When Words Need To Move Out

We’ve all been there. Somebody says something to you and it feels like taking a sharp jab. Words can be painful and like a bruise, they can linger for a long time. Words are the most powerful thing in the world. They have the ability to completely restore and uplift, yet simultaneously they can keep us tortured and sleepless.

How many sentences stick out in your mind as those that took aim at a dream or challenged a purpose or pulled down a belief? Maybe one, maybe a dozen. It could be the story of your life – time and time again, your dreams fell prey to haphazard words and stinging remarks.  It could remain the story of your life or you could take these words, examine them for any worth and keep going. See, that’s the key with words. They have power, but only as much as you give them. So the great question is: how much power are you giving them?

For me, I escaped the junior high teasing and the last name mangling. The worst I got was the grade school song about being paired with a boy and “sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g”. I am so thankful I didn’t have to learn the power of negative words until I was old enough to better handle them.  I say that because, now at 24, I’ve taken in a few sharp jabs this year. The sharpest took a direct shot at my future and my dreams. I have a strong and healthy relationship with the person who said them, maybe that’s why it stung, because it was so unloving and out of character.

Careless words

I had just returned from traveling, and was telling family friends some stories. The question that inevitably follows is, “What are you going to do now?” Since I am forever full of wanderlust dreams, my mouth dove headfirst into my thoughts of places like Cambodia, Nepal and India. I mentioned my hope to grab my backpack, book a one-way flight and just go. The response? “Ah, well, someday you’ll stop trying to swim upstream.”

I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I had been asked to give up on my dreams, to be quiet and to let resignation run through my veins instead of adventure. I was too shocked to say anything at all. So I didn’t say a word. I just avoided responding and conversation turned to something else.

There were a lot of mixed feelings left in the wake of those words. In part, I was hurt and I was also quite angry. Then asked myself these questions: Why did they say that? Was it intentional? Do they know how that made me feel?  Words affect us. They linger.  When these words stuck around, I had two choices – take them to heart, or throw them out.

Take them to heart

I could have absorbed them right into my heart and allowed them to start tearing down my confidence. Negative thoughts and words can easily take the place of positive ones.   Before you know you’re repeating someone else’s unchecked words to yourself instead of strong assurances. Just one comment and out goes what you believed you could do.

Recognize their worth, and then throw them out

For me, it took about one night’s sleep to see right through these words. If someone points out that you’re fighting your way upstream, they’re most likely riding with the current and doing what everyone else is doing. There are a million reasons why they could have said it, but one thing is for sure: it wasn’t encouraging. It’s enough of a challenge to fight the current without people discouraging you from doing so.  I decided that I’m not going to make it any even bigger challenge by letting the noise of others’ opinions slow me down. Not now, not ever. Those words had no value so out they go.

Making a choice

I had a choice. You do too. You can choose to let discouraging words rip your dreams apart and make you feel small or you can refuse to let words with no value affect you. Be prepared to continue to make this choice over and over because, people are going to say reckless and off-handed things to you your whole life. The words could be about your purpose, appearance, choices or dreams. We’re human and no one will ever have complete control over their own tongue. But whatever they are taking aim at, it will always come down to a choice on your part.

So where do you stand today? Are you harboring hurt feelings over something that has been said to you? What particular instances or words still ring in your head? Take whatever words are coming to mind and look at how they have affected you and the emotions they evoke. If they stir up anger, revenge, bitterness, pain, or anything resembling heartache, then they are still hurting you now, long after they’ve been said. Acknowledge them and decide what to do with them.

Take them to heart? They will keep you small and continue to replace positive and true things that would serve to spur you on.  Recognize their worth and throw them out? That would require you facing them square-on and choosing to believe that they have no truth or influence over you. Leaving words behind in the dust is a conscious choice.

Choosing to act

If the words are still painful, they might be something you need to talk about with the person who said them. Not a confrontation or an argument, just a simple acknowledgment between two people. It gives you the opportunity to express how their words hurt your heart and it also gives the other person an opportunity to be aware of how their words affected you. Maybe they had long forgotten their remark and had no idea their words still lingered.

Either way, you need to bring those words under a microscope. If all they do is dictate what you’re incapable of doing or how silly your dreams are or make every imperfection you’ve ever felt stand out, then why are you hanging on to them? They don’t strengthen you or make you believe in yourself, so they need to go.

Today could be the day that you release your heart and your mind from the echo of hurtful words. I did. I’ve never looked back and wondered, “Could they be true?” I knew that they weren’t and kept going. I challenge you to do the same. Clean out the tapes of painful remarks and usher out their influence. Trust me, you won’t look back.

Looking for further help to balance your life? Or would you feel better talking out your situation with a patient listener?

More on communication:

5 Levels of communication
Where do we go from here?
Asking the right questions

Image credit: harold.lloyd (a most unexpected happening)

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