Comments on: Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

By: Jamie

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 21:59:07 +0000

Hi Jo, it sounds like you are in a unique situation. What kind of support have you received from others in your area who deal with family members with Aspergers? What about from mental health professionals? Have you discovered any helpful literature on the subject? How do you deal with the fact that his emotional detachment is due to a mental health condition?

By: Deborah

Deborah — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 17:49:08 +0000

I enjoyed the humor in this article but I also cannot appreciate the sarcasim. Married 32 years and the best thing that ever happened was QUITING sex 20 years ago. It was a strain and arguement for both of us. We are now both happy, stress free, and best friends. True love for each has been found. Living it and loving it!!!

By: Jo

Jo — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:06:56 +0000

My husband has Aspergers. Except for physical affection, our interactions are those of acquaintances. He has no friends. He can speak to no one but me about his emotions. He has learned how to say what he feels (pain, misery, despair, desire). His desires. His needs. His wants. He cannot understand someone else’s emotions. He would like emotional intimacy, but he cannot translate words and actions into emotions. He is angry that I am no longer able to respond to his sexual desires. How do I convey that I cannot be sexually intimate but conversational acquaintances and emotional strangers?

By: Doris

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 05:18:42 +0000

Oh Ann my heart goes out to you. How sad that you are living as roommates rather than as lovers. I don’t think that it is ever too late to get help but if he is not willing and refuses there is nothing much else you can do. You obviously love him very much to have stayed with him this long.

Meena, you and your husband are still very young and there is lots of room for growth in every area of your relationship as you communicate and work through the difficult areas of your life, including your sex life. If you were to ask most couples who have been married for a long time, they will tell you that their marriage hasn’t always been easy or without it’s challenges but as you work through them you will find that your relationship is that much stronger. Keep talking and communicating what you are feeling and what your needs are. Don’t give up.

By: meena

meena — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:14:24 +0000

Me and my husband are married for 4 years now, and i can say he has been doing 8 out of twelve things mentioned above. No my confusion is , did he do them on purpose or what. I have been asking him to come and take help but looking at Ann’s story he’s not going to change anyways. He will still be the same and think the same about SEX. SEX and intimacy are very important to me whereas not so important for him. Plus our behaviors don’t match at all. Should i get out of the relation and divorce him before its too late. He’s 32 and am 28 should we part our ways in hope for a better partner in life in future.

By: Ann

Ann — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 23:03:37 +0000

I don’t recall if I did any of the 12 items mentioned above, I probably have and have forgetten. It wouldn’t make very much a difference anyway. My husband and I hadn’t had sex, intimacy, no nothing for almost 28 years. Over the years he has refused to get help from me or his doctor. His doctor has offered to help but my husband just plain refuses. He keeps saying after all these years it just not worth it any more. Our home is like an apartment I have the upstairs he has the downstairs.

By: Doris

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:27:49 +0000

Good suggestion BJ. Jana’s husband does need to know how she feels. But talking about sex isn’t very easy at the best of times for most people and when there are issues at play it becomes even more difficult. If you feel that your wife is going through the same thing, set the stage….take some time to just relax together and open up to her which may give her the freedom to open up as well. Too often conversations are attempted at night when both spouses are exhausted…not a good time to talk about a difficult subject.

By: BJ

BJ — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 01:28:19 +0000

@ Jana. Tell him anyway. He needs to know how you feel. I think my wife is going through the same thing you are but it was with the person she first had sex witj before me. I have been desparate to get her to open up to me about it. I really want to know how she is feeling about it, but every time I bring it up she changes the subject.

By: Roy

Roy — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 17:30:44 +0000

#13
Tell your spouse that he (or she) is too kinky, and try to be close-minded about the new sexual experiences that your spouse has asked you to try. When his urges overcome his desire to keep his vows, he will find someone else to accomodate his sexual pleasures.

By: Leah

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 19:52:04 +0000

Tegbe,

I have a clarifying question, did you suggest that Kristal threaten to have an affair? If your intentions were the way it sounds, I would say to Kristal that would be a terrible mistake all it would do was create an atmosphere of mistrust and resentment. I would offer the advice that Kristal and her husband seek counselling instead of then throwing around false accusations. Trying to make your husband jealous is no way of mending the issues in your marriage. If you want to know if your husband cares, ask him to go to counselling and to work on your marriage. Thats the ultimate action of love.