There are more than enough Top 10 lists out there pointing out the benefits of being single. The pro’s of why being without a mate produces all these side effects that beg to be recognized. You know the ones I’m talking about. Sometimes they come off sympathetic, some patronizing, some like propaganda, and often times far from genuine.
It wasn’t until I read yet another list that I saw one of the common perks in a completely different light. In 10 reasons it’s great to be single, an online Elle Canada article, I read reason #5,
It’s all about you, all the time. That about sums it up. You can do what you want, go where you want, eat what you want, wear what you want, sleep in when you want, get up when you want, shop where you want … the list goes on and on, but you get the point!
Instead of sounding like unabashed freedom, reason #5 sounds like a license for extreme narcissism.
I’m not lambasting the liberty to eat an entire carton of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream or snatch that pair of Prada shoes you’ve been eyeing for months. But we’re missing the plot if we live by reason #5 and see nothing wrong with it. That mentality needs to be re-vamped so instead of an opportunity to tap into self-gluttony, it’s an incredible opportunity to experience even greater things in the single season.
Since it’s an inarguable fact that you have a greater swath of time (and usually resources) to work with living the single life, utilize it. Instead of tearing out lists explaining why you’re better off ignoring Valentine’s Day and Barry White ballads, re-write the focus of reason #5.
(Disclaimer: None of these things are meant to “fill” your time till you meet your future hubbie. Killing time for a greater end is no way to use such a beautiful season of life.)
Travel
Is there a place you’ve been dreaming of visiting since you were a little girl? What about a house boating or coastal road trip with your girlfriends? Maybe a trip to Costa Rica to learn about the culture, people and history?
You can buy all the Lonely Planet books in the world, but at some point, the only thing that’s going to get you places is the guts to go for it. So leap! There are so many fascinating places.
(Keep in mind: There’s a difference between sipping mojitos poolside in Cabo San Lucas and trekking to a different culture for a spectacular once-in-a-lifetime trip.) Choose one or a few places, go alone or with girlfriends, just go!
Get Involved
Have you always wanted to do missions overseas? Do you have a heart for immigrants or youth on the street? What about the environment – being on a clean-up crew or tree planting project?
There are heaps of ways you can take what naturally interests you and use it to serve a greater purpose. Whether it’s people, the earth, animals, food or travel, you can pull at the threads of what you love and find ways to serve with it. So get involved!
Time With The Girls
What do you love: books written by Donald Miller, Parisian food, Jamie Oliver TV, old French films, sitting at a café with Brazilian coffee?
Take one and find a little group that share the same interest (close girlfriends, your mom and sisters or a small group of women mentors), and soak it in with them every couple weeks.
You can tailor this time to be so lush – add books, add different meeting spots, add food, add anything you want. What do I love most about being in the single season? I love, love, love the time to pursue whatever fancies me.
New People, New Interests
Have you always wanted to learn Italian? Take an art history class? Try wind-surfing or the drums?
I know it might sound so cliché, “You’re single! Take a cooking class or pick up archery!” But honestly, it’s an opportune time time in life to run with something you’ve always thought of doing and actually do it. You can pick anything your heart desires – a language, a sport, an art. And when you pursue it, you automatically open yourself up to meeting new people you might never have met otherwise. Who knows what kind of relationships can stem from that – (maybe travel buddies, fellow tree planters, French film comrades?), you just never know.
I hope this mini-list has a different feel than Elle’s reason #5. It should and I hope it does. It’s not meant to come off sympathetic, patronizing, like propaganda, or far from genuine. I adore the single season so much and these reasons are why. Not because I’m looking at it like I can simply “do what I want, go where I want, eat what I want, wear what I want…”, but because incredible opportunities, travel experiences and deep relationships hang like ripe, round apples, yours for the taking.
I’ve been back and forth to South Africa a few times, went to school in a different country, spent time alone in Holland and Uganda, done missions in the slums and taught AIDS awareness in remote villages. I’m in the middle of a bible study with my mom, a Rob Bell book study with girlfriends and met my closest friends by pursuing a love for Africa and missions. That isn’t a rattled off list to merely show something for my time; it’s what i’m truly pursuing in this season, my single season. Shoes and ice cream are all fine and good, but from my experience these are fulfilling and rich ways to spend my days.
There will always be versions of the “benefits of being single” list, especially around February 14, but choose early on that if this is the season you’re in, you’re going to define it. And however you do define it, apply a line straight out of Shakespeare, “The world’s mine oyster.”
Freedom to be Yourself – How can you begin to live to your fullest potential?
Tags: adventure, Danielle Kreeft, dating, freedom, LIFE, Men, relationships, self-esteem, singles, Women
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Well said Dani!! Sometimes being single and able to do what I want and go where I want sounds so inviting! I love what you said about ‘defining’ it. Having said that, I loved being single and I love being married to. So I guess I’ve learned to enjoy whatever season I am in.
Me and my sister both are in a season of singleness, and we are struggling to stay afloat. We both strongly desire husbands who also love God. We are single moms as well and it gets hard sometimes to not having that partner there. I have been single for a long time and I guess that it is time to start enjoying this time with myself and my daughter until God blesses me in that area. Thanks for the good word on appreciating this time of singleness!
great article huh! thanks for making me realize that being single doesn’t mean your lonely, i realized that i can make life beautiful even if im single. i’ve been separated for almost 2years, your article opened my mind, that i can still do a lot of things.
I am a single mother of three children. Freedom is not something I can enjoy as suggested in your article. Are there any articles regarding being single and being a parent??
being single it makes you realized something good, adventures about your self, about your plans and dreams in life, and its nice more living with peace or having life with God, being with Him we learned lot of things about knowledge of
truth,understanding and love that someday you can share to everybody specially the word of God;and when the time you will enter in a relatioship you know how to handle every situation coz is God is the center of a relatioship, or as a guidance in your way and much better if same religion so that there is no mis understading of both of you or maybe you may encourage him/her in a fellowship as you are the key to enter him/her in the kingdom of God as it said Proverbs 3:16-18
Long life is in her right hand and in her left hand are riches and honor;her ways are pleasant way and all her path is peace for she is a tree of life to those who embrace her those who laid hold of her will be blessed.
Thank you
Danielle kreeft
God bless
In Jesus name
Amen
I think the biggest thing we are missing in this article is that when you are single you hav much much more time to seriously focus on your relationship with God. I think sometimes we are meant to be single because God is planning to utilize us in a great way or because we are meant to grow greatly in our faith in Him and Him alone. It’s something Paul points out in 1 Corinthians, “To the unmarried and the widoes I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” Paul says this because he knows that when you are in a relationship with someone you are spend time focusing on that person. This isn’t a bad thing, your relationship (if it is right and God willed) is meant to glorify God. If you are single, however, you are simply meant to glorify God in a different way and it’s almost as if he demands more of your attention. You are being called to walk alone with the Lord.
Sorry for the typos!