Comments on: Learn to Communicate

By: Andrew

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 18:21:59 +0000

@Camille speaking first hand I understand the frustration of dating someone who does not communicate. One of the mistakes I made in my life even though God used the final result as a positive is getting married to someone who did not know how to communicate. My marriage ended in divorce 7 years after I got married and their were many issues with one being communication.

I would caution you to earnestly seek Christ and ask him if this man is for you. In marriage things only get worse and are magnified ten to twenty times greater than what you face now. You may earnestly love him but do you honestly think after six years he will change? Many people myself included rush into relationships in seeking love, peace and fulfillment when I should have first sought Christ as I am doing so now. Christs love is more than any other man can give you so I would seek Christs will in this and wait as you could be making a big mistake that you will regret later in life. Christ will send you the right man if this man you are engaged to is not him. Read 1 Cor. 13 and if these traits are not in your relationship then it will be difficult.

God Bless,

By: Camille

Camille — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 17:30:30 +0000

I have been with my fiance for 6 years now and I am now having mixed emotions about getting married to him because of the simple fact that he does not think anything dealing with him is my business. He only communicates with me on certain levels. The levels being is when we have have to make a decision on something financially or anything dealing with finances basically him asking me for help financially. Anything else dealing with him, he feels is not my business. He states if he doesn’t want to share anything with me then he doesn’t have to and I should respect that. I am very open with him about everything even if it’s not dealing with him, I’m open. If something slips my mind and I don’t share something with him he makes sure that he makes me aware of it and I still don’t have a problem sharing with him. But I can’t do that to him. I don’t believe in keeping anything from him. Is it wrong for me to be hurt by the way he is going about things? I’m totally confused and don’t understand!

By: Kate

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 21:46:16 +0000

Hi John,

I hope the article held some encouraging tips for you, and as has been suggested elsewhere, it would be great to read the article together with your girlfriend.

If you like, you can request to be in touch with a mentor:
http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

Mentors are caring individuals who will respond to you in a private and confidential manner and do so usually within a few days to a week. The support of an online mentor can be of tremendous help, and you may write to them whenever you desire to do so.

God bless,
Kate

By: john

john — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 09:12:09 +0000

for my reason when i try to (communicate) with my gf….its like she runs from me and sumtimes its like talking too a brick wall..oy

By: Brenda

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:02:15 +0000

Megs, I hear the pain and confusion in your post. Have you gone through the suggestions in this article and shared them with your friend? Perhaps if the two of you are able to read this article together and agree to put into practice Geri’s suggestions, that will open up communication in a less defensive mode. Also, have you and your friend considered counseling to get to the root of your communication blockage? Often, when we are unable to get to the root of a problem on our own, another can help to add clarity. I also suggest praying before you communicate on a deep level, as the Lord can help us to be slow to answer quickly when another lacks patience or openness in a conversation, and He can also give us insight into how to proceed. Please feel free to also to contact a mentor if you want to discuss your relationship difficulties with someone online in a confidential manner. God bless you, Megs. I pray you and your girlfriend are able to come to an understanding of what is creating the blocks in your relationship.

By: Brenda

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:53:56 +0000

Sherri, I am so sorry for the pain in your relationship. It is probably quite true that your husband does not know what he is thinking and feeling much of the time, especially if he is not one to delve into those areas on a deep level. However, if both of you are willing, then Jesus can heal all relationships. If your husband is not willing, it may very well benefit you to consider again seeing a counselor, and especially a Christian counselor to understand who you are as a child of God and not be dragged down by the negative comments of your husband, whether he intends to do so or not. I also want to offer you the opportunity to speak to one of our online mentors, which you can do by filling out the simple form at the following link:

http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

I pray you find support and comfort from the Lord and from others in your situation, Sherri, as I believe that the Lord desires for your love and heart to be nurtured. God bless you!

By: Sherri

Sherri — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:57:04 +0000

Hello,
Thank you to all who have shared. How refreshing.
I have been married for almost 19 years. Because our story is long and complicated, I haven’t the time to give it all.
My husband is 7 years older. He came from a home that showed affection, but never really said, “I love you.” He is able to say that though. Able to hug, and able to be very sweet. But…. there is this flip side of him. And in the midst of any sweetness he gives, 90% of our relationship time, whether in the car or at home is him in an inside place that he goes.
I have on many occasions expressed, that I feel alone. He has sometimes out of no where said, ” I am sorry I am not there for you.”
On one occasion I expressed that I needed to know his hopes, dreams, thoughts ( not everyone of them of course ) future plans or desires. He simply stated, “what is in my heart is my business and no one elses.” But what about friendship? Sharing of future plans? Marriage. Covenant? One time he told me, ” I don’t even think, I know myself or what I am thinking.” Or “there is not much in here that I feel anyone would want to know.” That is scary.
I am most concerned because, I am growing colder. I have begun to spend all my time on the computer, playing a mental card game of skill, or buying and selling on Ebay.
He continues to watch TV or engage in more sports activities than one could imagine. Fishing, Golf, Hunting and such.
He has a temper and I am no longer able to ask him to give me a little more of himself. He says, ” I am a good provider and should be enough.” I have been in counseling but not lately. They told me that he projects and deflects, in arguments. He can say 10 things to devalue me, in one minute when he feels defensive. He can Win! But he is loosing with me.
There are so many good qualities about him. I hate to see our marriage end, but I need a friend, if I am to be married/intimate. I have not so much as spoken to another male.
I think if I were to leave, I don’t want to ever be in a relationship again. To be completely focused on God. Married to Jesus, on a deeper level.
A year ago we were on our way to Yellowstone. He was upset with the way I was navigating. As I too was on a need to know basis, as maps don’t tell you everything. He jerked the map out of my hands, it hit the window and he yelled something demeaning. I looked to my right and silent tears fell. He then said, ” I am sorry. It is not you. It is me. I find no interest in you, God or anything.”
I have mulled those words over for a while. He has been in that dark place, for a while, I am sure.
I too think he is tired of trying. My counselor said there is a chance he will choose to not give me what I need. It is his choice.
I am growing numb and everyday I think about leaving. But… I love him and I am afraid that as dysfunctional as it is, I will leave less a person. Half of me here.
But I am very lonely. I’ve grown depressed. I suffer from exhausting fatigue, and I am eating to worsen it. I know that is the result of “real problems with false solutions.”
My husband says, he loves my heart. My honesty and my ability to be calm and express myself, yet I feel that angers him the more and he feels the more the looser for not giving me what I need.
We are Christians and my husband has served on a board of elders. Not currently though.
To leave might give me relief and a lighter road, to stay…. will it kill me?
Kind Regards,
Sherri

By: Megs

Megs — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 23:24:21 +0000

So I have been with my gf for 10 months and things were amazing for the first 5 months or so. We moved really fast. I am not sure what happened or when or where it happened but somewhere along the way we lost our ability to communicate. I get defensive and she gets defensive. She is a very emotional person and I am a little more guarded, I am sensitive but don’t show it very often. I am a very sweet and loving person and I do little things for her all the time and I have never given her a reason to doubt my feelings for her yet I find myself constantly having to defend my feelings. I feel like the things I say she constantly twists or overanalyzes everything. If I forget to tell her something she thinks its because Its not important and I don’t care and that means I don’t respect her. Im just so exhausted from all the miscommunicating and I just want to get this figured out.

By: Andrew

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 01:39:24 +0000

Hi Steven,

When we keep our guard up and not say anything it is like having poison inside of you. The longer you guard your heart the less you have to say it may seem like you are frozen because you don’t want to become vulnerable. Become vulnerable and tell her what you feel even if it many not be true but at least it will help her with your train of thought so she understands why you don’t want to say anything. Most important is to pray and read the Bible together as then God will reveal things in your relationship that you need to change.

By: Steven

Steven — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:02:18 +0000

Hi, I have been dating my girlfriend for two and a half year. I am not really a talkative person. She is really special and lovable. However, we always have arguments. She always says that spending time with me is so boring and nothing to talk about. Even I tried to talk, its hard to continue the conversation. I mean is it I am too stupid to keep the conversation going? She is always mad about it, and I cannot resolve this problem. I love doing anything with her, but she is looking for more talking and communication between us. She also said she always need to think really hard to talk to me. I want this problem to be solved. I know this is my personal problem. Please help me.