Have you ever stared at the person you see in the mirror and wondered how you got to where you are? There’s all the sacrifice, all the hard work to achieve the good life and then all of a sudden you wonder why. We all go through periods of reflection to confront bits of us we had previously ignored.
A busy life can hinder us from reacquainting ourselves with who we really are. We live in an ever changing world. New technologies and inventions constantly assault our senses and challenge the very notion of who we are.
Transition and self-worth
Transitions in life often force us to slow down and take a step back to reassess our lives. Entering another phase of life can be rather unsettling and stressful whether you are clocking 30 years of age or 50 and beyond. Because of our society’s obsession with youth and beauty, growing old is not usually welcome. There is no escape. As long as we live, we will eventually age.
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For a woman with many family responsibilities and a demanding job outside the home, it can be rather tough. When the children grow up and start school or leave home, parents, especially mothers, can find themselves thrown into a crisis simply because they built their sense of self-worth on the wrong foundation.
Take stock
After years of ignoring who you really are, it is important to give yourself time to take stock. Is your life uneventful and dull? It needn’t be. Discovering your feelings, what you want and the possibilities that lie ahead of you will rejuvenate you.
Set goals
Self-depreciating thoughts do us no good. Build a sense of self-worth by setting out goals for yourself. As you move forward to greater things, allow yourself to enjoy the sophistication and confidence that maturity brings.
Inject excitement into your life
Create opportunities for social interaction and learn something new. As you expand your social circle, you’ll find that you inject excitement into your life which can be carried on to those around you.
Working within your circumstances will give you a jump-start and a sense of direction for the next phase in your life. You can then be thankful for your experiences because it is our experiences that mold us. Years later, you can look back on your transition in life and know that you have passed through another of life’s tests.
Are you searching for joy in your life? Read about How to Begin to Experience Discover Joy in your own life.
Tags: boredom, busy schedule, depression, direction, fears, goals, joy, Kabukabu Ikwueme, learning, LIFE, Men, self-esteem, Women, workplace
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I find myself lonely and experiencing feelings of inadequacy
At some point in my mid-twenties, I realized I’d turned into exactly the kind of person I wanted to be as a teenager. I remember sitting there with the world at the fingertips, and being afraid to make a choice because I *liked* having the world at my fingertips, but I’ve managed to keep that feeling, and do a lot of amazing stuff, and have a pile of fun. I’ve had to forgo a lot of material things and security, and because I live closer to the line every crisis hits that much harder, but I don’t think I’d trade it.
Robin, I don’t know you, but I do know that whoever you are, it’s enough. If you want something more, go for it–but not with the idea that what you are right now isn’t enough, because nothing outside you ever changes that; you do that yourself, not by becoming anything, but by realizing who you are right now is exactly who you’re supposed to be.
While it’s great to like ourselves and not be to down on who we are, I have to wonder if everyone is already exactly as they should be. Is there really no room for improvement? I agree that if there is no higher standard that people are trying to achieve, there is no “should” at all, there just “is”.
For example, and this is an extreme hypothetical example not related to anyone here given only to make a point, is a man who beats his wife, let’s call him Joe Smith, being who he’s supposed to be? What if he is quite content with who he is? If there is no higher standard to grasp for, imperfectly of course but heroically trying to attain, then he just “is” as he is, there is no “should” as to what or how he “should” be.
If we agree that the man should not be beating his wife, there is a higher standard to which we are holding him accountable. In that sense then, in this case if he started having negative feelings about his life or behavior, wouldn’t the feelings be accurate, and pointing him towards greater purpose for his life? Negative emotions, yes, but still able to be used for the positive purpose of improving his life?
But beating his wife is what Joe Smith does, not who he is. And I’d argue that a great deal of boneheaded, brutal, and generally bad behaviour is caused by feelings of inadequacy, or conditional adequacy shall we say. People at peace with the world do not beat each other. Or blow each other up, or force each other into concentration camps.
Being exactly who you’re supposed to be does not preclude reaching out to do bigger and better things; it just means that your happiness does not depend on externals. Anyone who thinks that they’ll be happy when they buy that bigger house, when they get that next promotion, when they lose fifteen more pounds, when they can keep the house spotless, or when they study a certain amount of one’s holy book of choice every day–or in Joe Smith’s case, when that silly woman learns to listen and gets his dinner on the table on time every night–is never going to get there. Because happiness is the starting point. And then all that external stuff clicks into perspective.