Being Single – A Different Kind of Freedom
There are more than enough Top 10 lists out there pointing out the benefits of being single. The pro’s of why being without a mate produces all these side effects that beg to be recognized. You know the ones I’m talking about. Sometimes they come off sympathetic, some patronizing, some like propaganda, and often times far from genuine.
It wasn’t until I read yet another list that I saw one of the common perks in a completely different light. In 10 reasons it’s great to be single, an online Elle Canada article, I read reason #5,
It’s all about you, all the time. That about sums it up. You can do what you want, go where you want, eat what you want, wear what you want, sleep in when you want, get up when you want, shop where you want … the list goes on and on, but you get the point!
Instead of sounding like unabashed freedom, reason #5 sounds like a license for extreme narcissism.
I’m not lambasting the liberty to eat an entire carton of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream or snatch that pair of Prada shoes you’ve been eyeing for months. But we’re missing the plot if we live by reason #5 and see nothing wrong with it. That mentality needs to be re-vamped so instead of an opportunity to tap into self-gluttony, it’s an incredible opportunity to experience even greater things in the single season.
Since it’s an inarguable fact that you have a greater swath of time (and usually resources) to work with living the single life, utilize it. Instead of tearing out lists explaining why you’re better off ignoring Valentine’s Day and Barry White ballads, re-write the focus of reason #5.
(Disclaimer: None of these things are meant to “fill” your time till you meet your future hubbie. Killing time for a greater end is no way to use such a beautiful season of life.)
Travel
Is there a place you’ve been dreaming of visiting since you were a little girl? What about a house boating or coastal road trip with your girlfriends? Maybe a trip to Costa Rica to learn about the culture, people and history?
You can buy all the Lonely Planet books in the world, but at some point, the only thing that’s going to get you places is the guts to go for it. So leap! There are so many fascinating places.
(Keep in mind: There’s a difference between sipping mojitos poolside in Cabo San Lucas and trekking to a different culture for a spectacular once-in-a-lifetime trip.) Choose one or a few places, go alone or with girlfriends, just go!
Get Involved
Have you always wanted to do missions overseas? Do you have a heart for immigrants or youth on the street? What about the environment – being on a clean-up crew or tree planting project?
There are heaps of ways you can take what naturally interests you and use it to serve a greater purpose. Whether it’s people, the earth, animals, food or travel, you can pull at the threads of what you love and find ways to serve with it. So get involved!
Time With The Girls
What do you love: books written by Donald Miller, Parisian food, Jamie Oliver TV, old French films, sitting at a café with Brazilian coffee?
Take one and find a little group that share the same interest (close girlfriends, your mom and sisters or a small group of women mentors), and soak it in with them every couple weeks.
You can tailor this time to be so lush – add books, add different meeting spots, add food, add anything you want. What do I love most about being in the single season? I love, love, love the time to pursue whatever fancies me.
New People, New Interests
Have you always wanted to learn Italian? Take an art history class? Try wind-surfing or the drums?
I know it might sound so cliché, “You’re single! Take a cooking class or pick up archery!” But honestly, it’s an opportune time time in life to run with something you’ve always thought of doing and actually do it. You can pick anything your heart desires – a language, a sport, an art. And when you pursue it, you automatically open yourself up to meeting new people you might never have met otherwise. Who knows what kind of relationships can stem from that – (maybe travel buddies, fellow tree planters, French film comrades?), you just never know.
I hope this mini-list has a different feel than Elle’s reason #5. It should and I hope it does. It’s not meant to come off sympathetic, patronizing, like propaganda, or far from genuine. I adore the single season so much and these reasons are why. Not because I’m looking at it like I can simply “do what I want, go where I want, eat what I want, wear what I want…”, but because incredible opportunities, travel experiences and deep relationships hang like ripe, round apples, yours for the taking.
I’ve been back and forth to South Africa a few times, went to school in a different country, spent time alone in Holland and Uganda, done missions in the slums and taught AIDS awareness in remote villages. I’m in the middle of a bible study with my mom, a Rob Bell book study with girlfriends and met my closest friends by pursuing a love for Africa and missions. That isn’t a rattled off list to merely show something for my time; it’s what i’m truly pursuing in this season, my single season. Shoes and ice cream are all fine and good, but from my experience these are fulfilling and rich ways to spend my days.
There will always be versions of the “benefits of being single” list, especially around February 14, but choose early on that if this is the season you’re in, you’re going to define it. And however you do define it, apply a line straight out of Shakespeare, “The world’s mine oyster.”
Freedom to be Yourself – How can you begin to live to your fullest potential?
You are right Cathie, being single when you don’t want to be is a very painful thing. You talked about going to church. Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ? How does He figure into your struggle with being single?
dear cathie–i agree with matt marriage is no picnic either i have been married for 26 years being married for women is taking on the men’s name and sometimes the bank for financial institutions won’t reconginze you just your husband i had been single but i got lonley so i married i don’t want to be single it cna be frsutrating being married or being single i am praying for you cathie
Being single is hard every where there are couples It is like a constant reminder, even church. Go out by yourself and single woman ends up sitting in the seat by the bathrooms and waiters avoid you. Financial institutes avoid giving you loans, the ideal is nice take up a hobby, join a club, get active in church, go to school. Single is one pay check and not enough left over especially if you are old and on a limited in come. Always the fifth wheel, and if you make a friend of the same sex you are a lesbian, and if you talk to a man you are a husband stealer, a flirt
I never lived in the single world. Married early and have been married 43 years. Being married isn’t very pleasent, marriage has been very dull, boring, uneventful. I guess it will always be that way. I really yearn to try being single. Stay single as long as you can, cause married life is not very pretty.
To: melisa: its only on your minds not in your heart because the temple of God is our heart with understanding and love of God, it doesnt mean if you are alone it much better to worship God alone as in yourself?, but on mine opinion is not like that because I have a family with me,that if we are in God for wonderful experience we may have to the Lord it much better to spread the word to everyone and aside from that being with the Lord it said in the book of life when God gave talents we should share it to bear much fruits so when the time our God will come He will ask about our mission and we have the confidence to see Him face to face and not to ashamed because we do our best to do His will in all of our steps, and when it come to identity its on your beliefs who you are, that will be you and no one can change it, no one can get it because the word is in you is Jesus, for the word that you may have is in your mouth is in your heart,is in your minds,is in your steps and Journey.no matter what people may say on you; you stay on your beliefs, no one can say do this and that, or no can say this is you?even its not.
as it said Galacian 5:10;12;14;25
I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. the one who will throwing you in confusion will pay penalty whoever he may be, as for these as for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves; the entire law is summed in a single command Love your neighbor as you love yourself, do good to them not to curse, pray for them as they may walk with us so they may experience being with God is LIFE
for since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit.if we know Jesus is righteous you know that everyone that do righteousness is born on Him your heart is with the Lord ,your minds is His walks of life and will, your ears to His teaching, your eyes on the truth, your lips is for His praising of goodness, your hands is to His law,your walks is being devoted to the Lord and the rest is the whole you as child of God.
Being single is a kind of freedom to serve not to be serve as it said Galacian 5:13 You my brother were called to be free but do not use your freedom indulge sinful nature rather serve one another in love(The message)
Thank you
Danielle Kreeft
God bless
In Jesus name
Amen
i agree with melissa, being single allows you to focus on your faith, i have been single for five years and my faith now is stronger and i get my identity from my faith and not from a man. i feel women have been mis-progammed by society to gain identity from the men in their lives. i also feel most women fall in and out of relationship because they lower their expectations when seeking a husband, i rather remain alone longer that fail in my faith so as to attract a man. seek ye first the kingdom of God and all others shall be added unto you….
Being single is not the life I want to live. I am happiest when I have someone in my life I can think of bringing a smile. Bringing his favorite cookies and placing them under his pillow. Writing love notes on the shaving cream or note in his shoe.
Selfish –its’ all about me is not lasting. Neither is doing for others all the time. You need balance. Balance is the key. God is with us and shows His love through others. Those who betray us are not if the loving God.
Sorry for the typos!
I think the biggest thing we are missing in this article is that when you are single you hav much much more time to seriously focus on your relationship with God. I think sometimes we are meant to be single because God is planning to utilize us in a great way or because we are meant to grow greatly in our faith in Him and Him alone. It’s something Paul points out in 1 Corinthians, “To the unmarried and the widoes I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” Paul says this because he knows that when you are in a relationship with someone you are spend time focusing on that person. This isn’t a bad thing, your relationship (if it is right and God willed) is meant to glorify God. If you are single, however, you are simply meant to glorify God in a different way and it’s almost as if he demands more of your attention. You are being called to walk alone with the Lord.
being single it makes you realized something good, adventures about your self, about your plans and dreams in life, and its nice more living with peace or having life with God, being with Him we learned lot of things about knowledge of
truth,understanding and love that someday you can share to everybody specially the word of God;and when the time you will enter in a relatioship you know how to handle every situation coz is God is the center of a relatioship, or as a guidance in your way and much better if same religion so that there is no mis understading of both of you or maybe you may encourage him/her in a fellowship as you are the key to enter him/her in the kingdom of God as it said Proverbs 3:16-18
Long life is in her right hand and in her left hand are riches and honor;her ways are pleasant way and all her path is peace for she is a tree of life to those who embrace her those who laid hold of her will be blessed.
Thank you
Danielle kreeft
God bless
In Jesus name
Amen
I am a single mother of three children. Freedom is not something I can enjoy as suggested in your article. Are there any articles regarding being single and being a parent??
great article huh! thanks for making me realize that being single doesn’t mean your lonely, i realized that i can make life beautiful even if im single. i’ve been separated for almost 2years, your article opened my mind, that i can still do a lot of things.
Me and my sister both are in a season of singleness, and we are struggling to stay afloat. We both strongly desire husbands who also love God. We are single moms as well and it gets hard sometimes to not having that partner there. I have been single for a long time and I guess that it is time to start enjoying this time with myself and my daughter until God blesses me in that area. Thanks for the good word on appreciating this time of singleness!
Well said Dani!! Sometimes being single and able to do what I want and go where I want sounds so inviting! I love what you said about ‘defining’ it. Having said that, I loved being single and I love being married to. So I guess I’ve learned to enjoy whatever season I am in.