Does Your Marriage Need a Facelift?

Written by Claudia and David Arp, MSW

sexlove_faceliftIf you’ve been married several years, boredom and flatness may threaten your marital bonds. It may be time for a face lift. Remember, the marriage relationship is ever-changing. Your marriage is either growing and expanding or shrinking and withering.

Sometimes couples hesitate to reveal personal concerns that might trigger a conflict. But if you don’t discuss what’s bothering you, you perpetuate your dissatisfaction or emptiness. In one sense you become a “married split.” Let us encourage you to express how you really feel about things. Open expression will build an emotional investment in your marriage and keep communication alive. Even if some pain is involved, you can view it as a marriage face lift.

So whether you’d like some changes in menus, love making, or the way you spend Sunday afternoons, express how you feel rather than avoid each other. Just do it in the right way. Try using “I” statements, and let the statement reflect back on you: “I feel a little bored when we spend most Sunday afternoons watching TV. Could we plan to do something different and creative next Sunday?”

In this way you can express yourself without attacking your mate as if you’d said, “You don’t every want to do anything but watch TV on Sunday afternoon!”

You’ll probably always need to practice some give and take in living the everyday events. But being willing to live on the growing edge and to take a few risks will help eliminate boredom and flatness in your marriage. So take the risk . . . start working on your marital face lift today!

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