How to Deal with a Controlling Husband

Written by Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T

My husband controls who I have for friends, what kinds of meetings I go to, what I should wear to cook breakfast in. I’m thinking of leaving him.

You really do have some choices before you move out. You can give your husband the choice of being controlling or of being frustrated. The reason we get frustrated in our lives is that things we want to happen don’t. You might stop letting him control you. For example: you might wear something else to cook breakfast in. He yells {the normal way to try to control is to use intimidation} at you, and you respond sweetly: “I’ve thought about your request that I wear high heels to cook in, and even though I enjoy making you happy, I’ve decided that I’m more comfortable in these pants and tennis shoes.” He says: “If you loved me, you would wear what I requested. You’re just selfish.” You could say: “I love you and I think I’ll wear this.” If he is prone to violence, have the phone near by to call 911 if he threatens you physically. If he hits you, call the police and have him arrested. It’s against the law to hit women for not wearing what you want them to.

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Then I’d get counselling and join a support group, to help decide if this marriage can be saved. On the other hand, he might decide to start respecting you when you decide to start respecting yourself and taking yourself seriously as a person. When controlling people don’t get their way, they will end up frustrated. Some people don’t have a high tolerance for frustration. Those people do not make good candidates for a strong relationship such as marriage. A controlling person will not change without your first making some decisions about the quality of your and your children’s lives, and without YOU making some changes.

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3 Responses to “How to Deal with a Controlling Husband”

  • B. Miller Brenda Miller says:

    Evelyn, I am very sorry for the pain you are so clearly experiencing in your marriage. If you would like to talk with someone privately about how to move forward with your extremely difficult situation, please feel free to click on the following link and ask for one of our online mentors to contact you privately and securely to help you with the wounds in your relationship with your husband:

    http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

    I pray that you are able to find resolution, Evelyn, that brings love, joy, peace, and hope to your heart.

  • Evelyn says:

    What is it that makes men so weak that they think they have to control their Spouses? Can’t seem to figure that out.

  • Evelyn says:

    I’ve been in this “marriag” for 47 Years and I still don’t know my way out.
    What’s wrong with me? Why do I allow him to control me? I am very Unhappy and I don’t know how to break away. Winning the Lotery would be a HUGE Help.
    Somebody help. I can’t do this anymore. I’m 65 and going on 66. My heart is still young and I just want to Live and be Happy and be Free. Since when was that a crime?

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