gets off telling me anything when I never get a break to go to tge gym. Im also tge ine who takes care of our toddler. Not him. What sgoyld i do? I feel like leaving him iver this one comment.

  • Dude says:

    Your husband does NOT need counseling! You need to lose the weight! Fat is not attractive to the vast majority of humans. The only way to gain weight is to eat to much and not get enough exercise. PERIOD!

    The politically correct nonsense in our society will not change anything. Your husband does not find you attractive because YOU have gained too much weight. It is selfish of YOU to expect him to be attracted to you, if you let yourself get too heavy. “Chubby chasers,” are a fetish. A fetish your husband doesn’t possess.

    I agree with “Get healthy because you deserve nothing less than a happy and long life.” But doesn’t your husband deserve a wife he finds irresistible? You know, like the woman he married? Does he mean that little to you? If he does, please divorce him. He deserves better.

  • AmyE says:

    Here is the thing. Being thin will not keep your husband attracted or around. Telling women this is just a lie. You can get thin/stay thin and he could still leave or cheat. Marriage is hard and most people want out after a while. Weight gain, loss of attractiveness, money problems, etc those are just excuses.

    Get healthy for YOU. Get healthy becuase you will live longer. More importantly you’ll live healthier in your old age. Get healthy because you will feel better. You will sleep better. You will have more energy. You will cope with stress better. You cut your risk of depression, diabetes, heart disease and just about any disease you can imagine. Get healthy so your children and grandchildren will have you in their lives longer. Get healthy so you feel sexy and strong. So you love how your clothes fit (and not having to change 10 times before you go out because nothing fits.)

    Get healthy because you deserve nothing less than a happy and long life.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Thank you, Mustang Sally, for those two links. Dr. Ramsey did a nice job documenting the first link and the second link was clear in discussing the differences in HRT treatments. Anyone considering HRT should definitely ask their physician to explore the use of bio-identical HRT and explain their conclusions.

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